**Eating Disorder Check-ins** Week of Nov 6 - Dec 2**

@KristenHR I'm at starting to struggle currently. Trying my best to crawl up but Arfid sucks...

@sadcat13

I'm glad you posted.  ARFID does suck.  I hate to hear you are starting to struggle.  Have you found anything that helps at times for you?

Do you have anyone who knows you are dealing with this?  Support systems who have had some education can be very helpful to have there.

@KristenHR sadly i dont have anyone in my surroundings who is suffering from it, but that´s ok. My fam is very understanding about it and i have a pretty wide variety of safe foods at home and they take it into account when making a meal. Surrounding myself with tasty looking food content helps me a lot. And just in general having positive stuff about food in front of me. Made a thread about it on my profile if you want to help me out by dropping your fav meal there. Just sadly my subtype is one where i keep swinging between gradual expanding and shrinking of my safe food circle especially due to health issues. So no food landing in safe food zone is guaranteed to stay there

@sadcat13

I'm glad your family is supportive.  Great job on gathering recipes and finding ways to make the food appealing. 

I know it's difficult but it is a journey and you are taking great steps to move forward.  Kudos to you on what you are doing and for recognizing these steps.

@KristenHR I was stupid enough to check out ED tumblr <edit> yesterday, because I was bored and missed my friends and their support for loosing weight, but that resulted in me struggling today, and wanting to STAAARVE.

I wanna look at Edblr again today, even if I know I shouldn't. I really REALLY shouldn't, but now I am hooked. I have been debatting whether or not to enter that part of tumblr again today. It felt so good to see all my mutes, and to read the latest advice on starving, the newest low cal recepies, talk to the mutes and just blog about my day with absolutely no filter on.

I really feel like I can be myself in there, and I know I am probably not just struggling right now. I'm more than struggling. I haven't really eaten today at all, and I really wanna just go back to eat only dinner every day and just call it a day at that. I so hate that I have been gaining, and that I am now overweight, and I wanna get back into the starve/restrict circle, even though I know I shouldn't. I really really shouldn't, but I will probably do it anyway.

I suck at reaching out, and a the moment I have no professionals to reach out to, as as someone with schizophrenia in Denmark you cannot get ED help at all, because "you are psychotic and we cannot treat people who is that" - is what they have told me...

@TheMadHatterWasHere

I hate to hear you are struggling so.  Sites like that definitely create issues when everyone is talking about how unhealthy is okay or how to continue to lose weight even when it's dangerous to do so. 

Knowing that you are struggling so, and having urges to return there, is there anything that can and does help you to stay away from there?  It sounds like you know it's not good for you to be there.

You say you suck at reaching out, you reached out here - maybe not yesterday before you went there, but you did with this post.  To me that is reaching out.  It's not instant support but it is support.

I might have asked this before, but have you looked into virtual support groups for eating disorders?  Those aren't professional, but they can provide a lot of support, and they can be educational as you learn from each other and can gain skills for recovery too.

You may already know this, but it does take the body quite a while to adapt and stabilize and the eating cycle needs to regulate, and your body needs to learn that it doesn't need to store food because it is going to get food regularly now.  That makes it important to get the nutrition, even if small amounts.  That of course is best addressed with a registered dietitian or nutritionist who deals with eating disorders.

I want to encourage you to be strong, and be healthy.  You can do this - you are worth fighting for you and your health, and your recovery.

@KristenHR I know I shouldn't but it felt sooo good to be back you know? And I have gone back there today. Twice. Closing the app the first time, scrolling and browsing the second. Guess I am doomed now.

@TheMadHatterWasHere

As long as you continue to try, you are not doomed.  Just because you went back, that doesn't determine your future.  It's like walking into a room and being able to stop and turn around and walk back out.  It is a choice - sometimes a painful choice.

I know it's horribly difficult.  I know the eating disorder voice calls to you and tells you that it was better before and this is the best option, but what does your rational voice say?  What does your healthy voice say?  What would you tell a friend who is struggling like you are right now to encourage them?

You deserve all the good and positive that you can give yourself, even if it doesn't feel like it.  I hear you and how hard this is.  I know it's a giant struggle.  But I believe you have choices and are not doomed just because you went back.  It may be a big big fight right now, and it may feel like a losing battle.  Know that you have support here, and are cared about.  Don't give up on you and your recovery.  You are worth fighting for.

@KristenHR My "sick voice" is kinda waterboarding the "healthy voice" right now :S

@KristenHR This is all going the wrong way. I skipped breakfast and only had dinner today :S

@TheMadHatterWasHere

Have you considered taking it one meal at a time, and just focus on getting each meal in you - something to give your body fuel?  Don't think ahead, but focus mindfully on doing what you need to do each meal? 

Take it slow, breathe, use positive affirmations, and remind yourself that you can do this.  You are worth the work that this takes. 

I'm glad you posted and shared the struggle of this.