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@mytwistedsoul

Did you maybe change something with the oatmeal?

I wonder.

I have been using alot of cacao/cocoa powder.

Today, just thought i should kick the habit and switch to matcha powder, which i did use before, just very infrequent.

Or maybe my appetite is off today.

I just dont really understand.

Same portion size.

Sometimes feel not enough.

Sometimes feel too much.

Like coffee.

Sometimes i yearn for more.

Sometimes i just dont want it. But my cravings is there and have to force it down...

I know when the pollen counts are high it can cause problems for people. Sinus problems, sneezing and coughing.

oh... i believe it depends on individual sensitivity levels.

like cooking pungent ingredients or spices or herbs.

I'll have to see if I can look at the sleeping differently. Just thinking about it sometimes make me anxious.

it certainly does.

cause the thoughts are constantly flying through your mind.

I looked in to what you can do to help keep the sweet potatoes longer. If you cook them, boil or baked, then peel and mash them. They freeze and hold well. Without the starchyness. They keep their flavor and texture. You can freeze them that way according to any recipes you may have. For how ever much you may need in a recipe. Would make it easier, I think. They're supposed to last 12 months in the freezer that way.

hmm. dont really want mashed.

but i did tried before chopped and cooked in refridgerator. after 2 days still ok. I havent tried even longer period.

but lately my food intake is getting weaker.

even decision making for what to eat is getting poorer.

Be gentle with yourself, take care ( any better with the new meds?)

not really. new meds.

I only asked for more cough syrup.

But the doctor gave another set of sore throat.

Still taking for now.

Stomach muscle cramp still there. hope it heals up... can run/jog tmr.

@mytwistedsoul

This morning, the ache/pain is still there. But only when i stretched alot or put pressure on it.

I hope it is much better.

I went down for a run/jog again.

Chin-Up - No go. Arm is totally weak. Nothing new.. i duno why.

Run/Jog - End up become like a slow jog. Somehow i could feel the pressure/pain when i land my foot where the stomach core hurts.

You could try taking a break from certain things, and see where that leads. Maybe the different ingredients are more filling.

Somehow it just felt "difficult" to get out of habits.

Its like you like it. But still dont want it.

=.=? what is going on mike?

Like coffee, i know i dont like the taste. But i still crave and make it and drink it.

End up there are times where i almosted puked, refluxed and zzz.

You could just cook them, peel them and freeze them whole or cube them. I think they just need to be cooked before they are froze.

freeze or refridge better?

As long as i can have a "longer" shelf life, and i can choose the portion size.

I am happy enough.

Problem is potatoes comes in all forms and sizes.

I often stand in front of the supermarket just to pick the "best" "perfect" looking, "dry", "size" potatoes so i can portion properly.

The meds just supposed to silence the cough or does it have something else to heal it, if it's like bronchitis or something.

Not sure.

I only know that the cough syrup, sure "made" me cough such that it forces the phlegm out. (sorry)

Sore throat, i duno, it comes and goes. Never really truly heals.

I have been on lozenges like weeks/months. - It costs very much, plus very... sweetening... I dont wanna damage my teeth, plus not at this age of mine.

Could you maybe take a brisk walk, instead of a run or jog?

That's what i had to do instead yesterday...

It felt sucky in the end.

Like a failed warrior...

Walking of shame.

End up when i go home during the evening (after work), i did another yoga flow - basics gentle moves.

Cannot do any of those "core" moves (i.e. chatarangas)

@mytwistedsoul

The only thing I can think of is that everything's still sore from all the coughing. It's probably going to take a little for those strained muscles to heal.

I guess so.

I could stop the cough syrup. But i'm just trying to be on the safe side to clear the phlegm as much as possible.

Yeah I didn't think about that, sorry. With the habits, which I should have gave that a thought because we all have those habits, they're just different from person to person. We all have our "ways" of doing things. And it doesn't feel right if we don't follow those. I saw about the cocoa and then the matcha and thought, maybe it's the cocoa so , but I understand.

Its ok. No one's perfect. Though I find it often hard to accept.

I always thought, what works for one. Works for another. 1 + 1 = must be 2

But then it rather distracts and/or disturbs me if i really dont follow the "ideals"

Haha, well. Thanks for your understanding.

Take for example today's breakfast... so weird. It took me an hour plus to complete.

To freeze them would definitely be better if you want longer storage. They're supposed to last up to 12 months that way. But like I said they have to be cooked before they're froze. If you could try to keep them the same size or get however many you may need, cook them up and then do them up in portion size as your getting them ready to freeze. A little obsessive probably but that's the only way I can think of.

Wow...

But why not the inverted way? Freeze then cook? will there be a difference? or does it spoil faster?

I dont wanna cook it twice.

I kinda hate this portion size/serving size kind of stuffs. Very ED inducing thing. Although I should be learning to control my thoughts and emotions when dealing with such matters.

But why i started to hate them is because of the fact that it is hard to decide how much I truly want or how much can i actually tolerate.

Its so weird, its like one day, i can eat some , while other days I can eat way more, but i only prepared limited amount... Then becoming stucked.

If it's helping bring it out then it sounds like you've been fighting a sickness. Which might help explain the sore throat too. So it's good it's helping to break everything up, so you can get it out.

Actually the sore throat has been something that i been battling for years. - Since i started working at least.

Along with the food coma - that no doctors would help me address.

Even the toughest of warriors get injured and need to heal and take it a little easier from time to time. It's nothing to be ashamed about. (I need to follow my own advice) But it's hard to accept when our bodies and thoughts don't work to our expectations, makes us angry and frustrated so we push harder. Unfortunately we just end up doing ourselves more harm and end up getting set back. Maybe try to stick with the more gentle moves for a day or two. Just to allow yourself a little more time to heal.

I can understand that part. But it does feel bad, when it happens.

The dissapointment along with the other mental issues just dampens the pain further.

And worse off yup, the lack of acceptance for the need of a "stop" rest becomes obessive pushing of oneself. End up becoming more severly "damaged" than it originally was.

Yea been actually about 2-3 days already.

Today was kinda slightly better than the past few days.

I see how tomorrow morning.

Take care of yourself, be gentle.

I will. You too take care twisted soul.

@mytwistedsoul

They tell you to finish your meds, so if it's helping, finish it.

Nope. Never gave that instructions.

Not antibiotics.

As of past 2 days, consuming it does not "cough" out any phlegm though.

But the sore throat is seriously pestering me.

I realised no combination of any meds or lozenges helps.

It's better to cook them first so they don't get starchy or lose their flavor. The only thing you would have to really do is thaw it. Heat it up too of course if you don't want to eat it cold. It must be hard with the portions and not knowing how much you can or can't eat. And then with it changing from day to day, or meal to meal.

I see...

Actually i am very lost... read here and there, listening and taking advices from every where.

So... is the "starch" good or bad for digestion?

Some said good for digestion bacteria, some say bad because body cannot digest.

It is seriously confusing for the mind.

Hiaz.

Some even dont recommend to reheat.

Yes... i seriously hate portioning... when i cannot tell how much i can down it.

What's worse is that after finishing, sometimes... i hate to "make" more. Cause need to run through the whole process again.. like waste of electricity/energy.

plus people or recommendations kept saying to change your meals so that you get all the nutrients. which makes portioning even more difficult.

even more, i have to buy so many different stuffs... which is like even way worse. now i got so many different perishables

Oh wow, is there maybe something that irratates it where you work? Dust or something?

well, the office is definitely very old building.

most of the colleagues already complained about the poor air quality for long already.

no air purifier or what sort of cleansing helps.

if at home - ciggarettes, insense, etc.

How were your exercises?

Well, today's run is abit awkward.

Push-Ups have not been very strong, but i am trying to keep up with my regulars if possible.

Though i can still feel some sores.

Chin-Ups, have been deteriorating very bad. I duno if it is because i am "training" not enough. Getting lazy. or I am actually losing arm strength.

Run, well this is very weird. The mind wants to run for the "energy" surge, the body is "refusing" and kept feeling numb, perhaps due to the meds, the heart is trying to "calm" and please both the mind and body.

I am totally so zzz.

I truly hope to have a good break from all these mental thoughts.

Give myself a good break from everything.

Sorry this is sort of short. Not quite with it today, even with seeing the therapist this morning. just a goofy head today.

Dont worry twistedsoul. It is already good if not better that you even took time to respond.

If you are not feeling well, feel free to skip or take a break for a few days.

Its ok. Don't force yourself. Sometimes the head just dont process well.

Like me trying to concentrate also, but the head is not giving myself any peace.

Thanks Mike. If I'm not on til later, try to remember to be gentle with yourself. Take care, try to have a good weekend.

Okays. Take care too twistedsoul.

Maybe who knows, perhaps we could even consider to "stop" the thread.

And look forward towards a better future for each of ourselves.

@mytwistedsoul

Hey How are you?

Hi twistedsoul. I thought I should start with a nicer proper greeting.

But then the past few days has not been good.

Morning workouts are awkward and weird.

Run - Suddenly the stomach cramp/sting came back suddenly, end up being a slow jog while bearing the pain

Chin-Up - Definitely degraded. Getting Poorer reps and counts. Sad. - Anyways, i never been able to do chin-ups since young.

Yoga - Similarly, i noticed weird trends. Unable to do this pose, later that, then i had to change routines and stuffs. Or changed to twice a day AM/PM but with the "easier" flows kind.

But something I learnt about yoga was that when I did those slower "flows" type of yoga. I was able to concentrate better, and kind of be in tune with the postures. Although not very satisfying, but still was done.

I've got to stop making assumptions. I figured if it was doing such a good job there must be antibiotics in it. Sorry it stopped working for you.

Haha its ok, sometimes we accidentally overlook. - Which i definitely did in my past. And resulted in alot of disordered thinking patterns. - Although the resulting result which is now version of me. that is not something great either.

Nah its ok. You know sometimes medication is almost placebo

I'm not entirely sure. I've seen the same things. Good, bad, I don't think anyone really knows. They say low fat but high calories. Supposed to be high in fiber, which is supposed to be good. So I have no idea.

Yea, I hate this. Unfortuntealy in our current world, where social media, marketing, media, food industries, professionals spreading kind of messages. Not very nice, but most importantly is to listen to self.

But as you know - listening to myself is not working at the moment... so yea it is very confusing.

I think alot of things are just guess work, because what works for one, might not for another. I'm sorry I don't have some better advice for you. I know it would be a pain to have to make more, especially if you'd just want a little bit.

It is guess work, attempts, trials, and experiences.

However if someone at my stage whom fears changes, experiences, trying, breaking habits, it is very difficult to move on or even find out what is wrong.

I noticed that the only time when I truly listen to others - is when i am at desperate ends.

It really sounds like enviromental allergies. With the old building, if your co-workers are saying the same about the air and then to go home and have to deal with cigarette smoke. Your lungs aren't getting any chance to have clean air.

I am so stubborn, lethargic to stay outside, go to library, hide at the park, etc.

I dont really know... what I can do, other than slap myself to wake up.

Sorry your exercises have been so up and down. I know how frustrating it must be for you. I think we all have moments like that. Maybe not with exercises but just with life in general. I get good idea's for things but then my hands can't get it right or my heart just isn't into it.

It definitely is frustrating and demoralising.

I seldom think of "comparing", but rather I think more of managing my expectations.

I presume/assume - Note the Bad keyword. that I must be able to deliever everyday, rain or shine. to be able to workout every morning 5am. Otherwise I am what? not sucessful?

I get tired of my head, the thoughts, the turmoil. Yeah it doesn't want to process well sometimes..it pisses me off. To be honest, there are times when I think that the best future is one without me in it. I know that sounds bad and dramatic. Just saying.

Rumination thoughts.

Forever in a constant loop.

Stopping the thread here is entirely up to you. Maybe I'm not helping, but instead making it worse for you. Only you know that.

Okays. Will keep in mind.

Not really about the "helping" or not, I am truly appreciative of your responses. Having someone to communicate with. - Compared to none.

But something is feeling abit off. or like. telling me something is not right.

Or perhaps I am just ruminating too much.

I hope thing were better for you over the weekend.

Be gentle with yourself, take care

Oh... well. Its ok - its over, although yea, as explained, stuff happened. But thank you.

You too take care.

@mytwistedsoul

Hey, Hi

Sorry the past few days have been hard for you. I know you must be frustrated. Not to make you over - think it, but do you think some of it is from kind of being sick last week? With the coughing and sore muscles?

It was hard. And yes, it could have relation - i.e. not recovered yet.

Today is probably one of the "worst" day in my life. Something drastic is on its way.

That actually sounds kind of nice. With the slower flow yoga, better concentration. Is it less satisfying because it's a slower pace and you're not pushing yourself?

Yea, the slower paced although "felt" more connected. But yea, the satisfication is way poorer cause it does not feel like a proper workout in the end.

I dont understand why is there is a need to "register" or "clock in" my timings for exercises daily.

I've heard that. Sugar pills. BUt sometimes it works because you "think" you're taking the real thing. Although it kind of makes me angry that doctors would do something like that for fake drugs, but charge real prices for it.

Maybe somethings dont truly have a cure.

i.e. cough

You have very high expectations for yourself. Which is admirable, at the same time though it makes it harder for you to take it easy on yourself.

i see. quite true.

No problem, I know some days I'm not very good with the communication, sorry for that. Any idea's as to what might be making things feel off?

Discomfort. Fear. Doing things wrongly. Disgrace.

I believe those should be the reasons.

Maybe the week will go better than your weekend. Have things gotten any better at work with your boss and co workers? I know you had taken a break, wasn't sure if it was over now or not.

Thanks, ne gentle with yourself, take care

Sorry, I doubt it will be better. - Yes the break was already over quite few weeks back.

I got bad news. Although it is assumption based news. But the company's doctor message was very clear and indicative.

I understand you are having your struggles too - From another thread. I'm sorry, i'm too weak and afarid to discuss with you about it.

@mytwistedsoul

Yesterday was pretty bad for me too. Misunderstandings, just not comprehending some of the things people say. Just makes me realize why I try to keep to myself.

Sorry to hear that. I hope that you are feeling at least abit better than yesterday now.

misunderstandings is unavoidable at times. can be accidental, can be... well. but then most importantly, don't put it to heart. i'm struggling with putting to heart, which dampens my thoughts and affects lifestyle

it is ok to keep things to self. but not everything can be managed by one person. hence there are occasion where you have to be strong and face the person to interact

something drastic? I hope nothing too drastic.

Something to do with the company doctor? Sorry none of my business.

it will in a way affect my lifestyle. if it truly happens. - I got the impression from the doctors tone, yes company doctor. no point hiding the fact.

don't worry, it is not intrusive. it's just demoalising and I can't bear to part this way

Hey no worries. Doesn't make you weak for not wanting to discuss my problems or struggles. I should just keep this stuff to myself. But I understand if you'd rather not talk with me anymore. I seem to be doing a really good job of alienating people.

i don't want to send the wrong impression

but I'm thinking if it is better that way

but then I hope to have a place where I can talk

Just remember to be gentle with yourself, take care Mike.

Thank you twistedsoul

@mytwistedsoul

hiaz, like i guessed. you have misinterrpreted my words... haha.

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry, sorry that I couldn't be of more help to you.

No, please dont be sorry.

I never truly mentioned that "it was not of any or no more help" at all.

What I am trying to share is whether if i should stop or not. Because I felt like I kept burdening myself to chat with someone. To have a "comfort" place where i can share my problems, and have someone to listen and reply to me.

Instead of a journal, blog, etc. that is 1 sided, and the most only have "liked" counts.

It is almost like the need/hunger to have this dependency and inability to be independent.

Slowly, slowly it becomes a mental "burden" because i struggle between what is right, what is wrong.

I hope you can comprehen and understand better what I am trying to explain.

Sorry I couldn't have just kept my mouth shut about my problems. I should have never written that post. I'm sorry if it seems I have a tone and an attitude. I guess I do. Guess I'm just over sensitive at the moment. It doesn't matter.

Actually. May I share something?

You've actually opened me up. Just like how the psychologist therapy session tried to understand me better.

(Which to be honest is good)

Try imaginating that if i were to keep everything to myself.

Or even worse, stucked in my "safe" and never opened and talked or "let go of"

Hence. Please, dont be sorry. Rather be glad that you actually helped me.

There is no amount of "thank you" no proper set of words or actions that can be thankful and grateful for it.

I enjoyed talking with you, I hope you can find peace within yourself, to live a long and happy life. I wish you the best in all you do. I know that maybe things seem uncertain for you at the moment, but I've been told it all works out in the end.

I too enjoyed chatting~

Its like everyday I am refreshing just to wait for a notification update on this thread.

Regards to peace, I duno when i certainly will. Just only "hope" for one day.

Thank you so much.

Take care of yourself, try to remember to be gentle with yourself, because you're worth it, even if you have doubts. You really are worth it.

Thank you so much for all the reminders, the well wishes, the advices, the sharing, that you have given me.

I truly appreciate them.

I do certainly like to wish you the same, to be in good spirits, health and happiness.

And most importantly to take care of yourself.

-----------------

Lastly, I do not certainly want to stop the thread.

Its just it is a question that has been ringing in my head, whether if i am trying to shoulder this as a "burden" or is this actually a good thing for me/everyone in the community. Because it is something that i am "actively" looking forward to everyday. - To get a reply, and at least be able to chat with.

@mytwistedsoul

Hiaz - what does that mean?

opps. pardon me on using Singaporean Slang.

It is just a slang for "sigh" or in proper english "heave"

More rubbishes here. - Kinda disgracing my country - heck care - i got enough sufferings from there already

https://thesmartlocal.com/read/singapore-slang-2

I do apologize for being so raw earlier. I'm not sure which post of mine you saw, probably the struggling one. The whole being afraid to ask for help. I got mixed signals from someone about it. The whole you're worth it, but at the same time, they said about not talking about things. Then there was the way things were phrased, my comprehensin wasn't good yesterday.

raw. - i was so afraid of stepping over too much. which was part of my fear of committing friends, online gaming, etc.

I saw something very sad, did not go back and check. I just kept quiet and read through.

And glad to see that you can compose your thoughts about yesterday better. - take care.

I understand what you mean about dependency and I know you said about being anxious about going online sometimes.

Thank you. Its not easy to always be able to comprehen everyone's thoughts and behaviour at times.

Worse off is that when "over-assumption" is used. - That only results in making things worse

Sorry, but I think if you were to keep it all in you would explode.

Result -> The mike now (Serious)

I'm glad that you've openned up more. That makes me feel good, that you think i've helped you a little. Thank you. I don't need any thanks or proper words or gratitude.

ok.

I really do think that you're a good person and you do deserve to be happy.

Alot kept telling me and numerouly reminded me about it.

But somehow, i always felt the inverse. Perhaps its the habitual negativity thinking of mine.

I'm sorry if I was such a headcase earlier. I try to check where I'm at with that before I come in but like I said I got those mixed signals and I guess it got stuck.

Thank you Mike, means alot.

Be gentle with yourself.

Wow... Seriously, I was very scared when i saw the reply.

Instead of using the poor editor app on mobile, I kinda powered on the computer to reply better. - please dont feel responsible for it. Its my choice to use the computer at wee hours.

Thank you for the reminder. You too take care. twistedsoul.

@mytwistedsoul

Thanks, it's cool learning things like that. Thanks for sharing.

no problem, although it is something of disgrace to our country.

but i guess its something new for you.

I'd like to get that thread removed. Just because. I have a problem with looking weak. You aren't overstepping any boundries. You can ask questions too. I know I ask you alot of them sometimes.

Hmm, I cant help though. perhaps you have to look for mods.

Not sure if you kinda noticed. - If not, let me share that I am not really a "chatting" kind of person. Hence I seldom talk or start the conversation. I dont really know what to talk, discuss, either. Hence my "gk" (General Knowledge) is kind of poor.

I think we all feel that way. Well if you read that thread, thats, well, real for me. I don't think I'm a good person. I guess mainly because we have such low thoughts of ourselves and our problems, so we figure that everyone feels the same way towards us.

It is. I read somewhere before about it. Sometimes or most of the times, we often put ourselves at a "lower" end. - I'm not sure of the motive and depends on individuals. But then I often get the "commendation" from others. Hence many now are very "or extremely" worried/concerned for me. - My Well Being, Mental and Physical. All truly hope that one day i get over my stubborn-ness and get out of this rabbit hole.

I'm sorry if I scared you. It was the reply I got from someone else. The conversation was.."I heard it's not a good idea to talk to anyone about your problems because you have some personal information." Well, I took it personal, but I took it the wrong way, so that's on me and then I just thought, well, just that I wasn't supposed to talk to anyone.

I see... Kinda sensitive topic. and worse off if you took things to heart i guess.

On the topic of taking things to heart. - I am a extremeist offender on this. Almost every thing in my life journey, work, etc. I take them to heart. and i basically just shoulder the pain.

I have been recommended/taught by others to always take things slowly, one step back or even think before "trying" to take actions. Because sometimes we over-react due to emotions, etc. hence may accidentally take the wrong action which we may not even intend to.

So how have you been feeling? Your cough and sore throat feeling any better? Still doing the gentle yoga? May I ask about work and your bad news? I mean you don't have to share, if you'd rather not. I'm willing to listen though if you'd like to share. No pressure though.

My mind has been clouded with the worst fear/nightmare that is coming. - Yea its about the job. - The bad news.

I'm apologise first, it is very sensitive. I will open up, when things are firmed. instead of stirring more to the pot. Thanks for your concern and understanding.

Cough yes has been better, just that the thoat still have those "flame" feeling.

Sore Throat has never truly recovered. It always comes and goes. - That is why i hate talking, a good 5-10mins is enough to give me troubles.

Yoga well, i tried to push up the intensity back.

Run well... 2 days ago, the pain came back... i had to slow jog instead. - very sad.

I hope things are a little better for you, Again, I'm sorry for dragging you into my messy thoughts. Thanks for still wanting to talk.

Be gentle, yeah? Take care

Aye, aye. Small thing. Not really dragging me. I'm just kinda scared and also concerned, when I saw your reactions, same as how you shared your concern for me.

Take care. TwistedSoul.