The hypothetical equivalent to a journal from the old journal section
There are various things I can say and believe it or not I'm going to try to not be too remorseful for an unceremonius first entry
for this..
❝You know where to run.❞ || Weirdcore Videogame's Music - YouTube
`_` 'u' mm..knowing I can post pictures changes things
When it comes to AI music, even if we can’t really yet get flawless piano covers just yet after a song upload, I wonder if you can at least get 8 bit covers of most any music after an upload thru an AI. That’d be fun.
xD Jajaja!,I'm posting this precisely b/c I'm not afraid of it right now nor opting to think to much on it:
Don't want to be carried away by Rick Beato's criticism on contemporary music ( "=_= has he even put out a video on the worries of AI music yet ?)
Yet the whole 'singers are not always there own songwriters' remark makes me think that something like this
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SingerSongwriter
is valuable on some level
I don't want to get into it right now but current factors make it so that dating prospects might well be delayed by another year >_< =___= . That's not to say I can't still have an enjoyable summer but that linger pressure f--g s--ks to still have.
F---g hate how weak my grip is.
My laptop is currently working and I'd like to think that for all the weird charging issues it not having been able to so much as turn on as it did overnight was a fluke.
Let's try until next Easter-ish with this. Never nice to let go hardware you actually did find reliable. There's more to it beyond sluggish and hic-up like initial start up motions.
I wonder if ppl who do lucid dreaming get to a point like this..https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVuTufXPxZY&pp=ygUldGhlIG9uaW9uIHRvbyBtdWNoIHZpb2xlbmNlIGluIGRyZWFtcw%3D%3D ..since sure, ppl imagine doing sexual stuff but there's also some thrill in lucid dreaming being exceedingly athletic including in combat sports
-Return pants with broken button for exchange
-(In the 90’s) if alt-rock was alternative rock what was the mainstream kind of rock at the time ?
-Rocky night, making worried if sour experiences lay in store for me in the next several days
Fond memory of a counselor saying that they appreciate my being vulnerable— f—k how this world makes it near impossible to believe that coming from anyone let alone authentic express it. F—k archaic ‘might makes right’ attitudes.
Spaghetti is set to cook, cabbage is present and memories of the penultimate f—khead cliche of a dentist still persist.
I would almost ditch out of Netflix entirely if it weren't for one more final season of 'Cobra kai' plus seeing if 'Sweet tooth' can stay sweet.
Didn't exercise before work b/c of porn use after effects
Admittedly I can't think of too many uses for celery, chopped or otherwise. I could try to blend it into something of a juice but from experience I find that somewhat wasteful considering how much tough, fiborous aftermath is left which isn't part of the juice.
=_= ._. Found so much which went bad in my fridge (-gj)
this day *at all* due to that same d--n reason.
___
My 'careful observation' of a new (not permanent (?)) employee who in the intro msg said they had hobbies which included going to concerts, playing guitar *and boxing*
=_= `_` ...
My g.7 teacher, a friend of my sister's I had a crush on, a counselor of sorts I once knew and now this person whose long sleeve clothes covered. unremarkable and not conspiciously burly arms.. -_- -~- "you intrigue me" (Kaoru Hanayama to Andreanov Zagon ~2k03 Grappler Baki series)..the diversity of attitudes with ppl who practice boxing but when you get to anger and/or competition..
I'm going to try to not get too jealous of the possible fitness of that person if I see them today or begin to fume about whether I'll get along with them.
They can have boxing as their fitness based hobby..
I can still have yoga, =_= with an added dimension of looking into postural health and adjustment much more.
The massage therapy place that does under $20 sessions for alumni of a specific community college is barely open for the season to my chagrin. To my chagrin this means needing to find a different place. The 'black horse' significance of the question of what our age differences might be actually does make for an agitating itch in this case
I have to say something while I'm still stupidly intrepid enough to say this: the 'novelty' of webstreaming performance makes me 'cling and come back' in a way which isn't quite there w/the 'more passive search for variability' which is looking up for static 'cut and dried' like videos,gif and pictures..there's also a more parasocial element in that it sates a parasocial craving in a sharply niche and quasi-deluded way.
You think yourself something like this
American Berserk Gatsu Bateman status [1 HOUR VERSION] - YouTube
after a bad episode of life, and while doing that you think to yourself the pressure to 'assemble yourself' like that time after time is so friggin exhausting, why not rest ?..the feeling of rest is so alien on one level that it puts you back into the lousy angst of mental unwellness and you are choiceless,short of say having holding your job compromised, obligated to put yourself together and rinse and repeat to look like that video again
even in standing up to your inner demons or fixations 'all is vanity' -- https://youtu.be/Exwtv_mTbXc?t=102
Writing this is. is what's preventing me from going on to overidentify with some cryptic David Tibet song or poem whilst exercising..
Why do ppl go to grotesquely shock value laden*1 like variably unhealthy occultism, fantastically morbid aesthetics and (with variable commitment) demonic aesthetic shlock like Satanism and heavy metal music or (apparently more recently, somewhere btw Billie Eilish and Lil Nas X music videos*2) occasionely pop music, when if that s--t was actually effectual 'in inducing evil' I'd think that even law enforcement would overcome it's indifference if say it was a fact that some secret society infernal ritual was always responsible for the death toll in Russia Ukraine conflict ?.
It's what dimly, stupidly happens when ppl don't realize that you're suppose to cease rebelling at some point and f--g commit to the settled acheivements even if it's boring b/c at some point you realize (even if everything else around you is sorely unaccomodating to it or you easing your way into learning it--ex. this aftermath of mine after my recent upset into pornography overnight ), that's what truly there is something akin to a theory of mind which in foundationally indifferent but =_= ...you can't even really say that b/c all around you is a ceaslessly stupidity of an existentialist hedonism which will painfully self-implode on itself if you make it practice the first duty of love (to listen, to introspect)
I've no sympathy for those who don't realize this. Maybe this my track to learning what no shame as they in English means, in a more proper way.
*1 a certain Jubilee video thumbnail and the fact that there are reaction videos to it come to mind-- and I put a link to this video with some reluctance as I don't veer to use what scant pre-work time I have to add my comments on the non-secular https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-AwpkMuW4s but will say an opinion in that ~'the answers lay in much more deeply looking into Judaism specifically and then examining the historical movements/ripple effects by other groups after'...frig, the way we as social creatures try to attribute credit or discredit onto the apparently inexplicable external and enter the apparent entailments bilateral pluralism of 'good and evil',give or take theism mainly b/c ultimately we profoundly s--k at our history of practising responsibility
*2 I'm not exactly immune to it either in one sense..ppl who actually know about Gorillaz lore would know that's actually the reason for the musical talent of the character Murdoc and it pops up from time to time, in the phases of the lore but maybe not so much in the recent (Phase 4 (?)) stuff even with all the cultish stuff which ends w/everyone try to gather themselves in the police station as per the 'Cracker island' music video
Leon Thomas does good on expanding on the whole grotesque supernatural evoking contrarians/Satanists,esp. on the 20:55+ mark here https://youtu.be/4NLDU4UmcP0
and (while I still am fond of Jubilee) Alice Cappelle’s criticism of the channel’s attempts for a sort of discursive centrism does have a few neat points https://youtu.be/0EuyMoAd8Wc
New Anne Rice Series in Development at AMC (cbr.com)
Reading this and thinking on what 2 (loose) AMC Networks Anne Rice adaptations there's been so far and the risk the network will take in making a series focusing mainly on the Talamasca it makes me think that in hindsight it's odd that btw 2003-2014 the late Rice didn't decide to write a book mainly focusing on the Talamasca instead of the 'usual monsters'.
I wish I could find a link (maybe later) but the recent SNL skit w/Ana De Armas parodying the Barbie movie trailer w/the historically accurate 'American girl dolls' seeking to enter the real world was both funny but it actually made me sad and still does..
Remembering years ago when I read Vertigo's Fable series there was a story about..=_= `_` toys (?) trying to march their way to different land and a manipulative s--t of a rabbit character who takes away the magic hat which produces unending sausages which was a main food supply source for those toys..manipulations with casualties happen but survivors still trudge on, I think I remember that..
somehow that SNL skit reminded me of that and a few other sad stories (not just from Fables) about inanimate objects (Brave little toaster anyone ?,it was based on a short story).
___
Irl horrors/possibly relevant to me topical politics I can peek into later even if I'm not fond of the leanings of this newspaper: https://www.msn.com/en-ca/news/canada/public-service-strike-list-of-services-expected-to-be-impacted/ar-AA1a3HSs?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=7e642b01730540b3b766e1c8a39c7bf9&ei=24
@Archiver0
I see a thumbs up for my "When you wonder just how the h--l do you deserve to be alive and functioning at work a day after an addiction episode" comment to the Bateman suit faring Guts video and I didn't care for it to stop me from going on pornography.
This time, it wasn't coming from a spot of stress but from unhesitantly acting on an impulse 'looking forward to it/enthusiastic h--rn-s'.
In a very real sense we can't live without fun..we can't live without playing, we can't live without humour, we can't live without fun, we can't live without making seriousness be temporary since it is functionally necessary to overcome learning curves and is intractably you might say 'an element of freedom', giving you unpunative space which isn't the same as the ceaseless wave of expectations and scarcity, whose self-pressures we can feel with out very bodies (anxiety)..this neat old read is coming to mind Theory of Fun for Game Design: Koster, Raph: 8580001179773: Books - Amazon.ca but I'm not going to quote it (it's not on hand with me)
Even if most ppl are poisonously indifferent and irresponsible selfish ciche b--d that doesn't discount the importance of fun..and I can't darn well understand how for all it's validly heavy Darwinian imperative, even when the bonding potential 'isn't conventional' sex is fun and a fun halt to self-pressures..one thing which might happen if you don't do that enough or don't know how to is the expression itself becoming somewhat unconventional (hence the importance of not kink-shaming).
I know full well how the sensations and sensory processing of all this is atypical if you're on the autistic spectrum.
Below the test tube for anger but above the one for sadness on here: Pinterest
'Other topic'-- ppl who don't really accept gender diversity and think that woman don't click with cisgen hetero males b/c 'marrying up' ('hypergamy') is more feasible with another woman..I strongly don't think that's the only reason but even if it was I 'wouldn't really blame' women if the options regarding men has always been a rotten spectrum of competitiveness resulting in little option but maximalistic overachievers with tactless egos or 'utter wimps' who are barely acceptable (me veering towards that side obviously).
I feel fragile and overly sensitive b/c of last night and would much rather stay here to cry and relax before doing non-work stuff..but I'm going to work with that d--n crunchdown until I'm 'on the clock' and it might mean boarding a bus with d--kheads. That in an imeediate and brief surrounding way or a tedious and gradual way via walking or tense biking through d--n not-really-rush-hour-traffic.
I'd prefer to be wished the best rather than luck, which sounds too variable to evoke.
[+12:18 pm EST ~]
https://youtu.be/WK9RvNVGcWY?t=132 me about now..
Elymra Duff rom 'Tiny toons' was an unfairly treated character
This one girl from the second elementary school I went to, two ppl who had crushes on me during the final years of elementary, one of my cousins and in all fairness and probability my own sister to some affect -- ._. in the sophomorically sexist past, I've got shameful tracks of looking down upon if not being abrasive and hostile to females who were just trying to authentically be affectionate and caring -- and that's just me listing the ones who were closer to my age bracket.
One of those things pre-diagnosis outlooks, I have to tell myself to not self-loathe myself for.
Even as a toddler, I think I understood how she was meant to be an inversion of Elmer Fudd, with a swap of the hunting impulse for pursuit with unambiguous affectionate towards the anthropomorphic animal characters.
From what I remember it wasn't well received by the other characters since not only was she overwhelmingly physical in that affection to the discomfort and dismay of the other characters but they couldn't always quite do the ~'Looney tunes style' slapstick vindication since she was just plainly oblivious although uniquely well-meaning (unlike say the plainly tactless greedy of 'Montana Max'--mayhaps a parralel to Yosesamite Sam when you think about that name `_`), but a fair amount of time the Tiny Toons did pull it off. Unlike say the ~'What I did over summer (?)' special where Bab's dresses like a ninja and fights off octopus henchmen in order to liberate some orca(s(?)) at a villianous lair, I don't particularly remember laughing my head off when the other resenting characters pulled off their intended vindication but I at least neutrally understood their rationales.
`_` ._. '~' Weird, to fixate on a detail from something so banally slapstick and trivial as Tiny Toons at this point I know but in hindsight that was way unfair, mean-spirited and borderline cringely cruel, not the least since her obliviousness but ceaseless affection makes me think her grip on and expression of empathy was dissimilar b/c of some unintended representation of neurodivergence: maybe something more akin to alleged jovialness of Williams-Beuren syndrome than say autism.
If there is a Tiny Toons reboot in the future, I can imagine something like this being coded into things/hinted at and I personally would welcome that.
"^~^ "=_= I realize that reading into it that way is the sort of thing 'anti-woke ppl' view with disdain.
Emotional realism is what is sought after even in animation, even if it's understood that things are mainly going to be to fantastical and/or stylized to be aesthetically realistic or even 'socially realistic' per se.
__
I remember a video once explaining how 'Elmyra and the Brain' was a little ditch effort to keep 'Pinkie and the Brain' going for a bit longer. From what little I remember watching of it, I definitely didn't mind it and found it fun how 2/3 of those characters were congenial with each other in contrast to the (cartoonishly of course) overly self-serious Brain.
Expectant doings for the 21st:
Wake, bus to same mall as turn of the week to buy charging block,
thrift store Wii games ?,thrift store shirt ?, Discount store wooden spatulas and maybe coat hangers
Bus to gym for ~1+ hr of exercise
Budgeting stuff ?
The bookstore and suburban thrift store can wait. I worry about those few og Wii titles going more than the list opportunity of cool shirts but I remind myself of how cumbersome motion sensor (=_= which I’m still waiting for >:| !) setup can be.
Dollar store still sell stickers (not as much as my heyday imo) but no sticker albums anymore ?. What’s up with that ?.
Nut and seed butter spread for granola and yogurt mix was what I was missing for something I made.
