Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dieting
"Today I woke up and I hate myself." - Ozzy Osbourne
Hey, I'm writing this to reach out for support. I know I'm not in the world's most terrible place ever, but I feel like I could use some insight. As some background, I'm 32, female, a single mom, a working class hero and a grad student. I also hate my own guts and have been struggling with a lot of stress and going through a lot lately. I have been in recovery on and off (but mostly doing okay) for over ten years. At my worst, I was literally pronounced dead from heart failure, At my best, people tell me they would have never guessed I had an ED because I seem so "normal." In the past handful of months, I noticed myself slipping into some ARFID-y behavior with all the stress and changes going on... just eating the exact same specific things every day, very bland, but not restricting per say. Then one fine day, I decided buying a scale would be a good idea.
Needless to say, I did not feel my weight was low enough. It is on the low end of the healthy range, but I definitely feel like I want it to be lower and am terrified to gain even a pound. So I basically started a crash diet about ten days ago....and now I'm losing my *** because I have barely lost a single freaking pound. Ten days of headaches, weakness, dizziness, lack of focus etc. Basically just a super low calorie diet but also a limited range of due to AFRID.
Part of me thinks maybe I just need a multivitamin. Part of me thinks I need lipo. And part of me thinks I need a massive sanity check. So I'm asking the audience,