Related to the sub-dimension of Social Skills: communication skills and following the ideas of the "I statements" in the IDG growth path, I have found the Non Violent Communication (NVC) framework, which I think is very promising.
NVC was developed by Marshall Rosenberg, an American psychologist, in the 1960s. It proposes 4 steps to express a petition:
- Talk objectively about what happened "When you went with our friends without telling me" instead of "When you betrayed me".
- Talk about what you felt: "I felt sad". There are some feeling words like betrayed, rejected or abandoned that NVC tags as false feelings. NVC says that because these words put the responsibility of the emotion outside oneself, and they should be avoided, "sad", "angry", "lonely" or "pained" are good substitutes.
- NVC states that behind an emotion, there is a need. Talk about that underlying need. "I feel like that because I need connection/company/transparency".
- Finally, make a petition. This should not be a threat nor a demand, but a request. The difference is that when you make a request, you accept the possibility of denial. "I ask you to tell me when you plan to hang out with our friends".
Let's join all parts of the example.
"Hello John. I want to tell you something. When you went with our friends without telling me, I feel sad and pained. I wish for connection with you all, and I want to ask you to tell me when you plan to hang out with our friends, would you do that for me?"
So this is an example of a NVC petition. Since I don't have a lot of experience with NVC, please, don't take it literally. It can probably be improved.
Did you know NVC? What do you think about it? I think it is very promising to focus conflict resolution to feelings and needs, do you agree?
