A Note on Triggers in Group Support
Hello Lovely People of 7 Cups,
I hope you're all having a wonderful day! I'm posting today as I've noticed a few issues with triggers in the group support rooms lately, particularly on the teen side.
Being triggered is an awful feeling and it's not something we want you to experience in our support rooms, or at all in your lives! The tricky thing about triggers is that something could trigger one person badly, yet not bother another person in the slightest. Its not always possible to predict this. Additionally, it can be frustrating for members if they are prevented from discussing an issue theyre comfortable with, for the sake of a person who may or may not be triggered and who may or may not be there.
When group support was very shiny and new, we did try to moderate triggers. What happened? It became almost impossible to have any conversation at all. So many people were triggered by so many different things, the flow of discussion was interrupted and many people were unable to talk about what was on their minds. It just didn't work for the whole room to avoid a topic for the sake of one person. For this reason, we introduced the following rule:
Rule #4 - If you are overwhelmed, anxious, or do not feel that the group support environment is aiding in your personal healing, please visit our Browse Listeners page to connect with a Listener one-on-one.
Additionally, we have a rule in place to prevent people from using inappropriate or graphic language, so you can expect topics or language that is upsetting for lots of people to be removed and a warning sent to that person. But for the most part, triggers come down to personal responsibility and you are expected to manage your own experience in the support rooms.
☆ If you find you are easily triggered by many things, group support may not be a good fit for you. In that case, we'd recommend you stick to 1-1 chat, the forum or growth path for support.
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Here's what you can do if you're feeling triggered by something in a chat room:
♥ Mute the person who is triggering you.
♥ Take a short break from the room and try out a mindfulness exercise.
♥ Take a short break from the room and do something you love - go for a walk, listen to music, phone a friend, take a bath etc.
♥ Connect 1-1 with a listener to talk through your feelings.
@Heather I appreciate this, but I do disagree with it. While it's true that people may have a lot of different triggers, and I understand it's hard to moderate, I feel like there should be SOME responsibility placed on the person causing the trigger or maybe some kind of awareness of common triggers or people should use trigger warnings. Even though it may not have been on purpose, they should try to apologize or change their behavior. I do appreciate the muting option, but I don't like "it's the triggered person's responsibility", because that feels a little victim-blamey and dismissive. When I read that, I felt angry, because it feels like a silencing of the person who is being triggered or a minimizing of the trigger as "not a big deal". I also feel that it implies that the person causing the trigger was completely innocent and has no responsibility. Maybe if there was a better way to submit feedback/complaints about group chat, I might feel more heard. For me, some triggers that I experience reflect a general lack of awareness about an issue. I prefer to feel empowered to speak up and create change about it. When I read this message, I felt angry also, because I felt there was a tone of getting people with triggers to be quiet or behave, instead of centering empowerment and allowing people to make their voices heard in ways that could actually change the culture.
@Daydreamer47 i agree totally with your post.... Amen, finally someone stands up for the suffering...
@Daydreamer47
I really agree with this. Thanks so much for speaking up! I think you conveyed your point in a really nice, polite way, and I think you made some awesome points. Adding on to what you said, I don't think this should be a warning really... if someone is triggered, they should be given the suggestion to leave, but a warning is very... victim-blaming I think? If someone is triggered, they shouldn't get in trouble for it, and receiving a warning might upset them even more.
I don't mean to be rude to anyone and I really appreciate what you're doing, I'm merely suggesting another way to go about the issue that might be better for the community as a whole.
@Daydreamer47 So you are feeling like the person triggered is being held responsible and the triggerer is not being held acountable. I believe what @Heather is saying is that no one should hold the blame if the trigger was accidental or coincidence. Conversations that are happy and cheerful to some are painful and triggering for others. I am reasonably certain every happy topic somebody can come up with will trigger somebody. Shall we stop all conversation?
You could talk about your awersome mother, adorable children, pet furr babies, good relationships, wonderful mariages, and while these all make you invision rainbow butterfly unicorn kittens, these would bring me painful memories of which at times would trigger me.
Now if someone comes along and starts with the gory details of something horrible, that is a different story. We all have a mut option. I have muted various people for reasons many people would not. I have not muted some who many would have.
I hope this makes some sense. I think somebody else could explain my thoughts better than I can. In the mean time...
@Daydreamer47 - If a member talks about something using graphic or inappropriate language, they'd be violating rule #2. If they are being unsupportive, they'd be violating rule #1. I'm certainly not saying people should be able to get away with anything in the chat rooms, especially not if it's intentionally hurtful.
What is it about the culture that you're wanting to change?
@Heather Thanks for responding Heather. I think I need to take a break from this thread. Could I maybe inbox or email you another time in maybe a week or so? Thanks for taking the time to read my comments.
So I ask myself,am I triggered in chat? No. Am I frustrated when someone tells the same false extremely graphic tale almost daily for over a year? Yes.
@mutter3 why does that affect you? how many times has anyone mentioned gther mute button? im sorry but your post makes zero sense if only to stir the pot...
@AtoningBlueberries8832 What is gther????? I'm sorry but I really don't understand your post. Perhaps you could rephrase it. Thank you.
@atoningblueberries8832 sorry don't know how your name got on my post.
@exuberantRaspberries0034. What is gther?? I'm sorry but I do not understand your post. Perhaps try rephrasing it. Thank you.
@mutter3 Given that this is an online support site, how in the world would you have any idea if someone's story is "false?" That sounds quite judgmental and easily furthers abuse victims' reluctance to speak up for fear of not being believed.
@proactiveTiger3409 Judgement is defined as the ability to come to sensible conclusions. I came to a sensible conclusion. How would you know if someone on this site is telling the truth? It is wrong to try to shame me for expressing my thoughts by saying I am perpetuating abuse victims reluctance to speak out. I never said a word about abuse victims.
@mutter3 There is a huge difference between judgement and being judgemental. Judgement could be viewed as having good common sense. The following I found at https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/theory-knowledge/201305/making-judgments-and-being-judgmental
"someone is being judgmental when their judgments are power-driven, unempathetic, based on their own idiosyncratic values or tastes, overly based on other peoples character, and are closed, shallow, and pessimistic, and ultimately have the consequence of making the other person feel problematically diminished."
@proactiveTiger3409 I hope you always have a safe unjudgemental place here.
@energeticCircle9867 Thank you for the definition of judgemental. Based upon your definition it is clear I was exercising good judgement rather than being judgemental.
@Heather, beautiful post. I have a question, I see people get told and sometimes yelled at for talking about self harm and abuse and bullying in the chat rooms. Is that a real rule? I've looked in the chat room rules and I don't see anything and states that but I just want to know if I'm missing something. Thank you for your time.
@CeciliaTheDragon - Nope, the only rules are the ones stated in the pop up when you click the blue "chatroom rules" link at the bottom of the chat screen. :)
The closest thing we do have is this rule: "Please do not use language that is graphic, inappropriate, flirtatious or sexually suggestive. Additionally, refrain from sharing links of this nature."
So, if someone was describing a self harm injury or method in a particularly graphic way it could fall under this rule. However, sharing that you're struggling with self-harm would not be a problem in itself.
These seem like good options but also seem unfair on the person in distress, or trying to have a legitimate conversation. If there is someone causing an issue and triggering people while someone else is there in the support group seeking support it seems unfair to ask the person in need of support to leave. That person may have already tried 1-1 and mindfulness and have come to the group because they are still struggling only to be met with someone causing an issue. Often when this happens and you ask the person causing the issue to stop they don't and you just get a whole heap of comments about being too sensitive and stuff when there is usually a legitimate reason for asking for things to be different. Also, even if the person in distress takes a short break and then returns, often the cause of the problem is still there in the chat leaving the person in need of support feeling like they can't go back in to the chat and like they then have nowhere to go to get some help. The whole point of the group support chats are to support people so feel that perhaps ways in which the problem can be addressed more thoroughly to not exclude or push those in need away would be more beneficial.
@ShatteredMentality - When you describe a person who is triggering, what exactly do you mean? Is it triggering that is the problem here, or generally inappropriate/unkind behaviour? If it's the latter, then they would be breaking rule #1.
@Heather it can be both, sometimes someone continues on a topic when it has been said it is causing triggering and sometimes that is intentional and other times it happens cause too many keep it going or it is dismissed as being triggering or the person triggered is made to feel like they are being unreasonable and should leave. Another problem with common triggering topics (eg abuse) is people who regularly come and continue to talk about it even after being told this is a triggering topic in group chats.
There are also instances when someone comes in being unkind and unsupportive which yes is a trigger and yes breaks the rule but even if a mod does turn up it usually takes quite a bit before that person is dealt with or muted which can in turn add to how much someone is upset of further triggered by that behaviour as it seems like nothing is being done.
@ShatteredMentality - In these cases, do you think the person feeling triggered uses the personal mute button? That could really help here.
@Heather the magical mute button doesn't solve everything though, for example...there was a regular in one of the group chats who revealed yesterday that the picture and persona they had been getting to know everyone as was fabricated, like they used some random woman's picture and pretended to be her when they are really a guy. This was being discussed in the group and the more it was being discussed the more it became triggering because of the deception and stuff and people's reactions or lack of reaction to it. Muting the source of the trigger would not have solved this problem, and that can quite often be the cause. Even if you muted the source of the problem it can still be part of the conversation if the source is still there talking with others.
@ShatteredMentality - For sure! Personal mutes work best for situations where it's one person bothering you. If the situation involves the whole room and they're discussing it, a personal mute isn't really going to help. In that case, you should use the emergency form to call a moderator in to help.
Is the user you mentioned still active? If so, please could you PM me their account name so I can look into it? Thank you!
Completely agree! Thank you @easyCucumber9508 for sharing this :)
@Heather
It's a valid point but a lot of members and listeners are feeling quite taken aback by this, which is also perfectly understandable. Personally I have no problem with stepping out of the room when feeling triggered, however a lot of these members and listeners use this room as a way to relax, get support or keep in contact with their 7 cups friends. I have in the past been very irritated by the constant need to change subjects or adjust to triggers but I've grown a little more resitant and patient. Many have felt that this was a way to blame the victim (The person being triggered) and I understand that demonising or criminalising the user was not the intent of this post at all. I think it's just important that we talk things out and support the user who is struggling rather than guilting them out of the room. I fear that inexperienced or newer moderators would use this to support unnecessary warnings. Surely we have the ability to make slight adjustments for our friends. I'm not too sure about the other rooms but I know for a fact that the Teen Community Room has been very understanding of one another's triggers, and consistently refrain from crossing boundaries or disrespecting one another. We have been able to work in harmony despite having to slightly adapt to those around us, and I believe that these sorts of adjustments should also be encouraged. I mean no disrespect, but I believe that if people are happy to make and continue making such adjustments (as they have always done), there should be no need to ask a triggered person to leave. Being triggered truly is an awful experience, but sometimes a positive environment and being surrounded by friends is just what they need to get things settled.
We all have triggers, but I'm more than happy to support and welcome those who are struggling with such triggers into our community and support rooms. If they are becoming overwhelmed or acting eradically I'd rather ask them to PM me, or provide them with additional resources and the option to take a quick break from the conversation, before making any rash decisions. I think it's important that we encourage flexibility and allow moderators to control the situation that they best see fit. I'm sure we can all work together as a community to create a more positive and loving environment.
Would love to hear your input on the matter: @easyCucumber9508 @EnigmaticPetrichor @arxxxh @CoryIsHere
EMETOPHOBIA!
As an Emetophobia sufferer (vomitphobia) please can you sensor the word "vomit" . "Sick" and "throwing up" are a little easier on the eyes but that word really gives me great anxiety. I've notice a few other people with this problem so please can you do something about it! :D
Good post.
Is this for I been asking to talk to some one they say they don't understand stand me so I'm think I'm not never competing back my person I don't talk to that much told me u guys are here to help but where can I get some one to talk to they say they don't understand me
@cbbubble1300 i could help you if u wanted trust me i feel the same way
@AriannaZepeda hola :)
@ShowerDreamer hola! Como estas?
@cbbubble1300 what's wrong? Let's talk
I always sort of feel bad for getting triggered, especially since mine are a wide variety and some are completely normal words that people use. And almost always people don't even know and they've done nothing wrong. Eh, I just wish I didn't have so many.
@Cyane
I understand, I am dealing with this same issue. And just as you said, some are very common words or phrases that people use all the time.
I told a friend the other day that it seems like I just have too many triggers. And a lot of people don't understand what that means.
For me, when I'm triggered, it doesn't mean that I just "don't like something". It actually throws me right back to the trauma that created that particular trigger.
So not only do I still carry a ton of shame from past traumas, but I am also ashamed of how many triggers I still have today and how easily I can be jerked back to then instead of staying in the now.
I haven't figured out how to not be triggered, but I hope that both of us can find a way.
Thinking of you......
@BJY
Thank you and best wishes, love <3
@BJYThank you for explaining what triggers do for those who are fortunate enough to not have them.
One of my odd ones that I will share is the pattern camouflage. I had someone in my life that always verbally abused me and he sexually abused me and raped me and threatened to kill me when I finally left him. He wore camo all the time. When I see it 6 years later I still flashback and panic about it.
I also feel this way about guns. They scare me also.
These are 2 that I will share at this time.