I don't mean to be rude
I don't know if someone has ever experienced this, but lately I have been having some trouble with the people who is close to me, mostly with my roommate and best friend. I realized that sometimes I am unable to control what I feel, I am unable to control what I say or how I act.
Just today I was mean to her, without even noticing, I was rude and that happens more often that I wish it would. I don't realize I am being mean until I hurt the people I care about.
How do you guys cope with that? How do you learn to think before talking or acting?
I know maybe she needs to give me some patience because I don't control it, but I can't ask for it if I don't even understand myself.
It’s so great that you’re aware and working towards change! I am this way sometimes, and the worst part is that my daughter is on the receiving end. Thankfully she’s a fantastic communicator and a “mom! You’re being mean” will be a good reminder for me. A less direct way is to come up with a silly safe word they can say when you’re having one of those days’ enough to tell you stop but not make you feel attacked?
@Popsicle99
I think it happens to everyone. Noone can get it all together all the time. And the closer and deeper the relationship we have with someone or some people the more intense we would feel things and the harder and longer it can take to unravel the emotion. Having an open and honest conversation about how everyone involve feel about it can speed up the process.
Unfortunately, it doesnt' always happen easily. And therefore, the residue of emotion might remain, and through time, might also pile up. And therefore, sometimes, some emotion might appear out of nowhere. And we might seem rude, mean, needy, moody, or difficult in many other ways. But actually, it's burried emotion that's yet to be resolved. Maybe it's something that's been overlooked overtime. And sometimes, it's not just other people that did it to us. Sometimes we did it to ourselves.
Sometimes, we bite our tounge. Sometimes, we try to be okay with something we're not okay with. Maybe we don't want to make a big deal out of simple things. Maybe we want to be understanding Maybe we want to speak and act from the place of love and affection. Maybe because out heart has ben bearing with a lot of pain, sadness and diissapointment, we don't want to give a chance for it to happend to those we cherish.
But, we too have needs. To be listened to, to be understood, to be cared for. To feel like, our feelings also matter. To feel like, we also matter. And when it doesnt, it would embody in other ways. Maybe, lashing out, being mean, being rude, being needy, being moody, and other behaviour that seems difficult to deal with, is just the way ourselves try to get it needs fulfilled. When it's been overlooked for long, it might do it without our permission. And we would feel bad afterward. Sometime, we might even question ourselves. Don't be too hard on yourself Just try to be honest of yourself of where it's coming from. And try to be honest with the people who got to deal with that embodiment of behaviour. We can't always do everything right. We can't always be kind, caring, and respectful all the time. During the time when you failed to bahave the way you expect yourself to be, just let the other person know, that it's not your intention to say or do thing that would hurt or sadden them.
@Popsicle99
it's more than okay to be self aware of the things that are bothering you, and allowing yourself time to process. I feel that both of you may need a good talk about all of this, and perhaps some boundaries going forward when it comes to communication.