Weekly Prompt #25: How do the expectations and social pressure surrounding the holidays affect your mood and energy levels?
Welcome back, group! I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: What matters most to you in your days that could help you feel less stuck in a loop? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts and questions for discussion. They were thought-provoking questions and thoughts. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you
This week's prompt: How do the expectations and social pressure surrounding the holidays affect your mood and energy levels?
Depression can be a bit rough during holidays due to expectations and social pressures. One may feel tired and drained navigating those expectations and pressure, and it is very natural to feel this way. Please know all thoughts and experiences are valid so no matter how small or big it seems, do share with us and we will discuss our thoughts on it together.
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On one hand I am very excited for Christmas to be here. On the other hand it's daunting that I will be expected to be social, happy and energetic for multiple days on end. So my head just loves making up doom scenarios and how itll be more fun for the others if I'm not there.
@SleepyPersonForever You are not alone in finding holidays challenging at times. It sounds like the social expectations around the holidays are weighing heavily on you. The feelings of excitement and dread that you described show how meaningful yet stressful this time can be. What aspects of being social and energetic for multiple days seem most daunting?
They expect me to be a certain way. Keeping up that mask the whole time is tiring. But I don't want to dissapoint them either. So I'll do my best. They deserve a happy Christmas without worrying about me.
How do the expectations and social pressure surrounding the holidays affect your mood and energy levels?
My family doesn't understand what's going on in me, so it's difficult to be around them. They're all having a good time and carrying on while I'm looking for something I can't define, but I'm left feeling outside of it all, just observing them and not a part of the holiday celebration. I don't know what other people are thinking or feeling when I'm in public. They're probably stressed out and worried, too, while pretending to be having fun.
@WharfRat I can understand how the expectations and social pressures of the holidays could leave you feeling outside of it all and just observing others. It sounds like an isolating experience to feel unseen in your true feelings amongst family celebrations. What aspects of wanting something undefined leave you feeling most disconnected during this time?
@ASilentObserver
I think that my family doesn't understand or care what I would like to experience during the holidays. For example, when we get together, they will sit there plaing games on their phones and ignore everyone else. I think we should be doing things that get us involved with each other, as in board games or card games. I just want to get out of their house since they behave the way they do. There's no sense in being there.
@WharfRat That sounds like family gatherings haven't felt very connecting for you lately. Playing on phones instead of engaging with each other could make anyone feel left out. Your desire to experience quality time together is understandable. We are all with you Wharf aand you are family to us here
My family doesn't really celebrate the Christmas holidays, so it doesn't really affect my mood as much. This holiday season though, I'm still recovering from a cold.. so, energy-wise, I'm getting drained more easily when I'm working.
I took a sick leave last week, returned to work yesterday and I was so tired. Still coughing during the day. My first cold in 4 years, and with a history of asthma, coughs will last at least a month. I'll see my doctor again on Thursday, to let her have a listen to my lungs. I had phlegm before, but it hasn't been coughed out at all. So, wonder if it's still stuck, or they've disappeared. Then ask if the inhaler her locum prescribed is right for me and ask what I can take during the day or at night to stop the coughs.
I can't wait for this month to come to an end though. Got some exciting plans in the New Year!
@Jaeteuk It sounds like recovering from this cold while also needing to work has drained your energy. Having a cough last for over a month after being sick must feel frustrating. How have you been dealing with the fatigue so far? I am glad you see your doctor again to get their input on your lungs and medication. Also happy and rooting for you that you have exciting plans to look forward to in the new year once this cough resolves. You have got this - taking good care of yourself will help you feel better soon.
I've just been trying to get more sleep in and I've slowed my walking pace down during my work shift. There's really not much else to do, but it seems the more I think about wanting to get a good night's sleep, the more times I wake up in the middle of the night.
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
How do the expectations and social pressure surrounding the holidays affect your mood and energy levels?
I completely cut of my birth family. That has helped me take the pressure off what society expects me to do over the holidays. I haven't felt better. Don't get me wrong, my mental state is far from perfect, but blocking the people who mentally abused me all my life, out of my life, feels good.
@purpleTree4652 Thank you for sharing about how the holidays affect your mood and energy levels, Purple. It sounds like removing yourself from situations that cause mental abuse has brought you a sense of relief. You have found strength through caring for yourself during this time. What feelings come up for you when you think about prioritizing your mental well-being in this way?
@ASilentObserver
It makes me a little sad that I have had to cut off my birth family, but they have no idea how to be good people.
Horrible everyone will ask about how good you are working , if you are earning well , if you got house, car, babies or get married its too much society just pressured to be perfect and get everything and we feel miserable and loser . its known that everyone is different and their life and journey too also the success
@Mekuland3050 Thank you for sharing how the holidays can bring up difficult feelings of pressure and comparison. It sounds like there is a lot of stress surrounding expectations of what one's life should look like. You are right that we are all on our unique journeys. Please know we are all here with you and we appreciate you here with us.
@ASilentObserver not at all. My family never put importance on tradition or expectation. We are the ones who cook and bake regardless of Christmas and eat it when we please. There is absolutely no Christmas cleaning. Just none of us cares. We are focused on enjoying the time together we get and a great dinner. Sometimes we have Christmas gifts. Sometimes it is barely a thing or two. Someone requests something they are already using before Christmas. That's ok too. We are just living in the moment without pressure, there is enough of it outside of home, no need to poison our holiday with it. We are also having a good time visiting my grandparents the next day. I'm grateful for having a family like I have
@sadcat13 It sounds like your family puts a lot of value on spending quality time together without pressure or expectations. Focusing on enjoying each other's company and living in the moment are wonderful ways to approach the holidays. What aspects of being with your family do you most appreciate during this time?
@ASilentObserver just giving together. Having dinner. And sharing some time
@ASilentObserver
How do the expectations and social pressure surrounding the holidays affect your mood and energy levels?
First of all, I have no social life other than 7cups. Yet I feel alone and out of place here in my own home. I long for closeness but find none; I long for conversations that are good, but we have none.
Hopefully, my daughter being off of work will give me some feelings of holiday spirit and a chance to laugh and have some fun with her. She just turned 49 on December 14th.
Christmas has a lot of old triggers surrounding it for me, but I always get through. My husband does not give gifts; he always makes excuses for not having any money. I have said at least you could make a card, but that, too, is too much. He waits and expects to receive gifts. This year I got a trick up my sleeves. No gifts for the scruge and no home-cooked meal. I hope he has a TV dinner handy. I have to make humor as else I would be upset.
@WorkingitThrough2 Thank you for sharing about how the holidays are affecting you this year. It sounds like the pressures and expectations are weighing heavily on you without the closeness and support you long for. Keeping your heart open despite the challenges is truly brave. We are glad to have you here with us.
It’s exhausting. Holidays are exhausting. I could have just as well skipped Xmas.
Others ask how I’m doing, but you know no one really cares. No one really wants to know. It’s exhausting pretending all the time. It’s exhausting baking, cleaning and hosting. It’s exhausting being everyone’s caregiver. I live on autopilot. It’s hard to say no.
After this no one will hear from me for a while because I’ll be trying to recoup.
When I feel my self thinking negative thoughts I say, out loud, 10 things I’m grateful for. It really helps.
I live my life on a hamster wheel. Sometimes I cry when I’m overwhelmed, I try to take things one at a time.
Sometimes it feels like if I could just get enough sleep I might wake up feeling better and refreshed, but that never happens.
so I compartmentalize, put it all out of my head and jump back on the hamster wheel…..
Sometimes I wonder… if I have a breaking point.
@SeekForgiveness730 It sounds like the holidays brought a lot of pressure and expectations that left you feeling exhausted. Taking on so much for others while neglecting your own needs is understandable but unsustainable. Your self-care strategies like expressing gratitude and taking things one at a time are wise. What helps you feel more balanced and cared for in less busy times?
@ASilentObserver
I don’t know. That part of my brain isn’t working. I don’t know what I like anymore. I don’t know what you mean by self care. I do the basics for self care: sleep, shower, get dressed. Anything more is exhausting. Maybe I’m just too tired to do self care… it’s just one more thing I have to think about and my brain…. Just doesn’t want to do it.
It’s hard to do this. It was hard to get started. My dysfunctional coping mechanisms, which once served a good purpose… of withdrawal has kicked in, this website is extra… and right now it’s hard to do extra…. It’s frustrating.
And even now, writing how “exhausting” stuff is looks petty, babyish and whiny. Wallowing in self pity is unproductive, unpleasant and self defeating.
So now I need to tell myself 10 affirmations… to change the headspace I keep falling into.
maybe I go back to science to self care and do things that help change my brain chemistry… 10 gratitudes, 10 affirmations, listening to music, go outside and walk barefoot, breath and listen to meditation, ask for a hug, do one random act of kindness, pet my dog,…
one day at a time, one hour at a time, one present moment at a time.
@ASilentObserver
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and everything but sometimes they stir up into topics that make me feel worried and anxious. It my first semester of high school and I didn’t do so well. Considering my parents have pretty high standards set for me. It didn’t go too well. My sister is 23 and she is very accomplished. She is coming to the house tomorrow and I just know she’s gonna make my grades a whole deal then I’m going to get yelled at, again. I mean I care about my grades but, I need a break. I guess that’s why winter break is here. But I want a break from everyone and everything.
@Kiara775 It sounds like dealing with expectations from your family around your grades is really weighing on you. Wanting a break from that pressure is completely understandable. What thoughts or feelings come up for you as you anticipate your sister's visit tomorrow?
@ASilentObserver
well I guess I’m just nervous that anyoneif my family brings up grades, but I’d love to see her since it’s been a few weeks.
@ASilentObserver I started like The Grinch. Not liking Christmas carols and music. I think I hate them. So, I try to think that is just another normal season, like in November or May, nothing special, but I feel pressed by office partners, family and normal people to be always happy, joyful, festive and hopeful, which I am not at all. Even spend my money on travel, not to spend it on gifts or a reason for going to a crowded mall or get into traffic. I am just relieved, if not happy, that the holidays have ended.