A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)
Uh hello if anyone is reading this! 😀
I have no idea why I'm even creating this thread but i just feel it will be nice to have a place to share some thoughts or even these images on the internet that i always keep saving for myself because i relate too much but cannot share it with anyone because yes haha
I'm okay with replies here so feel free to drop by anytime ❤️
Just please be kind and respectful if your replying to my posts.
@Optimisticempath
Saw this and thought of you ❤️
@mytwistedsoul you - I have not enough words to tell how much your presence means to me Soul 🤧 thankyou for thinking of me and making me feel cared for always ❤ I really really appreciate you for everything 🤗 *hugs tightly and no go*
I love this, tis so cute 🥺
@Optimisticempath No words needed ❤️
You're allways so sweet and kind and gentle to me and I appreciate you so much ❤️
I wish so many good things for you because you deserve them. Not just because you do and nice things but because you're - you. You're so much more then those bad thoughts tell you. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you ❤️
*big BIG hugs and much love to you* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
aww that's so kind and sweet Soul 🥺 thankyou for always seeing the good in me and for reminding me too 😔😭 me needed to hear 🥺❤ thankyou for your overflowing kindness, love, warmth and care ... since thankyous and words aren't enough .. I'll always keep trying my best to make you feel as cared for and loved too as you do for me and keep you in my good thoughts always, praying for your wellbeing and good health and happiness and that of your animals' too. 💕
I think I should say that hehehe, you are a blessing to me and for everyone really... if everyone had even 2% of your kindness... it would be a happier place trust meee❤
*big hugs and more love back*🌈 *keeps hugging*
@Optimisticempath No thank you's or words needed Opti. What I give - I give freely ❤️ I'm not keeping score or expecting anything in return ok? You do make me feel loved and cared for and I'm grateful - more then words can say ❤️ I'm more then happy to remind you of the wonderful beautiful person that you are. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true 😊 you have my word on that *still hugging* 😊❤️
I think everything we do has such a connection to who we are ... or how we feel 😅 so often than we'd try or even admit ... idk just random thoughts rn ... time to blabber 🥲
I changed my pfp to this cheerful Santa clothed bear who has a lantern in their hand ... but when i look at it ... there's something missing ... a connect?
Been so used to to the hiding bear, sitting at the corner, facing the wall ... that this feels uhmmm uncomfy? Even though I requested and chose it myself ...and I wanted to keep it because I really appreciate the sweet listener here who is trying so much to spread positive vibes and is making these beautiful avatars for anyone requesting them ... it's so nice of them.. I thought it maybe would be rude 😅 so many others changed theirs also .. Idk .. i love it so much and I really appreciate their efforts 🥺 but its just... me not feeling very much me ... not that I usually do either or even that the hiding bear was me too ... but it was compartively comfy ... hiding ... being lowkey ... in a corner ..... alone! this is vv bright and maybe even 'exposed'?? 💀 I don't feel this way ... I wish I did ... but idk I don't really.
hope not thinking too much ... wouldn't be something new tho @_@
[Rant over] 🤭
thankyou really for whoever reads all this silly stuff I type here ....most of which even I don't understand lmao ... it's not even half of what goes in my mind tho lol ... I spare you from that at least 🙃 🥲
I don't want some of these thoughts to win :( imma try to do against.... and will keep the same for the month at least hopefully... i feel grateful for the listener who made it .. and it be only fair I guess 😅 plus yes it is such a beautiful creation and i shouldn't let thoughts win and make me go hide again 😔 me likes me Santa Bear self also 🎅
sorry this... everything just sounds so silly and trivial blurting out loud ... but urgh brain ... :')
I love your new pfp! It suits you!
I love reading your thoughts, so keep 'em coming. You're worth listening to.
can't blame them for making me feel this way when I dont do much about it huh? .... sometimes I feel so incapable of addressing how I feel...is it not weird trying to look at this called feelings wheels... or look up what a certain way to feel is called or that what kind of emotions can certain situations cause ..... to try to know if it's an accepted feeling? If it's ok? If it's normal? Or when would something need to be done to idk change it? I feel so stupid not knowing this....
idk if it's just slow learning or denial :( I feel like I'm being taken for granted by someone and it is a horrible feeling because it didnt come alone ... I feeel that and then I also question myself ... what even is there of value in me that someone can take lmao :') don't they have something more ... something else more worthy ... 😔
idk people should come with a manual... I don't understand some people at times... why they do certain things and then the kind of reaction they give ... how to know how to be with someone who keeps changing their behavior and actions? I don't think I can adapt so quickly like them ... they sad so dont want to talk .. they ok so want to talk ... but what about when I wanted to talk and you weren't there ... when I needed you ... and then me should be ok with you when you're ok? How? :( even so .... I'm the bad person here? the one showing "tantrums" ...ok 😔
people really hard ... they want you to express how you feel or say what you think honestly and then dont even understand when you do after trying so hard ... and then again they upset and again you the bad person ... 😖
Ngl sometimes I wanna ask them what they even want :( why no stick actions with words ... why no be kind 😖 .. how to not feel like a bad person when you're constantly reminded of that! First by some one else and then by your own freaking brain goes on loop! ;-;
@Optimisticempath Hey you :) ❤️ It can be incredibly hard to speak up about these things can't it? We often know we should and sometimes we even want to speak up - its so hard though. There could be a number of reasons why we don't. Maybe we know the consequences and repercussions that would come with it because of how it went in the past. Maybe we know that if we told them the truth we know it would hurt them. Especially if it's someone we care about. Or maybe we know that it would just make us feel even worse. It's hard to know how to go about these things because all the choices are lousy 😞
That emotions wheel *rolls eyes* I'm sorry but it never helped me. You're not the only one that doesn't know what to do with it
Oh Opti 😢 you have more value and worth then what their actions are saying to you. I know that we only know each other here but - the fact that you come here and hold a light for strangers struggling when you yourself are struggling. The kindness and compassion you show those same strangers says so much. You have a big big heart Opti. You're kind and considerate - compassionate and clever and many other good and wonderful things ❤️
*leaves big hugs and straps OptiBear's helmet on* brain needs to hush now ❤️
sometimes I feel like this is wrong... talking about things from only my side ... people should know more and from both sides to hear full story and get better picture... what if I just make myself sound like the better one here deserving support or anything nicer ? maybe I am at fault or deserve being treated the way I do .. idk even sharing here feels like I'm doing it wrong or that it is unfair to the other people I refer to and I don't really deserve the kind words ... maybe they do more than me?? Idk 😖 is this what gaslighting feels like ..... why is it so difficult to just.... just feel :/
I'm sorry... you all support me with such kind words and I don't think I should hear these ... I just am very sorry... :(
@Optimisticempath ❤️ I have these thoughts too. There are two sides to every story - you're absolutely right. The thing is - you're talking about your feelings here. This is your safe space to talk about how you feel - there is no wrong. You don't need anyone's permission to feel how you feel. You're allowed to feel Opti - how ever you feel. We don't need their side to support you. Does that make sense? I'm afraid this is coming out all wrong 😅 😬
But I know how hard and conflicting it is 😞 and I know the kind words can sometimes add to that conflict. You do deserve kind words Opti *hugs* ❤️❤️
this got very feeling-ee eww I hate it so I'll just throw some humor to try to cope with the cringe now 🤡
@Optimisticempath Hey you :) Hope you don't mind but I kind of go around dropping Christmas ratties here and there lol
Merry Christmas OptiBear ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
awww this is really sweet Soul 🥺❤🥰 thankyou for sharing such an adorable christmas greeting, love ratties 🤗
Merry Christmas to you also sweetest Soul ❤
*holds a candle light for you* may there never be darkness around you, may you always be filled with light and so much love 🕯 *huggles tight*
@Optimisticempath *hugs tight* ❤️ Thank you Opti 😊❤️
@mytwistedsoul *makes blanky fort for soul and meee and we hide there* *keeps hugging tight* ❤❤❤
@Optimisticempath A blanket fort! Yay! That's a wonderful idea Opti! ❤️ *brings snacks and stuffies* *hugs Opti tight* try to be gentle with yourself ok? Much love to you Opti ❤️
@mytwistedsoul snacks and stuffies also woohoo 🥰 *hugs tight*
thankyou Soul ❤ hope you trying to be gentle with yourself also
How's your health feeling now?
Merry Christmas again 🤗 did you celebrate? also did you get the tree you were eyeing? 😮 I hope you did
Sending so much love back to you dearest Soul ❤❤ wuv youu
@Optimisticempath Hey you ❤️ *hugs Opti tight* You've gotta have snacks and stuffies in a blanket fort. I think its in the rule book somewhere lol 😉
No thank you needed but you're welcome. I'm doing my best with the gentle stuff thank you😊
Whatever sickness I had went away. Finally! And I'm feeling alot better. Thank you for asking
Merry Christmas to you too! 🎄😊 We did put a tree up and lights on the porch. I'll have to post a.picture of the tree. It was kind of festive looking. The giraffe has a beard and Santa hat lol! There wasn't much celebrating. A small dinner and a few gifts. It's just kind of like any other day here tbh
How is OptiBear? *sending all kinds of good things your way❤️* love to you ❤️😊❤️
@mytwistedsoul
*hugs soul tight* yes it's in the rulebook 😆
me happy you trying your best to be gentle and the sickness poofed 🤗
aw that sounds beautiful Soul, me would love to see picture 🥰 it wasn't like any other day :o there was a tree, lights, giraffe with beard and santa hat, gifts and nice food ... it counts for a nice celebration, one you so deserve so much 💕 what gifts did you open for yourself?😁
thankyou for sending good things and love 🥺🥺❤ me not very ok ... just there .. don't worry tho 😅 *hugs*
@Optimisticempath ❤️ *hugs Opti tight* what can we do to help with the not very ok? Is there anything that helps? Brain isn't being very nice 😞 we need stronger magic. I wish - I wish you weren't dealing with the things you're dealing with. I wish I did have some magic to send to you ❤️❤️
Gosh you're right! I didn't look at it that way tbh. It was different with the tree and decorations. Thank you Opti 🙂 ❤️ I got a new hoodie and some new bits for the dremel
I'll post some pictures in the gloaming of the tree and giraffe so we don't clutter up your thread. I'll tag you there - I hope that's ok
*sending you strength and peace and much love* be gentle with yourself and your thoughts ❤️
idk maybe TW 😅 probably better to not read ...I'm sorry :( *hugs
i feel like I'm losing touch with myself :') someone very recently asked how I was doing and I said I'm ok and they said if my ok means "I'm used to it so dont feel any difference" and it was it ... I don't think I'm ever really ok whatever that means ... I feel it has been a while since I was ok ... or when I said I was and meant it too ... now I feel I'm always lying to myself and anyone who asks... but I don't wanna think too much ... I'd rather not go down that deep hole ... it just feels moving from one hole to another lately... some are deeper than others ... I feel lost, lonely and suffocated here...
being here is idk good? But i see some people struggling so much more and still being braver and better than me .... makes me feel horrible .. do i even deserve being better? I don't even try .... like others do ... if I didn't have to wake up ... no one woke me up ... I'd rather not wake up ever ... i see these postings about gratitude for life and such and It makes me feel so bad ... some really struggle to be alive and then there's me who has other thoughts..... why can't I feel grateful for life when i have it :( I feel so guilty for having thoughts of being physically unkind to myself .... I will not act on them <3 but they are just very persistent and hard to deal with :/ I feel if emotional and mental sh was a thing... I'd be one being a pro at it .. self sabotaging is a constant thing and I feel so much guilt about it yet I'm unable to do anything for it ... sometimes I pray I was teleported to a different world... and no one would know me ...
hugs..
