My 7 Cups Dream Journal

I went to gamers group but didn’t stay long. The one who brings the games forgot the Wii remotes, and another person had their own game system but had dead batteries in their remotes. I played a game of checkers but was grossed out when the one I was playing with kept eating a granola bar and getting crumbs all over the pieces she touched.

I won the game and didn’t want to play UNO, especially when I noticed the person to my right’s hands…his nails were very long and completely filthy.

I waited a few minutes then decided to leave, saying that I had to go grocery shopping.

I left and eventually caught my bus. I did the shopping, walked home, and moved the trash cans.

now I’m just resting

I dreamt that I was interviewing for a job that looked pretty good. Didn’t involve physical labor or standing, I’d be in an office and working in front of a computer.

In the middle of the interview I was basically told I was going to be hired…until I said I was on SSDI and Medicare/Medi-Cal.

Oh it took less than a minute for the interviewer and hiring manager to say it was impossible for me to be hired because of that.

I was upset, obviously and they kept giving excuses about how I should have known I wouldn’t be selected for the job and that I needed to find something else.

I yelled “But there isn’t anything else! I’ve applied for everything!”

I dreamt that for whatever reason my younger sister was scamming her way into living with me and trying to stay long enough to claim squatters rights.

I felt awful when I woke up because it was colder last night and my throat was sore plus I had a big headache.

I got a call from a number I didn’t know and let it go to voice mail. When I listened to it I learned it was my mom calling from a different number on some weird texting app or something.

We spoke briefly and she caught me up on what was going on: she’d not gotten her id card back after sending it in with her food stamp recertification, so for whatever reason she can’t use her food stamps and has used all of her change. She’s going on and on about how she deserves to go to *** for being a terrible mother and that my younger sister is right to blame her for everything.

So nothing is better over there. At night my sister goes to sleep on the street and brings the dog with her, and my mom is worried about him because he’s probably staying up to guard her.

I told her that it was good that he was with her during the call then, so the little man could relax.

I sent my mom’s new temporary number to my older sister like my mom wanted because she wants to ask her for a little money for food.

after the call was over and I finished charging my phone halfway then got up to walk to the dentist office to ask if they’d gotten the date for the next wisdom tooth appointments with sedation. They still don’t know and didn’t call me back yesterday about it because there were lots and lots of extractions.

I left and got discount cookies from the store then ate them with almond milk at home.

Now I’m going to take a hot shower and prepare a small load of laundry in my Twin Spin. While I’m doing the chores I’ll watch Netflix.

Sorry to keep my comments short. Still dealing with my mom and all of her issues. Surgery will be on Tuesday. But I am very, very tired. 

My sister is also being a bit problematic but in my case she just isn't helping out very much and leaving it all to me.

I am glad that you didn't let your mom/sister situation impact you too much. Good job on the cookies, laundry and Netflix. It sounds like it was a successful day.

It’s been a long day of trying not to be angry about my mom not responding, and getting a small load of laundry done. Then she finally did by calling from a friend’s phone. She said the text mail thing my younger sister got started charging after the first day.

She tried calling my older sister first who didn’t answer and hadn’t emptied her voicemail so she couldn’t leave a message. I asked for her list and walked her through it so we didn’t miss anything she needed. It’s not a long list and I didn’t even think of adding eggs or more shelf stable items.

My older sister responded to the texted list and said that she wasn’t sure how they were going to do the delivery.

I’m trying to not think about it too hard.

I woke up with a big headache so after resting and responding to emails from my job developer about the tutoring job that expressed interest (that if all of the places I was expected to go were too far I should ask them if there were any remote positions, and the answer I learned much later was a polite no) and trying to create an account in their website but running into issues with uploading a picture of myself, I got up and looked for coffee.

I had a container of Folgers ground coffee so I made like half a pot of strong coffee, each cup had some unsweetened almond milk and Truvia sweetener.

After several cups on an empty stomach I made myself sick. I threw out the last brewed cup of coffee and switched to just water.

Now I’m exhausted and waiting to see if my best buddy has time to talk after having some friends over.

I sent my mom a text to her temporary number thinking that she might see it. I told her that I’d brewed coffee and it made me think of her, that I hoped she got the food my older sister sent her and if she could would it be possible to just ask her friend to use their phone to just call me and confirm it?

I’m exhausted. Finally had my chat with my friend but I ended up feeling a bit worse because we spoke about problems that don’t have good solutions. Like just refusing to talk to my mom since she’s taken to finding ways to get around my boundaries or trying to get Section 8 even though in my county and city Section 8 is only being given to the elderly or the homeless. The housing situation and trouble finding work is making it harder to ignore thoughts of just ending things, but I’m self-aware enough to know that it’s probably not going to truly solve anything. I’m just so overwhelmed.

I was so exhausted after that I took a very long afternoon nap and only woke up to check my phone and see that I had a text from my neighbor about some furniture another neighbor dumped on the grass because she’s moving, and could I grab it for him? I didn’t do it because I felt so awful still.

We started texting about how another neighbor is being relocated because the water heater in her apartment has been leaking for so long it’s damaged the beams in the floor and caused all the mildew she’s been dealing with this last year. That leak is why the gas was shut off in that building for over two weeks now, making it so none of the tenants have hot water or can use their stoves or heaters.

And as I was thinking of how the rent is going to go up after the one tenant moves away and whether or not my own water heater is going to leak and lead to all of those problems too, I just felt worse and worse about all the things I can’t control.

I tried to think of ways I can make things less overwhelming but couldn’t find a cheaper plan for home phone and WiFi since that bill is so high.

I have to go to gamers group tomorrow if only for an excuse to leave the house. I’ll wake up early to take a nice shower.

My mother continues to be quite annoying because she will not slow down and let other people help her. She got the full onslaught of me yelling at her on the phone today. I am not regretting it. But I do understand your mom drama even more at the moment.

As far as the tutoring goes, what is nice about it is that so much of it is online today. You could do it from your apartment and you would be excellent as an English tutor for instance. There are a number of countries, especially in Asia, that seek out English help on a regular basis. There are companies who do only that kind of tutoring and you can usually choose how often you want to work. The biggest challenge is the time difference. But there are also plenty of such companies in the US too. Do some research and see what you come up with.

I am so glad that the games group went well and that you will go on your birthday. That will be a nice way to celebrate. 

I dreamt that I was stuck trying to get me, my mom, and my younger sister to our homes. I chose the first bus I recognized and they both followed me on while I tried to use Google Maps to figure out the next steps. Everything I looked at said I was going home by 10 p.m. so I got off on a bus stop on the freeway and my mom followed after me but my younger sister stayed behind on the first bus. It drove away and I began figuring out how we could get home from that spot on buses that would accept our bus cards as payment.

I told my mom that if I took one of the six buses that came to this one stop I could get home by 5 and that she could take it too and just get off before I did and reach her home too.

Then I woke up with a bit of a headache.

I got some distressing news about our courtyard filling with water and waste. I made the maintenance order for it and ran into the tenant who is leaving today. She confirmed how awful the mildew is and I commented that I wouldn’t be able to touch the things that will be dragged out and left on the parkway by workmen because I can’t risk bringing the mildew into my building.

I’m trying to not focus on it too much but it also makes it harder for me to do my tasks; I did only enough dishes to make breakfast and I didn’t want my use of water to make the flooding worse in the back.