Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
I feel like life is meaningless. My Life IS meaningless. I'm stuck in this endless cycle of depression. I don't even know myself. I'm nearly 21 years old and I have nothing to show for it. I honestly believe that the only reason I'm still alive is because I can't bring myself to end my own life. So I'm just stuck here gradually getting worse as time goes on. I've got self-diagnosed disorders that cause me to push away anyone that tries to get close. No one knows what I'm going through. They wouldn't understand and likely wouldn't care enough to make an honest attempt to help. And I'd only be a burden to them. The only way I could imagine this cycle to end would be if a miracle were to happen, but sadly life isn't made of fairy tales. I am the problem. And since I can't help being myself, I'm never going to get better. I don't belong here yet I cannot leave.
I feel you, dude.
It's like you're fighting yourself all the time. There's that one part of you that desperately wants to fit in and keep people you care about close, but then there's this other side that either can't be bothered or gets too scared, so ends up pushing everyone out.
I've been feeling lately that maybe it's in my nature to be alone, I guess thinking about it, I would be more than happy to live in the woods by myself..... But there are all these people that I care about and I want to let them in but I don't understand how to.
It's so fucking lonely.
Sorry, I know this isn't helpful at all but I guess it could be comforting to know that you're not on your own in feeling like you don't belong anywhere.
I feel completely useless and alone. nothing interests me anymore. I am awful at everything. I wish I had some sort of talent or ability. all I'm good at is feeling sorry for myself.
@rmw98, depression can really strips out our personality and leave us only with bare bones. It is terrifying. But it can also be a place of new beginnings for us. If you feel useless, find your work. Find something where you can show up and do good. If you'd liek that, we can all help you to brainstorm ideas.
You don't have to let the depression define you. You are far brighter than this darkness.
All my love, lovely!
I feel lonely as fuck, empty, I have no emotions. I wish I could disappear, I'm a waist of time and oxygen.
@Aryana23 I know just how you feel. I know that you're going through a lot of stress and pain right now, right? It's so hard to deal with, especially with the negative and sometimes intrusive thoughts that depression brings.
There's a song called "Nella Fantasia", and one of the lines was: "In my fantasies I see a bright world/Where each night there is less darkness". That line resonated with me, and it's helped me through these past few weeks.
Depression is so, very hard and you are so strong even if all you did today was breathe. Because you lived through those horrible thoughts and the weight of your emotions. That's not something that just anyone can do. You are worth everything to someone and all you need to do is find them. Even if it's a friend, or a partner, or simply someone online, there is someone that cares. I can assure you that you are not a waste of space. You may think that but it's your depression, clouding your judgement and shrinking your perception. It is so hard to go through that, and I know you can do it.
I felt pretty stressed and awful all day. Especially at home, with my parents lecturing me on staying in school and other stuff about my attitude and my depression. Which resulted in me bruising my face yet again... Just due to our stupid arguments that get us nowhere. I feel awful and I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I have so much stress and hardly any effective coping skills. I'm questioning my existence again, sad to say.
Hi fair minded, I'm worried about your comment about bruising your face again. Did someone hit you? Let's not allowed, from a parent or anyone. You also write about not having coping skills. This is very encouraging actually because it shows you already know what you need. The most important thing to find out is if you are being abused. This will make anyone depressed. Please write back and tell us what is going on in your home. Do you feel safe?
Today I just wish I could stop everything. I don't have the energy to pretend anymore.
@Bluebird333, those days are the most horrid ones. I really hope that you feel a bit better. Surviving them are most challenging at times. I hope to hear from you, lovely.
Best wishes!
I don't really know how I feel I mean it's always the same thing I mean I wake up and act like I'm happy but I really feel like I'm useless, sad and lonely I know I have friends but they don't really care about me or wouldn't understand. The fact that I'm like this all the fuckin time makes me tired I just want it to end. Even if it takes another life.
Hi warmhearted,
when we are depressed it's like we are wearing glasses with foggy lenses and we can't see clearly. Because of this we make inaccurate evaluations. This is why it is best not to make any major decisions during a major depression. When depression causes suicidal or homicidal thoughts a doctor needs to be visited. If the doctor is not available today please go to hospital. It would be great if someone might be available to go with you but if they're not available we are her for support'. Please send us an update on what the doctor or hospital decides to do ok? Lots of love, friend from Canada
Texted the Suicide Prevention Hotline, this morning only to be validated that I really don't matter. The specialist wouldn't respond for minutes at a time and then gave short, trite answers. So, thanks Universe for, once again, reaffirming that I'm a worthless piece of shit that shouldn't exist. I have only one friend and go for days without anyone calling me. I text people and they ignore me. I give up.
Hi no screen name
I'm glad you wrote. Sometimes it takes a little while to find someone to help. Sounds like the person you encountered was having problems of their own and shouldn't have been working that day'. You are here for a reason and often it takes a very long time to find out what the reason is. If you needed to call the suicide hotline you need to see a doctor right away or go to hospital. Do you have someone who could go with you? If not please go by yourself right away. Lots of love, friend from Canada
Tagging @NoScreenName, so he could see your reply, @creativeLemon1361, don't mind me ^^;
@NoScreenName, I am so sorry that you received such a rush treatment. You definitely don't deserve it. You feel really dreadful and you should received support and understanding. You are a strong, wonderful person who is tired of their fight and just want to rest.
Reaching out in times of despair is hard. But you have already done it. It is hard, but you still managed to do it and it was courageous of you, and I'm so proud! You can overcome anything. You can reach out, trust me. Or trust yourself, trust your voice and your past. You are fighting for so long, you are stronger than you believe. But you don't have to show inhuman persistence anymore. You can ask for help, you can receive it, and you can recover. You really don't have to suffer.
There are a lot of people who can help, better people who will give you the attention you need. Here, in this community, we can listen to you, but sometimes it's not enough. Please, click here to chat with someone who cares. I've personally used it in my own times of hopelessness and I cannot recommend it enough. They will not abandon you, I can guarantee you that.
You don't deserve this pain. You deserve to live your life, and not merely to exist. You are wonderful. I care about you. Give yourself another week, or even one day - don't give in just yet.
*hugs tightly and strokes your hair in a comforting way*
Tired. I feel so tired that it hurts. It feels like my insides are raw, like all my little alarms are going off and my nerve endings are open and raw, without skin.
@Chiaroscuro1, this image is so vivid and gut-wrenching, still I can fully relate to this pain.
I'm sorry that you are experiencing such an exhaustion. Sending you all of my strength, as little as it lefts in me. Keep holding on, my friend. We can make it through it. We can endure.
*hugs tightly*
Sertaline 50mg vs citaloptam 40mg??
My doctor has prescribed me sertaline 50mg, however having looked at the side affects it is definitely putting me off and I am much more persuaded to citalopram. Does anyone have previous experience on these meds? I was on citalopram 20mg 2 years a go, but did not find the dosage strong enough.
Any help appreciated.
Hi @CharlotteC97! I didn't ever take Citolopram (I think there was a typo in your post, am I correct?), but I have experiences with Sertaline.
3 years ago I was on Sertaline for 16 months and it worked the best in my case. At first I had a violent reaction to Fluoxetine, and my doctor prescribed it instead. It was very effective.
Few side effects - headaches and waking up at 3a.m. during first 2nd and 3rd week of taking, but I didn't have any problems with falling asleep. I also didn't want to eat, but I think it was more, because of my depression, not a side effect. None withdrawal symptoms afterwards. So far, it was the best antidepressants treatment I've received.
I understand your worries. I find that reading leaflets are always pretty terrifying, but you need to remember that medical companies are mostly putting everything down in there just in case, so you could have great difficulties to sue them. It is a form of insurance for them.
Also, I tend to pass all of my concerns regarding medication to my doctor, because depression skews my perception and often I am acting as a big hypochondriac, listing all of new symptoms I'm experiencing since taking anything. Still, it is my own health at risk here and I want to be fully aware of the treatment I received. It is better to ask than to suffer, and often I received full understanding of my situation. If you have any medical question, I encourage you to contact your doctor (or ask someone to do that in your name) - one phone call can bring you such a relief and peaceful sleep. ^^;
If you have any questions regarding my experiences with Sertaline, feel free to ask me - I'm not a professional in any way, but still, I'd be more than glad to help you.
Best wishes, lovely!
Thanks for the reply! My doctor is supposed to be calling me today, so I will discuss it with him then. I did make a typo it's called Citalopram 40mg but obviously has different medical terms too.
Having read all the reviews online I am terrified to take it, people were saying they were sick for over a week, I really cannot be dealing with coming down ill at the moment!
Will wait and see what the doctor says, thanks again :)
@CharlotteC97, oh, okay, thanks for educating me on the topic (The More You Know...) ^^; And that's a good news about your doctor's calling you. Glad you have a professional support.
The thing about the Internet is that you will find more negative opinions in general, because more people who had experienced negative symptoms will express it on the Interweb in order to look for similar enquiries than people who had positive interactions. It just the way human works ^^;
Still, side effects are inevitable with antidepressants treatment and everyone is different and will be affected in their own way. I look forward to your doctor's opinion and to your own's. All the best!
useless. sad. lonely.
