Shared Experiences!♡
Hey hey, everyone coming across this post. I hope you're doing well. 💛
Grief and loss, is something I feel most of us have experienced in different forms, with varied intensity of emotions, thoughts and emotional reactions to it.
As earth-shatteringly difficult it is to experience loss of some kind and do not even get me started on loss of a love one hehe (oh but I definitely will come here too💛), or cope with it, I feel something that remotely, I say remotely because I'm not much of the opinion that anything ever truly helps or fills the void in your life and the hole in your heart! (Much love to you if you feel the same and Kudos to you if you found something that helped you in any way💛).
Again, I feel something that *remotely* helps is that we aren't alone in our experiences!
It's not like "seeing someone else in pain makes you feel better about yours", more like "seeing someone feel what you do, say what you cannot and understand what you find incomprehensible somewhere, somehow, in whatever small quantity possible too, makes you feel *seen*, makes your pain feel seen, reminds you that what you experienced is 'worthy' of a reaction from you, also helps you understand your feelings better, because sometimes you're not even sure what to really call that 'sudden feeling of a big lump forming in your throat when you're sitting around people giggling and doing their thing' when everything feels 'okay' around you".
(Apologies for getting carried away haha, I'm not proof-reading this one, and it's just something straight from my heart, hopefully to yours, typos included😅)
Anyway, circling back again, what I find remotely helpful is the idea of shared experiences, of people connected in their grief! Which is why I love reflecting on how someone perceives loss and grief for them, hearing what they have to say about it too!
Sometimes it's these shared experiences, heart felt words and raw emotions that remind me I'm not alone, and a lot of times, this is comforting to know!
Going forward, I'd like to share some quotes I find comforting with the hope that anyone coming across them here can have a little "oh you see it too?" moment, knowing they aren't alone either and someone has had experienced something as they have and stood by to share it with the world also. The massive amount of courage it takes to talk about it, to relive all of it all over again, to be *brave* for comforting someone else! Most people may not even realise how inspiring they are! 💛
Please feel welcome to share any quotes you like that provide you comfort or reflect on any you see here also! 💛
I'd like to acknowledge that everyone's way of dealing with loss and coping with grief can be different, what works for one person may not for you and that's super okay! Whatever little bit helps, we can continue trying for it, every small step matters, you may not feel okay or want to feel okay, and you're allowed to take your time while remembering that you *deserve* to feel better. Whenever you're ready for it. Your pace is good pace always. No one else gets to decide it for you!💛
“Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou beautiful post and you're even more so.
Small things such as this have saved me: how much I love my mother — even after all these years. How powerfully I carry her within me. My grief is tremendous but my love is bigger. So is yours.
— Cheryl Strayed
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Hi Good Day Sunshine! 😊 ❤️ Thank you for your amazing forum post! One quote in regard to grief that highly resonates with me is....
"Grief is love with nowhere to go" - Jamie Anderson
Thank you for being so very vulnerable here with us my sweet Spidey Twin! ❤️ I see being vulnerable with others as a sign of strength and never weakness. We all hurt and thank you for letting us know that it's okay to share our feelings. ❤️
I loved reading your thoughts in relation to grief and how there can be opportunities to let us feel as if we aren't alone. Oddly enough, it's only one of the reasons why I enjoy music so very much.
Sometimes hearing the lyrics of a song can let me know that I am not alone, that someone out there felt the very same way at some point in time and to the degree to write down their thoughts and feelings and set it to music. Those can be powerful moments for me and I see it as even a part of self care.
*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️
@SparkyGizmo
Aww you always find me Sparkyyy Sparkkk, and you come bearing the warmest hugs always! (The actual "🤗" being the warmest fosho, but I mean "hugs" here metaphorically also, Sparkyyy Sparkkk *you* feel like a warm hug to me, your words feel like the warmest hug to me and you come bearing them always, never failing at it and I truly am super grateful to you, my wonderful spidey twin❤)
You are so right, my dear friend, Vulnerability is strength, I so deeply admire people who can be vulnerable!
Vulnerability isn't my strongest suit hehe, just the little thoughts around "but someone else might feel as you do too and something in what you say might bring them a little comfort so suck it up and do your best lol" encourage me to try a little, each time! Then there's all you amazing people here, reaffirming my whys and continuing to encourage me to keep trying and I cannot thank you enough for it! 🥺 ❤
"Sometimes hearing the lyrics of a song can let me know that I am not alone, that someone out there felt the very same way at some point in time and to the degree to write down their thoughts and feelings and set it to music."~ Thissss! I meant this exactly, word to word as you said it Omigoshhh! Wow, you know to how to put things into better words always hehe, thankyouu for comprehending what I said/ what I couldn't say but you still got it. *cries* Yes, this right here is a "oh you see it too? And You see me" moment for me and it always is one with you!
(Using a lot of "always" here lol, but that's on you, again, since you are *consistency*- at its peak *always*❤)
I love the quote you shared, it's one of my all-time favorite definitions of "grief". I added some more to it, about how I feel, in a reply to this post:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/grief/ResourcesforGriefProcessingEmotions_2537/WillMyGriefEverEnd_297553/?post=3199361 if you'd like to check out also! ❤
Music, as you mentioned, too is exactly like it, sooo relatable, Sparkyyy Sparkk, knowing someone else felt what we did, is indeed all kinds of comforting! Some people have a lovely way with their words and how they create art with their emotions, this art helps so many find compassion, solace and comfort in them! Its impeccable and uncanny~ the power of connecting with someone emotionally! We may not know this person, never meet them or anything, yet they comfort us and become our safe place to turn to when we need a little "pick-me-up".
Bless all hoomans unknowingly too healing and helping so many! ❤
Hehe incredibly grateful for you the bestest Spidey Twinnn! *hugs backkk* 🤗
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
big big *hugs* ❤️ my sweet Spidey twin! Sure is amazing how my quote is essentially what it is that you said in the other thread, like spot on! Wow! 😳 We are so very like minded.
So very grateful for you! ❤️❤️❤️
Music is life to me. It literally will change my moods in an instant. Songs I used to love, I can't tolerate anymore. Other songs make me instantly happy. Others make me think of a lost loved one or something that was important to me like a time or event, and it's like reliving it. Music is a beautiful thing.
If music is big in your life, watch for this. I didn't even realize it until this week. Rock on. 😊
@Warpedme
Hi Warped Me! 😊 ❤️ Wow! 😊 Soooooooo amazing! I cannot thank you enough for your response!
I really love how you have thought deeply in regard to the power of music and recently came to this epiphany. My friend, you are truly one of *my tribe* ❤️ . It's such a great feeling to meet another that is so very like minded!
I could not agree with you more. There are songs that I used to love, were deeply meaningful to me and I no longer choose to listen to them as well, if they bring back painful memories. Those would be songs that could be connected to a certain time, place, person, or event.
I agree with you. The power of music can really help to engage and connect with past memories and almost take you back in time, in a sense and as you said "it's like reliving it".
For certain pieces of music, this can be a very good thing! 😊 Wooooo hooooo! It's so much fun to listen to those and think of "the good ole' days" so to speak. To remember where you were, a certain time in your life, what you were doing, how the song is somehow connected to someone special, etc. Indeed, music is a beautiful thing.
Music certainly has the power to change my mood as well. For me, it can be a "go to" strategy for self care. If one feels as if no one understands how they might be feeling at the moment, listening to a piece of music that was written by another can bring comfort. If an artist sat down, wrote their thoughts, feelings and described their emotions and it's in direct alignment with how I'm feeling, I don't feel so quite alone any longer. I feel understood. That artist has provided me with a true gift 🎁 and they provided validation and I feel grateful. They were there too at one time.
Music can be incredible too for rising above certain situations. If one is met with adversity, negative behaviors from another, some of those "you gotta' be kidding me moments" (*inserts eye roll here*, lol 😊 ) well.........tapping into some other forms of music can be beneficial. If one is left with negative emotions from bad behavior from others, the negative energy needs to go somewhere.
I choose to use experiences like that for productivity in my life, blast some "I'll show you" music, "You don't bother me" music, "Ya' gotta' be kidding me music" and direct the energy towards productivity like a deep cleaning or organizing project while listening. I sit back, feel good about accomplishing something that needed to be done anyway. Ahhhhh, sweet release. Negative energy is gone, I found a proper outlet and direction for it all to go and something that actually benefits me in the long run. 😊 Now that, is some serious................Winning!!!!!!!!!!!! Weeeeeeeeeee weeeeeeee! 😊
Cloudy outside? Raining for days on end? I can't change the weather. I embrace it! 😊 I choose to enjoy hearing the sound of rain against the windows. Ahhhh....so soothing (music in and of itself). I think of the positive effects of rain and am like "hey, thank you rain, thanks for washing off my house, deck, fence and patio furniture". Good job buddy and *high fives* 😊 lol.
I choose to create my own sunshine 🌞 inside of my home and inside of me. I take the opportunity to light richly scented candles, enjoy the pretty flicker and scents, I enjoy the low lighting and I reach for music. Some of my favorite "go to's"......."Good Day Sunshine" The Beatles as well as "Here Comes the Sun".
Gee, now that is one heck of a dopamine hit *giggles* 😊
*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️ my sweet friend! Rock on! 😊
Are you long lost twin? I always wanted one. 🤣.
I often remove myself from stressful situations or times when I know I'm down, like now, the first thing I do is grab some candles. I also have decorative lights above my bed. They're cheap, but I hung them up myself. I now can sleep with stars above the head of my bed.
Back to the music, when I remove myself, depending on the situation like you said, I crank a song. I'm big into song lyrics. I'm just discovering recently the songs I loved I can no longer listen to. There was a reason I was drawn to those songs and I knew it, but until after therapy I didn't really know. I'm just starting therapy, and I can always use another friend. I'm around.
Thank you for this reply. Maybe I'm not so odd after all. We're just deeper. 😊
@Warpedme
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Great point! 😊 ❤️ You and I just may be twinning! The universe works in mysterious ways. It's so amazing when you meet someone that it is incredibly like minded! Doesn't it feel great to be heard and to be understood? It's serendipity in my mind! When the universe speaks.....I listen 😊💫💥
I'm really glad that you know when it's the time to remove yourself from stressful situations. *high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️ Gotta' say, sounds as if we are twinning on that one as well!
I'm so glad that you know "when to say when" and everyone deserves to care for ones self, to remove ones self from situations that are stressful, overwhelming and everyone deserves their private space and private time to decompress and work through things in their own time. I do the same from time to time 😳 .
I call it "going into the cave" lol 😊. Sometimes, I too need a moment to step away, decompress and kind of just think about things with out external influences. I know that I have let the world have it's way, all of it's loudness, clanking around, banging around and all of the people with in it. Those things aren't always the better path. Sometimes the answers were in us all along if we can just silence everything that is unnecessary "noise", listen to that little voice within and yes, music can help with that also when we are choosing to hear certain things.
I love that some of your "go to" self care is candles. I also love that you are doing your best to build your world around you, installing lights above your bed, ones that you like and that bring you comfort. What an amazing feeling it must be to lay in bed, look up at your lighting that resemble the stars. Hey, I do the same type of thing in my home and I have purchased some lighting that I love and it's highly intentional and it works! High impact for me and I'm so happy with those choices! Just glanced over....ahhhh....feels nice (gratitude moment, thank you lamps)😊.
One of my "Gizzie-isms" is good things in = good things out. I will always do my best to surround myself with good things, influences, people in an effort to pass along good things for others.
I think it's wonderful that you have started therapy and it sounds as if you are really happy about it. What a great choice and another opportunity to surround ones self with a positive influence, a great sounding board and to have good and helpful moments.
I could always use another friend as well. I'm around too! 😊 Maybe we could be "around together" if you like? lol 😊 (Makes me think of a line from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer "we can be independent together" ha ha).
Hey, just sayin' I know people in this town, lol 😊 *looks side to side 👀* I got connections, lol. See, I got friends around this place and I'm sayin' peeps that can make the magic happen! 💫 *giggles* 😊
If you would like, my wonderful Spidey Twin, Good Day Sunshine ( @Sunisshiningandsoareyou ) could make a little forum thread for the 2 of us. We could scoot on out of this thread and they can make a little home for us where ever they deem it to be fit. I imagine they could title it and tag both of us and re-home us (kind of like the Harry Potter "Choosing Hat" and figure out where we might belong. I like leaving it up to their best judgement. I trust them and impeccably).❤️
I don't think you are odd, at all. I agree, I'm thinking that perhaps we just might be deep thinkers. If you can put up with my "oddness", hey, I'm game for this. Must warn you....I can be a little silly, a little bit funny, goofy and well, I love all genres of music and some are surprised at how broad my love of music may go.
Perhaps we can have a fun music space, thinking space, feeling space and share pieces of music that might illicit certain things and discuss them? Say the "word" and I'm confident that Good Day Sunshine will help us out.
*high fives* 😊 big *hugs* ❤️ and the song that comes to mind right now Is Elton John "Don't let the Sun go down on me" lyrics......call back to what I wrote above..."it's a little bit funnyy...." Rock on my friend, rock on! 😊
Oh my dog we are twins. Sorry, I'm not religious, and dogs are the closest I can think to God. 🤣 No offense meant to anyone. I have zero problem with religion as long as once I say I'm not religious and thank you for your prayers, they get the hint that I don't want to join their group. I get told I have no morals because I lack religion. They can bite me. Sorry it's something I say in real life and a game. 😊
I also am impatient and cut even myself off because too much. 🤣
Don't be worried about silly. Ask around. My name kind of fits. A word needs to be added from my game. You don't want to know. 😊
I'd love to chat anytime. I mostly chat with Zengi or @ZendagiZaraaa. Super familiar with my silly and warped.
I needed this right now, and it's like you knew. Music wasn't even working. Thank you for the reminder. I just bought incense to try for something new and some Halloween cling ons (not the Trekkie kind) for the doors and stuff. 🤣
I'm going to go eat and take my medicine as well. I'm so worried about taking care of everyone else, I forget me. 😊
@SparkyGizmo
Awww so lovely to see two wonderful people finding each other and connecting in such a sweet way. 🥰Yes of course, Sparkyyy Sparkkk anything for you hehe, feel free to poke me if y'all would want a separate thread in a more suitable community, or can create it yourselves also, if needed, anytime. 💖
I loooooveeee your taste in music (and everything else too lol) my sweet spideyy twinnnnnieee, you always share the gift of music with everyone and goshhhh, another beautiful reason to the neverending list of our increasing gratitude for youu. *hugggssssss* 🤗
Hi, everyone
How are you guys doing? First of all, I would love to say that I like this post that you created @sunisshiningandsoareyou. I am going to talk about two different experiences I had so please bear with me. The first experience is old but still with me every day and the second experience is fairly new.
On 5/13/2010 I lost my grandpa and I remember that day like it was yesterday. My grandma and grandpa were going out to dinner so I didn't go visit them that day however, my grandma called me and I knew something was up she was panicked and wanted my mom. When my mom went to my grandparents' house they rushed my grandpa to the hospital and I made my grandpa a get-well card and gave it to my dad when he came home from work to say he was going to the hospital to see my mom, grandma and grandpa and my other grandparents were coming to watch my sister, brother and I. Long story short I knew my grandpa was gone even before I was told that he passed. My grandpa was the first close person I lost and that put me in a depression for a bit.
On 1/21/20 I lost my younger brother in a car accident he was 17 years old. That passing has changed me and not for the best. I am so depressed and I remember everything from that night. I am the oldest of siblings and my sister and brother are /were twins. My sister is still alive though. The world doesn't prepare you to lose someone so young. I miss my grandpa and brother so much. I can talk about that night like it was yesterday and nothing is a blur to me. It is consistently on my mind.
@blissfulTouch29
Hiya Kaitlyn, it's so good to see you and ofcourse you're allowed to share also!
I feel you, so much of what you shared is relatable and I understand how somethings, moments, experiences; no matter how old stay fresh in our mind, and the pain is felt all over again, like we are reliving the situation! *offers hugs*
Our love ones are with us, in our heart and on our mind always, so its really valid to think of them often! I'd like to share this post with you too: https://www.7cups.com/forum/grief/ResourcesforGriefProcessingEmotions_2537/WillMyGriefEverEnd_297553/
Super valid to feel like you and your life changed a lot post your loss, it does happen, a part of us is lost with the one we've lost and therefore incredibly natural to feel disconnected and lost, finding it difficult relating with your past self again!
I'm so proud of you for sharing about your experience with loss and how its affected you, you're so strong for continuing to push forward the best way you can. Sending lots of love and strength to you and more love to your beautiful angels looking over you! 💛
Thankyou for your kind words also! Do you have any favorite quotes or perhaps music that you find helps you feel better when the grief rushes your way? Feel welcome to share anytime!
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank you! I loss of my brother is what changed me more and its more than what I wrote about. I have a lot of quotes but some of them are a little dark I think.
Thank you again
"When you experience loss, people say you’ll move through the 5 stages of grief….
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
….. What they don’t tell you is that you’ll cycle through them all every day."
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Such a beautifully written post sun💕
I remember someone telling me that the pain of losing someone never goes.
At first, you won't be able to breathe at all but later on You would be able to breathe a bit more because you get used to the very same grief that surrounds you. 'Getting used to' is what happens. I'm pretty sure the person who passed would equally want us to live a safe and happy life. The pain would never leave. You just grow with it and understand it better.
Knowing that, i really hope we all cope with the grief that surrounds us and live a healthy life because that's what they would want ❤️