I'm so hopeless, I don't know what to do
Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well, anyone reading this. It's my first post here so I'm a little anxious.
I would like to share a little of how I feel.
I won't share much of my personal information, but I am a girl. I'm in my second semester of college, and so far I'm doing very well.
The thing is, about 5 years ago I started to develop low self-esteem. But it's something I was able to control. But over time, everything got worse. I looked for support from my friends and other people and those things.
Everything was going well. But about 4-5 months ago I started to suffer from something similar to anhedonia. My life has always been one of constant stress because of the fear of disappointing my parents with my grades. I developed gastritis at an early age.Well, getting back to the topic of my supposed anhedonia, I feel weird. I'm being honest. I feel bad and very weird.Before, (I mean about a year),I was a very compassionate and emotional person. I spent a lot of time playing my favorite video games and characters, enjoying my hobbies and spending time with my friends. A lot.I have always been a good student, daughter, and daugther. I was passionate about mysterious things and magical, medieval vibes.I had a talent. Yes, I did. I loved drawing since I was little. I have an art account on ***, but I haven't posted anything there for a month.I feel hopeless. For a couple of years now I guess I really was suffering from depression.
Nothing matters to me. I stopped talking to many friends. I have a void in my chest. I can't cry the way I'd like to. I've never been completely happy for long in my life. I'm always going from here to there. I've always felt like I'm weird. I'm not happy with myself. The last few months have been about getting through my day to day life.
I have a music playlist. I loved that music and it made me feel things and feel good, wanting to fight for my passions.
But now I don't feel anything. I listen to them and I don't feel anything. I've been looking into this a lot and I think it's "emotional burnout".
But I'm not interested. I don't want to go outside.
I miss how I used to feel. With my tastes and my passions and the things I loved.
I used to have a lot of projects with my art and stuff like that.
I've tried to convince myself that I'm supposed to grow up.
But adults are also happy and feel things, right?
I guess I've ruined my life with my pessimism. I'll never feel anything again, I think.All my pleasures for which I fought three years are not worth it.I have been looking for new interests in case you are wondering. Yes, this year I discovered a sport that I love and that did not affect my other interests. But now I no longer feel that spark when I watch my favorite sports.
I can't really talk to my parents for help right now because they are in a difficult situation with their jobs. And I can't get a therapist at the moment...
I miss my video games, talking to my friends, enjoying my art and my favorite characters.I miss my emotions.
I miss being sentimental.. I miss everything. And I blame myself every day.. it's hard to cope with all this.. for all these years.. All these four years of holding on and thinking that the next day will be better. All those nights I cried because I wished I wasn't here.All these years doubting everything.
I've been miserable.I'm the oldest sister, so I don't want my little brother to go through what I've been going through. My chest hurts. I feel lost. I feel bad.I don't care about myself. I miss everything.
That's all.I don't feel well enough to give more details. I'm sorry if you read all this and thank you for reading it. Thank you for your patience and your valuable time.I would appreciate if anyone could leave a comment if they could. Just wanted to share this. Thanks
and have a nice day.
@Zae1 As I turn the pages of life, sometimes words emerge that uncover the stories hidden deep inside me. These are the stories that are not shared with anyone, nor do they find their way to my lips. But inside, in some corner of my heart, these stories shout, cry out, and demand answers.
Hello @merlin007
Thank you for sharing your words... they seem like they were taken from a book.(In a good way)
I'm so sorry you feel that way. You don't deserve it.
But I'm still glad you took the time to write all this.
I don't feel like myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm okay. I feel normal. But sometimes I cry because of the way all this happened.
I don't know if my emotions are here still or not. Everything started to decline without me being aware of it.I've always been weird.I don't even have faith in my religion anymore.I don't know what I have. I just feel fine and normal sometimes.It doesn't mean I'm hiding my emotions, if I can't even feel them...
Although I know that at the beginning of this year I was much better and I was happy and I was in the best stage of my life, feeling my emotions and an incredible compassion for things, in my "inner world"just like you said.
Your reflection on life and yourself is very nice to read. Thank you for sharing it
And thanks in advance again for writing. I hope you have a good month and weekend. Take care, okay?
@Zae1 As I turn the pages of life, sometimes words emerge that uncover the stories hidden deep inside me. These are the stories that are not shared with anyone, nor do they find their way to my lips. But inside, in some corner of my heart, these stories shout, cry out, and demand answers.
@Zae
jesus christ i was thinking of posting something but you've already posted exactly what i was going to post anyways. exact same situation (except i'm out of college) and problems. all i've got is this:
1. stay away from drugs, alcohol, and knives. just make sure to keep yourself physically safe and well first. drink water, sleep, get sunlight.
2. stay out of bed and off the mindless screen use. go be in places with other people.
3. use other people to get you out of your own head. make art gifts for people. collaborate art with others. make others stick to a weekly videogame playing schedule with you. etc. have others kick your *** into doing the things you used to like and bond with them in the process.
4. if you can't help yourself, help others. volunteer, do chores and errands. send texts asking about others. take care of a plant.
that was probably all stupid and you've heard it all before. i'd like to say that we're not screwed, but my parents just found dried blood from my last self harm session and now my mom is drinking the evening away and not talking to me. life is ***. let us hope it gets better for everyone.
Hello @determinedSea4370
Thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry you feel that way.
Don't worry. I don't take drugs or alcohol
I've never done it.
And I don't want to
I know. I know I need to go out and clear my head and distract myself. But I'm only focused on my studies
I just don't want to do those things like before anymore...
I don't want to do art anymore...
How are you? I hope you are well.
I don't have much to say and I don't know what to say, so just, thank you. Have a nice day.☺️
@Zae1 You ABSOLUTELY don’t need to apologize. I’m 55 and have traveled your path (major self pressure <pre-med hopes>, massive meltdown at a family event, long talk with parents and LOTS of tears <major & life direction change Sophomore year>). The very short answer is one none of us like hearing… Time heals a LOT and you’re gonna make it. I did and never believed it when people told me that. You sound amazing. And you’re clearly mature enough to seek help so good for you!
Hello @Maverick1969 ☺️
Thanks for sharing and commenting here. It's nice to see someone speaking from experience.
But I'm so sorry you had to go through all that..
Right now I feel like I'm fine.. I'm stable and healthy. But I can't stop thinking that I was better before.. I feel like everything I said is a blur.I wonder if everything I put in that post is real? Did I really feel/felt that?
I hope you are well. I wish you a good weekend and thanks for talking.
@Zae1 Hey my new young friend. Absolutely!! I barely remember what I said. I just know I was so upset and crying so hard that my Aunt & Uncle both were crying with me.
I’m glad you’re feeling better now. Have you had a chance to talk with your folks yet? Carrying that weight of high expectations is ROUGH.
I’m a Dad now and I watched a movie that made me feel like a fail Dad. See… it’s that old stuff coming back at me making me feel less then. But the truth is every parent wants their kids to be happy. And that comes first above all else. We end up putting that extra pressure on ourselves, not really our parents. We just don’t want to disappoint them or people in general and feel miserable when we don’t think we’re living up to our potential. Sound familiar?
I have a strong feeling that if you just be you, you’re pretty incredible and you’ll make people the most happy by BEING happy yourself. Everything else will fall into place because you’re IN a good place ya know?
Thanks for your kind words also. I’m feeling better also already!
Keep being awesome
Mav
Hello @Maverick1969
How are you today?
Thanks for writing again. I don't really know if I'm okay or not. I'm just normal and neutral. I've been like this for five months...
I have spoken to two close friends of mine.
I'm so sorry you felt that way😿
That's what I've tried. I've been "trying to be me" but I feel like the real "me" was the one who was happy a year ago drawing and listening to music and enjoying the medieval stuff I read.
But now that hardly interests me...
I know, but I still want the best for my parents.
Thanks again for writing and taking the time here. Take care of yourself.
How fortunate for you to feel this way at a toung age it could happen when your older it means your more mature
Hello @brightPomegranate5434
How are you?
Thanks for commenting.
Oh, really?
Well, thanks for your point of view. I haven't thought about that.
take care of yourself ð¥°
Hello my wonderful friend Zae I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Take care always.
Hello @wjglory 😺
Thank you. I hope you have a good weekend, take care of yourself then. Thank you for keeping an eye on me
@Zae1 Always my friend have a great day always take care :)
@Zae1 Thank you for opening up and sharing all of this. It’s clear that you’re carrying a heavy burden, and I want to acknowledge how strong you are for putting these feelings into words. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, taking the step to express yourself is brave and meaningful.
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and the weight of trying to hold everything together for years, while feeling like you’ve lost the spark that used to bring you joy, is understandably overwhelming. That void you feel, the longing for emotions you can’t quite reach anymore, and the pressure to be strong for others, it’s a lot to bear.
Your feelings of hopelessness and disconnection are real, but they don’t define who you are. You’re someone who cares deeply, who has talents, passions, and an inner strength even if it feels hidden right now.
I can’t claim to have all the answers, but I wrote a book called "The Silence" that explores feelings of emptiness, self-blame, and emotional numbness. It’s not a professional self-help guide, but rather a personal account of struggles and the small, imperfect steps I took to find meaning again. It includes stories, methods, and perspectives that helped me reconnect with myself, and it’s something I created with people like you in mind those who feel lost and just want to feel understood.
If you’re interested, you can find it here: The Silence. It’s not expensive, as my goal is simply to share my journey and hopefully help others find their way, too.
Please know that even when things feel unbearably heavy, you are not alone. The emotions you’re missing may feel out of reach now, but they aren’t gone forever. You deserve kindness, understanding, and time to heal.
Hello @soulstrenght
Thank you for taking the time to write your message.
The truth is yes, but sometimes it feels like a "no". I don't know what I have, but I think I'm fine.
I've been getting used to it already.. Things change sometimes
Do I have to pay or something to read your book?😿
I'm glad you were able to write something. It's like a legacy from you. It's good that you want to help other people.
Thank you again, ans take care 🫂
@Zae1 Hello @Zae1,
Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot that my message resonated with you. Writing The Silence was my way of turning my experiences into something that could potentially help others feel less alone in their struggles.
To answer your question is yes, the book is available for purchase, but let me explain why. I’m not a professional writer or therapist. This book is simply a collection of my personal experiences, lessons learned, and strategies that helped me cope. It took time, effort, and a lot of vulnerability to put it together, and the small price reflects that effort while also allowing me to keep creating and sharing content like this.
It’s a way to support both you as the reader and me as the writer. I wanted to make it affordable so that it’s accessible to as many people as possible while still valuing the time and work I put into it.
Take care, and thank you again for your kind message. You’re stronger than you realize, and I’m rooting for you!
@Zae1. i can fell you , hope things will get easy on you
Thank you @mem009
I hope you are well. Take care.🫂🥰
Zae I wanted to check in on my friend and make sure she is ok. Hope the week is going well for you its been a busy one for me.
Hello @wjglory
How are you?
Thank you for your patience and your chek on me. I'm still the same, living the normal day, but I'm not "better". I just don't care about some things and I just think I'm fine. I'm already finishing my second semester of college, so I'm helping my mom at home 😞🥰
Take care of yourself
@Zae1
Hello! It’s been a month now and I hope you are at least feeling a little better. I understand your struggles all too well. I can’t give you any advice to be 100% better since I can’t even help myself. However, I hope this can help at least a little bit. So, losing interests in everything, starting to isolate yourself can feel horrible at times, but it also gives way to new opportunities and beginnings. Try to learn about yourself a little more, find new interests. It doesn’t matter if you can’t find anything that you like, as long as you are doing different activities and things, I can confidently say that you won’t feel as empty. Even the things that you think you won’t like, go give it a try. This might sound like a hassle but I am currently going through this phase and continuously learning and doing new things helped me feel human. I definitely am not mentally stable but I am still fighting because of the hope of finding myself. Maybe that’s something you can try. Try to find yourself, not your old self, but rediscover who you are. Sorry if this isn’t useful to you. And hope you have a great adventure in life ahead. 💕
Hello @JanusPi
Thank you for taking the time to write all those beautiful words.
To be honest, I don't know how I am. I'm just living to live and distract myself.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. But it's good to see that you have faith. That means you're strong.
You're probably right. But I don't have a head for anything. I'm just focused on surviving. I'm just neutral.
Thank you for your kind words, and don't worry. Almost nothing has changed since I posted this message...
I hope you are well soon and take care of yourself. I also hope that life goes well for you.
I send you a hug🫂❤️
@Zae1
That’s fair. Something additional I want to add is that I’m 19 and if I can continue fighting, I believe you can too. We are still young, no need to rush. Don’t think of yourself as “just surviving” or “just living”, think of it as going with the flow of life. Sounds weird but that’s my mentality. Just let everything come to you, so don’t worry so much yeah. Everything will get better.