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sensitivePal85266
1 5,514 M Moving Along
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts409 Forum posts52 Forum upvotes318 Current upvotes318 Age GroupTeen Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceNovember 4, 2024
Bio


Hi, I’m Fahd, a teen trying to find my way through a life that often feels overwhelming. I’ve been through heartbreak, betrayal, abandonment from many I trusted, the suffocating weight of loneliness, and neglection from abusive parents, in a very negative environment.

On top of that, I’ve battled an addiction that’s left me feeling trapped and ashamed, yet I suffer a lot to stop it, and fail while trying.


I’m here because I want to heal, to break free from my struggles, and to find peace within myself.

It’s not easy.


I still have days where everything feels like too much but I’m trying to take things one step at a time.


If you’ve ever felt lost or like no one understands what you’re going through, know that you’re not alone. I’m here on this journey too, and I believe we can all find hope and strength together.


I wish to make friends that share mutual support, someone I check on, and checks on me everyday.



Recent forum posts
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Need help.. destructive relationship..
Relationship Stress / by sensitivePal85266
Last post
 January 13th
...See more So. I was in a relationship with a girl for like 4 months, and it was kinda messy. She's a very mentally weak person in general. She's 16, and I'm close to 18 now. She's from Germany, I'm from Egypt. On our last 2 weeks, we had a lot of arguments, because she was not able to keep her promises and like let me help her and help to keep the relationship. I was trying to help her, but she didn't want to help herself, and she pushed me away badly. By cheating on me with another guy. I discovered it, listened to her explanation, and she refused to breakup with him. So I snapped at her and told her extremely mean stuff, and that made her attempt to overdose, or to kill herself and stuff. So she cheated, and I almost killed her mentally, then I blocked her immediately. After that, it has been like 2 months, and I found a male friend who's from the same country as her, and had him like make a teasing prank on her In her dm And the friend said that I should clear things out with her instead of like bullying her online, and I agreed. Obviously, we kinda argued at the beginning, as both of us were really overwhelmed. I even cried a lot to myself during that. Then something unexpected happened After clearing a lot of misunderstandings about stuff (except for the cheating) And the fact that I almost had her kill herself, I guess it meant that we both are equal at making mistakes So I asked her if we should take a second chance She agreed, and she broke up with the guy, because I guess he was rude to her daily, and he wasn't good We are on like the 6th day of our reunion now, in the relationship And things have went horrible horrible She kept making mistakes, that I warned her on, because they were a trauma for me. So I pointed them out to her in a caring way But it happened a couple of times And that overwhelmed her badly, and she has no will nor strength to take accountability, she's sensitive to every little thing. Her brain is pure chaos She wants to kill herself, and the communication we had was the worst thing ever, she says that she hates herself, but at the same time she never blames herself when she makes a mistake. I offered to help her, she accepted, but now she pushes me away again I got deeply hurt because of her for a while day, with continuous cries. She says that this is the new her Talking to me in way that hurts A few hour ago she threatened to block me, so I blocked her And she came back wanting to clear things out, from a random group I haven't left She had a confusing talk, that she wants me to be a friend untill she heals And at the same time, when I say something about leaving her, she says "Go ahead, do it" Her mind is in chaos, and I'm dying from the inside because I don't know what to do anymore And now I came here seeking help. I'm overwhelmed My heart is breaking Just like that day she cheated on me on She keeps hurting me, and says that she doesn't wanna hurt me at the same time "I don't wanna be your girlfriend untill I heal" And then proceeds to hurt me again She hates herself deeply She made false promises about trying to be a good partner, or atleast try to not destroy everything again I even made a plan that she agreed on To discuss the things she don't want my help on, and other things that she would accept my help on We literally had fun preparing that yesterday So that she doesn't feel forced when I try to help her, so I have her take her own choice on what she accepts to be helped on It was going perfectl And now everything is crushed No matter how hard I try, she never looks at the good side of things Assuming the worst after everything last night, she called me a manipulator out of nowhere Because I apologized for talking about my issues to her I know that I can just leave her and save myself But she's suicidal She already tried it before By overdose Nobody in my family can help or support me They are not supportive My environment is not healthy, or encouraging I don't have friends Her biological father did something bad to her in her childhood, and now her step father abuses her Her little brother turned against her, and her mom has anger issues I don't blame her for being like this, but I don't deserve this pain She wanted to breakup, but the issue isn't me, she is the whole issue. I try to listen, and think that this time she will actually accept my help as she promised, but no. I managed to send her a number for suicide lines, but I doubt she will actually call it, or chat. I'm so overwhelmed by everything. I wanna see her happy, I don't want to let go of her, if she gets in another relationship, she will suffer worse than this. Especially from guys who would probably target her, she's in a non religious area, so it's less likely to have people who don't fear God in hurting others. I need any help.. please...
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Looking for a constant listener.
Newbie Hub / by sensitivePal85266
Last post
 December 8th, 2024
...See more I'm still trying to find a listener for like a month now, I keep getting ignored, and ghosted. (Currantly 4 in a row, the ones who accepted the chat request, and then ghosted me on my very first message I send them) I need mutual support from someone, don't have to be long convos, I just need a human to check on me. I feel so lonely, and unheard. This is off the topic, but I still can't find any friends, I keep getting blocked.(On other sites) I wish you a good day.
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Unworthy of being a father?
Depression Support / by sensitivePal85266
Last post
 December 7th, 2024
...See more I know that this seems like a very "Teeny" thing to say for a teen like me. And that some will say that it's too early to say such things, but I will say it anyways, it's been weighting on me. The whole topic of marriage, raising kids, and the future generation have been a peak interest to me for years. I've dreamed about having a daughter, specifically named Layla (I just adore the name for no reason) So I found myself indulging in various types of content including raising kids, how to be a father, what it takes for marriage, and all that for quite years. I even came up with that topic on my weekly English speaking class in my school, when the teacher let us choose any topic we like. I'm a traumatized teen, with quite the cruel past due to my parents. Long story short, but they are incompatible, they argued ever since they got together untill now, and me and my siblings were their victim. All 3 of us siblings have really deep unhealed traumas. My father is the typical abusive father. He doesn't have strength to physically abuse now, but he used to hit my brother and my sister. He is currently a lost cause, no value as a human being other than bringing food (Even the food is always from his choice, he gets us what he likes, not what the family wants) My mom obviously turned into this pile of broken glass, as she endured too much for us, and then she turned into a negative person. So basically, I'm a child of a very negative environment, not a single person in my family is normal. Even my relatives, from both parents's families. Nobody is normal. Even my first cousin who got raised really well, in a very positive productive way. He's in an even worse spot than me now. Those who were normal, turned abnormal due to the environment. Back to my main point, being a father in this generation. It's confirmed that it's a liability. A pile of responsibility that will mostly not pay you back the efforts you will put in, and it's a sin when you totally neglect it after the children are born. Realizing that made me understand why many people choose to stay single their whole life. Some religions say that it's just a good deal with God. And a terrible worldly deal to have. But the biggest issue that led me to the title of this post, is how 90% of parents get married when they don't deserve it. Why have children you don't raise? Why put yourself in a responsibility you won't endure? Why?? If you don't want to raise, then don't have kids. Or excuse me, just wear a condo_ Not just many, but most people are not strong enough for this responsibility. I pass by a kindergarten everyday to school, I literally saw the look in these kids eyes... They are broken... On a very very early stage of life... People usually felt depressed on their adult years, and maybe their late teen years. Now kids are born depressed.. The only angels that brings happiness next to animals and nature.. Are broken.. And the funny part is that even though I have learnt so much about raising kids I still don't feel like I deserve it you know? It is not easy it is really not easy no matter how much you learn about it, you will still make mistakes when you raise your kid. So imagine the people who did not learn anything about it It's insane for me how you can decide to have a kid and you don't even like know the basics of raising and then you just throw a phone at them on iPad and then just escape it. Which are the worst possible things you can give to children too. Technology is an all in one package to destory a human being who is starting to learn how to be human. Children need 2 parents. It is in our system to crave the nature of the father and the mother. The logic, strength, the courage, the ability to take risks from the father. The kindness, the humility, the knowledge, and the pureness of the heart from the mother. Children needs both. All I see are parents that are not strong enough to raise, so the children comes out broken, weak, unprepared for the real world, and cause chaos. We are at a point where even if you raised your kids properly he will still be corrupted because 90% of the kids in their school are brainwashed, and traumatized. Brain rotted introverts who are always on their phones, talking about useless topics, dating, and meaninglessness. How can I be a father in this generation? And it's getting worse, like it doesn't get better with more generations and this is especially is the worst time ever because of how quick technology is I have always wanted a daughter, but it seems like a false dream. If strong people who learn about raising, are suffering to raise because of the world, then how would I be ablr to? I'm a weak person, and I'm not getting stronger with age. How come someone like me, who learns about kids, be too weak that I'm not worthy of taking the responsibility, and then you find people who don't know a single thing about kids, have tons of them? It's too unfair. I say to myself that I give up on wanting a daughter, yet I can't help but feel pain whenever I see little girls. Logically, it's not a beneficial dream to achieve. And failing at it will resort in creating more victims, so why follow it? It's a double ended road that leads to the same thing. Both are painful. But atleast not having it won't harm any more innocents. It's probably the worst "Real world" cruelty that I have learned, after the psychology of the human natures. It saddens me.
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Suffering
General Support / by sensitivePal85266
Last post
 December 8th, 2024
...See more I keep feeling so empty all the time, I'm not enjoying anything. I tried talking with new friends, it makes me feel more heavy. The constant weight, and pain on my chest. The urge to want to cry all the time. The craving to feel something, which always ends up in falling to my addiction, as it's the only thing that makes me feel something. I'm just too hurt. When I thought it wouldn't get worse, something bad happens. My family arguing and yelling all the time, all hateful to each other. Each member is an unhealthy presence for me, nobody has love, nor any care as family. I'm 17 and I already feel like a child in pain. I'm experiencing pain that I remember feeling in my childhood, nothing got better since that time. I'm in an endless cycle of people abandoning me, leaving and forgetting about me. I just had a nightmare again about my last cheating ex, it made me wake up panicking, and breathing heavily. I used to have a bit of self control over my addiction, now I lost control completely, and it happens whenever it does, I have no control over it at all. I have no money for therapy, and I'm too unfunctioning as a human being to work, I have no will power, discipline, nothing. I'm at the bottom of everything. I did not live any memories in my childhood. Like parks, friends, the zoo, the ocean, traveling, touring, hanging out, cinemas, nothing. No childhood, and no adulthood. I'm lost. I'm too tired to move a step. I wish everything can end.
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Looking for constant listener for teens
General Support / by sensitivePal85266
Last post
 November 26th, 2024
...See more I've been trying to get in a contact with listeners this week, but I'm unable to. Most are either busy, or already having appointments with other members. The 2 listeners I have talked with since my beginning here which had one of them helping me after my breakup, have stopped appearing on the app, they don't go online anymore, I haven't got in contact with them in like 2 weeks or more. I tried to find more, but it failed. and I don't know what to do, I don't want to make anyone feel forced to it, so I'm hesitating to request again by myself. I'm still suffering from the same thing and also some more painful stuff, I have spoke about in my other forum post. I like getting advices, and I need motivation for myself. Someone I can share a fair conversation with, I do yap a lot in general, but I like it more when someone yaps to me, as my yapping starts to feel draining from how much I gave, which I never got back in return. Thank you in advance.
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