Weekly Prompt #40: How does your depression affect your ability to care about and take care of others?

@ASilentObserver well idk the way it affected me is that it just makes it hard to even think of anything to say considering everything reassuring i can say i dont believe myself

@Sebastian0o0 Oh man I feel this. I can never really bring myself to telling people it's gonna be ok because I'm never sure it is. 

@Sebastian0o0 thank you for opening up with us, Seb. It feels like you are struggling to find reassurance because you don't trust yourself. it is difficult. Can you share more about what goes through your mind when you try to reassure yourself?

@ASilentObserver I'm not sure if I'm a bit opposite here... Personally I have very low self-esteem issues which are related to my depression.  This makes it so that I aways want to please others, but I don't have any motivation for anything for myself... so family comes home and I will cook and clean for them- but I won't eat- that sort of thing.

@Tri2BHappy I hear you struggle with low self-esteem and finding meaning in life. Wanting to please others can sometimes feel empty inside. What do you think might give your life more purpose?

@ASilentObserver
That's the $10,000 dollar question.  I don't know. I've lost all my hobbies, never liked sports, feel like exercise is punishment, I stay in contact with 2 friends that aren't near me, I have a career I never liked but it pays well- and that career doesn't impact people or Earth or anything. it just is.  Friends and family are like teachers- changing kids' lives.  My immediate family covet art and music- constantly talking about how fantastic the people that write the songs or play the instruments or make the pictures- and me, I got none of that talent. I'm just extra mass on this Earth.

I'm older, so a career change isn't going to happen- I need to support my family.

So yeah, finding meaning to why I'm on this Earth is a goal I haven't reached yet.  Though I'm open to suggestions :)

@ASilentObserver

How does your depression affect your ability to care about and take care of others?

I have lost access to all of my positive emotions. Because of this I lack Compassion and Empathy. Nor do I get a good feeling from helping others. Because of this I have no desire to help others although I do at times.

@Gettingbettertoday That makes sense, getting better. When we're struggling, it feels impossible to muster up the energy to care for anyone else. It is like we are drowning and can barely keep our head above water, so how could we possibly help someone else stay afloat?

I always worry depression makes me look like Sadness from Inside Out. I worry that I am a downer to be around. Also, depression exhausts me so I don't have much to give of myself to more than what I consider immediate family. I have to ration my empathy and that sucks. 

@reallyoverallofit I am sorry to hear that, you are struggling with feeling like a burden due to your depression. It is tough when you feel like you can't be there for others as much as you'd like. Please know your feelings are valid, and taking time for yourself is okay. What do you think might help you feel less alone in this?

@ASilentObserver Probably nothing. I have a therapist and I am open about my depression. I don't know if there's anything else. Possibly medication. 

How does your depression affect your ability to care about and take care of others?     I don't. That sounds so harsh doesn't it? It makes me feel like a bad person sometimes but then again, I don't care. I simply do not have the energy to give more to people who just continuously take. I do not have it in me to force conversations and interactions.