Suffering
I keep feeling so empty all the time, I'm not enjoying anything.
I tried talking with new friends, it makes me feel more heavy.
The constant weight, and pain on my chest.
The urge to want to cry all the time.
The craving to feel something, which always ends up in falling to my addiction, as it's the only thing that makes me feel something.
I'm just too hurt.
When I thought it wouldn't get worse, something bad happens.
My family arguing and yelling all the time, all hateful to each other.
Each member is an unhealthy presence for me, nobody has love, nor any care as family.
I'm 17 and I already feel like a child in pain.
I'm experiencing pain that I remember feeling in my childhood, nothing got better since that time.
I'm in an endless cycle of people abandoning me, leaving and forgetting about me.
I just had a nightmare again about my last cheating ex, it made me wake up panicking, and breathing heavily.
I used to have a bit of self control over my addiction, now I lost control completely, and it happens whenever it does, I have no control over it at all.
I have no money for therapy, and I'm too unfunctioning as a human being to work, I have no will power, discipline, nothing.
I'm at the bottom of everything.
I did not live any memories in my childhood.
Like parks, friends, the zoo, the ocean, traveling, touring, hanging out, cinemas, nothing.
No childhood, and no adulthood.
I'm lost.
I'm too tired to move a step.
I wish everything can end.
@sensitivePal85266
I really hope things get better for you.
It might help you to make a plan designed to make your life better.
There are probably goals that you should focus on.
You should probably have an idea of what you want your life to be like.
You should probably set goals, such as investing at least 10% of your week doing things that will strengthen your relationships with others.
You want loyalty from people, teach it to them.
You want fiends, your friends should learn to keep coming back, and your friends should want you to be a better person, and your friends should be taught to help you in your goals of being a better person.
@sensitivePal85266 throws you a rope, hold on I'll try pull you out of that hole your in🙂 nightmares are terrifying, triggering, but it's ok she's not there now it was just a dream, your safe ❤ I've never had any family, but from the stories I read here at cups, I'm kinda glad I never did. I'm sorry yo you ain't got a nice family🙁 I'm not sure what addiction you have, they start of as a coping mechanism but in the end it makes things worse, so whatever your addicted to don't let it take over to much. Your life isn't over, it's not worthless, your new chapter is just beginning ❤ don't give up on people, never give up on yourself, gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ it's all gonna be ok ❤
Both cases of having a family, and not having a family, differs for different people.
For some people, having a family makes them happy, encouraging, and gives a cause.
to others, it's a painful liability, like my case.
For other people, not having a family makes them more free, and get the ability to be more independent, and stronger.
While for others, not having a family can be lonely, isolating, and discouraging.
It all aligns with what God chooses for us, and always believe that he knows, and does what's best for each one of us.
Having a family can be a blessing, or a curse.
And the same goes to not having a family, it all depends on your perspective.
Thanks for your comment, it is probably the sweetiest message I've ever received in my life, and it honestly makes me want to see more like this from you, it's oddly calming, and cheerful, I really appreciate it.
@sensitivePal85266 yeah I guess your right, for a few years I dreamt of having parents, aunts, uncles. But then after hearing all people's stories here, it made me realise I'm lucky just on my own. How are you feeling today?? No more nightmares I hope ❤
Hey @sensitivePal85266 it's ok. I get it. Many people say that but seriously, I have literally the same problem as you except I'm not a legal adult so I'm still stuck with them.
I don't know whether I want to leave or stay.
Can't tell which is worse.
But I can tell you that to help, you can't say you want to set goals. That's a large step and not too encouraging.
Take small steps. Say, every time I tidy my apartment, I take a day off from everything.
Every time I'm falling into the addiction, but I fight it- even for a minute then I fall, I still tried- reward myself.
The reward can be anything, for anything.
Don't feel like getting up in the morning, it's too much effort, too big a task, but you try anyway? Doesn't matter whether you fail in trying, as long as you tried.
Reward yourself, pride yourself on the smallest of things. Every breath you take, every step you walk, is an achievement. Be proud of it, and eventually, your steps will grow, your life will be more fun, you will feel better;
People who help you on the way, spend time with them if you want, if you can.
You have to try, for your sake. I'm rooting for you, and I know you deserve the damn universe. (Not world its a lil too polluted)