Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

I feel you, dude.

It's like you're fighting yourself all the time. There's that one part of you that desperately wants to fit in and keep people you care about close, but then there's this other side that either can't be bothered or gets too scared, so ends up pushing everyone out.

I've been feeling lately that maybe it's in my nature to be alone, I guess thinking about it, I would be more than happy to live in the woods by myself..... But there are all these people that I care about and I want to let them in but I don't understand how to.

It's so fucking lonely.

Sorry, I know this isn't helpful at all but I guess it could be comforting to know that you're not on your own in feeling like you don't belong anywhere.

@rmw98, depression can really strips out our personality and leave us only with bare bones. It is terrifying. But it can also be a place of new beginnings for us. If you feel useless, find your work. Find something where you can show up and do good. If you'd liek that, we can all help you to brainstorm ideas.

You don't have to let the depression define you. You are far brighter than this darkness.

All my love, lovely!

@Aryana23 I know just how you feel. I know that you're going through a lot of stress and pain right now, right? It's so hard to deal with, especially with the negative and sometimes intrusive thoughts that depression brings.

There's a song called "Nella Fantasia", and one of the lines was: "In my fantasies I see a bright world/Where each night there is less darkness". That line resonated with me, and it's helped me through these past few weeks.

Depression is so, very hard and you are so strong even if all you did today was breathe. Because you lived through those horrible thoughts and the weight of your emotions. That's not something that just anyone can do. You are worth everything to someone and all you need to do is find them. Even if it's a friend, or a partner, or simply someone online, there is someone that cares. I can assure you that you are not a waste of space. You may think that but it's your depression, clouding your judgement and shrinking your perception. It is so hard to go through that, and I know you can do it.

Hi fair minded, I'm worried about your comment about bruising your face again. Did someone hit you? Let's not allowed, from a parent or anyone. You also write about not having coping skills. This is very encouraging actually because it shows you already know what you need. The most important thing to find out is if you are being abused. This will make anyone depressed. Please write back and tell us what is going on in your home. Do you feel safe?

@Bluebird333, those days are the most horrid ones. I really hope that you feel a bit better. Surviving them are most challenging at times. I hope to hear from you, lovely.

Best wishes!

Hi warmhearted,

when we are depressed it's like we are wearing glasses with foggy lenses and we can't see clearly. Because of this we make inaccurate evaluations. This is why it is best not to make any major decisions during a major depression. When depression causes suicidal or homicidal thoughts a doctor needs to be visited. If the doctor is not available today please go to hospital. It would be great if someone might be available to go with you but if they're not available we are her for support'. Please send us an update on what the doctor or hospital decides to do ok? Lots of love, friend from Canada

Hi no screen name

I'm glad you wrote. Sometimes it takes a little while to find someone to help. Sounds like the person you encountered was having problems of their own and shouldn't have been working that day'. You are here for a reason and often it takes a very long time to find out what the reason is. If you needed to call the suicide hotline you need to see a doctor right away or go to hospital. Do you have someone who could go with you? If not please go by yourself right away. Lots of love, friend from Canada

@NoScreenName, I am so sorry that you received such a rush treatment. You definitely don't deserve it. You feel really dreadful and you should received support and understanding. You are a strong, wonderful person who is tired of their fight and just want to rest.

Reaching out in times of despair is hard. But you have already done it. It is hard, but you still managed to do it and it was courageous of you, and I'm so proud! You can overcome anything. You can reach out, trust me. Or trust yourself, trust your voice and your past. You are fighting for so long, you are stronger than you believe. But you don't have to show inhuman persistence anymore. You can ask for help, you can receive it, and you can recover. You really don't have to suffer.

There are a lot of people who can help, better people who will give you the attention you need. Here, in this community, we can listen to you, but sometimes it's not enough. Please, click here to chat with someone who cares. I've personally used it in my own times of hopelessness and I cannot recommend it enough. They will not abandon you, I can guarantee you that.

You don't deserve this pain. You deserve to live your life, and not merely to exist. You are wonderful. I care about you. Give yourself another week, or even one day - don't give in just yet.

*hugs tightly and strokes your hair in a comforting way*

@Chiaroscuro1, this image is so vivid and gut-wrenching, still I can fully relate to this pain.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing such an exhaustion. Sending you all of my strength, as little as it lefts in me. Keep holding on, my friend. We can make it through it. We can endure.

*hugs tightly*

Hi @CharlotteC97! I didn't ever take Citolopram (I think there was a typo in your post, am I correct?), but I have experiences with Sertaline.

3 years ago I was on Sertaline for 16 months and it worked the best in my case. At first I had a violent reaction to Fluoxetine, and my doctor prescribed it instead. It was very effective.

Few side effects - headaches and waking up at 3a.m. during first 2nd and 3rd week of taking, but I didn't have any problems with falling asleep. I also didn't want to eat, but I think it was more, because of my depression, not a side effect. None withdrawal symptoms afterwards. So far, it was the best antidepressants treatment I've received.

I understand your worries. I find that reading leaflets are always pretty terrifying, but you need to remember that medical companies are mostly putting everything down in there just in case, so you could have great difficulties to sue them. It is a form of insurance for them.

Also, I tend to pass all of my concerns regarding medication to my doctor, because depression skews my perception and often I am acting as a big hypochondriac, listing all of new symptoms I'm experiencing since taking anything. Still, it is my own health at risk here and I want to be fully aware of the treatment I received. It is better to ask than to suffer, and often I received full understanding of my situation. If you have any medical question, I encourage you to contact your doctor (or ask someone to do that in your name) - one phone call can bring you such a relief and peaceful sleep. ^^;

If you have any questions regarding my experiences with Sertaline, feel free to ask me - I'm not a professional in any way, but still, I'd be more than glad to help you.

Best wishes, lovely!