PTSD is not fun (not even a little)
That's it. I am not happy today. Things in my life are going great, and I WANT to be happy, but I have PTSD and that is not a happy thing to have today. Long story short, my trauma would occur many times after milestones, happy times, or good things happening to me. Then BAM! There comes the bad stuff. Understatement. HORRIBLE stuff. (PTSD, amirite?) So now my life is in a nice, fulfilling direction, and my mind says DANGER! DANGER OCEANWAVES37!!! Don't be happy, cause you know what happens when you get good stuff and happiness enters!!! Watch out! Time for HYPERVIGILANCE! FLASHBACKS! TRIGGERS GALORE!
Okay, end of rant. Otherwise, glad to be back. Been away from this place for some time. How you doin'?
@OceanWaves37
Hi Ocean. PTSD isn't fun. I don't have PTSD but I can certainly relate to the don't be happy stuff.
Hope you continue to do good!
Hi @OceanWaves37, I can also relate to the PTSD and being in hyper vigilant mode ... SO much bad stuff has happened, that when something GOOD finally comes along, I get paranoid...
Every since last year up till now I have experienced: leaving my abusive, alcoholic ex-fiancé, an eviction, car repossession, having to leave jobs based on son's health & micromanagement, homelessness, and even lost temporary custody of child when I called the cops on his alcoholic father...aka, my ex-fiancé...
Before that, my ex fiancé and I were planning on getting married, having another kid, and buying a house together... We were together for 3 years...
Idk if feels weird that now I'm not homeless, but still on a time frame as I'm staying with kind people who let me into their life and essentially "adopted" me... they're 10yrs older, so it feel more like an older brother & sister kind of thing for me. They also have a toddler son the same age as mine. They're business owners and I'm a wannabe entrepreneur. They have allowed me to stay in their guest house. They raised money to help me pay off my eviction...
It's just feels amazing... But I feel nervous too... That something may go wrong...I grew up with NPD parents who I was verbally and physically abused from so idk what's considered normal anymore...slowly healing, slowly learning, and enforcing (healthier) boundaries...
Sorry lol I rambled quite a lot. Just saying I can relate to this strongly.
@ImpudentIncognito
Apologies for such a late reply! My life has been a blur with almost NO time for myself right now, so I am trying to find time for my own self-care. I completely understand growing up in an abusive environment and what that can do to us, and I'm sorry you also had to go through that, as well as the other negative circumstances you described. It does feel weird when we have good things happening, because our past has taught us that it never lasts long (even if it's currently not true). I think that although my adulthood has had numerous traumatic moments, that it has been my own childhood that had the biggest impact on the amount of anxiety and traumatic stress I experience today.
Hey there. I've been living with PTSD for the vast majority of my life now. There are times when everything is great, but then I get caught up in these "loops." I've rationally thought myself out of the same situation countless times, but it's as if it were brand new again once I'm having a flashback. My doctor prescribed medical marijuana for me. It really had been a huge help because it shuts off the party of my brain that perseverates on bad memories.
@PestoPasta8973
Thanks for your reply and I completely get that feeling of getting stuck in "loops". Like you described, I can be just fine for periods of time. Sometimes I almost feel "normal", like I have nothing truly wrong (not true), but then something triggers me, and I am right back into that fear cycle, like my mind has gone into the past all over again. I am on prozac and it does help, but sometimes I feel that I need stronger meds and therapy than I currently am on. I may talk with my primary practitioner about that soon.
