Weekly Prompt #37: What challenges are you facing that you need help with?

Unfortunately the challenges I need help with are things that nobody here can help with. I need someone outside of here that I can trust to help with navigating all the changes I fear coming in the immediate imminent future.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami It feels like you are searching for trustworthy support during uncertain times of change. It can be tough when we crave understanding and guidance. What aspects of these changes stir up the most anxiety for you?

@ASilentObserver

pretty much all of it.

The challenges i face is friendship my dad moving in with my life changing and judgement trauma and abuse irritating flys and mosquitoes all through July in the beginning I took care of my dad for two weeks he has surgery I was uspet vulnerable detrimental hungry uncomfortable at Tucson medical center the surgeon doctor was cure dr Michael rozell he’s an orthopedic surgeon 

it’s been stressful hard sad isolating for three months very overwhelming 

@dhabib It feels like you have had quite some changes in your life recently which can be tough to deal with. How have these changes impacted you emotionally?

@ASilentObserver they impacted me made me feel more afraid scared triggered having nightmares about my bully I scream stealing my life

I am struggling with finding meaning and joy in life. 

I do not feel loved. I was listening to this song called one more step by lindsay mcCaul (link here https://youtu.be/wF_xM0HLKvU?si=lblUxhrnYPW83bbT) and the very first part caputures that feeling of having someone supportive and who cares about you in life. Since my Mom passed, I truely felt alone and that I need to fend for myself and no one is going to be there for me. It has proven to be true. I draw strength from someone believing in me. Everyone loves that from me, I just don't get any. 

I just dont know what to do. I really don't have any interest in life

@SweetPearCrumble Feeling alone can be difficult, especially when it is been made worse by losing a parent. This song resonates with you because it touches on the importance of having someone who cares and supports us. How does it make you feel knowing that you've only ever had to rely on yourself?

@ASilentObserver

My mom is a very social person. Idk why with all the social practice she has had, she still doesn’t know how to communicate the right way but I suspect that most of the people she socializes with don’t communicate well either. I already know they don’t have good manners. 

They come as guests to this house I live in but they are too loud and stay up till 3-4am every night. 

I told her and my stepdad before I cut them off that they need to control the environment since it’s their house as they keep claiming and since it’s their guests it’s their responsibility to keep things under reasonable control. I told them I’m not saying they should be mean and that they don’t need to be loud and stay up so late to have fun. 

My stepdad just passed by me saying it’s gonna be loud tonight and it’d be better if I was upstairs. So on top of everything else I mentioned I’m also being rushed out of my own bedroom to go upstairs just to get some peace bc for some unknown reason it’s difficult all of a sudden for people who communicate and talk regularly to say something to their guests about the loudness. All they had to do was say something like “excuse me there’s other people living here who may be disturbed by your loudness and complain. We don’t want that to happen so if you don’t mind can you please lower your voice/keep your voice down? Thanks.” and for the lateness, “Ok. This was a lot of fun but it’s late now. I think it’s best we all call it a night now and go to sleep so we can wake up early feeling energized and have more time for more fun. Goodnight everyone.” Idk why that’s so difficult. It’s their house yet they’re letting guests dictate how things go in a house that’s not theirs. Makes no sense. 

My mom constantly makes excuses saying it’s culture and she’s too old to change now. 

So all I thought of doing about this is to give them what they’ve always given me - no consideration at all. Since they refuse to give me what I need, when they need something from me no matter what it is they won’t get it. At least not from me. My siblings, who keep saying it’s their house they can do whatever they want yet complained about them to me everyday they were living here, won’t be able to change my mind. 

So while it’s a challenging situation, I might’ve figured a way to get even, not in the sense of revenge, but in the sense of making them feel how they always make me feel. 

@akunknown It sounds like you are experiencing frustration due to a lack of consideration from your mom and others staying at your home. How has this made you feel?

@ASilentObserver

I feel shafted, snubbed, left out, not being listened to. It also feels like I along with my needs are not being considered and that the two people I live with are not being fair to me.

Oh I accidentally tapped “Post” before I was actually finished so gotta say what another challenge is on a separate comment which is here. Sorry. 

The other challenge is my stepdad asked me to tell my mom to go to therapy or psychology or psychiatric sessions to help determine and diagnose what her mental problems are. Clearly she’s had them for years. Idk how long or when they started. They’ve never been diagnosed or treated or anything bc she never admitted or acknowledged any of them to herself or anyone else. It’s bc of maintaining her massively inflated ego. She’s sacrificed and constantly continuing to sacrifice her own health as well as the health of her immediate family just for that. That’s not what a caring person does. This is one example of a toxic or abusive or uncaring or inconsiderate parent and she happens to be all 4. 

I can’t talk to her. It’s a waste of time to talk to her about anything bc she never listens to anything I say. 

If she did listen to someone which I highly doubt and did attend those sessions I mentioned earlier will she be open, honest and authentic with them, will she listen to what they say and accept what is said to her? I highly doubt all that too. 

She won’t want to and her husband won’t let her but if she wants to continue living how she does, best thing is she get her own place and live alone bc idk anyone else who’ll tolerate her lifestyle as long as my stepdad and I have. 

So that’s another challenge 

@akunknown It sounds like you have got a lot going on right now. Dealing with family dynamics can be tough. How do you feel about asking your mom to seek help?

@ASilentObserver

It feels like a lot. She doesn’t listen to me so what’s the point of me telling her anything? My stepdad feels she needs help so he should tell her instead of asking me to. 

@ASilentObserver this week I'm stuggling with an over reaction to being left out. A group of friends got together without me (not on purpose), but it sent me into a tailspin of crying.

@littlePenguin7588 It is difficult feeling left out of the gathering with close friends. How did you feel when you realized they were getting together without you?

I had it it hurts 

@dhabib It feels like you are experiencing some difficult emotions related to having hurtful experiences. Feeling hurt can bring up tough feelings. Can you share more about what has been going on?

@ASilentObserver yeah to can bring tough feelings yes yeah I have been through abuse and feeling alone fearful at night unavailable to sleep I’ve been stressed I been in the hospital recently 

Motivation and confidence

@mystixfurtune It feels like you are experiencing difficulties with motivation and confidence right now. Feeling low on energy can weigh us down. What thoughts appear in your mind when these feelings arise?

Easing my anxiety about being in the same room as people who are rumored to be mean/bad people 😓

@Whelve1 That sounds stressful, whelve. Can you share more about what makes you anxious? Is it the fear of interacting with them?

@ASilentObserver

Right now, probably just confusion. I don't really know what's going on, but I'm trying my best. Doing more of the stuff I like and actually enjoying myself. In the midst of it, I don't really understand what's going on around me. What people are planning for me and want from me. Like they're waiting for me to do something I'm not quite sure of. It's not a scary feeling just a genuine confusion. At the moment, I'm just trying to build and create good memories. 

When I think back to my childhood, 90 percent of it is pain and suffering. That's all I remember, and that's all I focused on. I don't want to look back again and feel nothing but hate and fear. I want to have good memories to remember and enjoy. So, that's what I'm doing. Still, there's a little voice telling me when the other shoe drops things are going to get a lot worse from here on out.  

@JollyRacher Hi jolly, it feels like you have been through a lot in your childhood which has left you with a lot of pain and fear. You are trying to move forward by focusing on positive experiences and emotions, but the uncertainty about others' expectations is causing confusion. How does it feel when the "other shoe" might drop?

@ASilentObserver

Destructive, very destructive. Like I'm going insane and there's nothing I can do about it. That I have to simply smile and play along and if I don't I will ruin everything that came before it. Any chance of returning to normal will be gone. Which is why I prefer not to give it as much thought as I usually do. At least not for now.