Weekly Prompt #36: How does your cultural background or upbringing influence your experience with depression?
Hello all, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts and questions for discussion. They were thought-provoking questions and thoughts. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you
Growing up in a specific culture can have a profound impact on one's experience with depression. Cultural background and upbringing can shape the way one perceives and navigates mental health challenges. It can influence one's understanding of depression, the stigma attached to it, and the coping mechanisms one may have developed over the years.
This week's prompt: How does your cultural background or upbringing influence your experience with depression?
I want us to acknowledge the culture and influence of one's upbringing on their mental health journey to share their experiences and emotions. Let's get started
@ASilentObserver From my upbringing: talking about the stuff is a bit weird. We are used to just suck it up and go with the flow. So throwing things out there feels embarrassing and is scary. Nobody has much experience with it so talking about it is hard. But also sharing it has a huuuge threshold/barrier in front of it because it is seen as weird, weak or not important enough.
@Michelh1996 That feels like you have some reservations about opening up due to how you were raised and feeling unsure about how others might react. What thoughts come up for you when you think about overcoming these barriers?
@ASilentObserver I really feel like others will see it as weird, and also recently I have been opening up a bit more about my struggles. Which leads to them sometimes asking about it, or about how things went. Which is nice. But I also notice this tone in their voice like they feel a bit sorry or at least it sound a bit childisch or condescending. Which is a bit embarrassing and feels like there is a emphasis on the fact that there is something wrong with me. So it is a bit of a struggle still at the moment...
@Michelh1996 mental health is a illness, I'm sorry were brought up to think it wasnt.😥 but I hope you realise now, that it is is a illness, and you can't help being ill, there's no shame or anything for having a illness ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11 I know these days alright! I learned that a lot of people can pretend that it doesn't exist, but that only works for so long and only bottles things up and gets them brewing to a point!👫
@ASilentObserver
My family is high achieving. No one in this family gives recognition for your achievements. Signs of affection are rare. My father never hugged me and never said an encouraging thing to me.
@Gettingbettertoday I can understand that when you grew up in a family where emotions were expressed less often, that can be challenging. What kind of impact has that had on you?
@ASilentObserver
I lack emotional intelligence and empathy for others. I am suspicious of peoples motivations, just because someone is friendly does not mean they are your friend.
@Gettingbettertoday I'm your friend, and I'm not suspicious 👀👀 hides basement bodies 👀👀😂😂😂😂😂
@Gettingbettertoday I would say your definitely a high achiever, designing and making board games, is not easy, and will be remembered throughout history. Games never go out of fashion ❤ I know you can't do that anymore. So enjoying retirement also had it's good side ❤❤
@Gettingbettertoday I am really sorry to hear that. Sometimes I wish we could pick our families, but unfortunately we cannot. I wish your dad was more understanding towards you.
How does your cultural background or upbringing influence your experience with depression?
Well, in my cultural upbringing, they don't believe in therapy or any diagnoses really. They are also hyper religious. If you don't follow their ideals, then there's a high chance of getting disowned. Just been told to "deal with it" all my life or else I'd worry about getting a beating, thrown out of the house, or disowned. I've left the house since I was 18 years old and haven't look back since. The only people I recognize as my family is my son and my partner.
Despite them being against therapy, I still went and still trying to get assistance. I'm currently on meds for depression, which is something they would look down upon, but oh well, it helps me keep stable and from going off the other end, based on how they gave me PTSD and depression since I was a child. So, thanks to them, I have been messed up for a long time.
@ImpudentIncognito I am sorry to hear that you had such a difficult childhood where you were discouraged from seeking help and support, impudent. It makes sense that you feel conflicted about opening up to others about your struggles when you grew up in an environment where mental health support was shunned. What do you think might happen if you reached out to your family now? Please know you have all of us here with you to listen to and support you.
@ImpudentIncognito 😞 you've been so much through your childhood and adulthood. 😥 I'm glad you reached out and got help. Your do amazingly well, I'm always here for you ❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ sends rainbow wishes 🌈 to you, partner and son ❤❤
@ASilentObserver
How does your cultural background or upbringing influence your experience with depression?
My upbringing was on the outside looking in it was perfect...but living through it was a nightmare...lots of verbal abuse...
So it definitely fueled my depression and in 2005 I tried to take a knife and "go away" after a family argument happened and my mother had taken a knife and tried to kill my grandfather her dad. That drove me off the deep end. And I've been struggling ever since.
@reservedTangerine9348 sounds like you have experienced significant struggles with depression and trauma due to verbal abuse and a difficult home environment. Feeling like things were perfect on the outside but not inside can feel complex and complicated. Pleaseknow you have all of us here with you to listen to and support you
Thank you. It means a lot to me.
@reservedTangerine9348 wow! That's really bad, bless you😥 that while experience would be enough to push anyone over the edge😞 and in many ways verbal abuse can cut deeper than physical abuse. Just please know we care about you here at cups, I care about you ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@ASilentObserver
How does your cultural background or upbringing influence your experience with depression?
My family and parents are people persons and very focused on like community and helping the people. Doctors, lawyers, athletes, always giving back and representing the people. Which is great, but for majority of my childhood that meant putting community and others always above yourself. You are what you can do for others. If you can't do that, why are you here? They see depression, anxiety, and any indication of some type of mental issue as an excuse. And excuses are not allowed.
I don't think it's fathomable for them to understand, because I have had numerous conversations with them about it. Numerous conversation and each and every time it's blown off. And sometimes I just think to myself, what do I have to for them to take it seriously? What point do I have to reach for them to actually care, because like I said what matters most it what others receive from you. I've had so many talks about me being depressed, anxious, tired, overworked, overwhelmed, overstimulated, suicidal, but at the end of the day they don't seem to care. And if they do care it's just temporary so they can say hey you're better now go and do the thing I told you before.
@JollyRacher looks like your family values community involvement and caring for others are important aspects of life. but also it seems like these values may be used to suppress your own needs and feelings when it comes to dealing with depression and other challenges. It feels difficult to feel like your struggles are not taken seriously by those close to you. Please know you have all of us here with you to listen to and support you, jolly
@JollyRacher your parents are definitely set in their own ways (not open to new things) giving to the community is great, but giving to your child is the best thing you can ever do. Your children are the gift you give the world. I wish your parents could understand that. But hey! You got us, I love you and an always here for you ❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤
In my family if you didn't have anything nice or good to say yo said nothing at all. And then you self medicated or self coped in whatever way made you high functioning enough for society standards. You didn't talk about it, get therapy, or antidepressants.
@LostGirl92 It feels like you grew up in an environment where expressing yourself was discouraged, Lost. How has that impacted you? We are all here with you to listen to and support you. You are not alone in this.
My mental health was stunted from an early age. I was always made to feel like it was wrong or inappropriate to feel what I was feeling. It was always too much. If I was sad i was too sad. If I was angry I was too angry. So I stopped expressing emotions so I wouldn't be told I was feeling them wrong. This caused a lot of built up tension in me. It took me too long in my adult life to understand emotions better.but the impact is truly everlasting. I still don't like sharing how I am feeling.
@LostGirl92 That makes sense, it can be hard when we have our emotions dismissed as children. It takes a lot of courage to open up about how we are feeling.
@LostGirl92 that's very sad to hear. I hope you get help and support now ❤
Back in the generation of my parents, being in large families. Dad has 7 siblings and Mum has 8 siblings, many were not well-educated. Like my parents, they did not even finish high school, before being forced to start going out into the workforce to help raise the family at a young age. Culturally, they do not know what mental health is, nor know anything about its technical terms like Depression, Anxiety, Stress, Trauma..etc.
Fast-forward to after having their own children (my brother and myself), they did not know what to do when I was diagnosed with Depression at the young age of 11. Back then, my doctor claims I was too young to be given medication, so I didn't get any treatment until my early 20s. Within those times before I could take medication, I was basically ignored. When parents do not understand the seriousness of Depression, there was really nothing I could do nor nothing they did to offer support, but to bottle up all emotions and suffered alone.
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk you have been through a lot, Jae. Feeling misunderstood by your parents during that time must have made things even harder. How did it feel to suffer silently to you?
To suffer silently was hard, Obs. Even when having a brother 4 years older than I, he didn't take Depression seriously either. I remember one incident as if it happened yesterday. Long story short, brother was driving, we were on the way to the restaurant to meet up with our parents for lunch. In the car ride, he blamed my Depression as the reason for my mum to suffer from H.Pylori, because he thinks it was caused by the stress and how she was worried about me. So, ever since then, I've kept all emotions to myself even more. Put up a wall between myself and my family.
In the present, my mum is more accepting and I have become more open. I've learned a lot about myself through the journey of having Depression and is more comfortable talking about it. Although I still keep some thoughts and feelings to myself nowadays, but we do talk about it more openly now. I like to use my own experience and insights to help my dad process his negative thoughts.
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk bless you ❤ unfortunately a lot of parents/people still don't understand mental health, and then there are those who don't want to believe it. It's very sad when this happens😥 luckly you turned out to be who you are today, through out all your hardships, you are now someone who is a big inspiration to me, and I'm sure many others too ❤ hugs you tightly ❤
Agreed. Some parents and cultures do not acknowledge mental health as a problem, or it is not talked about at all. That is why in some countries, rates of people who go to the extents of putting an end to their suffering is higher. It's saddening, but it seems that nothing will change unless the government acknowledges mental health or offer some sort of support to families suffering from it.
Thank you for your kind words, I'm happy to hear that I'm an inspiration to you. I can't say I like who I turned out to be today, but I guess, at least I'm still alive, so all things are possible and there's hope.
@Tinywhisper11
@Jaeteuk I think your perfect ❤ and there's always hope yes ❤ I live in the UK, and the royal family are really big on supporting mental health😁❤ so that's a step in the right direction ❤
@ASilentObserver Ohh my goodness, people can put incredible pressure on a person struggling with mental health. For me the biggest pressure came from my immediate family, my parents and one of my siblings. It left me feeling very alone and an outcasted within my family unit. It taught me to fear the judgement of others and try to hide the turmoil within. On one hand it was in
plain sight on the other hand I wouldn’t talk about what was occurring, because of the messages I got. The impact of the denial and prompting by my family to get over it lead to a huge amount of shame, fear, anxiety and depression. It is really sad, but all my anxiety, confusion and depression disappeared after my parents passed. No more failed expectations, no more blaming and shaming. No more judgement and guilt. I was free to Accept myself and to live on my terms. I love my parents and miss the good moments with them, but I don’t miss the fear of being a constant disappointment to them. It really tragic, that I am happier and at more peace without them.
@coolvibes hugs you tightly ❤❤ these situations are always heartbreaking. And it's sad that it had to come to that. But it's good to know that heavy weight is off your shoulders now, and you can be free to be yourself ❤❤
@coolvibes Thank you for sharing your perspective Coolio, that sounds like you experienced difficult emotions due to significant pressure and judgment from your family. But it is also validating to hear that you miss the good times with them. So if you take a moment to reflect on these experiences, how do you think your cultural background influenced how you perceived and navigated your depression?
@ASilentObserver I went against the grain of cultural stigma of mental illness and kept advocating for myself, though I had continual embarrassment that went along with my depression. Always feeling Like I didn’t fit in anywhere and it made me more comfortable and safe with Isolation. So, I stayed to myself most the time.
@ASilentObserver my upbringing is the reason for my depression. I don't really see it has any sort of label/stigma. I've never seen mental health that way. I didn't realise mental health was anything till after I was rescued. But I think it's nice to have the diagnosis, so you can get the right help for you ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 It sounds like your upbringing has contributed to your depression, Tiny. What aspects of your upbringing have made you feel this way?
@ASilentObserver trigger warning= abuse
Obs I'm not sure if you know about my past, I was born into a Christian cult, I was a slave ((mostly sex) until I was rescued by the law enforcement when I was 18 years old, some of the other slaves were rescued too. My owners broke my spine so after I was rescued, I was half paralysed and the doctors had to amputate my legs.. And I've overshared I'll stop talking now
I've read some of the replies to this thread and it definitely made me feel grateful to a certain extent for the family I was brought up in.
I was never physically abused or cursed at ever by anyone in my family. But being the only person living with a mental health diagnosis is very isolating. I'm medicated now and I've gone to multiple psychotherapists. I feel like I've done a major part of the work, but I still struggle asking for help when I need it. Like today. For some reason I've been craving nicotine for the past few days and have managed to curb the craving. But I know if I asked my dad for a cigarette, he'd hand me one. He might ask why I want to smoke again and I'd explain that I'm just indulging once and not making a habit of it.
Not sure I could say the same of a beer or a cocktail. Which I've also wanted to indulge in despite being sober for nearly 15 months now.
It's hard for me to communicate my feelings or lack of motivation to spend time with family members because their brains are wired normally. They couldn't understand how much it weighs on me to be around them at times. As much as it pains me to admit, I would rather be alone than in their presence sometimes. Even with the best of intentions from them, there's always something that gets lost in communication, or misunderstood. To avoid all this I've grown to make my words more scarce when I talk to them at times.
@SamOur I am sorry to hear you are experiencing difficult feelings of isolation and craving comfort in ways that may not be healthy for you. Feeling misunderstood can take a toll on well-being. What matters most to you about communicating with your family?