Discussion 01: Introduction to Group Support

@ASilentObserver

3Highs

• Receiving support from different perspectives
• Being able to support people, and knowing we relate to each other so much, it kinda makes one feel better to know that they are not alone.
• being happy to see your favourite people (people I got to know from when they were struggling) in group chats getting better and are being positive towards life

3Lows

• When the room is too crowded, people tend to ignore those in need of support and engage with their conversation.
• Fights between members, in most cases caused by triggers, so its always important to warn people of triggers.
• Its just those 2, the highs surpass the lows

@ASilentObserver

3 Highs

This is my second time here on 7Cups as a listener. The first time I joined, I didn't quite understand how it worked. I ended up leaving without giving it a chance. Now that I am back, I have a better understanding of it.

I had mentioned that I wasn't new here and I was welcomed back with open arms.

I am an intern of the Internship Program. It has been a good experience so far.

3 Lows

I had someone private message me saying that I was not a nice person and that I didn't understand people who are autistic (I have an autistic child. I fully understand.).

Another person told me I had multiple enrollments, which I did not and then proceeded to mentor me when I did not ask for mentoring.

I had posted in the forum and without explanation, it was removed. This was actually hurtful considering I had taken the time to write down what I wanted to post.

@ASilentObserver Great post

Highs

1. Connecting with others that you may have never been able to connect with if it hadn't been for the rooms.
2. LCR is a great way to unwind and just hang out with other Listeners
3. I love that you get to see all kinds of personalities :)

Lows:

1. In the member chats, it is hard to focus on all chats going on if there are a lot of people in there
2. During planned and approved discussions, it is hard to "please" everyone so some may get offended by the topic or peoples perspective of what is being discussed
3. Clash of personalities can happen at times, which is to be expected

Highs

-Getting Verified

-Any positive review i have received

-Helping my first person

Lows

-Getting overwhelmed

-Not being sure how to participate in chatrooms

-Having a really triggering subject brought up and having to refer them to another listener

@ASilentObserver

Share 3 highs and 3 lows you experienced in the group support chatroom!

3 highs

1.I felt welcomed when i entered the room because almost everyone say hi and ask how the listening is going and fellow listeners are ready to help during hard chats!

2. I can find chat supporters and peer supporters easily in the room because of badges .

3.I can talk with fellow listeners , make friendships while sharing experience and knowledge.

3 lows

1. When room is crowded, chat is going fast and it's difficult to find who is talking to whom!

2. Sometimes when we need help during chat, room is empty and quite.

3. I didn't saw any conflicts in the listener room yet, but in other rooms it makes lots of people uncomfortable during conflicts.

Three highlights:

I could name one particular Sharing Circle, but this isn't about one in particular, it's about the many that "just worked." It's really great when the Sharing Circle is vibrant and supportive and when everyone follows the rules. Especially when, in retrospect, the "heartfelt shares" part of the outro seems so appropriate. Such Sharing Circles are a touching experience for hosts and members alike. They help us cope with our problems, make us feel less lonely and give us the strength to carry on.

When I became an ATL, the first thing I did was go to the Teen Listeners room. I was unsure how I would feel on the teen side. I am a teacher. I deal with kids and teens on a daily basis. Therefore, I didn't doubt my ability to do well, but I wasn't sure how I would be received. When I entered the room, I was immediately greeted in the most cheerful and warm way. I felt welcome and stayed much longer than I expected. I have been in that room every day since. I love it and the people in it. This is what a room should be like.

Long before I became a listener, I joined Cups as a member. My first attempts to find someone to listen to me were not very successful. I poked around the website and ended up in a chat room, I don't remember which one. I tried to pour my heart out. I didn't succeed very well because I was feeling bad at the time. But there were several members who were friendly and helpful. Eventually I opened up a little, and then a listener offered to talk to me privately. I didn't stay long on Cups, but this listener was very nice and helpful. They helped me think things through. That experience with the room and the listener made me think about Cups again last fall and the result was that I signed up as a listener.

Three low points:

As a member, I had used up my quota of requests one night and couldn't find anyone to talk to. I went to MCR and a few other rooms and tried to join the conversations. The rooms were crowded and fast. Members knew each other and talked about topics I couldn't follow. My attempts to be heard fell on deaf ears. It was frustrating and made me feel alone. I hope this experience is not common. As a new host of a discussion group, I found it particularly difficult to deal with a more or less empty room. I am not a good conversationalist or small talker in real life. I found it exhausting to feel like I had to keep the room lively and everyone present happy. I questioned my attempts to make conversation while I was engaging those present, wondering if I was forcing them to talk to me out of pity. Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to get used to such situations. I feel quite comfortable with them now. But it was a challenge at first. As a host and moderator, I have learned to deal with it, but I still find it sad when the Sharing Circle is disrupted. It's easy to understand why disruption happens when someone is obviously in crisis. It's also more or less easy to deal with. They are on their own when it comes to disrupting. The other participants in the circle are usually supportive. In most, if not all, cases, they can be included in the Sharing Circle or pulled into a one-on-one conversation. More difficult are cases where several participants are recalcitrant for no apparent reason. This makes empathy difficult. It can lead to negative reactions from other participants. And it can force us to use our moderation tools. All of this is manageable, but I always feel sad for those who are there to share and support each other. It robs them of the time and attention that they sometimes desperately need.

@ASilentObserver 1

1- group support chats have a special place in my life story as they were one of the key things that got me through a year i didn't expect to get through. when i first joined this site, the knowledge that people were expecting to see me in the lgbtq room got me through a lot of days. that's one of the things that defines community to me: having people who know you and interact routinely with you and care what happens to you. and i think what we all do here at 7cups is saving lives by making that experience more accessible and safe for more people.

2- i was in a small group support chat where a member had just put words to something about themselves and our chat room was the first space where they got to feel seen and celebrated as who they are. it was beautiful to be part of that in any way. everyone deserves access to a space to be witnessed as themselves.

3- the other day on my member account i chatted in a room all night and it was a really pleasant feeling of having company like some friends sitting on the kitchen counter whispering in the dark. it's so great to have that type of chat room available.

1- sometimes a chatroom gets taken over by someone who is there to rant about something controversial and i wish i had a place i could refer them to. I get why this website is not the space for them to be heard about something that isn't supportive to others in the room, and may cross listener boundaries too. but i think it would be cool if there was a cousin website that trains listeners and moderators to hold space for the more intense topics that people need community around.

2- a couple times people have made comments that are anti-food and anti-fat that get agreement from listeners and leaders. this makes it a less supportive space for members with eating disorders and members who are fat.

3- often the rooms are empty or people pop in at different times and miss each other. I think this will change with just more engagement and leaders and members over time but I also wish we could turn on notifications for group chat rooms just like a little entry bell that someone is there not specific messages or usernames bc privacy. but in the meantime i sometimes leave a chat room open alongside whatever i'm doing on my computer so that i can redirect my attention to the chat when someone comes in.

@ASilentObserver

Highs:

1. Meeting amazing new people and making new friends

2. Getting support when I'm at my low points

3. Being able to help support others while they're struggling

Lows:

1. People being disrespectful during conflicts

2. Trolls (pretty self-explanatory)

3. Accidentally breaking rules that I didn't know existed (I haven't done that for a while now though)

@ASilentObserver

3 Highs:

• People being very kind and awesome in listening and support rooms.
• Great discussions, learning new things daily in discussions hosted by amazing people.
• made new friends

3 Lows:

• Feeling overwhelmed in chats
• Feeling left out
• In times I needed support, no one was there ):

@ASilentObserver

Discussion: Share 3 highs and 3 lows you experienced in the group support chatroom!

3 Highs

1- Welcomed and Greeted by others This is something that while it does occur usually when I enter the group support rooms, I experience this more as I go the rooms more frequently like when I need to host discussions and recognize familiar usernames

2- Building up from shared interests. When bringing up random topics or responding to them it does sometimes feel like I’m a part of something bigger and can relate to some of the others it can be fun when sharing things some of us enjoy, as a way to know each other better and see our cultures

3- Supportive with Listener questions. When I’ve had some questions myself I do generally get at least someone who either knows or directs me to someone who’ll have the answers which makes the group chat feel much more helpful. Even when I just see someone else share a question and being answered I learn from those times and take note for myself so it’s helpful in that sense too

3 Lows

1- Few people online when I join. Although I wouldn’t put this as anyone’s fault and depending simply on who’s available, there’s sometimes either no one or very little who are active. So the times that this happens it can be difficult to stay in the group for a long time or get someone engaged.

2- Those who would troll in the groups. At least lately, I think this part has been getting a bit better but I remember when I was in the groups more often that there would be someone who chats inappropriately or disregard what the others inform them.

3- When entering in the middle of a discussion that you feel you can’t engage in. This is something else that can inevitably happen to that isn’t anyone’s intention but it does feel like I’m out of place when that happens to me. It would feel like I’ve entered in the wrong room or interrupting a private conversation.