Suffering

I keep feeling so empty all the time, I'm not enjoying anything.

I tried talking with new friends, it makes me feel more heavy.

The constant weight, and pain on my chest.

The urge to want to cry all the time.

The craving to feel something, which always ends up in falling to my addiction, as it's the only thing that makes me feel something.

I'm just too hurt.

When I thought it wouldn't get worse, something bad happens.

My family arguing and yelling all the time, all hateful to each other.

Each member is an unhealthy presence for me, nobody has love, nor any care as family.

I'm 17 and I already feel like a child in pain.

I'm experiencing pain that I remember feeling in my childhood, nothing got better since that time.

I'm in an endless cycle of people abandoning me, leaving and forgetting about me.

I just had a nightmare again about my last cheating ex, it made me wake up panicking, and breathing heavily.

I used to have a bit of self control over my addiction, now I lost control completely, and it happens whenever it does, I have no control over it at all.

I have no money for therapy, and I'm too unfunctioning as a human being to work, I have no will power, discipline, nothing.

I'm at the bottom of everything.

I did not live any memories in my childhood.

Like parks, friends, the zoo, the ocean, traveling, touring, hanging out, cinemas, nothing.

No childhood, and no adulthood.

I'm lost.

I'm too tired to move a step.

I wish everything can end.