Highly Functioning Depression
I know it seems like an oxymoron but I am insanely active but still struggling with crippling depression. Everyday I get up, exercise, complete all my tasks at work (active duty military), go to grad school, work out again, read, cook, clean... basically all the things most people with depression wish they could get done in a month I knock out in a day.
However, every morning I have to pep talk myself out of bed. Half the reason I'm showing up to work is because I dont want attention drawn to myself. I'm tempermental, my thoughts race, I put an insane amount of effort to focus, I'm constantly fatigued, and I feel terrible about myself. Even though I accomplish such and such things, I feel like I accomplished nothing. I'm filled with self loathing I can't look at myself in the mirror. I see no future for myself and constantly wish I would wake up. I can't build relationships with people because I pick the wrong people or I push people away. People often walk all over me and use me.
When people recommend ways to fight depression, I do a lot of those things. But I still feel so empty inside. How do others with highly functioning depression deal with things?