trying to love someone with severe depression
I have had an on and off relationship for a few years with a guy who dumps me when he gets deep into an episode of depression. He always comes back. it difficult because I love him and when he's at his worst he refuses to believe it because he just hates himself so much it is unfathomable to him. Of course he has intense abandoment issues from his ex who left him during a dark time because she just didn't care. Now he thinks no one will ever love him at his worst.
Right now we are not speaking because he refused to talk to me or open up to me, so i decided to remove myself from the situation as to not have my presence add to his guilt and self hate. He knows he can come to me for anything, and he always does when he's at his lowest.
Does anyone have any experience on trying to love and persevere in a relationship one someone is all but given up the fight in their depression?
the simplest way I can describe how I feel is: I know he would do anything for me, he'd take a bullet for me, but he also welcomes that bullet for himself.