Suffering
I keep feeling so empty all the time, I'm not enjoying anything.
I tried talking with new friends, it makes me feel more heavy.
The constant weight, and pain on my chest.
The urge to want to cry all the time.
The craving to feel something, which always ends up in falling to my addiction, as it's the only thing that makes me feel something.
I'm just too hurt.
When I thought it wouldn't get worse, something bad happens.
My family arguing and yelling all the time, all hateful to each other.
Each member is an unhealthy presence for me, nobody has love, nor any care as family.
I'm 17 and I already feel like a child in pain.
I'm experiencing pain that I remember feeling in my childhood, nothing got better since that time.
I'm in an endless cycle of people abandoning me, leaving and forgetting about me.
I just had a nightmare again about my last cheating ex, it made me wake up panicking, and breathing heavily.
I used to have a bit of self control over my addiction, now I lost control completely, and it happens whenever it does, I have no control over it at all.
I have no money for therapy, and I'm too unfunctioning as a human being to work, I have no will power, discipline, nothing.
I'm at the bottom of everything.
I did not live any memories in my childhood.
Like parks, friends, the zoo, the ocean, traveling, touring, hanging out, cinemas, nothing.
No childhood, and no adulthood.
I'm lost.
I'm too tired to move a step.
I wish everything can end.
@sensitivePal85266
I really hope things get better for you.
It might help you to make a plan designed to make your life better.
There are probably goals that you should focus on.
You should probably have an idea of what you want your life to be like.
You should probably set goals, such as investing at least 10% of your week doing things that will strengthen your relationships with others.
You want loyalty from people, teach it to them.
You want fiends, your friends should learn to keep coming back, and your friends should want you to be a better person, and your friends should be taught to help you in your goals of being a better person.
@sensitivePal85266 throws you a rope, hold on I'll try pull you out of that hole your inđ nightmares are terrifying, triggering, but it's ok she's not there now it was just a dream, your safe †I've never had any family, but from the stories I read here at cups, I'm kinda glad I never did. I'm sorry yo you ain't got a nice familyđ I'm not sure what addiction you have, they start of as a coping mechanism but in the end it makes things worse, so whatever your addicted to don't let it take over to much. Your life isn't over, it's not worthless, your new chapter is just beginning †don't give up on people, never give up on yourself, gives you a giant tiny hug â€â€ it's all gonna be ok â€
Both cases of having a family, and not having a family, differs for different people.
For some people, having a family makes them happy, encouraging, and gives a cause.
to others, it's a painful liability, like my case.
For other people, not having a family makes them more free, and get the ability to be more independent, and stronger.
While for others, not having a family can be lonely, isolating, and discouraging.
It all aligns with what God chooses for us, and always believe that he knows, and does what's best for each one of us.
Having a family can be a blessing, or a curse.
And the same goes to not having a family, it all depends on your perspective.
Thanks for your comment, it is probably the sweetiest message I've ever received in my life, and it honestly makes me want to see more like this from you, it's oddly calming, and cheerful, I really appreciate it.
@sensitivePal85266 yeah I guess your right, for a few years I dreamt of having parents, aunts, uncles. But then after hearing all people's stories here, it made me realise I'm lucky just on my own. How are you feeling today?? No more nightmares I hope â€
Hey, it's great to see you commenting again.
I did not have nightmares today, and the day was starting to feel normal.
But my family ruined it, as they made fun of some deep insecurities that I've had, which were redlines for me.
It made me feel so hurt, but I stayed silent and ignored them as a result, instead of snapping.
I'm unable to get in contact with any listener here to talk with, I tried talking to 3 this week, 2 ignored me, and one was not so nice to me.
After the breakup event, there were 2 listeners I have chatted with a lot, but they haven't been online for 20+ days, so I had to move on and find others, yet it's not working for me.
Thank you for checking on me again today, it means a lot to me.
I wish you a happy time, and goodluck!
@sensitivePal85266 a good listener can be hard to find, but there are many great ones, so don't give up †I had more luck in the chatrooms, now the forums. I'm sorry they ruined your day, words can really hurtđ„ but you just put them to shame with not snapping, so well done â€â€
Thank you thank you
For the family matter, it doesn't stop, they are at it again, and I don't think it will end soon this month
I will keep searching for a listener in the mean time. And also I have been looking for a friend in these friend making group servers.
I got hurt at times, but that will not stop me from searching.
Thanks for being here and checking on me, it makes me feel less lonely.
Hey @sensitivePal85266 it's ok. I get it. Many people say that but seriously, I have literally the same problem as you except I'm not a legal adult so I'm still stuck with them.
I don't know whether I want to leave or stay.
Can't tell which is worse.
But I can tell you that to help, you can't say you want to set goals. That's a large step and not too encouraging.Â
Take small steps. Say, every time I tidy my apartment, I take a day off from everything.
Every time I'm falling into the addiction, but I fight it- even for a minute then I fall, I still tried- reward myself.
The reward can be anything, for anything.Â
Don't feel like getting up in the morning, it's too much effort, too big a task, but you try anyway? Doesn't matter whether you fail in trying, as long as you tried.Â
Reward yourself, pride yourself on the smallest of things. Every breath you take, every step you walk, is an achievement. Be proud of it, and eventually, your steps will grow, your life will be more fun, you will feel better;Â
People who help you on the way, spend time with them if you want, if you can.
You have to try, for your sake. I'm rooting for you, and I know you deserve the damn universe. (Not world its a lil too polluted)
Your last statement made me chuckle.
Surely, the world is too polluted.
But if I deserve the world, then you deserve the entire galaxy
Thank you for your vibe, and your advice, I appreciate it.
Sending hugs to you
@sensitivePal85266 Hey buddy. I am so sorry you're going through this. It must be very overwhelming and exhausting to feel like this every day, stuck in so much pain with so little energy to even move a step. You've been through- and are going through- so much, it's no wonder it feels too heavy to carry. đ«
I get how it might feel like thereâs no way forward right now. Itâs okay to take things one tiny step at a time. Even the smallest things, like taking a moment to breathe, or reaching out like you just did, can make a difference. đ„ïž
I really wish you had people around you who you could trust and lean on, people who could give you the care and support you deserve. I know it will not take away the hurt, but I am sending you warm vibes, hoping they will reach your soul, even for a bit, and make you feel less alone.đ€
Thank you, I appreciate your beautiful message.
Sending hugs to you
@sensitivePal85266
Im 15 and I completely get you i just got on this site and it's so crazy to me that your post is the first one I saw because that's exactly what I'm going through and that's why im on here, my family life, my school life, and my social life is frustrating me and causing me to lose my mind and basically all of that is causing me to fall into unhealthy habits and addictions.
Much miles away, yet bound by similar pain.
It took me too much strength to get in here, and I'm 17.
You're much braver than me, to reach out at such a younger age.
You're strong, even if you don't feel it my friend.
Let's try again together, to stand up and do our best to be stronger, and kinder.
I'm cheering for you, as much as you're cheering for me.
Thanks for leaving a comment here, I appreciate it.
@sensitivePal85266 I'm sorry Your going through though times thing isn't not what it seems I'm here for u you need to talk too remember your not alone.
@sensitivePal85266 and some people dont get us they are too much
@sensitivePal85266 i know how you feel. iâm going through something similar, and trust me, it will get better. you have the ability to do amazing things, and you are SO brave for telling people about this, even if theyâre random people on the internet. you are a phenomenal person, i can guarantee that. youâre not alone, even though it might feel like you are. you can get through this. believe me. i believe in you, we all do. now, drink some water and go grab something to eat, if you havenât already. youâve got this. đ
Thank you, and good luck you too.
Sending hugs to you
Read the Bible, God loves you and cares about your problems. Focus on yourself. Think about yourself first then think about others so that the love you give yourself you can give to others. God knows why he is telling everyone what he says in the Bible. God is wise and loves you.
I appreciate the advice, but I'm a Muslim though.
I guess one of the reasons that I'm like this is because I'm not close to God.
It's a simple matter, yet the hardest to do.
Keeping our faith in God despite of everything.
It's such a difficult thing.
@sensitivePal85266 oh my actual heck, i didn't know you were Muslim
I am too, you know when i first on this I mentioned that in a chat (with understandable context i didn't say it randomly) and 3 other people dissed me said thats not important though they'd just been talking about their religion
It put me off so i didn't mention anywhere again but now i kinda feel obliged, also the fact that you're not close I relate to it so much, at some point to deal with stress i started smoking, after a little over a year I stopped because I felt bad but it's still really hard. Like I know that during hard times I'm meant to turn to God the most but I just don't know how? I guess?
Anyway um I'm really sorry if I made you feel awkward or anything, I'll just resign from life.
@sensitivePal85266 oh my actual heck, i didn't know you were Muslim
I am too, you know when i first on this I mentioned that in a chat (with understandable context i didn't say it randomly) and 3 other people dissed me said thats not important though they'd just been talking about their religion
It put me off so i didn't mention anywhere again but now i kinda feel obliged, also the fact that you're not close I relate to it so much, at some point to deal with stress i started smoking, after a little over a year I stopped because I felt bad but it's still really hard. Like I know that during hard times I'm meant to turn to God the most but I just don't know how? I guess?
Anyway um I'm really sorry if I made you feel awkward or anything, I'll just resign from life.
Your post reads very poetic. No childhood and no adulthood. How deep and thoughtful. You describe an addiction. An addiction to cry or feelings or an addiction to a substance? I'm sure it's painful to be surrounded by people who are becoming forgetful of you and driven to argue with each other. It sounds as though your pain is manifesting in dreams. You're 17. Maybe one day your life will transform and your experiences will become a strength in a way.
Good luck on your journey.
Not sure if I'd call it a journey, as I never feel like I'm making any progress, and just stuck in the same spot.
Thank you though, I wish you good luck on your journey too.