I'm so hopeless, I don't know what to do
Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well, anyone reading this. It's my first post here so I'm a little anxious.
I would like to share a little of how I feel.
I won't share much of my personal information, but I am a girl. I'm in my second semester of college, and so far I'm doing very well.
The thing is, about 5 years ago I started to develop low self-esteem. But it's something I was able to control. But over time, everything got worse. I looked for support from my friends and other people and those things.
Everything was going well. But about 4-5 months ago I started to suffer from something similar to anhedonia. My life has always been one of constant stress because of the fear of disappointing my parents with my grades. I developed gastritis at an early age.Well, getting back to the topic of my supposed anhedonia, I feel weird. I'm being honest. I feel bad and very weird.Before, (I mean about a year),I was a very compassionate and emotional person. I spent a lot of time playing my favorite video games and characters, enjoying my hobbies and spending time with my friends. A lot.I have always been a good student, daughter, and daugther. I was passionate about mysterious things and magical, medieval vibes.I had a talent. Yes, I did. I loved drawing since I was little. I have an art account on ***, but I haven't posted anything there for a month.I feel hopeless. For a couple of years now I guess I really was suffering from depression.
Nothing matters to me. I stopped talking to many friends. I have a void in my chest. I can't cry the way I'd like to. I've never been completely happy for long in my life. I'm always going from here to there. I've always felt like I'm weird. I'm not happy with myself. The last few months have been about getting through my day to day life.
I have a music playlist. I loved that music and it made me feel things and feel good, wanting to fight for my passions.
But now I don't feel anything. I listen to them and I don't feel anything. I've been looking into this a lot and I think it's "emotional burnout".
But I'm not interested. I don't want to go outside.
I miss how I used to feel. With my tastes and my passions and the things I loved.
I used to have a lot of projects with my art and stuff like that.
I've tried to convince myself that I'm supposed to grow up.
But adults are also happy and feel things, right?
I guess I've ruined my life with my pessimism. I'll never feel anything again, I think.All my pleasures for which I fought three years are not worth it.I have been looking for new interests in case you are wondering. Yes, this year I discovered a sport that I love and that did not affect my other interests. But now I no longer feel that spark when I watch my favorite sports.
I can't really talk to my parents for help right now because they are in a difficult situation with their jobs. And I can't get a therapist at the moment...
I miss my video games, talking to my friends, enjoying my art and my favorite characters.I miss my emotions.
I miss being sentimental.. I miss everything. And I blame myself every day.. it's hard to cope with all this.. for all these years.. All these four years of holding on and thinking that the next day will be better. All those nights I cried because I wished I wasn't here.All these years doubting everything.
I've been miserable.I'm the oldest sister, so I don't want my little brother to go through what I've been going through. My chest hurts. I feel lost. I feel bad.I don't care about myself. I miss everything.
That's all.I don't feel well enough to give more details. I'm sorry if you read all this and thank you for reading it. Thank you for your patience and your valuable time.I would appreciate if anyone could leave a comment if they could. Just wanted to share this. Thanks
and have a nice day.
Hey
I can relate to your struggles , I've been there .
I used to feel vibrant , passionate , curious and suddenly I lost it all ... or so I thought.
What you describe are symptoms of depression , this is why you have this anhedonia , this emptiness inside .
It's not that you cannot feel anymore , but as you mentioned it is more like an emotional burn out.
We usually consider negative feelings negative although they are not
Your body and mind are sending you signals , you should listen to them
Maybe you have been an overachiever so that you can feel good about yourself
Maybe you evaluate your intrinsic value with extrinsic factors and your body said : " enough ! "
Maybe your reached your limit and the time has come to reconsider what self worth is .
Be patient with yourself , don't feel guilty when you cannot feel emotions ( you are not a failure nor a bad person , you're just tired)
Also , you need to seek professional help ( when I was 17 I needed it so bad but didn't get it. I tried to find comfort in my entourage, it wasn't effective) .
You are not alone , trust me
Your flame won't die this easily , it just needs a higher quality fuel ❤️🔥
Hello @Windyevening
How are you?
Thanks for your advice.. but I think I'm fine this way. I've been able to concentrate more on my studies...
But I don't know.
I'm so sorry you felt that way :( how are you now?
Where I live there are no therapists or anything like that 😞 and it would be difficult to talk to my parents about this topic...
But yes, you are somewhat right. Thanks.
Take care of yourself. Sending u a hug🫂
@Zae1 I think I'm among the same line of things. I keep going to the deeper and deeper end of my depression. Everyday feels like a lot to recover from. Everyday feels there's nothing left to do but I still get up go to my job do my work. There are times I miss my old self I remember old days. I wish to come back to the very same self of being chirpy, happy, petite healthy girl. But sometimes it's a method of putting in more of self love giving yourself a lot of time to be better again. And understanding that you're a person who is too sensitive for the world to appreciate, so till then keep loving your courage to sit down take some time and then stand. Some days it's harder, some days you know you have your own back more than anyone else and you love yourself for that.
Hi @Okgirl96
How do you feel now? It's horrible that you go through that :( nobody deserves that
And also thank you for your comment.
I don't know what to tell you right now. But you took the time to write and read this so thank you again.
You can do this too 😸🫂
I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the advice. Take care of yourself too.
@Zae1 If someone's stumbles in the walk of life doesn't mean they'll be lost forever......you have taken the most significant step of opening yourself up and accepted your challenges in life.
Sometimes in life being alive is the best thing you can do for yourself........sometimes if you can go to the next day and survive you'll find happiness in future.
Just have faith and say hopeful that everything is going to be okay
@Theroomofonesown
Hello 😺
Thanks for your advice. They seem like wise words.
The truth is I'm confused and I don't know what to do, I don't know if I really have emotions or not...Today I deleted the game that was my favorite for the past three years... But it doesn't matter. I'll look to continue with my life. Thanks, take care.
Hello I know exactly how you feel. You’re very in tune with yourself which is great and you have plenty of me to figure it out!
