Weekly Prompt #37: What challenges are you facing that you need help with?

@ASilentObserver I've been feeling a little stuck with where I am in life. I'm in the process of trying to study for my GRE test next month, but I've been struggling with my self-discipline in my studying. I am trying to remind myself that this is something I have to do so that I can apply to some grad schools to get my masters in marriage family therapy. I just get really anxious and unsure of whether I'll be able to accomplish this. 

the biggest challange is trying to control my thoughts. i talk to myself a lot and so im trying to treat these thoughts with compassion and understanding, but sometimes i get frustrated with myself or the "mature" voice agrees with me or just isnt loud enough to pep talk me. (im not hearing voices, i just try and treat myself as i would treat a friend going through a hard time

Unfortunately the challenges I need help with are things that nobody here can help with. I need someone outside of here that I can trust to help with navigating all the changes I fear coming in the immediate imminent future.

The challenges i face is friendship my dad moving in with my life changing and judgement trauma and abuse irritating flys and mosquitoes all through July in the beginning I took care of my dad for two weeks he has surgery I was uspet vulnerable detrimental hungry uncomfortable at Tucson medical center the surgeon doctor was cure dr Michael rozell he’s an orthopedic surgeon 

it’s been stressful hard sad isolating for three months very overwhelming 

I am struggling with finding meaning and joy in life. 

I do not feel loved. I was listening to this song called one more step by lindsay mcCaul (link here https://youtu.be/wF_xM0HLKvU?si=lblUxhrnYPW83bbT) and the very first part caputures that feeling of having someone supportive and who cares about you in life. Since my Mom passed, I truely felt alone and that I need to fend for myself and no one is going to be there for me. It has proven to be true. I draw strength from someone believing in me. Everyone loves that from me, I just don't get any. 

I just dont know what to do. I really don't have any interest in life

@ASilentObserver

My mom is a very social person. Idk why with all the social practice she has had, she still doesn’t know how to communicate the right way but I suspect that most of the people she socializes with don’t communicate well either. I already know they don’t have good manners. 

They come as guests to this house I live in but they are too loud and stay up till 3-4am every night. 

I told her and my stepdad before I cut them off that they need to control the environment since it’s their house as they keep claiming and since it’s their guests it’s their responsibility to keep things under reasonable control. I told them I’m not saying they should be mean and that they don’t need to be loud and stay up so late to have fun. 

My stepdad just passed by me saying it’s gonna be loud tonight and it’d be better if I was upstairs. So on top of everything else I mentioned I’m also being rushed out of my own bedroom to go upstairs just to get some peace bc for some unknown reason it’s difficult all of a sudden for people who communicate and talk regularly to say something to their guests about the loudness. All they had to do was say something like “excuse me there’s other people living here who may be disturbed by your loudness and complain. We don’t want that to happen so if you don’t mind can you please lower your voice/keep your voice down? Thanks.” and for the lateness, “Ok. This was a lot of fun but it’s late now. I think it’s best we all call it a night now and go to sleep so we can wake up early feeling energized and have more time for more fun. Goodnight everyone.” Idk why that’s so difficult. It’s their house yet they’re letting guests dictate how things go in a house that’s not theirs. Makes no sense. 

My mom constantly makes excuses saying it’s culture and she’s too old to change now. 

So all I thought of doing about this is to give them what they’ve always given me - no consideration at all. Since they refuse to give me what I need, when they need something from me no matter what it is they won’t get it. At least not from me. My siblings, who keep saying it’s their house they can do whatever they want yet complained about them to me everyday they were living here, won’t be able to change my mind. 

So while it’s a challenging situation, I might’ve figured a way to get even, not in the sense of revenge, but in the sense of making them feel how they always make me feel. 

Oh I accidentally tapped “Post” before I was actually finished so gotta say what another challenge is on a separate comment which is here. Sorry. 

The other challenge is my stepdad asked me to tell my mom to go to therapy or psychology or psychiatric sessions to help determine and diagnose what her mental problems are. Clearly she’s had them for years. Idk how long or when they started. They’ve never been diagnosed or treated or anything bc she never admitted or acknowledged any of them to herself or anyone else. It’s bc of maintaining her massively inflated ego. She’s sacrificed and constantly continuing to sacrifice her own health as well as the health of her immediate family just for that. That’s not what a caring person does. This is one example of a toxic or abusive or uncaring or inconsiderate parent and she happens to be all 4. 

I can’t talk to her. It’s a waste of time to talk to her about anything bc she never listens to anything I say. 

If she did listen to someone which I highly doubt and did attend those sessions I mentioned earlier will she be open, honest and authentic with them, will she listen to what they say and accept what is said to her? I highly doubt all that too. 

She won’t want to and her husband won’t let her but if she wants to continue living how she does, best thing is she get her own place and live alone bc idk anyone else who’ll tolerate her lifestyle as long as my stepdad and I have. 

So that’s another challenge 

@ASilentObserver this week I'm stuggling with an over reaction to being left out. A group of friends got together without me (not on purpose), but it sent me into a tailspin of crying.

I had it it hurts 

Easing my anxiety about being in the same room as people who are rumored to be mean/bad people 😓