Our dog died. It’s a very painful loss.
Hi, and to whom it may concern.
Dogs are faithful creatures. They don’t ask for much. Our dog only asked to be walked several times a day. In return she gave unfailing love, affection and presence.
I have not met humans with these qualities.
Our dog was very special.
We adopted her from a shelter. She had been given up twice. We still don’t understand why, because she was so gentle and kind with us. She often would sit at my feet while I wrote.
Suddenly, in early March, she couldn’t walk so we took her to the vet, where they recommended intensive care. She got out of intensive care, and a month later, last Friday, April 12, she died in front of us. We couldn’t do a thing. We saw what was happening. All we could do was to help her be comfortable, pet her, talk with her, until her soul flew away.
I am still destroyed, devastated.
She was such a big part of our lives.
I don’t expect anyone to understand.
I also expect I will take my own time to process this loss.
We dug a grave for her. We planted pretty purple flowers and we added wildflower seeds to make the plot pretty eventually. She is near a mature tree that reminds us of her.
I am still, sadly, crying every day.
Yesterday, my husband showed me a photo of a puppy. Coincidentally, I had just found a photo of a senior dog that was in need of adoption. That is how I know we will get through this.
We will go through our process.
We will gradually accept she is no longer here.
Gradually, it will be ok.
What are your experiences of loss of a pet? I wonder how it is you chose to deal with your loss?
Kindly,
Patience
Update, almost one month since Kimmi’s death.
So, today, walking our new pup, seized with this deep mourning of Kimmi, even while walking our new pup, obviously not done yet, and the feeling of mourning ties with all the other feelings of loss, lost boyfriend, lost mother and father, lost daughter, lost job, all the losses just cascading into one deep pool of grieving of all the lost memories, of my grandmother, of my brothers when we were friends, of the times of laughter and glee, which are now gone gone gone. And a deep and yawning depression is taking over me, it licks at the edges of my psyche, trying to take over me, and I keep fighting it! Fighting it like it is a battle for my life, which I know it is. I feel like curling up into a fetal position and just disappearing, but I cannot, this new puppy needs her attention, I need to feed myself (I know this, my robot rational mind knows this), but I don’t want to, all I want to do is to cry and cry and cry.
Her dear tail thumping to greet me in the morning, gone.
Her dear sweet brown eyes gazing at me while I am writing, gone.
Her dear sensing when I am distressed and just placing her head on my knee, gone.
Now there is a puppy looking out the window at the birds and the squirrels.
We are bonding with this new sweet pup.
She is herself, a miracle in herself that she chose me when there were a hundred pups there, and she chose Me!
But still, tears stream down my cheeks. I think, “Should I up the antidepressant? Should I ‘talk to someone’? Should I do this or that or that or that?"
So, I write instead.
Kindly,
Patience
@PatienceImpatiens I feel you ❤️ I have to admit reading this made me tear up because it feels like we're in the same place right noe. To me it's understandable that you're still grieving her. She was family. She was part of your day to day life. She was in your life for a long time and to have them taken so suddenly it's traumatic. It's only been a month. Grief has no time line and some days are harder than others ❤️ Getting a new puppy doesn't replace her. They have their own unique personalities and our relationships with each one we have is different.The world is still new for your puppy and there's a lot she probably doesn't understand right now. I lost one of my girls almost 4 years ago and then I lost her sister last November and my father a week and a half later. I'm still grieving. I haven't gotten a new puppy because I don't feel ready yet but I have started to look at a few here and there. With the other losses it can feel so overwhelming and creates this huge chasm of nothing but grief and depression. To me it makes sense that losing her would set off memories of other losses 😞 It probably feels like you're drowning in grief right now
@mytwistedsoul
Dear my twisted soul,
Thank you so much for this post. Actually, yes, the grieving and depression can feel never ending at times, isn’t that the truth. I could feel your empathy loud and clear and honestly my chest started to tighten up and yes, tears again, but in a good way, just feeling your pain my friend. So many losses.
Some days I’m like, “why did we get a puppy so soon?” And other days, I’m like, “I would be dead if I didn’t have this playful soul in my life right now because the whole world would look grey and dreary without this happy little spark."
When I look at our dear Kimmi’s portrait, I see her wise eyes looking at me, and it’s that language without words, just that everything will be all right. Someone told me once a word in their language that was a word for that language without words that animals are such experts in. Here it is. I think it may be Romanian, but I’m not sure: "We have a word here called necuvântătoare which means non-speaking, non-wording, nonverbal."
Yet, there can be such a deep connection.
Our puppy knows she chose me. She rests very often right near my feet, or under my chair. She’s tired now so she’s resting right here. In some way, just knowing she’s there is comforting.
Thank you again and I wish I could lift some of your grief off your shoulders. I wish we could all be happier. I wish a lot of things.
Take care,
Patience
@PatienceImpatiens Just wondering how things are going. It has been a bit, since we last chatted, so just wondering how you're doing and how things are with your mental health, since the last time we chatted. Also, how are things going, with your new puppy. Are they getting used to their new home, yet? I hope you see this post and if you're up to it, please respond back. If you're not up to it, that is fine. I understand. I truly do.
@PatienceImpatiens Thank you for opening up. Grief is a hard thing to go through. I have gone through it many of times, so I can relate some what to how your feeling. Please take your time. Please do not listen to those, who say "It has been so many weeks now, you should be over this loss, now." That is a very unsupportive thing to say to someone. They may mean well, but until they go through loss, and the grieving, they have no clue, what emotions we go through. One way you can help someone, is just sit, with them, and say nothing. Silence can be a good thing. There is an old saying "If you have nothing good to say, then keep your mouth quiet." Another old saying "Think before you say something." One more saying "Silence is golden." I can go on and on, with old sayings, my friend. One thing that you might find comforting, is reading the Book of Psalms. I find when I read them, they provide some healing. Prayer and meditation helps. Yes, time does help somewhat. Yes, I have had people say, "It has been so many weeks, you should be over your loss." After, someone said those things to me, they were no longer my friend. Those words hurt me deeply. It has been many years, and pain has eased a bit for me, but those words still hurt. Chatting also helps. I am praying for you. Sending healing beems to you, my dear friend. I will check in on you, here in the forum, from time to time, to see how you're doing. I do not mind doing that. I truly do not. You cannot replace, a loved one. Hold on to the happy memories. Remember the good times, when you have hard days, my friend. There, will be hard days, especially, in the early stages of the grieving stages and the morning stages as well. Again, I am really sorry for your losses. Sending hugs and lots of love your way. May your dear loved ones, Rest in eternal Peace. Amen.
Rough night. Our new pup was frisky and biting and I finally gave myself a time out in another room where there was a photo of our old dear dog who had never once in all the years tried to bite me. Of course she came to us fully trained, rejected twice, a shelter reject, put in the back because of dog aggression. But she was never once in all our years ever aggressive towards a human, in fact, loved us and all humans!
I had a good cry. Did a reset with our pup today starting with some trust exercises, clipped one long nail on the right paw! Made her a lovely breakfast chock full of power foods. Today we go to her first puppy kindergarten class! I’m hoping to train her to be a service dog. It’s a great project. Lots of videos and exercises and in some important ways I have to retrain my brain to start from scratch with our “wild one.” Feeling more positive today, like, “I can do this.”
@PatienceImpatiens
I am so sorry for the loss of your dog. Both of my adult children have dogs. They are like my grandchildren. No one loves you so unconditionally as a dog. My daughter's dog passed away last fall it was very quick very sudden and very unexpected and we are all still heartbroken because he was so special and he was rescue also. They only had him for 3 years it was too short. Now I've discovered that my son's dog has cancer and she won't survive it. My heart is broken. It's like a double whammy because the loss of the dog breaks my heart and then watching my children's hearts break over the loss of their dogs. It is so painful my daughter has a beautiful memorial for her dog because he was so loved and he is so missed. These are the challenges of having a pet finding a way to let them go and to keep continuing on. I feel your pain and I am so sorry because it is a special kind of pain. I'm sending you Loving hugs for the loss of your dog.
ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92
Blackberry, I’m so very sorry you have to endure this pain. The joy our dogs brought us, and your daughter, will endure as well, that’s what keeps me going. They really give themselves wholeheartedly to us, with all their enthusiasm, tail wagging and joy. To me, they are like unconditional love in a furry form. I do hope you feel better eventually and find ways to cope. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Love,
Patience
[CW: de.a.th, one-sentence description of unmusical violins]
@PatienceImpatiens A good dog is like family--or better, as quite a few stories posted by us members attest. Treat one right & his loyalty will be unmatched by any human being. Get through the days as best you can...what other options are there?
Now, re your questions:
What are your experiences of loss of a pet?
Too many, if you count my childhood. I had a few different pets growing up. The house had a back yard. One corner of it was turned into a small graveyard...I buried my mother's parakeets there, both hamsters (one tore the other's head off. Who woulda thought it?), etc. The last & worst loss was much later, in my 30's...yes, it was a dog. I still miss him once in a while. Buddy could be an annoying little s*** & in the long run, I loved him for it. Most loyal friend I've had so far.
Rats make great companions...they're easy to feed & house, & intelligent: you can train them to do all kinds of things. The drawbacks are they only live three years at most, & if one gets sick (s)he usually cannot be saved.
I wonder how it is you chose to deal with your loss?
By not acquiring any more animals. Have had plenty of loss in my life; I don't need any more.
@PatienceImpatiens
I am so sorry for your loss the love or a pet is truly a tragedy that no one should have to suffer through a dog's death is truly the worst pain that me and others have suffered from we truly know the pain and that it is part of life and greif to cry and it is important to remember the memories you shared with your dog U･ᴥ･U death is not the end of a dog's life it is only to test the strength of both the dog and the owner and your dog is not gone but only in your heart and mind for the rest of time
I am sorry for your loss feel free to contact a listener to talk about it
Have a good day