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downinthedumps2023 October 27th, 2023

Hi. Im 45 and severely depressed and anxious. I lost my jjob recently because of a severe panic attack. . I was struggling with a drug addiction which I have now quit. I am also gay but had never told anyone and kept it secret, and everything kind of burst open because of this. I tried to end my life two months ago and am struggling to get better. I have been prescribed Effexor 10 days ago to replace the Lexapro I had been on for fifteen years.

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PineapplePickles October 27th, 2023

@downinthedumps2023

It's a brave step to reach out for help. Quitting drugs and addressing your sexual orientation are positive moves toward a healthier life. Medication, therapy, and support can make a significant difference! Please be kind to yourself in this challenging journey. You're not alone, and there's hope for healing. Keep seeking support and believe in your ability to find happiness. 🌈🌟

downinthedumps2023 OP October 27th, 2023

Thank you so much. I know I’ve made some good moves but I can’t seem to focus on them right now, I’m so worried for the future, that’s it’s too late to fix these things etc. Lots of trauma here, but am trying so hard. Just waiting for the medication to work and for some hope to return! Have started counselling too, but just had one session so far. Feel so lonely and can’t speak so decided to join up when I found 7cups online

1 reply
Yougotmyback October 28th, 2023

Hi! Just wanted to let you know that your efforts matter. I know sometimes we feel behind in life but there's still much more to explore. You've taken some brave steps and I wish you all the best! We're glad to have you here. 🤍🌸✨

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VintageDougers October 28th, 2023

@downinthedumps2023 You've found a great place here! I'm still new to 7cups myself and have found everyone here to be extremely supportive and compassionate. The Sharing Circle is a great place to go and get things out in the open, vent, and receive compassion from like minded individuals.

I'm so sorry you're going through these things, but just know that you have support here. We're all here for our own reasons, many probably very similar to your reasons, and we all support each other.

Truly hoping you find the peace you deserve! ❤️

downinthedumps2023 OP October 28th, 2023

Thank you all so much. I’m still struggling and crying every so often. I just hope this hopelessness lifts soon.

2 replies
PineapplePickles October 28th, 2023

@downinthedumps2023

Have you explored the guides: https://www.7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php ?

There's one on hope, and plenty of others. Perhaps studying these guides at your own pace will help you better process your experiences.

1 reply
downinthedumps2023 OP October 28th, 2023

Thank you! I wasn’t aware of them! Will have a read now.

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23helicopters November 3rd, 2023

Hi. I am only a teen and I haven't had all these adult experiences yet but I know what pain is and I know the desperation that comes with it. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I thought a lot about doing it myself and that's how I end up in the ER(several times). Life can be hard and it feels like life has its favorites. I am only 17 and already so depressed in life(a lot of childhood trauma and abuse) I don't know how I will be able to carry on. Right now I just want to do my exams at the end of this school year and move out of all this insanity that is happening in my family.

I wish you all the best and u hope life will get better for both of us❤️❤️❤️❤️

3 replies
downinthedumps2023 OP November 3rd, 2023

Hi! I’m sorry to hear you are suffering. My problems also began in my youth, so I completely understand. If I can give some advice, it’s to try to seek assistance now and don’t wait. My depression went undiagnosed until I was 30, by which point it became unbearable. What just happened I believe was because my medication just stopped working coupled with the substance abuse. I’ve also just started therapy, which is helping. Maybe reach out to someone professional to talk?


Feel free to talk to me anytime if you need to!

2 replies
23helicopters November 3rd, 2023

I had some very bad experiences with mental health professionals. And they are so expensive. But my health should be my priority anyways.

But i already have this app! I'm so glad I have found 7 cups. If it wasn't for this post on Quora I wouldn't have known the existence of this app. There are so many amazing people out here full of empathy and kindness. It makes me feel like I am finally a part of a big group and a big community ❤️

Thank you so much it's so kind of you!

I wish you all the best❤️

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TheBestScreenName November 4th, 2023

welcome to the panic attack club. 


I am also 45, just turned 45 this past September. Feel free to check out my journal entries, haven't done one in a while. It is all morbid and messed up. just search my screen name should be easy enough to find.


anyhow

I can't speak on homosexuality as I am not. I am straight.  But I can relate to severe anxiety, I can relate to drugs to a degree. I was overusing medical marijuana to treat my sleep issues and was using way to much and it caused me to have a severe mental break down and I had to call 911 for help because i was losing it, and had been awake for about a week straight. it was a long process to, i guess get sober. even though I had stopped using marijuana after my first hospitalization there was, what I call after shocks. an I think i admitted myself, two more times after that. And all 3 times were not easy, I was paranoid, yelling, screaming, writing notes that made no sense.on an on. Honestly, I should have spent 3 weeks maybe 4 in the hospital the first time i was in.


I am glad that part of my life is over but I do struggle with passive suicidal thoughts. Really the only thing I learned through time, is to just recognize those thoughts as nothing more than thoughts and to identify what an active plan is and when to call for help.


I can't hold a job down let alone look for one due to my anxiety, I also have PTSD, General Depression, and I am probably now, border line bipolar. 

I am relying on my dad financially and getting food stamps to help with food. my mother passed and I inherited the family home, and what my dad is giving me no longer covers property taxes because there are no more exemptions. 


I can probably squeek by with my dads help for a year and a half i figure.

I am currently in the process of seeking a gastric bypass through the VA, after and within that time frame of a year and a half, ima heal up physically, then afterward, sell my home, and find a place to move too and make some kind of life for myself.


it is terrifying, because my problems are so deep, and have been as you have faced a lifetime of issues, that are very deep-seated and not easily fixed with happy thoughts and well wishes.

I hate saying this so much, because it just means nothing to me when others say it to me, but I hope it means something to you. You're not alone. 

And I guess all we can choose from sometimes is which do we want to get hit with, a stick or a car. and for some of us, we say, well I don't want to get hit with either so ima do this..... and they manage to do it. sometimes and where I see my self heading is, well, I guess ima choose the stick because I just cant avoid either anymore.

congrats on being off drugs, that is a giant achievement. that is something to hold on to and be proud of every day. 

If you ever in a pinch and need to talk, this is the place to be. even if all you do is just post a thread in the forum and leave it to fly in the ether. you may notice the rooms are a hit or miss, 9 times out of 10 they are pretty good, but even just rambling in a chat room i find helpful, i let people know hey ima just ramble, feel free to ignore me or reply if ya want but i gotta vent and ramble.



suicidal thoughts are very scary and annoying, just remember they are thoughts; they will pass, you just have to work through it each and every time. be aware of major warning signs that are progressing into plans, seek help at that point. never be afraid to call 911.

keep fighting the anxiety and panic attacks, it is very exhausting and defeating and humiliating , i am right there i get it. 

dont give up.