Diet/Nutrition Accountability Thread (7/29-8/4)
Hi everyone,
Welcome to the new accountability thread for week 31/2024, from Monday, July 29nd to Sunday, August 4th
For the past couple of weeks, Phoenix22k, enigmaticOcean8813, Turtleonmyleftarm have been messaging each other in this community to support one another and share our daily progress (or doubts).
We've decided to create a new post for each week. By doing this, and seeing new accountability posts regularly, we also hope that others might see them and want to join our support group!! We have found this very helpful to at least let out our thoughts, concerns, goals, and just find kind words of support.
@enigmaticOcean8813
@Turtleonmyleftarm
@Phoenix22k
This is a wonderful idea. Great way to help each other and I hope others will join in!
@Phoenix22k
Hi Phoenix!
Sorry I am late, I had actually created the same post as you, as I hadn't noticed you had created it alredy. Then I basically lost sight of both! Ahahaha...
Since we've always used my posts, I think we should use yours this time. So here I am!
Accountability for Monday 29th
I had quite a "normal" day, eating what I was supposed to eat and doing what I was supposed to do. But in the late afternoon and evening I started to feel quite bloated and I also had a little bit of uneasiness/little pain in my lower belly area.
It didn't help the fact that I feel I am eating too much and I am gaining too much weight, and that I am getting fat...
But I am trying to shut down these voices, even if it's not just my ED voice telling me this, but also the mirror...
Anyway, also monday has come and gone. And I'll face another day and I'll keep fighting!
@Turtleonmyleftarm
No worries Turtle! I just thought I would help you out and make the post :) You can lead for next week.
Glad to hear that you are still sticking with your nutrition plan, despite the challenges and how it is making you feel. It is tough, especially when you do not see the "progress" necessarily and are being bombarded by your ED brain. Think of every small meal and decision you make as a small victory, smile a bit at that, and perhaps that will get the ED brain to quiet down, at least for a minute or two.
Hoping that the ED brain is a little less talkative today for you! One more day of victories completed :)
Monday 7/29
Good Chest/Back routine (my favorite) and run in the morning. I went back to teaching summer school today and it was nice to be back in a "routine" so that my mind doesn't just think about my diet. The day went well!
My current challenge is still the afternoon now. Just about right when I get home. In the past this was prime "binge-eating" time as I had the busy part of my day done and I could relax. But instead of relaxing I too often would go out buy food, ect. I have worked on some strategies that have helped alleviate these thoughts, like a little mini workout or just moving for 10 minutes, which often helps bolster my energy. I'm curious to know if I am truly tired, or maybe they are withdrawal symptoms? My mind "pretending" to be extra tired so that I go out and get a huge sugar rush.
Today when I get home I plan on taking a little nap and just... sitting with these feelings. Exploring them some and giving time to realize what it is my body needs.
Hoping to find some answers!
Have a great day everyone!
Hi Phoenix,
I am happy to read your day went well and was overall positive.
You did great finding new strategies to cope with binging thoughts! I find your question about actually being tired of if it’s your brain trying to trick you into eating very interesting!!! Have you been analysing the feelings when you got home? I am looking forward to reading your thoughts and considerations! Just asking yourself this question shows you have been really making a huge change… It’s amazing!!!
@Phoenix, I second what @Turtle had to say. I especially like the idea of your mini-workouts. I picked up on it because I had just read an article in the Guardian that was a series of 17 2-minute workouts called "snacks." I thought this is a great idea, and an easy way - at least for me - to build in some exercise beyond my regular morning program. I'll post the link in a bit.
With mixed emotion I am glad that the family visit with the kids is coming to a close. At least we're eating in tonight - really home cooked food instead of takeout. I've been living out of hotel room, so I really haven't been able tho exercise at all. Tomorrow we travel home and life resumes, but alas we are far apart from the kids and grandkids.
I am trying to eat more, smaller meals. Ate at 3:30, but ED brain kicked in and, voila, I am overweight. I think there is some value in the Guardian "snacks."
Welcome to all the new readers of the thread!
https://amp-theguardian-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/jul/28/get-fit-in-two-minutes-17-micro-workouts-that-will-change-your-life-even-if-youre-stuck-in-the-office?amp_js_v=0.1&_gsa=1#webview=1
@enigmaticOcean8813
I hope you feel some relief being back in a "routine" at home and not living through a hotel! I still am proud of you for going on the trip and doing your best. The return home feeling is always nice though and you can have that sense of control again.
Thanks for the information on the mini workouts! I read also that getting up and moving is extremely helpful for your mental health as well. I noticed this when I would take walks, but was looking for something a little quicker paced. I started just a 10 minute timer and each minute I do a different exercise. Nothing too challenging but things like body squats, pushups, or jogging in place to get my heart rate up. I generally feel pretty good afterwards and motivated to do things that are not eating.
It sounds like you are very hard on yourself, as am I. When I eat one "bad" thing I often feel like my day is ruined and I've gained weight, my face is chubby, whatever. I know it is not a healthy way to look at it, and is also unrealistic, but my ED brain tells me otherwise.
I try and think of my healthy meals as "fuel" much like you would fuel a car. We need nutrients and calories in order to perform. With your return home and some exercise, maybe think of it this way as well as you fuel up to get back to your routine.
Hoping some of this helps or at least gives you strength!
Hi Ocean,
I am glad you’ve had a good time with your family but that it’s coming to an end, as our own balance, time and space is really important for our wellbeing. It’s good to be with our loved ones, but it’s also good to be back to our own habits!
Thank you for sharing the “snacks” from the Guardian. I think they could be very useful to “distract” from bad thoughts, and for you to slowly build back the movement habit.
Other than you ED brain telling you that you were overweight, how did it go with the smaller more frequent meals?
Hi guys,
So today I had the first meeting with the dietician at the eating disorders treatment centre.
I was dreading it for several reasons. The first one being that I am not very underweight and I think I am not really “worth” having access to treatment from the centre. And in the last few weeks I’ve been eating more so I was even more worried that I was not going to be taken seriously. Another reason why I was worried is that I knew they were not going to give me a diet based on actual quantities (weighted food / grams) but rather on generic quantities such as “a handful of this”, “a tablespoon of that”.
I weight everything, down to the gram. If on my previous diet I had 75 grams of something, I would only eat 75 grams (and most of the time less than 75). But on the good days I would do 75. The fact that they don’t want me to actually check the weight of food but transition to a “less rigid approach” frightens me so much!!!
They would say “what’s going to change if a handful of X is 13 grams rather than 10 grams?”
For them, nothing. But 3 grams here, 3 grams there, at the end of the day they could be 100 grams! And it’s too generic! Let’s take legumes for example. Peas, chickpeas or beans don’t have the same calories, I can’t have the same generic quantities! Or cheese - cottage cheese isn’t the same as feta cheese or mozzarella!
I feel so lost, and so worried. I really cannot remember how it was to eat and cook before my anorexia and I don’t know how I will be able to get back to being “normal”
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Hey turtle! Sending love your way as you navigate this new "challenge"
I am so proud, and hope that your dietician, is as well of your progress. It sounds like they are since they are loosening the reigns a bit, but I completely get it that it is scary!
I used to be very much the same with weighing everything! It is so tedious, but I felt in control. I can't quite recall when I stopped, but now when I prep things I use measuring cups which I found to be helpful. So when I make my lunches for the week I generally make a big crock-pot of chicken, then dish it out for each lunch using a 1 cup measuring utensil. Vegetables I pile on with less rigidity. Funny though as I now make my dinners with 14! EXACTLY! 14 carrots that I put in a sitr fry haha. Generally that is, sometimes theyre bigger or smaller or ahh! But I have found more "peace" with measuring using these utensils.
It took time, but as I now reflect on what was different when I was weighing food, and now, I can say that not much has really changed (as in weight/calories). I still keep within "healthy" boundaries, but try and give myself grace. I will also say that if I am weighing I will tend to do under the exact cup amount, just to please my brain that it's not over.
I say that you start this approach, maybe using measuring cups and not weighing by gram, with a certain food. Maybe you can weigh the others, but start with one or two and see how it feels to lessen up but still hold on.
Hoping you find the balance you need!
@Phoenix22k
Hi Phoenix,
Actually
this was a completely brand new dietician, from this treatment centre I’ve been
accepted into.
It was the first time she was seeing me.
Before I had a different dietician, whom I met when my husband decided to start
following a diet that would allow him to train in a better way for his
marathons. He was looking for some specific advices for his sport/training, and
I said “why don’t we go together? This way you’ll have your own plan for your
marathons, and I will finally learn how to eat properly, and following the same
plan will be easier if we’re together rather than eating different things”.
Long story short, he’s had good results from eating the right things for his
training. I was already living with disordered eating patterns for all my life,
and that diet gave me the last “push” I needed to fall down the hole of
anorexia.
So they’re
not proud of anything… They’re simply saying “this is how we do it here. If we
were to give you specific weights for food, it would be like reinforcing your
ED so you should throw out the scale and start eating more freely”.
But it’s like going from 0 to 100 in one second. I knew this was going to
happen one day, but it’s like too much too soon, I don’t know if you get what I
mean…
And my husband is starting his training for a new marathon right these days,
since the competition will be in November. So I’ll have to measure his food but
not mine? I don’t see it really being feasible…
Measuring cups.
That’s something really specific of America! I’ve seen them and read about them
in some recipes, but here in Italy it’s something we actually don’t use.
But I understand it could be useful. I’ll try and have a look on Amazon and see if I can find some…
But if I measure a cup of rice and then I “learn” how much it weights and use the cup instead of the scale, isn’t it actually the same as if I were to weight the rice?
I keep reading my concerns and I can see and feel how stupid and immature my concerns are.
But I really
can’t keep myself from feeling all of
this…
Moreover my husband asked me how it went with the dietician, and I said I couldn’t
speak when he called me.
He said “you’ll tell me tonight” and I am afraid if I tell him all of this, he might
renounce to his own diet. Or start checking if I weight anything, or commenting
on how I should loosen up… And I don’t want that!
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Thanks for sharing some more of the details with your dieticians. That is interesting, and in my opinion not very helpful of them for the "that's how we do it here" attitude. Eating Disorders are complex and I completely understand not being able to go from 0-100.
If it is something you and your husband do together, weighing that is, I think it would be okay to stick with it a little longer. You are still learning to navigate your feelings and gaining confidence in the ability of just eating more, which is a huge step in itself. Again, I'm not a professional, but know from experience that it takes time to "re-train" your brain.
I also think that you have "loosened" up from what you have shared. Just the fact of being good with your recent diet shows progress in my book.
I did not realize that measuring cups were not used elsewhere! Interesting! There are entire diet fads based on them here (of course). But you are right, it essentially is weighing, but I find it a little less time consuming and it still gives me piece of mind of getting appropriate amounts.
I'm sorry I can't be more helpful but know that I am thinking of you and proud of you and your recent success! I would say continue to build confidence in the fact of eating more, then maybe consider not weighing at least vegetables as they are generally calorie negative.
Tuesday 7/30
Had a nice night's sleep and another good workout in the AM. Summer School went well, and I was looking forward to coming home and "facing" my challenge of navigating my energy levels after school.
I did some research on how withdrawal effects the body and I was surprised to find that sugar withdrawal may cause fatigue. In a sense the body is learning how to regulate energy without the sugar rush, so it takes time to find the proper way to do this. Knowing this now is a relief. I can start to tell myself in the afternoon that it is likely just a "trick" and start to think if I'm truly hungry/tired. I did my little 10 minute workout and it helped with my mood/energy as well.
I kept down all my meals and they were healthy. After dinner I laid down watching a show and fell asleep for a time. Which.. may sound silly but was a win. In the past when I would relax after dinner I would just be thinking about the food I ate, was it too much, too little, should I binge, but instead my body just finally... relaxed.
Taking these small victories. August is nearly here and I'm hoping to make it an even better month. I can't thank you all enough for listening to my ramblings and support!
@Phoenix22k
Hi Phoenix,
Great job
for searching sugars’ withdrawal effects and finding a scientific answer to
your feelings.
I think this is going to have a huge impact on how you’ll react to your ED
voice in the next few weeks!
I also
love, love, love how you simply relaxed and fell asleep while watching tv.
It seems such a normal thing for most of the world, but I know it’s not for us!
It seems you’re the one winning at the recovery olimpics!!!!
I am so looking forward to reading what August is going to bring you.
Sending
lots of love!!!!
And thanks TO YOU for sharing with us and reading my ramblings
Wednesday 7/31
Good day at work and decent when I came home. I was feeling "sluggish" but did a 10 minute "workout snack" ( I even started referring to them as these in my head) and felt really good afterwards. I think it is safe to say that my "fatigue" is largely based on my old habits and my body wanting to get a sugar rush. Best thing yet is I like to now look forward to after my mini workout some relaxing time sitting and reading. It is like a "treat" to myself.
Dinner went well and I started planning out some of my goals for August. I have kept a "vision board' since the start of the year and it has helped me focus on what I want to work on and aspire to be.
I feel motivated and ready for August. I would LOVE to make this the first full month of no binge eating. It has been years since this occurred... In the morning after my workout/breakfast I feel so motivated but this tends to change throughout the day. I'm telling myself to devote at least a MONTH to being "clean" and then I can note how I feel.
Anxious, but excited for what August will bring.
Hi Phoenix,
Great work understanding your feelings and learning to use the workout snacks instead of eating snacks!
I am so happy to read how it’s going for you, and I am confident you will keep this up this month and that it’s going to be a great August. And when motivation goes down in the afternoons, please do not give up! Come here, write us and we’ll be here rooting for you ❤️
Accountability for August 1st
I ate. Not 100% what I was supposed to eat, especially fats. But I ate most of it.
I am trying to loosen up the reins a little bit but I still weight everything.
My ED voice is particularly happy that one of the things they asked me not to weight but to use a spoon to evaluate the quantity has actually a lower weight than I was used to “have to weight” so it’s like they’re actually allowing me to eat less. And I know it’s not right to think that and that it’s my bad brain talking and I should not listen to it… But yesterday’s visit with the dietician left me with such a bad feeling I just can’t shut this voice down.
On a different note, I am loosening up with milk on my coffee. It’s not much, and I still think I’m gonna get fat for it, but it’s so good I try to use it as a compensation for what I didn’t actually eat on my main meals.
So… Yeah. Confusion level 1000000
@Turtleonmyleftarm
My heart aches hearing about your challenges recently. Know that you are incredible and that every bit of loosing up is a win! I'm glad you started with the milk in your coffee. This may seem small, but baby steps!
I encourage you to take a little moment to think, a few extra ounces of milk definitely not make you "fat" but I understand your brain telling you this. As long as you are hitting everything else, your body will likely not even recognize the slight deviation. Now if you are adding a gallon of milk to your coffee... well that is a different story but I am sure you are not!
I'm a big fan of coffee myself, but am sure the "real-stuff" over in Italy is far better!
I'm proud of you for the compromises you are making. Be kind to yourself, you are healing, and as we discussed it will take time. I am disappointed in the dieticians and how they were not very helpful for you and seemed to disregard your feelings around food.
Do yourself a favor and look in the mirror, tell yourself you are beautiful and fit! And that you are allowed to enjoy your few extra splashes of milk.
Hoping you find more peace today <3
@Phoenix22k
Hi Phoenix,
Thank you for your kind, kind message!
You’re right… As always.
It’s just difficult to wrap my head around this.
I am really grateful for your support.
I’ve never been one to have lots of friends, and with my ED I’ve actually found it even harder to maintain friendships.
Yesterday I’ve had a small clash with my best friend and I think I haven’t been really attentive to what was happening to her lately, as I’ve been too focused on my own issues. So knowing I can come here, and see your messages of support, is really something I am looking for.
Thank you, with all my heart
August 1 1:1
One for one, healthy meals and no binges for August! Wow... it feels good. Yesterday was great. I'm not sure why I felt so motivated, but it carried me through the day. Perhaps some of my techniques and mindsets are setting in.
Work went well, I was allowed to come home after lunch, which was a change in my schedule that in the past might have derailed me. But I came home, took a walk, did my exercise snack, and then played some games.
Dinner came and I felt in control, and in the evening rested. I did not fall asleep right away, I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. Excitement for last day of summer-teaching tomorrow, my success, thoughts about keeping my "streak" going, about things I want to do this weekend. Racing thoughts, but all "good" and none shameful. Eventually I drifted off.
Writing this in the AM of August 2nd, feeling motivated and I'm going to start to check in at the end of the day.
Have a nice day everyone!
@Phoenix22k
I am so happy to read the 1st day of August has been so great for you!
You’ve been following these new techniques, having this new mindset etc. for a couple of weeks now, and I think they’re really starting to settle into your brain and life.
They said it takes 21 days for something to actually become an habit. I think you’re getting closer to this. And hopefully it will start getting easier, the more days go on…
O hope August 2nd will be as perfect as yesterday!
Keep up the good work! I am proud of you!!!!
Accountability for Friday, August 2nd.
I ate everything I was supposed to eat. And when it came to protein I chose tuna.
In my diet I had 90 grams of canned tuna (I know, it’s not the healthiest food but I am allowed it once a week and it’s useful when you’re in a hurry). In Italy we have these small cans of 80 grams of tuna but actually once you drain them from water you only have like 56-58 grams approximatively. So in the past I would prepare food for me and my husband so that I could give him the tuna that remained after I had weighted my 90 grams. But today I was alone and couldn’t give anyone the leftover tuna.
In the
past, I would have given the leftover tuna to the cat, or to the dogs. Or I
would have used just one can of tuna, and then I would have added peas, chickpeas
or any other different protein to reach the “right” quantity (or a little less)
without wasting food.
Since the dietician was so adamant about not being so strict at least with
proteins, and kept saying things like “people normally eat one portion of food,
they don’t split it to reach a specific weight”, I closed my eyes and added the
entire two cans of tuna into my plate. In the end it came out to 111 grams
instead of 90 grams. 21 grams more. For some people it’s nothing. For me it was
a lot.
I still
weight everything though… But at least with something I am trying to be a little
less rigid.
Can I count it as a small step?
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Yes you can count it as a small step! Adding the extra protein will also really help you build muscle and help you with your workouts. Try not to get discouraged on the scale as your weight may be shifting because of this as well.
That may be another way to look at your new diet, you are not getting fat, rather you are fueling muscle to perform and look even better! I would agree that if you are going to be "strict" on anything it would be less wholesome foods.
This is definitely a victory in my book, though the cat may be a little disappointed he doesn't get the scraps! (Joking of course).
@Turtleonmyleftarm,
Yes, you can count this as a small step, @Turtle. I understand how hard it must be to change a routine. It reminds me of when, many years ago, I used to go to the gym and would go through this routine of checking three times to make sure that not only did I have my keys, but I didn't leave anything else in the locker.
We all have our habits and routines that are sometimes hard to break, especially now for us. I think weighing food, as critical as food is to our conditions, is doubly hard to work on or break the cycle of.
For someone who isn't living it, it's hard to appreciate. So I don't know that a dietician or nutritionist can really understand. The nutritionist I saw yesterday gave me a couple of leads to some local groups that I think I might check out.
But keep up the good work, you're doing great.
Thank you!!! I’ve been thinking about you, not having read from you in a couple of days. I am glad you’re back ❤️
Accountability for Friday, August 2nd, 2024
Hello friends, I'm so terribly sorry that I haven't checked in with you in several days it seems.
We have been busy since getting home, working on cleaning up the house and packing as we are trying to sell the house and move, and that creates a lot of added stress in addition to the ED I don't have a lot of support here right now other than the two of you.
On a positive note, I did take some action today. I did have an appointment with my nutritionist who I worked with a year ago and I was honest with her about my current weight. I was never honest with her before and so now she knows that I am really in a dangerous position. I also have an appointment with my primary care physician on Tuesday of next week. The problem is that neither of these can really help with the behavioral problems of restricting food or eating and then thinking you're fat. But after so many years of psychotherapy, it's hard to want to start again, especially when we are planning to move in a few weeks. The nutritionist is planning on sending me some information on an eating disorder group in the area and maybe I can attend, or make some contacts and at least get some help for a few weeks while we are still here.
I had breakfast this morning with some old friends. And like both of you wrote, I too do not have a lot of friends, but at least I am grateful that I was able to meet with them today. And I did eat everything I was supposed to at all meals. And reflecting, that's a very good thing!
I have caught up on all the messages. And I'm so pleased to read of the progress that you are making, in battling this insidious problem that we share.
I wish I had more discipline in exercising than I do. That's something that I'm going to have to work on. I'll have to pay more attention to the article that I shared with you from the Guardian.
In any event, keep up the good work. You are both dear friends. I'm very proud of you. And I look forward to good reports over the weekend and into next week.
@enigmaticOcean8813
Hello as well! Not a problem with not checking in, just know that you're in my thoughts and I hope you keep coming here for support! Though it's just words on a screen, I do care and like the little group we have made.l 🙂 it makes me smile hearing you say that I am a support.
It takes a lot of courage to open up, especially to your nutritionist and I'm proud of you for that. I bet it feels like a weight off your shoulders. I hope that they are able to find a support group or resources to help. I looked into a few around me but have found 7cups to be helpful for now.
The behavioral piece is the big one. Like you, I know my ED brain likes to constantly tell me I'm not good enough, fit enough, ECT. It likes to have perfection in my diet and sees anything less as inferior. ED brain is staring to have less power, but it's still certainly there. It likely will always be but I think that we need to learn how to contain it and grow.
An amazing thing that you are everything you were supposed to! Definitely embrace that!
As for exercising, I can say it is the one thing that has kept me "alive" and well. It sort of came with the ED, but has evolved beyond that. I like to do it first thing in the morning so that it's out of the way, and whatever meetings or things come in the day I can at least have that small victory.
I'm not sure what your schedule is like, but maybe try going for a walk/jog or look up some bodyweight routines. I believe you said you used to wrestle so I'm sure that inner beast is in you somewhere!
Cheering you on and so glad to have you as a support as well.
@Phoenix22k,
Well, Phoenix, this morning I exercised and did a combination of wall Pilates, which I've been working on for the past two months. I actually tried some work from the Guardian article that I shared with you and Turtle. It's a lot harder than it looks. The Guardian article is easier to read than it is to execute, but it's sure a handy thing to have around.
With wall Pilates, I've been doing a wall plank, and it does some very minor work on the core. It's been many years since I've done a full plank, which I did this morning as part of the Guardian workout. It reminds me of some years ago when I actually worked my way up to a five-minute plank, which was quite an achievement, I thought. I worked over a 30-day period, and in the end, the challenge was not the physical musculature. The challenge was mind over matter.
It's good to get back to doing something a little more challenging, and I like mixing it up. I'm glad I found it and shared it with you. As for running or walking, I'm mildly disabled and require mobility aids, so I'm not able to run. Walking is possible, but a challenge. Therefore, I think that I have to look for things like the Guardian article for aerobics.
Jumping jacks, which were mentioned in the Guardian article, are hard because I don't have as good neurological control of my right side as my left. There is a whole website of bodyweight resistance exercises, routines, and programs called Darebee that I used to get programs from. I'll have to look it up and see if it still exists and share it with the group as well. But thanks for the note.
Hi Ocean,
maybe also check “team body project”, they also have seated workouts or entry-level workouts to allow you to start in an easier way. And they always suggest simplified versions of the exercises in case you can’t do a specific movement.
I think they have a great approach to movement
@Turtleonmyleftarm, thanks for the reference. TBP is yet another good source for me.
@enigmaticOcean8813
I'm so glad you looked into some exercise and I really enjoyed the guardian article. I think just about anything that gets your heart rate up a bit helps. I have done some pilates routines as well and they are tough! I like them because they are very core/flexibility focused.
I'm proud of you for trying this out. Keep it up and fitting in things that you are capable of doing. I forgot about your neurological challenges, so of course do what you can and that is safe.
I think the little self-esteem boosts will go a long way.
Hi Ocean,
I cannot but completely agree with everything Phoenix wrote you, word by word.
I am happy you’re back here in our small group ❤️ I thought you were busy after your trip and with the sale of the house, so you’ve been in my thoughts
