Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

Either my antidepressants and mood stabilizers are working, or I had a breakthrough, or hey, maybe both. But I finally feel great!

Today I was almost kissed by someone I love but I got so afraid and anxious that I rejected the kiss and now I feel like crap I feel so awful and I still can't seem to calm down

It's a middle of the night in my place. I had an exam early in the morning for which I didn't prepare. I had a day of foggy, heavy thoughts after another insomnia episode. My dorm neighbours are indecently loud and just a moment ago there was a fire alarm, because someone didn't posses minimal cooking skills.

I don't want to complain, just figured out that maybe writing about it here will help a bit. I think I will return to reading the notes. Sending all of you my biggest hugs, lovelies. You and I are not alone in this dark night.

I feel horrible today, physically. I feel so-so emotionally. Was glad I had therapy today. The dude really gets me (blessing and curse!) Here's the deal for me-----I just found out on Friday that I may have a tumor/s in my head, and I have a heart problem I never knew about---found out both on the same day. I've had a single headache that has lasted 6 weeks now. Bout driven me around the bend, and that isn't far from here (Bend, OR). My little pun for the day.

My first suicide attempt was at 3 years of age, thanks to the heinous behavior of both my parents. Not going there now. Anyhow. I've had a love affair with suicide since as far back as I can remember. Now that it appears I am pretty sick, all I want to do is live, however fully I can, for as long as I can even with these challenges. It is so ironic how often I've tried to take myself out of this world, and now that another set of circumstances is maybe going to take me out, I want to stand up and say "I DON'T THINK SO!"

I have survived so much in this world. I was born with a life-threatening birth defect, and was even given last rites as an infant. Then having parents who made me question my will to survive them on a daily basis didn't help. I've had 16 surgeries, a few of them life-threatening emergencies. I've lived through like 7 people I've known getting murdered, including a member of the family I married into. AND by my own stepson's hand. I endured 17 years in a wheelchair, got out of it like 3 1/2 years ago and did a 5k three months later. Then I broke my back because some dolt didn't put the saddle on right. Took me a year to recover from that, and I've had almost 6 months healthy, and now this. I gotta say I am pissed off! Every time I start enjoying my physical abilities and health again, something else comes along and knocks me on my ass. This time, I don't know if there will be any more getting whole again afterwards. I just don't have a clue how much more debilitated I can get and still bounce back. I am mentally and physically exhausted from all the crud I've gone through, and don't know how much more I can take. I am like a Timex---take a lickin' and keep on ticking. A comeback kid. But I have just enough fire in my belly to say, "DEPRESSION, I AIN'T LETTING YOU TAKE ME DOWN TOO!" I am a kickass survivor, and that spirit is what will get me through this on the emotional end.

Depression for me always had an existential dimension, meaning it really wasn't about me per se, but rather about the state of human kind and our planet. Atrocities by humans against humans or nature seem to affect me in ways that others, even those close to me don't experience. I always feel guilty by proxy and hence punish myself by self-harming.

I don't really know how I feel, it's a collection of things , I just feel tired thinking about it all. I'm have so conversation with people in my head but I just can't hold a conversation with people for real, it feels like since I have to hold back all the time it's pointless talking to them, been told by close friends to hold back a little so that's were that's comes from I guess.

I feel like crawling under a table, curling into a ball, covering my ears to drown out the noise of my family bickering, to run away from the noise in my head, to hide away from the world in general

I feel terrified. I'm so scared about my future because I can't see a future for me. I know this disease will follow me forever and it's so scary to think I've only been dealing with this knowingly for two years. I have a whole life ahead of me and I don't know if I can handle it.

Hi

From the time I woke up I have been feeling rather hopeless and like I have nothing to look forward to. When I try to look ahead into my life and what my future might have I don't see anything. Even now I don't feel like I have anything to be happy about.