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ashwashere1336
464 M Embraced 4
PathStep 33 Compassion hearts67 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes26 Current upvotes26 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceJuly 9, 2019
Bio

Behold the world's worst accident!

Recent forum posts
Brand New Numb
Relationship Stress / by ashwashere1336
Last post
 May 14th, 2023
...See more Hey all. I'm going through a lot with relationships and thought I'd post seeking some thoughts and advice in a specific area if that's okay. So for background, I am 32, divorced in the past year. My divorce was painful; my son and I spent some time in a DV shelter as my ex's mental health had deteriorated significantly at the time. Flash forward, I'm on my own with full primary custody, working and going to school. I met someone recently and we started talking and began dating. I really like this person and he's extremely kind to me. He's been very generous and given us an insane amount of gifts even though we haven't been together a very long time. He is actually ten years younger (not that it matters since we're both adults) but this is his first serious relationship and I think he's just rushing things a bit because he's excited about it all. Thing is, I feel like I'm not keeping up financially or emotionally. I can't afford to do as much for him as he does for me and I feel guilty, which causes me to overspend trying to reciprocate, causing me more stress, and on and on. I'm also kind of uncomfortable feeling like I owe somebody even though nobody ever said I did... It's really just me I guess. He also wants to spend more and more time with me- we live an hour apart but he is coming to stay here over a couple weekends now and we've spent a handful of days together already plus anywhere from 2-6+ hours on the phone/skype every day. This is hard for me because I'm already a single mom working full time at a law firm plus being a full time graduate student....and I'm somehow trying to scare up a ton of time every day. I love talking to him and spending time with him but it's just hard for me to balance it. The emotional load is also kind of taxing for me as a hardcore introvert since I never have any alone time now. I am also dealing with some emotional fallout with my ex. He knows I am seeing someone now and has been pretty upset about it. He actually threatened to stop seeing our son and had several meltdowns about it, harassing me over text and saying awful things about me etc. Honestly on one hand, we are divorced and have been for a fair bit now; that seems a little unfair to me. But I'm also not without empathy and understand it's painful for him to deal with. I never try to make a big show about dating somebody or rub it in his face but he acts like I do and I don't understand. Trying to figure out how to be empathetic while retaining boundaries and keeping his emotions from effecting our son. Sorry for the long, long post and dump but I literally have no one to talk about this stuff to! I hope it was at least interesting to some degree; I'm definitely open to advice!
Become So Numb
Depression Support / by ashwashere1336
Last post
 May 10th, 2023
...See more I've noticed lately that I seem to be incapable of inducing happiness in myself. I've tried everything. Music, friends, movies, spending time with my son and my guinea pig...usually all things that make me happy. But I either feel nothing or it's super muted happiness, and brief... Is this normal?
House of Glass
Relationship Stress / by ashwashere1336
Last post
 May 7th, 2023
...See more Hey, my name is Chelsea. I'm new here. Trying to find support for everything going on in my mind and my life. A little background- I am 32 and a divorced single mom. The divorce was within the past year and really traumatic, involving a lot of painful circumstances. Segue into now- I am super busy, super stressed, but find myself dating again anyway. It sort of just happened- I started talking to someone, we really hit it off and now we're going on dates, talking on the phone each day etc. He is moving kind of fast which is sort of stressful but I know it comes from a good place so I don't say anything. This person I met is really kind and caring compared to what I am used to and I don't want to seem ungrateful or hurt his feelings. I think I am still recovering mentally from my divorce. It's stupid because I know I should be "over it" by now. But there is still a lot of drama with my ex; he is not the most emotionally stable person. He found out I was seeing someone and got super angry and started blowing me up with nasty tests. Anyway, the new guy wants to stay over for a weekend now. I told him yes because he is so excited and happy and it's such a big deal for him to do (he has never stayed over anywhere like that before). He really cares about me and just seems super excited. I have noticed that any remote indication on my part, however, that I might want to scale things back a bit seems to really deflate him, making me feel guilty (so I just quit telling him no on stuff for the most part). I am trying to figure out what I am doing here. I feel like I have gotten in over my head and just don't know how to handle this situation as delicately as possible with regard to everyone involved.
Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dieting
Eating Disorder Support / by ashwashere1336
Last post
 August 2nd, 2023
...See more "Today I woke up and I hate myself." - Ozzy Osbourne Hey, I'm writing this to reach out for support. I know I'm not in the world's most terrible place ever, but I feel like I could use some insight. As some background, I'm 32, female, a single mom, a working class hero and a grad student. I also hate my own guts and have been struggling with a lot of stress and going through a lot lately. I have been in recovery on and off (but mostly doing okay) for over ten years. At my worst, I was literally pronounced dead from heart failure, At my best, people tell me they would have never guessed I had an ED because I seem so "normal." In the past handful of months, I noticed myself slipping into some ARFID-y behavior with all the stress and changes going on... just eating the exact same specific things every day, very bland, but not restricting per say. Then one fine day, I decided buying a scale would be a good idea. Needless to say, I did not feel my weight was low enough. It is on the low end of the healthy range, but I definitely feel like I want it to be lower and am terrified to gain even a pound. So I basically started a crash diet about ten days ago....and now I'm losing my *** because I have barely lost a single freaking pound. Ten days of headaches, weakness, dizziness, lack of focus etc. Basically just a super low calorie diet but also a limited range of due to AFRID. Part of me thinks maybe I just need a multivitamin. Part of me thinks I need lipo. And part of me thinks I need a massive sanity check. So I'm asking the audience,
Inside Out
Eating Disorder Support / by ashwashere1336
Last post
 May 7th, 2023
...See more Hey there... I hate writing this, so much right now. It means that I'm not as tough as I thought I was. Hi. I'm Chelsea. I'm here because I feel like my recovery needs an extra leg right now. I have been in recovery from EDs for over 13 years now. I have had years of total remission that have been some of the best I've seen. Unfortunately, I've also had some relapses here and there; some not too bad and at least one that was almost fatal a handful of years ago. However, since then, I have made a lot of progress and was in total remission in my book for a few years. I got married and had a son, and got my bachelor's degree. Unfortunately, I have been going through a lot of difficult transitions in the past year including finalizing my divorce, losing a job and losing my internship over a background issue. Needless to say, it's been rough and I've felt like total garbage. I have noticed myself restricting again and feel like it might be a red flag. Right now, my head is already yelling at me that it isn't that bad and I'm making too big of a deal, but the truth is I'm having a really hard time with myself and don't want things to get any worse. I've been there and don't want to go back. My family needs me. So I'm seeking support- how to get out of the mini-rut I'm in and stop using restriction to deal with how much I hate myself as a person I guess. I always feel like being thinner is a way to make myself "better" or redeem other failures in my life and it's hard not to go there looking to mine some self-worth. Anyway, I am sorry for the super long post. Thanks for taking the time to read. I look forward to receiving and giving support and learning from everybody here.
My name is not important
Depression Support / by ashwashere1336
Last post
 May 12th, 2023
...See more But here I am anyway.... Good to meet you all- I mean it. I am a 32 year old single mom living with depression. It's been a lifelong, on- and off- struggle for me, but it is hard to admit I'm struggling again. I'm a grad student, work full time at a job I hate and have an awesome son and a guinea pig. I also hate myself with a passion, struggle with numbness every day, constantly feel like my exhaustion is a physical entity and feel like an abysmal failure, ugly and a total piece of crap. Been through a lot this year- a divorce, a job loss and losing my internship. It's been kinda rough. But I'm still here. I'm very open to accepting support and giving it when I am able to. Hoping to learn from you guys. "It's a fever called living that maddens the brain."
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