@Espen15 I can imagine the support you get from listeners is most likely limited, given that they're usually also teens (well meaning, but still developing of course) it's possible you may have more luck with adult-teen listeners, but in the end we're still just volunteers and not trained professionals
One thing I want you to keep in mind is that you're young and at a high point in your mental development. What that means is...things are most likely really heightened for you, but they WILL settle as you age. There's a lot going on in your body, including in your brain (not to mention all the stressful things going on in your environment!), and it can cause a lot of painful things but this is also something that very often goes away or becomes much easier to manage as you get older. So if that's any consolation...you have good odds of feeling better with some time :) it's tough times for sure, but they pass if you let them.
As a personal note, I was heavily depressed from about grade 4 to probably the end of my university degree. I thought I would never feel better, that it just wasn't possible for me, that I was meant to be this way. But in university I decided to try the counselling there, since it was free from the school and I didn't have anything to lose from trying. The two counselors I had at different times both used CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) techniques with me and...it felt like magic. I mean, it was a LOT of work and a lot of effort from me, and it took time and it made me feel worse at first (because you really have to face your thoughts and take responsibility where you can and make an active effort to make changes) but over time I realized I wasn't even near how awful I had felt before. It helped anxiety a lot too. I wouldn't say I'm "cured" but I'm SHOCKED that I actually have days where I'm happy to be alive. I felt that would have never been possible before. I still have awful days, but I'm better equipped to handle them now.
So, one thing that could be useful is looking to CBT, it's obviously best used with a professional, but there are activities/educational pieces that can be used by yourself. There's even a workbook that is for going through yourself, it's called "Mind Over Mood" and you can find a free pdf online if you look :) it is work, it's effort, it's being realistic with yourself, but if that's what it takes to not feel awful, I think it's worth it.
I've also heard that teens sometimes benefit more from DBT instead, dialectical behaviour therapy. I don't have any direct resources for that (or know how effective it is by yourself) but it's another option to search online if you're interested :)
So in conclusion...I would say don't give up on listeners entirely (maybe search for verified adult-teen listeners?); if your school has any form of counselling (guidance counselor, etc....sometimes they have counselling training or have resources available) it couldn't hurt to try that; there's free at-home therapy tools online you can try; and of course have patience with yourself as you grow :) it's tough when you can't tell your parents, when you can't reach out for support in a professional way, but you do deserve support and you deserve to feel happier in your life. And I believe that you can get there, there's always options