I'm so hopeless, I don't know what to do
Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well, anyone reading this. It's my first post here so I'm a little anxious.
I would like to share a little of how I feel.
I won't share much of my personal information, but I am a girl. I'm in my second semester of college, and so far I'm doing very well.
The thing is, about 5 years ago I started to develop low self-esteem. But it's something I was able to control. But over time, everything got worse. I looked for support from my friends and other people and those things.
Everything was going well. But about 4-5 months ago I started to suffer from something similar to anhedonia. My life has always been one of constant stress because of the fear of disappointing my parents with my grades. I developed gastritis at an early age.Well, getting back to the topic of my supposed anhedonia, I feel weird. I'm being honest. I feel bad and very weird.Before, (I mean about a year),I was a very compassionate and emotional person. I spent a lot of time playing my favorite video games and characters, enjoying my hobbies and spending time with my friends. A lot.I have always been a good student, daughter, and daugther. I was passionate about mysterious things and magical, medieval vibes.I had a talent. Yes, I did. I loved drawing since I was little. I have an art account on ***, but I haven't posted anything there for a month.I feel hopeless. For a couple of years now I guess I really was suffering from depression.
Nothing matters to me. I stopped talking to many friends. I have a void in my chest. I can't cry the way I'd like to. I've never been completely happy for long in my life. I'm always going from here to there. I've always felt like I'm weird. I'm not happy with myself. The last few months have been about getting through my day to day life.
I have a music playlist. I loved that music and it made me feel things and feel good, wanting to fight for my passions.
But now I don't feel anything. I listen to them and I don't feel anything. I've been looking into this a lot and I think it's "emotional burnout".
But I'm not interested. I don't want to go outside.
I miss how I used to feel. With my tastes and my passions and the things I loved.
I used to have a lot of projects with my art and stuff like that.
I've tried to convince myself that I'm supposed to grow up.
But adults are also happy and feel things, right?
I guess I've ruined my life with my pessimism. I'll never feel anything again, I think.All my pleasures for which I fought three years are not worth it.I have been looking for new interests in case you are wondering. Yes, this year I discovered a sport that I love and that did not affect my other interests. But now I no longer feel that spark when I watch my favorite sports.
I can't really talk to my parents for help right now because they are in a difficult situation with their jobs. And I can't get a therapist at the moment...
I miss my video games, talking to my friends, enjoying my art and my favorite characters.I miss my emotions.
I miss being sentimental.. I miss everything. And I blame myself every day.. it's hard to cope with all this.. for all these years.. All these four years of holding on and thinking that the next day will be better. All those nights I cried because I wished I wasn't here.All these years doubting everything.
I've been miserable.I'm the oldest sister, so I don't want my little brother to go through what I've been going through. My chest hurts. I feel lost. I feel bad.I don't care about myself. I miss everything.
That's all.I don't feel well enough to give more details. I'm sorry if you read all this and thank you for reading it. Thank you for your patience and your valuable time.I would appreciate if anyone could leave a comment if they could. Just wanted to share this. Thanks
and have a nice day.
Hey
I can relate to your struggles , I've been there .
I used to feel vibrant , passionate , curious and suddenly I lost it all ... or so I thought.
What you describe are symptoms of depression , this is why you have this anhedonia , this emptiness inside .
It's not that you cannot feel anymore , but as you mentioned it is more like an emotional burn out.
We usually consider negative feelings negative although they are not
Your body and mind are sending you signals , you should listen to them
Maybe you have been an overachiever so that you can feel good about yourself
Maybe you evaluate your intrinsic value with extrinsic factors and your body said : " enough ! "
Maybe your reached your limit and the time has come to reconsider what self worth is .
Be patient with yourself , don't feel guilty when you cannot feel emotions ( you are not a failure nor a bad person , you're just tired)
Also , you need to seek professional help ( when I was 17 I needed it so bad but didn't get it. I tried to find comfort in my entourage, it wasn't effective) .
You are not alone , trust me
Your flame won't die this easily , it just needs a higher quality fuel ❤️🔥
Hello @Windyevening
How are you?
Thanks for your advice.. but I think I'm fine this way. I've been able to concentrate more on my studies...
But I don't know.
I'm so sorry you felt that way :( how are you now?
Where I live there are no therapists or anything like that 😞 and it would be difficult to talk to my parents about this topic...
But yes, you are somewhat right. Thanks.
Take care of yourself. Sending u a hug🫂
Hey,
Sorry that I misunderstood you . I almost recognised myself in your post and somewhat considered your issues the same as mine . I hope you will feel better and get through this
❤️ 🫂
Ps : sorry for my late response .
@Zae1 I think I'm among the same line of things. I keep going to the deeper and deeper end of my depression. Everyday feels like a lot to recover from. Everyday feels there's nothing left to do but I still get up go to my job do my work. There are times I miss my old self I remember old days. I wish to come back to the very same self of being chirpy, happy, petite healthy girl. But sometimes it's a method of putting in more of self love giving yourself a lot of time to be better again. And understanding that you're a person who is too sensitive for the world to appreciate, so till then keep loving your courage to sit down take some time and then stand. Some days it's harder, some days you know you have your own back more than anyone else and you love yourself for that.
Hi @Okgirl96
How do you feel now? It's horrible that you go through that :( nobody deserves that
And also thank you for your comment.
I don't know what to tell you right now. But you took the time to write and read this so thank you again.
You can do this too 😸🫂
I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the advice. Take care of yourself too.
@Zae1 If someone's stumbles in the walk of life doesn't mean they'll be lost forever......you have taken the most significant step of opening yourself up and accepted your challenges in life.
Sometimes in life being alive is the best thing you can do for yourself........sometimes if you can go to the next day and survive you'll find happiness in future.
Just have faith and say hopeful that everything is going to be okay
@Theroomofonesown
Hello 😺
Thanks for your advice. They seem like wise words.
The truth is I'm confused and I don't know what to do, I don't know if I really have emotions or not...Today I deleted the game that was my favorite for the past three years... But it doesn't matter. I'll look to continue with my life. Thanks, take care.
Zae I hope you are having a good week so far. I know its early but hopefully things are going well over there for you. I'm doing ok for the most part.
@wjglory
Hello, how are you?
I've done some things and made some decisions... But I'm still the same,I've been wondering if I really have emotions or not (just like I said before)But am I okay maybe? Nothing serious has happened to me so far. Thakk u for writing,I'm glad you're okay ☺️
Take care of yourself
@Zae1 hey all I can say is help others and everything , I used to help almost everyone I could even ants so that Lord will see how kind I am and will help me too but I kept no expectations I always told myself that I am doing it to help others not so that I can get benefit from it , Lord did , the lump in my throat is gone and my condition is improving , I can't say much ,but I am too a 17 year old girl . my exams are due soon so I won't be available at all I took my time over here cause your post was so relatable, if I was able to feel a bit more I may would have cried anyways bye bye : ) , I hope Lord helps you too, I hope it shows you the right path, my mother says we have to walk on the path ourselves Lord can only guide us or give us the strength to walk . Keep trust in yourself you can do it , I used to not think much about the fact that I don't feel anything but about ways how I can help myself, I was trying to be solution oriented. I hope my message is not rude or weird , I am only telling you a way which helped me, bye bye .
Hello @philosophicalHickory3645
How are you?
That's what I've tried to do, but you know, I feel like life isn't what it used to be... But I'm still here.I feel like God hasn't really helped me at all and that makes me feel bad because I've been having problems with myself for almost four years and nothing seemed to getting better 😞
I'm glad you're feeling better, I see that you're a good and strong person.I wish you the best of luck with your exams, I hope you get the best grade. Don't let studying stress you out.
Thank you for taking your precious time to share your comment here. Take care and good luck. Have a nice day 🫂
@Zae1 hey thank you so much for the beautiful message, I can't reply for a few months but once my exams are over I sure will .
Hey, have faith in your self, and I would repeat each day after waking up that I am strong, and that I am fighting because I have a dream I want to complete but I didn't feel like doing anything,nothing at all , and yes there is like a sudden burst of emotions from time to time, which creates the anxiety and makes me cry, and if there is a new song that I find which can make me feel a little those emotions disappear after some time, but I would remind myself of people I want to help and for whom I will keep fighting bravely , it was very hard to fight the lump in my chest you can tell yourself that you love doing things and now since I don't feel much, I can do things that I didn't like to do before I used to use this condition for my perk and yes you can keep helping people, animals , I prayed to Lord for you I hope it helps you it shows you the right way. And yes because I didn't feel much but the anxiety was there I started finding pleasure in sad songs or dull colours which only worsened the situation as it started turning into depression one, now I try to look at cheerful things, try to stay with people as much as I can, I try to laugh so I can be away from such thoughts, I would help my mother in making food or I would feed my cow and dog , I talk with my cow as a friend and her calf who I call as gentlemen cause after his mother licks up his hair he looks very good and groomed like this, you can also try to find happiness in small things , it took me more than 3 years to finally find a solution to my situation and finally inculcate in me whatever I kept telling myself , I still have a long way to go but I will try my best to take benefit of this situation and yes , I tried to put on a new Habit and kept telling myself this one thing makes me feel even if it didn't so at the end it did give me pleasure even if it was very less. I tried my best to not be depressed and kept my faith in Lord whatever it does ,it does for good for example this situation of mine made me realise many things which would have been impossible without this condition.
I hope my message helped, but I won't be replying to your message anymore, I am sorry but I won't message at all, but I hope my ways of dealing things aren't weird and help you . I won't reply at all,I mean it, I am super busy.
Love lots 🩷🩷🩷
bye bye : )
Hello @philosophicalHickory3645 🥰
Take care of yourself. You have strength and I hope you continue to have it.
Take care of yourself, I hope you do well in your exams.
I hope that during this time that you are disconnected you can improve. It is sweet to see that you get along well with animals!
Thank you for your comments. I really hope that you are doing well in your responsibilities and I hope to see some of your messages again some other time. Take care. A hug🫂
Through dark times, through hardships , keep going persist.
If there is darkness without light , be the light .
Observe the children , how happy they are how careless they are enjoying the simplicities of life while we trap ourselves with our thought patterns.
I urge you mighty stranger , this is not the end of your story , its the prologue.
Begin now , find kindness ,find companionship , spread love and forgiveness and keep it up.
Your wellwisher ,
Thoughtful fern.
Hello @thoughtfulFern53
Thank you. Your words sound like a beautiful poem.
You have a lot of wisdom..
I know, I know, but it's very difficult. I don't know what I have and I feel like something is missing from my life. But for now I'm surviving in a good way.
I hope so, you know... I hope there is faith in my path.
Take care of yourself. Thank you for your words. A hug 🫂
Hi, Im sorry that this has happend to you, I would love to help you in this dificult times, but I cant do much orther than appriciate that you wrote this, you can be proud of yourself that you somehow talked about it wich can be hard, I really wish for you to find back that little spark of joy from you fravorite thing regardless of new or old because I really belive that that isnt lost but simple misplaced somewhere deep inside you or hiddin by something. Thanks for sharing, have as good as a day you could possibly have <3
Sounds like clinical depression and/or another diagnoses. I would go to a university where they have free counseling and talk to someone. Usually the city or county will have a health department that you can go to to get psychiatric medication. I think it should be your top priority before you do anything else to do what I suggested which is to seek professional help. Your thoughts and symptoms have gone on for too long you need someone to help you from a professional perspective. I really don't see you being able to handle this otherwise.
Hello @OceanBeach777
Thank you for your comments and for taking the time to write.
Unfortunately I live in a municipality and there are no such services here 😿 There is only one in the capital/nearby city. And I had to tell my parents then....
I'll see what I can do. But don't worry, I've been doing well with day to day life. Thanks again and I hope you're doing well too.
Hi Zae I wanted to check on you and see how you were doing. I am doing well on my end.
Hello @wjglory
I'm the same as hefore, trying to distract myself a little. And you? I'm glad you are doing well. Take care ð¥°
@Zae1 Still writing sending hugs to help you get through the remainder of the week.
@Zae1
I understand what you going through. If you need to talk or if you need a listener, I am here to assist you if needed. Hope you get better and know that everything always don't go as planned. have a good day
Hello @klover7 😺
How are you? Thank you for writing. Thank you also for offering your help, I appreciate it. You too have a nice day
hii @Zae1
I am fine but physically my period just start and it hurt really bad. plus, i am at school. Your welcome and thank you too.
Hi @klover7
I understand you, I was like that too. I hope you are better now, I send you a hug 🫂
@Zae1
Thank you, send hug back. and sorry for replying late.
@klover7
Don't worry. Thank u for replying 🫂❤️
@Zae1
My pleasure. How are you today? Send hugges!!
@klover7
Hello, how are you?
Thanks for replying. I'm still a bit the same, living day to day without much mattering to me, and doing some homework 😺 Sending u a hug, take care🫂
@Zae1
I hope your days get better and have something meaningfull. Thank for always checking on me. Send you hug back and take care.
