How do I cope..
I have been dealing with a lot of different things for years. I honestly believe it is all starting to pile up and it’s hitting me like a ton of bricks. I am crying multiple times a day every single day. To better understand where I am coming from, here is what I’ve been hit with:
-One of my parents passed away.
-One of my children is in a relationship with someone who may be a danger to them
-I have lost a lot of loved ones and friends in a very short period of time. They all passed away
-I am worrying about my one child and their relationship. It’s scaring me.
-I lost two of my pets due to sickness— I had a miscarriage and lost my baby
This is only part of what I am dealing with. It’s all hitting me very hard. I just don’t know how to deal with all of it and what to do anymore. I’m lost and broken. That’s the best way to explain it.
If you got this far, thank you for reading.
@ConcernedWife2017
Hello there ConcernedWife2017 🌸
Sorry for all the negative things you have been dealing with. It's surely impacting on your mood and emotions, that's understandable 💙
Grief needs its time to heal, unfortunately it's not something we can adjust with, in few days/weeks. Support and care is the key for the healing path, do you have chance to be supported by your partner, any close friend or someone in the family? Open communication about your feelings is important, glad you have been able to do that on here 🤗
The situation with your daughter I remember to be something that really concerns you and despite some red flags saw also by someone else in your family, it seems like she is not perceiving his behaviors same negative way, is that correct?
I hope you can still surround yourself of things you like and think about your self care in between of everything, that would be really important to balance the negative emotions and to prevent health problems because of it. Sometimes when it's too much things could erode our own healt/wellbeing.
Sending you good vibes and feel free to come and share whenever you feel to 😊
@MeaningfulSilence
Hello. Thank you so much for taking time to read my rant and answer back. I appreciate it very much.
Thank you very much. It surely has been impacting my mood. Very much.
You are correct. And everyone is different with grief and the time it takes to heal from it. There is no set time to heal for anyone, I understand that. This has been 3 years for me, for my dad. The other people I have lost have been around the same time, some longer, some shorter. It’s all just so crazy. I know it is part of life, but every single one of these people died at a young age. Some younger than others. It’s hard to grasp. My husband has helped me when I needed it. I don’t tend to bring it up with other people because I don’t want to feel like a burden. 7 cups has been a blessing at times for me when I need to get things off my chest.
Yes. You are correct. My daughter is not seeing her bf’s behaviors as negative. I’m starting to wonder if it will sink in and I am hoping it does soon. Since the last time I posted about their relationship, something bad happened that I can’t bring up on here. And that honestly now has me extremely worried for her safety with him. I have an even worse gut feeling now than I did before that something bad will happen to her if she stays in the relationship. I am praying and hoping every single day that she will see his bad behaviors and that she will leave.
I try so much to do the things I love and I still do them as much as I can, but at times, those things do not even help. My mind is in overdrive with all these thoughts about everything and it’s getting to me. I try so hard to let go, but some of these things are just there. Hard to forget, you know? Especially with my daughter’s situation 😢
Thank you for the good vibes. I am hoping something gives here soon. Thank you for messaging me back.
@ConcernedWife2017
I can understand how it's difficult to forget about your daughter, because it's a situation worrying you on daily basis. It's there, no way. Sorry to hear that something more negative happened, I remember you saying you two have an open communication, hope that it keeps being strong and strustworthy so that at a point it will help you both looking at problems in order to find a solution.
When someone dies at young age is always harder to face, without comparing any grief, just to agree that it's really difficult to accept. Miscarriages are surely impacting for every woman's life, the hospital didn't offer you the psychological support a woman should have?
Also losing our ''furry friends'' isn't a joke.
Glad that coming on here is of help, keep on coming to share if it helps because you deserve all the care you can receive 💙
@MeaningfulSilence
Yes. I mean as parents we never stop worrying about our children, but when a situation comes up like this, it’s even harder. We do have an open communication, but it seems like she leaves stuff out when she talks to me about him. The reason I found this out is because of another conversation that she had with a family member. Then I have seen and heard the way he talks to her sometimes. I think she might be scared to bring it up. I’m not sure.
Yes, I mean a death is hard to deal with as it is, but when someone passes at a younger age, it makes it that much more difficult.
The hospital did not offer me anything at all after I had my miscarriage. I’m not sure why that is.
Yes. Losing a fur baby is just as hard as losing a human being. They become family and you love them just the same.
Thank you so much. 💜 Sometimes I feel like if I bring some of this stuff up to a friend or family, they judge or get irritated that I talk about it. I certainly don’t want anyone judging my child because even though she has her own thoughts, she can be swayed to someone else’s. And unfortunately, I’ve seen it.
@ConcernedWife2017
I totally understand ConcernedWife2017, you can come here and share, without worrying that you or your daughter will be judged, you certainly don't need more worries!
I wish you that the new coming week won't be too difficult and hopefully there will be some positive things for you.
Take care!
Hey, it is nice to see you back again.
I know that you are dealing with a lot. It also does tend to feel like griefs pile up on top of one another.
What kinds of things are you doing for yourself during the day in the way of distraction? Are you able to talk to anyone and get some therapy? @ConcernedWife2017
@bestVase7265
Hello. Thank you. I am hoping some of this will “fix” itself, but I don’t have a great outlook for that happening.
I am currently looking into some different types of companies who do therapy because I don’t know what else to do. Too much is going on and it’s taking a huge toll on me.
When I am actually able to, I listen to music, take walks, read, play a video game, paint, draw- all the things that I love to do. Except even those things don’t tend to take my mind off of certain situations. It’s really tough right now. I can’t even explain how the situation with my child and her bf is worrying me to my core. It’s not a good feeling.
I know how much it is worrying you, but the more that you can focus on those distractions the better. You are doing all you can for your daughter and need to trust that she will find her way back to her senses. If she starts cutting off contact with you that is a different issue, but at this point focus on those things that you can do to care for yourself. @ConcernedWife2017
@bestVase7265
I try on a daily basis to surround myself with all of those things when I can and when I get time for them. It’s just so hard to focus on those alone when all of this is going on.
I am hoping she doesn’t cut contact off with me. That would be devastating. I will say however that things with her have changed a bit. I’m noticing more and more that she’s kind of becoming a different person. I am seeing more and more of her bf’s influence on her. I know everyone says she has her own mind, and she does, but she also can be pressured into things or manipulated. When those things happen, it’s hard to see.
The differences I’m seeing with her are many things. She used to always be about doing stuff with me. She would always ask to. Now, not so much. She used to text me in the morning when we got up for work and her for school. She would text it’s time to get up (if she didn’t know if I was up yet or not). She doesn’t do it anymore. She has blamed me for stuff that he has done/pulled. Like one day he didn’t come over to see her- she didn’t blame him, she blamed me. It was his fault. She lied about a situation the other day and has never done that before. She’s on this kick that she can do anything, no matter if it’s safe or not. These are only some of the ways that he is a huge problem.
I agree that he is an issue and that you have reason to be concerned. But just worrying is causing you to spin your wheels. Any time that you can focus on other stuff is valuable.
Your daughter is experimenting and growing right now. Yes, it is in dangerous ways, but it will make her into a more complete adult. You said before that you raised her well. Watching her spread her wings is hard, but you are the ones who built those wings. @ConcernedWife2017
Unless you think that you can get her to leave (which she will hopefully do) it is hard. Keep reminding her what a beautiful person that she is (especially if he is putting her down or making her not trust herself). Have a plan in your mind for what to do if she decides to go and he doesn't want to let her. Keep trying to do things with her alone even if she says she doesn't want to. In those moments, don't mention him at all. Let her see what life looked like without him a bit whenever you can even if it is 5 minutes.
Otherwise, just worrying and crying and telling her how concerned you are is only going to hurt you. She could pull further away. @ConcernedWife2017
Then you are absolutely doing everything that you can do and you are doing it well. It is hard to wait on things to evolve, but the best thing that you can do is to care for YOURSELF as you wait. Focus on distracting yourself and self care. @ConcernedWife2017
It is frustrating to have no control over the timeline here, but you don't. What you can do is focus on ways of de-stressing your body so that you can get to sleep. What kind of sleep routine do you have?@ConcernedWife2017
Tell me a little more about your bedtime routine. Maybe there is something to adjust there to make sleep a little easier. But I know it is just hard in general when you reach a certain age. Making sure that I sleep is the only reason that I still take anxiety medication. @ConcernedWife2017
Sorry that I didn't get back right away. We have been on a short vacation and return tomorrow.
You are doing good things to try to wind the day down. Some people do best with less screen time in the evening but that doesn't work for me. I usually do 7 cups right before bed. Helping other people gets me less focused on my own issues. You could also try things like puzzles or meditation.
Sometimes when the thoughts get bad as I am trying to go to sleep, I either repeat mantras like "I trust things will go well" while deep breathing or just breathing in on a four count and out on a four count. @ConcernedWife2017
What kinds of outings are you talking about? @ConcernedWife2017
But forbidding them to be alone together means that they will sneak out and things will become even more dangerous for your daughter. Young people are very much in need of making their own decisions or thinking that they are doing so. When they become resentful or feel that they are being controlled, then they lie more and are less likely to trust adults. You need to trust them in order for them to trust you.
I totally get that he is dangerous for her, but them running away together is the worse case scenario. Consider finding ways to compromise to keep that from happening.
I know what I am asking is very, very hard. But your daughter is quite clear at this point that you hate her boyfriend (and thus hate all of her decisions in her mind - she sees it as thinking she is a child rather than an emerging adult). Trying a different approach might work better. @ConcernedWife2017
Actually that does sound like a pretty good way to handle things - letting her make the choice of how to manage things in the future so the problem doesn't happen again. If it was something like drunk driving, I totally get it.
I am guessing that she is having trouble with the follow through - yes, I agreed to do this but it is really limiting me in practice. That is a sign of immaturity but she is also learning as she goes the real consequences of things and that is never fun.
Maybe you can think in terms of mini steps forward in another month or so. Short drives rather than long ones, daytime drives instead of night time.
You are doing good things and making good choices as a parent. But them growing up is painful and stressful for everyone. @ConcernedWife2017
You are doing a great job of parenting. Keep it up.
How is caring for yourself going? That will help is being strong in moving forward with your daughter if you have the physical and emotional strength. @ConcernedWife2017
I would feel uneasy too. But the more that you can just accept that as an emotion rather than dwelling within it, the easier all of this will hopefully be. What did you do for yourself today? @ConcernedWife2017
I am always busy as well so I know where you are coming from on that front. One thing that helps me mentally is doing a daily online jigsaw puzzle from Jigsaw Explorer. They are pretty simple and you can stop and start them throughout the day. What it really helps me with is that regular feeling of "I will never get this together" or "That piece is not going to fit anywhere." I say those things in real life too. So when I solve the puzzle it helps me realize yet again that all puzzles are solvable, including the relationship ones. But different things work for different people. @ConcernedWife2017
I wish that it would all go away for you magically, but it doesn't work that way. Caring for yourself is the best that you can do right now. So that is what you do.@ConcernedWife2017
There really isn't much that you can do at this point except to love yourself and to love her. @ConcernedWife2017
@ConcernedWife2017
Hi 🙂
How was your Monday so far?
Let's cross our fingers 🤞 and maybe things won't be too difficult this week!
@ConcernedWife2017
I remember a friend this happened to.
Grief Share groups are excellent. Strongly recommend them. https://www.griefshare.org/
You can also chat more with folks here.
So sad this happened!!
@ConcernedWife2017
Ok your mom brain has put the picture together.
BF is an abusive jerk and if you let him, may kill your daughter.
Don't let him. You are the parent. Protect your daughter!
@RogueOne1983
I am doing everything I can, and I am hoping she will see the light soon with him. This is one of her more serious relationships, but it’s a bad one and she doesn’t see it yet. I’m hoping she does soon.
Yes, he is a BIG jerk and emotionally abusive towards her. He hasn’t physically hurt her, and he better not. If he does, the law will be after him in a heartbeat. I don’t play with that crap. I am trying to protect her at all costs.
@ConcernedWife2017
I know; this whole post is dripping with concern and love.
With you in spirit!💙
@RogueOne1983
Thank you very much 💜
@ConcernedWife2017
Most welcome, worried mama. 💛💙