Diet/Nutrition Accountability Thread (7/29-8/4)

@Phoenix22k

Hi Phoenix,

I am sorry I haven’t replied to you sooner.
I’ve actually read this message but I find it quite difficult to trace everything via app on my phone, while when I’m at work if I can “steal” a couple of minutes and reply via computer it’s much easier.

But I always read, even if I might not be fast in my replies during the weekends.

It’s so nice you’re involved in church activities!
It’s something I don’t personally do, but I think it’s great…
What kind of support would you give to those youngsters? What part of your experience are you going to share with them?

And the age gap isn’t that big, I am sure you will find some guys that are way more mature than their age, and you’ll form some friendships!

By the way, I think we never mentioned our ages before. I am 36! So slightly older, but not much!

I thought you were going to love Deadpool. I think it was the right mix between fun, and profound (with Wolverine’s arch from anti-hero to hero). 

@Turtleonmyleftarm

It is all good! You are enjoying your Holiday I hope! But I do look forward to our messages and support here :)

I found the website to be much easier to respond to as well.

While I am faithful, I wouldn't call myself a BIG religious person. There are aspects of my church I do not agree with, but for the most part just having faith and hope from God has helped me get through challenging times.

I'm not sure what I can bring for these younger adults. I learned some tough lessons in my 20's and still now! I would mainly encourage them to always try to improve themselves and try not to compare themselves to others. Yes, a journey I am still on, but maybe they can do it better than me. I don't plan to share my ED with them, but perhaps just some of my challenges with depression and connecting to others.

I think it will be a nice way for me to get out, meet some people, and just recharge my social battery.

Accountability for Saturday, august 3rd

Yesterday night my company organised a barbecue to celebrate that we’re about to close for our 2-week summer holiday. I took food on my plate thinking “this is a normal quantity for anyone, it’s more/different to what you are used to, but one meal will not make you fat. Just act normal”. At the end of the party I wasn’t even feeling guilty. Guilt came this morning, but I tried to push it aside and had breakfast. 

For lunch I made risotto and cooked everything on one pan. I normally cook my meals and my husband’s separately as it allows me to have perfect control on all ingredients and quantities but I asked ChatGPT to do an analysis of how the ingredients would be shared if I did everything on one pan, and of course it’s impossible to know precisely how the ingredients will mix up and be divided into the plates, but anyway I saw that the proportions between carbs, proteins and fats would be more or less ok (with my portion being on the “less” side, but not much) and so I decided to do it that way. 

It’s not much. I probably ate slightly less. But I think it could be a small step towards being less precise with food portions and obsessing a little bit less. I know it’s not exactly what they wanted me to do, but at least I am trying to be a little bit more flexible… 

Baby steps!

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Those are some big baby steps in my opinion! That took a lot of courage to eat "normally" amongst your peers, and it is even better yet that you did not feel guilty at the party. The guilt did come afterwards but it sounds like you were able to quiet ED brain down at least.

You are making such great progress and taking new risks/challenging yourself. Preparing dinner for you and your husband at the same time is a great step, and I hope you find comfort in that even if it wasn't "perfect".  Give yourself a lot of credit for that! Less obsession I believe is definitely a good thing. 

Enjoy your 2-week holiday! Any fun plans for that time?

@Phoenix22k

Hi Phoenix,

Thank you for your support!!!!
No, we don’t have any plan. Unfortunately here in Italy it’s common for companies to close in August, which means everybody goes on holiday at the same time and everything costs a lot more than usual and you get stuck in traffic…
So no, we’ll just stay home and relax.

Maybe we’ll be able to make a couple of hikes in the mountains, but I don’t know yet…  

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Interesting! I am enjoying learning a little bit about Italy in our conversations! I had heard that Holiday is a pretty big thing in other countries. I did not think about the fact that if everyone takes one that the cost of things would go up. Good to know! Also good to know if I would ever travel out there and find most things closed haha.

I have not travelled much, but think I would enjoy it some day. The school I work at generally takes trips to other countries in the summer. I believe they went to Spain last year, but Italy/Rome was on the list.

Sun 8/4 3:4

Today was good for the most part. Nice morning and went to my parents to celebrate my mom's birthday which was wonderful! We went out to eat and I had a crab filled omelette which was really good! It wasn't exactly as I expected though as it was more of a crab cake with added grains/carbs which challenged me.

On my way home, feeling as though I already had an imperfect day I bought some snacks... Even in the parking lot my heart started racing and I felt control slipping. So I had a binge, and purged, also ridding the "imperfect" meal from before

Despite this, I feel ok. Disappointed yes, but I had a great run and I think my mind/body is starting to enjoy eating full days more due to all the benefits. I know perfection isn't possible, I just need to continue to make peace with this and find my version of "imperfection" I suppose

So 3/4 so far in August. But as a teacher I tell my students to learn from their mistakes and that they can't be perfect. So I'm going for instead 90% or better of clean days.

Looking forward to tomorrow and challenging myself to getting back on track

@Phoenix22k

Hi Phoenix,

I am sorry to read the omelette was different than expected, and that it triggered you.

I think restaurants should be much more clear when they explain their dishes!!! I’ve had the same experience a lot of times, when I would choose a dish depending on how I thought it would be from the description, and found myself having a much more complicated/heavy/caloric dish. And most of the times I would have had a 2^nd dish that I would have preferred in terms of taste, that I had left aside because I thought I was going towards a safer option, and in the end it was completely the opposite.

In any case, I think your reaction to the binge is amazing.
I am sorry you binged, and purged, and for everything you’ve gone through.
But I love that you’re not allowing a small misstep to bring you down!

I think you’ve made such big step forwards in the last few weeks!
You’re now able to understand that a mistake doesn’t mean you’ve thrown everything out of the window, and that you can just start over again and keep moving forward.
I think this shows how far you’ve come and I really admire you for how you’re reacting and for your positivity and attitude.

You’re a huge example for me and I really look up to you and admire you!  

 Hi!

Accountability for Sunday 8/4

Started  the day with a 12 km run.
Here in Italy we have a lot of local organized runs which are basically “free runs”.
They’re not competitions, you are free to start from like 8 am to 10 am, you pay a very small sum (like 3€) and they give you a course and a few water/snack points in that course. So you get to run in different places without the risk of getting lost, and you know you can find some water, and you also always have someone near you so you can chat (if you like) or you can use the person in front of you as a personal challenge and try to keep up with him/her, etc.

And you don’t have many athletes there, it’s basically just normal people, running or walking at any speed. So nobody feels out of place.

After the run I allowed myself a piece of fruit. I normally never ate after those runs.
And when I got home, I snacked on an apple since I was hungry.

Then I had lunch, and ate the entire portion of protein even if my previous diet had a slightly lower quantity, but the new diet says “a single portion”, not three quarters of a portion, so I said “ok I ran, I can try to shut my brain up and eat all of it”.

The rest of the day went quite normally, I don’t have much to report.

But yesterday evening before I went to bed I looked at myself and really saw my belly is getting bigger.
I am fuller. I am fat.

I train, I run, I eat what the dietician said is “the minimum”, and still I get fat.
I don’t get muscles, it’s like the only part of me that reacts to food is my belly.

I am so tired of this!!!
Why can’t I be normal?

I still eat because I need the energies to run and  train, but why can’t I make it look like I’m actually training?
Why does it always looks like I spend my days sitting on the couch? 

@Turtleonmyleftarm

I sense your frustration and am sending you a hug!

Sounds like the day was really good in the morning. You are doing so well with your diet, and all those things are super healthy and important. You are fueling yourself for success. You have even said your runs are getting better, as are your workouts! So I really think the muscle is growing.

But I know the feeling looking in the mirror and being frustrated. Something to consider is that in the evening you may just have a "full belly" and it is not fat. It's always nice when I wake up and I look in the mirror and am like dang I look good! Then I have one bottle of water and I feel like a completely different person in the mirror. You may be gaining some weight but I would imagine it is muscle, or perhaps tissue healing itself that you need. Sometimes I wonder with my ED how much internal damage I've done... and that my body needs to heal that too. 

Maybe try saying "You are not fat, you are full". I like that mantra and may start saying that myself!

Really proud of you for your protein intake, fruits, veggies and everything. Your dedication to your workouts, you are remarkable! 

I'm hoping some of this gives you peace <3

@Phoenix22k

Thank you 💜
Yeah, you're so right! I wake up in the morning and my stomach is flat and I think I am finally getting to see a little bit of where I'd like to be... Then I just breath and PUFF! Everything changes!

I've read about the body needing to heal itself and so on, but it's so difficult to get this in my head... 
I'll try with our new mantra. We are not fat, we are full. I'll think about you!

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Thank you Turtle! Compared to how I felt after the last misstep, I feel much better. I'm hoping today I find that inner strength again. Keeping busy with some things will help.

But yes! So another place I get the omlette makes it just as I would expect and it is great, but I struck out yesterday. I did have a backup option that I thought would be more in line with what I would eat, but I wanted to try and stretch myself and try it. 

Know that you are also a huge inspiration as well!

Hi, 
I've created the new post for this week:

https://www.7cups.com/forum/eds/EatingDisordersGeneralSupport_32/DietNutritionAccountabilityThread85811_334012/

@Phoenix22k 

@enigmaticOcean8813

I will now reply to the posts I've missed in the last couple of days