School and Parents
Hi everyone, so I have been really stressed out about school, and I have been lying to my parents about my grades, and I feel horrible about it, and I'm not sure if I should be honest to my parents about it or not.
Basically, I love reading and watching TV shows, and since our school is all online now, I can't seem to stop myself from watching those shows. And I'm starting to finish my homework 5 minutes before it is due, and my grades are really going down. Adding on to that, I just had this math test, and I lied to my parents about getting an 80 when I only got a 66 percent, and I don't know what to say really. This morning, my mom asked me about it, and I just said that it's because the teacher entered it wrong, and now, I really don't know what to do since they can legit see my grades online. And I can't decide if I should be upright about everything and tell them about the poor grade and the TV show addiction problem I have.
I also have a great relationship with my parents, and I know that they are going to support me if I say anything, but there's something inside of me and that feeling that I just don't want to tell them about it.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do next please?
@HopeSmileDream
Besides your challenge with your parents... you might want to...
Fix procrastination with my ZOMBIE habit...
Learn how to manage your emotions that cause you to resist doing what you should here too...
Learn how to solve your problems instead making "just worry" the default tendency...
Get better at school with these tips...
Search the web for any other specific solutions needed. Find answers that you think are best for you.
@7motivation
Thank you for the links!
@HopeSmileDream
You're welcome... If you have any very specific resource needs... let me know... maybe I have what you're specifically looking for... I have lots of helpful stuff.
Hey, @HopeSmileDream 
I'm sorry to hear that your impulse to watch TV shows has been getting in the way of your academics and studies. In a way, I do get the strength of the impulse. I've felt an urge to switch tabs during online class too.
I can see that you've noticed a drop in grades recently-and I imagine that'd make you feel quite worried. Procrastinating on your homework till the minute before it's due is something I've done too, and yikes-it's a pretty tense feeling, rushing to complete it by the deadline... In a way, I get why you'd be so worried about the possibility that you're addicted to the shows.
It's pretty difficult to let go of some TV shows, there's almost an instinctive feeling to watch them the moment you're free, or in some (most) cases, take time away from other tasks to watch them. It messes up schedules quite a lot :(
//
The Math grade incident sounds pretty impactful. I feel like you didn't want to reveal your score was 66-were you uncomfortable or scared doing so to your parents? Like, you didn't want to admit to them that that was your score-because you were ashamed of it.
It's great that you have parents you know will support you! I imagine that'd be pretty reassuring if you wanted to come clean with them, though of course-I'm not saying that you should, or shouldn't.
//
You mentioned that it was easier for you to binge series, as your school work was online. Do you mean it's easier in the sense no one is watching over/paying attention to what you are doing, and so it becomes easier for you to not focus on the studies?
Take care, I hope you're doing okay presently<3
@loyalTree3713
Thank you so much for your response! To answer this question "I feel like you didn't want to reveal your score was 66-were you uncomfortable or scared doing so to your parents?" I think that part of the reason I didn't want to tell was partly because I was ashamed about not trying hard enough, ashamed about lying about it, and i think the really big part of it was that I wasn't very honest with myself about it too, if that makes any sense. To tell them that I got a 66 would be basically remind me that I didn't even try to get a good grade (since I was still stuck on the TV shows - and I lied about studying when I really never studied for it). And my parents always say that all it matters is if I try my best, and to be honest, well, I didn't. And telling them this score, I think they would realize that I just did not try (since I hardly get really bad scores).
To answer this question: "Do you mean it's easier in the sense no one is watching over/paying attention to what you are doing, and so it becomes easier for you to not focus on the studies?" It does! Oh my, this really struck the point i was having trouble with. It really is easier to go watch these shows and not focus when no one is watching. A while ago I did notice it, so I tried sitting myself in the living room where my mom is literally right behind me and could see what I am doing. and it just started feeling uncomfortable? so I went back to my original place. I guess I'm just really conflicted between letting my parents know about everything so someone can enforce it onto me or trying to do it myself (which isnt really working).
and omg, thank you so much again for your response/super understanding ones too and well wishes!
Hey, @HopeSmileDream
I think I understand what you're referring to! This wasn't quite close to the best performance you could have given, and you feel bad that you didn't put in the effort you would usually have.Coming clean to your parents would involve explicitly admitting that and feels like an external acknowledgement that you didn't work hard and performed as well as you would have!
You mentioned that you usually get high grades, so I can imagine this must have felt like a bit of a plummeting situation and is something you feel incredibly guilty about. You don't want your parents to know that you didn't try hard enough-because you feel a sense of shame along with it. Your parents expected you to try, not necessaarily to achieve-but you didn't try, and had you tried, you could have achieved. The thought that you didn't try makes this an experience one would like to forget/not be consciously reminded of/admit?
//
It's great that you noticed a sort of correlation between your habits and whether you consciously knew you were being watched! You're quite observant :o I see that you experimented with studing in the living room, but that didn't feel too comfortable (which in a way, I get haha-) and I'd say you succinctly captured the dilemna in your sentence,
"I guess I'm just really conflicted between letting my parents know about everything so someone can enforce it onto me or trying to do it myself (which isnt really working)."
You mentioned that attempting to solve this by yourself wasn't working too well, may I ask what you feel when you have to study? Like, say you have a test tomorrow-could you lay out a rough overview of what your thoughts are from the night before-what are your plans like and how does their execution go?
[Also, my apologies for the delay in response, I have tests going on now :) I'll do my best to get back to your replies as soon as I can though!]
A side note: Something that worked for me was to get involved in, and interested in the class I was studying. I used to try and get myself to interact more often with the professor and develop a sort of relationship with him-so I wouldn't feel like missing his class :P
Hello, @HopeSmileDream
How are you doing? Are your studies coming along well?<3
@loyalTree3713
Ahhh, omg omg, i am so sorry for the late reponse. for some reason I didnt get a notification *sighs*. Anyway though!
I can't believe how accurately you described how i was feeling 🥺 i really do feel like I just don't try hard enough and i suppose i just don't really want to admit it (it's like i know but i just am stuck in a way). and omg, it's exactly the way to mentioned that i feel really ashamed and distraught about everything.
To answer this question: "may I ask what you feel when you have to study? Like, say you have a test tomorrow-could you lay out a rough overview of what your thoughts are from the night before-what are your plans like and how does their execution go?"
I actually have a test tomorrow ahaha, what a coincidence! Hmm, well, I have a math test tomorrow, and it's quite different from before because I currently have a "B" in this class, and with only 2 tests left for the semester, even if I get 100% on both tests, my grade will still be a "B," so I'm not trying too hard in this class anymore; I'm trying to work harder in my other classes. With the math test tomorrow (because I cant fail the test either ahaha or else I won't even have a "B"), I'm just kind of rewriting my notes and looking at some sample questions. Speaking of which, since the last week or so, I rather think I have made a better change in a way, where I am still stuck in that tv-drama thing, but I can't find a good drama to watch, so I basically am stuck with school work. Back to the point! If it was a science test or english essay (since we don't have tests in that class), to be honest, for the past month, I just try not to think about it, and I review like 10 minutes before the class --> which is a disaster. The night before the test, I honestly would just be trying not to think about it. sooo i basically just dont study, and kept watching those dramas as a distraction, which is really bad.
I think everything started with the dramas when I didn't want to be stressed, so i started watching dramas last year. and then i got semi-addicted. and it just all went downward and everything. if i had a chance, i really wish i didn't even start watching them. but unfortunately, we can't go back in time, but for now, I'm still trying to think of more permanent ways to stop watching (not just because i cant find something good to watch).
On another note! which is more of a recent progress. I mentioned about my math grades above, where I'm stuck with a "B" (which is about a 84% in the class) for the rest of the semester. and omg, my parents were pretty chill about it and were just like, don't worry about it. and now, i feel even worse because (gosh, I'm crying) I'm really not worth their words. I was originally really disappointed in myself, and my mom could tell, and she was comforting me. not once did she get mad; she was just like "don't worry about it, you'll still get into a really good college, and just focus on your other subjects". and that night when we figured out I was stuck with a "B" (which was a few days ago), she hugged me and was just omg. and i just feel really bad about it, and i think I really want to tell my parents everything but I just can't get myself to do it.
And about the suggestion of getting interested in the class, I really like the idea! but my breakdown of classes is that: it's hard to be interested in my biology class because one i never liked biology and two it's too much information. for math, it's relatively interesting; however, i just find dramas more interesting than that (actually, something i realized recently was that i don't think I'm interested in tv shows and dramas for their content, but i think i just seem to want a distraction and an alternative reality, which also explains why i like books i suppose --> there are days - and more recently before i go to sleep every day - i just imagine myself in this other world). for history, our teacher just does lectures so that's kind of yeahh. for english, i rather like that class actually, but it didn't really motivate me in studying for it ahaha. As for building a relationship with teachers, I find that I'm more of a quiet person, and i tried connecting with my teachers more but it is kind of hard for me since i don't really know what to say ahaha. our classes are also virtual so it's kind of hard to build a relationship unless you go to office hours (but the i would need a reason to go soo).
And on a completely different topic!! ooooh, how did your tests go?
Hello, @HopeSmileDream <3
Regarding not getting a notification, that's absolutely okay- It wasn't your fault at all!
I'm just writing to thank you for your response and let you know that I have read it, I'll reply soon. I've been a bit busy lately-but I will get back to you, latest by day-after. I didn't want to leave you hanging without informing you!
I'm truly sorry for the delay
@loyalTree3713
Ooo, there's nothing to be sorry about ahaha. and definitely take all the time you need! I hope everything goes well :)
Hey, @HopeSmileDream
Thank you so much for your patience and understanding!
I'm glad to hear that my words in the last post, appear to describe what you're feeling well. I actually relate quite a bit with what you've written here! Oooh-that's a coincidence!
I hope your Math test went okay, and I really like how strategic you were in planning to spend some of the time you had focus on other subjects, as you noticed that even if you were to go all in, your Math grade was going to be B! While speaking about your English essays/Science tests, you mentioned that you actively block out any thoughts you may have about them, and try to distract yourself. What feelings do you think the thoughts of the test/essay would evoke in you? Do they make you very anxious or?
I'm so happy for you-that your parents were incredibly considerate and caring, when you break the news to them! From what I understand, they recognized how you felt about the marks-how you felt about yourself for scoring them, and wanted you to not be hard as yourself for it They seem to be extraordinarily understanding of you, and in those moments-I get how it can feel to tell them everything that happened-to pour it out!
Hahaha-that's a fair criticism of the subjects, I particularly chuckled at the Biology description. I find Bio to be a bit of informational overload too xD Do you think that there's some resources/methods of learning for any of these subjects, which would actually make you feel like learning it? Sometimes, I find resources (or just well-written notes) related to what I'm supposed to be learning, on the Internet, and they turn out to be far more interesting than the course material lol. And ahhhh, it can be pretty difficult to build a relationship with teachers over video call. I find myself tongue-tied a fair few times as well!
Lol, I actually understand-not having a good show to watch can be a good deterrent lol, and it's cool that you've been able to focus on your school work the past week. I'm going through a similar phase of not knowing what to watch, and it's being surprisingly productive xD Imagining yourself in another world can be pretty calming too- The idea that your interest in shows or books is so you can lose yourself in them, and distance yourself from reality, actually kinda makes sense :)
My tests actually went okay, surprisingly! Thank you for asking!
P.S: I'm also impressed at how you've transitioned from worrying about the marks, and how you felt then, to thinking about why you feel like watching the shows, to thinking about how you can prevent watching them as much- it really shows that you're determined to try and figure this out!!
@HopeSmileDream
I just wanted to chime in here, because I'm a mom, and that grade thing...it sucks. We, as parents, struggle with this whole grade issue. (Most parents, anyway.) It's HARD for us. For me, personally, yes, I want my son to get the best grades possible because I know that's his pathway to getting into his college of choice. So I worry about grades - and I hate that I do. Because, if you want to know a secret...... grades.don't.matter.
There. I said it. (But don't tell your parents I said so!)
Grades matter for graduating high school. Grades matter for getting a college degree. But in life, they don't matter. I sucked at high school. It's not that I was dumb, it's just that I didn't try hard enough. But I graduated. I went on to college. I actually graduated from that, too.
But in every job interview I ever had NO ONE ever asked me "what was your grade in Algebra in 11th grade?"
To circle back - we all kind of know grades don't really matter, but we need them to get through all of this school stuff.
Should you have told your parents that you bombed your math test. Yeah. They sound like they're very understanding. Will they be upset by it? Maybe. If it was me, I'd just be worried that your overall grade was dropping. (And I hate that I'd be worried, because I shouldn't be, and neither should you.)
But that test is behind you. That grade means nothing now. Move forward, focus more, and make it through school so you can get out and enjoy life. :)
I will say this, I have been reading A LOT of stories about teens everywhere whose grades are dropping due to the pandemic. We're talking Honors/AP students with lots of activities going from 4.0 to 2.0. They just don't care and want to be done with high school. Right now everything is a huge downer and it is affected a ton of students.
@thoughtfulmomma
Awww, thank you for such an understanding response!
I totally agree and know that grades don't matter, yet we still worry about it *sighs* and omg, I love that sentence "I hate that I'd be worried, because I shouldn't be, and neither should you." I suppose it's just life the way it is unfortunately. And the test is definitely behind me, and I myself hope that I can move on soon.
and oh my, yess, the pandemic definitely has a huge affect on students! but at the same time, i feel like it isn't affecting me (personally) that much? the only main difference is that it is a lot easier to get distracted *Sighs* oh well.
once again, thank you so much for replyinggg!
Good day! If you don't already understand what you need to do in improving your writing style, then you just haven't read this article yet and went to college! There you constantly need to write various written works and it seems to me that in order to do this at a high level, you need to constantly improve.