Shared Experiences!♡

I'd like to acknowledge that everyone's way of dealing with loss and coping with grief can be different, what works for one person may not for you and that's super okay! Whatever little bit helps, we can continue trying for it, every small step matters, you may not feel okay or want to feel okay, and you're allowed to take your time while remembering that you *deserve* to feel better. Whenever you're ready for it. Your pace is good pace always. No one else gets to decide it for you!💛

“Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

@mytwistedsoul

Exactly, everyone's pace is a good pace! Thankyou for the reminder, Soul!🤗

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou beautiful post and you're even more so.

Small things such as this have saved me: how much I love my mother — even after all these years. How powerfully I carry her within me. My grief is tremendous but my love is bigger. So is yours.

— Cheryl Strayed

@theriverissinging hehe beautiful youu!♥️

I sooo love this, we do carry people we love within us and the love is always bigger, and continues to grow bigger!🌸

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Hi Good Day Sunshine! 😊 ❤️ Thank you for your amazing forum post! One quote in regard to grief that highly resonates with me is....

"Grief is love with nowhere to go" - Jamie Anderson

Thank you for being so very vulnerable here with us my sweet Spidey Twin! ❤️ I see being vulnerable with others as a sign of strength and never weakness. We all hurt and thank you for letting us know that it's okay to share our feelings. ❤️

I loved reading your thoughts in relation to grief and how there can be opportunities to let us feel as if we aren't alone. Oddly enough, it's only one of the reasons why I enjoy music so very much.

Sometimes hearing the lyrics of a song can let me know that I am not alone, that someone out there felt the very same way at some point in time and to the degree to write down their thoughts and feelings and set it to music. Those can be powerful moments for me and I see it as even a part of self care.

*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️

@SparkyGizmo

Aww you always find me Sparkyyy Sparkkk, and you come bearing the warmest hugs always! (The actual "🤗" being the warmest fosho, but I mean "hugs" here metaphorically also, Sparkyyy Sparkkk *you* feel like a warm hug to me, your words feel like the warmest hug to me and you come bearing them always, never failing at it and I truly am super grateful to you, my wonderful spidey twin❤)

You are so right, my dear friend, Vulnerability is strength, I so deeply admire people who can be vulnerable!

Vulnerability isn't my strongest suit hehe, just the little thoughts around "but someone else might feel as you do too and something in what you say might bring them a little comfort so suck it up and do your best lol" encourage me to try a little, each time! Then there's all you amazing people here, reaffirming my whys and continuing to encourage me to keep trying and I cannot thank you enough for it! 🥺 ❤

"Sometimes hearing the lyrics of a song can let me know that I am not alone, that someone out there felt the very same way at some point in time and to the degree to write down their thoughts and feelings and set it to music."~ Thissss! I meant this exactly, word to word as you said it Omigoshhh! Wow, you know to how to put things into better words always hehe, thankyouu for comprehending what I said/ what I couldn't say but you still got it. *cries* Yes, this right here is a "oh you see it too? And You see me" moment for me and it always is one with you!

(Using a lot of "always" here lol, but that's on you, again, since you are *consistency*- at its peak *always*❤)

I love the quote you shared, it's one of my all-time favorite definitions of "grief". I added some more to it, about how I feel, in a reply to this post:

https://www.7cups.com/forum/grief/ResourcesforGriefProcessingEmotions_2537/WillMyGriefEverEnd_297553/?post=3199361 if you'd like to check out also! ❤

Music, as you mentioned, too is exactly like it, sooo relatable, Sparkyyy Sparkk, knowing someone else felt what we did, is indeed all kinds of comforting! Some people have a lovely way with their words and how they create art with their emotions, this art helps so many find compassion, solace and comfort in them! Its impeccable and uncanny~ the power of connecting with someone emotionally! We may not know this person, never meet them or anything, yet they comfort us and become our safe place to turn to when we need a little "pick-me-up".

Bless all hoomans unknowingly too healing and helping so many! ❤

Hehe incredibly grateful for you the bestest Spidey Twinnn! *hugs backkk* 🤗

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

big big *hugs* ❤️ my sweet Spidey twin! Sure is amazing how my quote is essentially what it is that you said in the other thread, like spot on! Wow! 😳 We are so very like minded.

So very grateful for you! ❤️❤️❤️

Music is life to me. It literally will change my moods in an instant. Songs I used to love, I can't tolerate anymore. Other songs make me instantly happy. Others make me think of a lost loved one or something that was important to me like a time or event, and it's like reliving it. Music is a beautiful thing.

If music is big in your life, watch for this. I didn't even realize it until this week. Rock on. 😊

@Warpedme

Hi Warped Me! 😊 ❤️ Wow!  😊 Soooooooo amazing! I cannot thank you enough for your response!

I really love how you have thought deeply in regard to the power of music and recently came to this epiphany. My friend, you are truly one of *my tribe* ❤️ . It's such a great feeling to meet another that is so very like minded! 

I could not agree with you more. There are songs that I used to love, were deeply meaningful to me and I no longer choose to listen to them as well, if they bring back painful memories. Those would be songs that could be connected to a certain time, place, person, or event. 

I agree with you. The power of music can really help to engage and connect with past memories and almost take you back in time, in a sense and as you said "it's like reliving it". 

For certain pieces of music, this can be a very good thing! 😊 Wooooo hooooo! It's so much fun to listen to those and think of "the good ole' days" so to speak. To remember where you were, a certain time in your life, what you were doing, how the song is somehow connected to someone special, etc. Indeed, music is a beautiful thing. 

Music certainly has the power to change my mood as well. For me, it can be a "go to" strategy for self care. If one feels as if no one understands how they might be feeling at the moment, listening to a piece of music that was written by another can bring comfort. If an artist sat down, wrote their thoughts, feelings and described their emotions and it's in direct alignment with how I'm feeling, I don't feel so quite alone any longer. I feel understood. That artist has provided me with a true gift 🎁 and they provided validation and I feel grateful. They were there too at one time. 

Music can be incredible too for rising above certain situations. If one is met with adversity, negative behaviors from another, some of those "you gotta' be kidding me moments" (*inserts eye roll here*, lol 😊 ) well.........tapping into some other forms of music can be beneficial. If one is left with negative emotions from bad behavior from others, the negative energy needs to go somewhere. 

I choose to use experiences like that for productivity in my life, blast some "I'll show you" music, "You don't bother me" music, "Ya' gotta' be kidding me music" and direct the energy towards productivity like a deep cleaning or organizing project while listening. I sit back, feel good about accomplishing something that needed to be done anyway. Ahhhhh, sweet release. Negative energy is gone, I found a proper outlet and direction for it all to go and something that actually benefits me in the long run. 😊 Now that, is some serious................Winning!!!!!!!!!!!! Weeeeeeeeeee weeeeeeee! 😊

Cloudy outside? Raining for days on end? I can't change the weather. I embrace it! 😊 I choose to enjoy hearing the sound of rain against the windows. Ahhhh....so soothing (music in and of itself). I think of the positive effects of rain and am like "hey, thank you rain, thanks for washing off my house, deck, fence and patio furniture". Good job buddy and *high fives* 😊 lol.

I choose to create my own sunshine 🌞 inside of my home and inside of me. I take the opportunity to light richly scented candles, enjoy the pretty flicker and scents, I enjoy the low lighting and I reach for music. Some of my favorite "go to's"......."Good Day Sunshine" The Beatles as well as "Here Comes the Sun". 

Gee, now that is one heck of a dopamine hit *giggles* 😊

*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️ my sweet friend! Rock on! 😊

Are you long lost twin? I always wanted one. 🤣.

I often remove myself from stressful situations or times when I know I'm down, like now, the first thing I do is grab some candles. I also have decorative lights above my bed. They're cheap, but I hung them up myself. I now can sleep with stars above the head of my bed.

Back to the music, when I remove myself, depending on the situation like you said, I crank a song. I'm big into song lyrics. I'm just discovering recently the songs I loved I can no longer listen to. There was a reason I was drawn to those songs and I knew it, but until after therapy I didn't really know. I'm just starting therapy, and I can always use another friend. I'm around.

Thank you for this reply. Maybe I'm not so odd after all. We're just deeper. 😊

@Warpedme

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Great point! 😊 ❤️ You and I just may be twinning! The universe works in mysterious ways. It's so amazing when you meet someone that it is incredibly like minded! Doesn't it feel great to be heard and to be understood? It's serendipity in my mind! When the universe speaks.....I listen 😊💫💥

I'm really glad that you know when it's the time to remove yourself from stressful situations. *high fives* 😊  and big *hugs* ❤️ Gotta' say, sounds as if we are twinning on that one as well!

I'm so glad that you know "when to say when" and everyone deserves to care for ones self, to remove ones self from situations that are stressful, overwhelming and everyone deserves their private space and private time to decompress and work through things in their own time. I do the same from time to time 😳 . 

I call it "going into the cave" lol 😊. Sometimes, I too need a moment to step away, decompress and  kind of just think about things with out external influences. I know that I have let the world have it's way, all of it's loudness, clanking around, banging around and all of the people with in it. Those things aren't always the better path. Sometimes the answers were in us all along if we can just silence everything that is unnecessary "noise", listen to that little voice within and yes, music can help with that also when we are choosing to hear certain things. 

I love that some of your "go to" self care is candles. I also love that you are doing your best to build your world around you, installing lights above your bed, ones that you like and that bring you comfort. What an amazing feeling it must be to lay in bed, look up at your lighting that resemble the stars. Hey, I do the same type of thing in my home and I have purchased some lighting that I love and it's highly intentional and it works! High impact for me and I'm so happy with those choices! Just glanced over....ahhhh....feels nice (gratitude moment, thank you lamps)😊.

One of my "Gizzie-isms" is good things in = good things out. I will always do my best to surround myself with good things, influences, people in an effort to pass along good things for others. 

I think it's wonderful that you have started therapy and it sounds as if you are really happy about it. What a great choice and another opportunity to surround ones self with a positive influence, a great sounding board and to have good and helpful moments. 

I could always use another friend as well. I'm around too! 😊 Maybe we could be "around together" if you like? lol 😊 (Makes me think of a line from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer "we can be independent together" ha ha).

Hey, just sayin' I know people in this town, lol 😊  *looks side to side 👀* I got connections, lol. See, I got friends around this place and I'm sayin' peeps that can make the magic happen! 💫 *giggles* 😊

If you would like, my wonderful Spidey Twin, Good Day Sunshine ( @Sunisshiningandsoareyou ) could make a little forum thread for the 2 of us. We could scoot on out of this thread and they can make a little home for us where ever they deem it to be fit. I imagine they could title it and tag both of us and re-home us (kind of like the Harry Potter "Choosing Hat" and figure out where we might belong. I like leaving it up to their best judgement. I trust them and impeccably).❤️

I don't think you are odd, at all. I agree, I'm thinking that perhaps we just might be deep thinkers. If you can put up with my "oddness", hey, I'm game for this. Must warn you....I can be a little silly, a little bit funny, goofy and well, I love all genres of music and some are surprised at how broad my love of music may go. 

Perhaps we can have a fun music space, thinking space, feeling space and share pieces of music that might illicit certain things and discuss them?  Say the "word" and I'm confident that Good Day Sunshine will help us out. 

*high fives* 😊 big *hugs* ❤️ and the song that comes to mind right now Is Elton John "Don't let the Sun go down on me" lyrics......call back to what I wrote above..."it's a little bit funnyy...." Rock on my friend, rock on! 😊

Oh my dog we are twins. Sorry, I'm not religious, and dogs are the closest I can think to God. 🤣 No offense meant to anyone. I have zero problem with religion as long as once I say I'm not religious and thank you for your prayers, they get the hint that I don't want to join their group. I get told I have no morals because I lack religion. They can bite me. Sorry it's something I say in real life and a game. 😊

I also am impatient and cut even myself off because too much. 🤣

Don't be worried about silly. Ask around. My name kind of fits. A word needs to be added from my game. You don't want to know. 😊

I'd love to chat anytime. I mostly chat with Zengi or @ZendagiZaraaa. Super familiar with my silly and warped.

I needed this right now, and it's like you knew. Music wasn't even working. Thank you for the reminder. I just bought incense to try for something new and some Halloween cling ons (not the Trekkie kind) for the doors and stuff. 🤣

I'm going to go eat and take my medicine as well. I'm so worried about taking care of everyone else, I forget me. 😊

@SparkyGizmo

Awww so lovely to see two wonderful people finding each other and connecting in such a sweet way. 🥰Yes of course, Sparkyyy Sparkkk anything for you hehe, feel free to poke me if y'all would want a separate thread in a more suitable community, or can create it yourselves also, if needed, anytime. 💖

I loooooveeee your taste in music (and everything else too lol) my sweet spideyy twinnnnnieee, you always share the gift of music with everyone and goshhhh, another beautiful reason to the neverending list of our increasing gratitude for youu. *hugggssssss* 🤗

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

This is a vv thoughtful topic, Sunshine 🌞❤

This quote: Grief is the price we pay for love. (Queen Elizabeth II)

@VictoriaLove7

Thankyouu, Viccc, I love this quote!♥️

Hi, everyone

How are you guys doing? First of all, I would love to say that I like this post that you created @sunisshiningandsoareyou. I am going to talk about two different experiences I had so please bear with me. The first experience is old but still with me every day and the second experience is fairly new.

On 5/13/2010 I lost my grandpa and I remember that day like it was yesterday. My grandma and grandpa were going out to dinner so I didn't go visit them that day however, my grandma called me and I knew something was up she was panicked and wanted my mom. When my mom went to my grandparents' house they rushed my grandpa to the hospital and I made my grandpa a get-well card and gave it to my dad when he came home from work to say he was going to the hospital to see my mom, grandma and grandpa and my other grandparents were coming to watch my sister, brother and I. Long story short I knew my grandpa was gone even before I was told that he passed. My grandpa was the first close person I lost and that put me in a depression for a bit.

On 1/21/20 I lost my younger brother in a car accident he was 17 years old. That passing has changed me and not for the best. I am so depressed and I remember everything from that night. I am the oldest of siblings and my sister and brother are /were twins. My sister is still alive though. The world doesn't prepare you to lose someone so young. I miss my grandpa and brother so much. I can talk about that night like it was yesterday and nothing is a blur to me. It is consistently on my mind.

@blissfulTouch29

Hiya Kaitlyn, it's so good to see you and ofcourse you're allowed to share also!

I feel you, so much of what you shared is relatable and I understand how somethings, moments, experiences; no matter how old stay fresh in our mind, and the pain is felt all over again, like we are reliving the situation! *offers hugs*

Our love ones are with us, in our heart and on our mind always, so its really valid to think of them often! I'd like to share this post with you too: https://www.7cups.com/forum/grief/ResourcesforGriefProcessingEmotions_2537/WillMyGriefEverEnd_297553/

Super valid to feel like you and your life changed a lot post your loss, it does happen, a part of us is lost with the one we've lost and therefore incredibly natural to feel disconnected and lost, finding it difficult relating with your past self again!

I'm so proud of you for sharing about your experience with loss and how its affected you, you're so strong for continuing to push forward the best way you can. Sending lots of love and strength to you and more love to your beautiful angels looking over you! 💛

Thankyou for your kind words also! Do you have any favorite quotes or perhaps music that you find helps you feel better when the grief rushes your way? Feel welcome to share anytime!

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Thank you! I loss of my brother is what changed me more and its more than what I wrote about. I have a lot of quotes but some of them are a little dark I think.

Thank you again

@blissfulTouch29 No worries, you're allowed to express yourself in a way that works for you and ofcourse!

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou I have to figure out how to share my quotes

"When you experience loss, people say you’ll move through the 5 stages of grief….
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
….. What they don’t tell you is that you’ll cycle through them all every day."

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Such a beautifully written post sun💕

I remember someone telling me that the pain of losing someone never goes.

At first, you won't be able to breathe at all but later on You would be able to breathe a bit more because you get used to the very same grief that surrounds you. 'Getting used to' is what happens. I'm pretty sure the person who passed would equally want us to live a safe and happy life. The pain would never leave. You just grow with it and understand it better.

Knowing that, i really hope we all cope with the grief that surrounds us and live a healthy life because that's what they would want ❤️

@blissfulSky8162

Aww thankyouu, Araa, and sooo well said, we can certainly try that for our love ones hehe! 💗

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

I don't want pity I want solutions. Pity doesn't solve the problem, I want to move forward if at all possible.

@Gettingbettertoday

Completely valid to consider solutions to something in order to move forward from it. Sending lots of kindness your way! <3

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Thank you for this - it is very helpful. Time and faith helped me to ease the pain, but it is not always easy.

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." - Vicki Harrison

@SolitaryBird

I'm so glad this was helpful in someway, it's nice how we can continually try at trying different things that might be helpful in easing our pain, it's definitely not easy but we try anyway and I'm so proud of you for trying your best also!

I love this quote, another one of my all-time-favorite-quotes! Swimming together! 💛

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure."

"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
from The Wonder Years

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

So beautiful quote, Sunshine 🌞❤ It is very very true. We suppress things when we grief. Thank you for this 🤗❤

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Thank you for writing this.. We never get over the grief

"So if mortality takes you,

If fate is so unkind,

If forever pulls you apart,

There are a million neurological pathways,

That spell your name in my heart" 

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

It is so very beautiful, Sunshine 🌞❤ 🥺❤ I'm saving it! 🤗❤

"millions of neurological pathways that spells your name in my heart"🥺❤

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Winter 🐡 likes this quote!

@OnlyWinter

Sun is glad to hear that! 🐡💛

Dear Sun is Shining and So are You!

I love when you write without editing, because I can really get a sense of your mind and how it works, and I like it!

The impulse seems to be to share experiences so that others feel ok about sharing our experiences.

I will share that I have read every book about grieving, I think, under the sun, and then decided to write my own, in memory of my parents, who I took care of in their elder years until they died. Though, in some way of looking at it, they have never left me, my dad's old wool rug is still here under the dining room table we use as a ping pong table. My mum's photo is here right next to me, smiling mischievously as she was apt to do, next to smiling faces of other family. We have a "memory corner" of our beloved who have died, with portraits of our loved ones, yes, even pets, who have moved to that other realm we know little about but which we suspect is very real and even perhaps in a mystical and spiritual way, "realer" than the solid world of things and people we navigate daily. 

Grieving. What comes to mind is a Buddhist Funeral I attended on the sad occasion of the suicide of my daughter's friend. They were a group, the four of them. The friend "came out" in her rigidly conservative Vietnamese family, but always felt ostracized. At the funeral the mother was wailing. The counselor from school was there, muttering, "What a shame. What a shame." My daughter and her other friends were standing there solidly, like bricks, many of them having brought their parents with them. The wailing seemed like it would never end. The monk in charge of the funeral had some sort of chime. This placed a temporary stillness in the place. The monk said something on the lines of: "Our grief is our attachment. We must 'let go' of this spirit so she may fly free." During the ensuing talk, the monk advised being happy, or at least even keel, not crying. Our crying is attachment, he counseled. This thought has stuck with me.

These things around us, even all the people around us, are temporary. We are here, temporarily, to do good works, or not good works, whatever we sow as our karma. We take with us, at most, ourselves and sometimes not even that, parts of ourselves. And we leave only memories.

Did I help someone laugh today?

Was I really there for them in a way that was meaningful to them?

Did I give a truly loving tummy rub to our rescue pup until she smiled at me?

Did I refill the bird feeder so my feathered friends could flock over?

Did I remember to say some kind things?

Did I try to do some good works?

I could do any of my good works "in memory" of someone I love. This makes it meaningful to me sometimes. All the roses outside are a result of roses brought to join us "in memory" of loved ones I lost. The book I wrote was "in memory of" my parents. We fund a scholarship for a student "in memory of" my dad. I work crisis lines "in memory of" each of the young people and even older people who have unfortunately died by suicide. 

I decided it was okay to ramble. I read your beautiful heartfelt thoughts, Sun is Shining and So Are You, and I felt glad that you could make yourself so vulnerable and open. Thank you for your Gift. You have made me feel safe.

Kindly, Patience

@PatienceImpatiens

Dear Patience,

I noticed you didn't get a response, Patience, so I wanted to give you a warm hug.

Love and Courage, Tas