I don't mean to be rude
I don't know if someone has ever experienced this, but lately I have been having some trouble with the people who is close to me, mostly with my roommate and best friend. I realized that sometimes I am unable to control what I feel, I am unable to control what I say or how I act.
Just today I was mean to her, without even noticing, I was rude and that happens more often that I wish it would. I don't realize I am being mean until I hurt the people I care about.
How do you guys cope with that? How do you learn to think before talking or acting?
I know maybe she needs to give me some patience because I don't control it, but I can't ask for it if I don't even understand myself.
@Popsicle99
Hello. I think that's really good you're self-aware and you don't want to hurt people around you, even when hurting someone was not your intention at all from the beginning.
As far as I can catch the idea for my life: How I feel is important, but my emotions are not me. They're signals, not imperatives.
Knowing my emotions is the first stage. Being slightly careful in believing them is the second.
I cannot control what I feel. But I should control my words or actions in given circumstances. Or at least I should try.
How do you think, what could you do in the situations when your emotions seems to be overwhelming, to not hurt anyone? What kind of "preventive measures" you might take before the things go to the boiling point?
@Popsicle99
Perhaps your answer is underneath the surface.
I mean i have people around me whom i find myself becoming snarky with when it is something under the surface. This can be people I love and do not mean to but often frustration or some sort of emotion or feeling makes me say or do something i wish i had not.
Example if we are doing something and we reach an issue or impasse .... we speak of some chore or task being done yet they disregard it .... tell me they will do later etc then it bubbles under surface and leaks out in some snarky comment or action.
Sometimes when frustrated I snap and say things. I try to tell myself I will count to 10 or learn to control it but short of being direct and air out what is getting under my skin....even if it is a long standing irritant. The best thing is to be truthful about the irritation and not internalize the small things.
What do you mean with 'underneath the surface'?
@Popsicle99
Underneath the surface..... means small things or irritants a person has now or in the past done. This happens often with people we live with. They claim credit perhaps for our efforts ... maybe they disregard our feelings or ignore simple things we ask them NOT to do.
If we did not deal with it speak up/ discuss and or settle things....... a small thing that should and often would not bother us now lingers and a small disagreement brings back that old frustration.
So when something happens and we get angry .....they seem to feel we are angry all the time or making a big deal out of nothing ........because what ever the small underneath thing is they have forgot it and yet we have not.
That could be a really valid reason, I mean, I think there are things that also bother me but somehow I have learned to ignore or maybe just go with them, like they don't bother me anymore. Maybe I am holding something back and that triggers my bad humor (that and the fact that I am very moody when I am having a bad day, can't be a good combo).
Thank you so much for making me think about this, sometimes we just need to see a little bit further.
I kept getting a similar issue, when I get too stressed or too much in my mind. I'm not one to talk about it or really show it but I start to give attitude and have a short temper and I dont realise until someone points it out to me.
I can relate to this because when I'm having a difficult time, I'm also out of character without realizing it until I'm told. I say things that I would not say on a normal day. It's good you've accepted it. Now, you need to fix whatever is stressing you so you don't transfer it to people around you. I'm still working on this myself
Would you say that tou have trouble regulating your emotions?
