Work Prompt #4: What are some ways to set boundaries between your work and personal life?
Welcome back all, I hope you are all taking it easy on yourself at work this week.
Last week we discussed: How do you navigate challenges and setbacks in your career? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts for discussion. I enjoyed them. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: What are some ways to set boundaries between your work and personal life?
I wanted to start a discussion on work-life balance and how we can set boundaries between our work and personal life. I look forward to hearing and discussing with you all!
We're always told to leave work at work and when we get home, to not think about work. I guess that is only possible if work wasn't as stressful or depending on your job title or the type of industry you work in.
For example, looking at myself. Working at a Hospital in the Operating Room.. depending on what goes on in the day, I could be affected for days after something happens. It's not like I want to take the problem home, but I subconsciously do so. The only work-life balance is to use my weekends to do personal things. Running errands or relaxing and doing other activities. I'm lucky that at my Hospital, we only work Monday to Friday, and off on Statutory Holidays.
Another example, will be my brother. He's the Vice President of his department. Since Covid, he's been working from home. For those who has worked at home, will know you end up working longer hours than in the office. So, everyday, he's in meetings.. meetings with the team, meetings with other people in different countries. It's non-stop.. he sometimes end up working over the weekends too, especially when they are in the middle of a deal, he needs to be on the other person all the time. With him, work-life balance is nearly impossible. Even when he's not working, his brain doesn't stop processing that has been discussed in his meetings and he often talk about it with us (the family) about the problems at work. The only time he can be free of thinking about work, is when he hangs out with his friend. They'd have dinner together, and sometimes watch movies at his place. Before the friend got a girlfriend, my brother used to do sleepovers on Fridays.. They'd have dinner after work, then stay over at his place to watch movies late into the night. So my brother stays I've, and comes home after they've had breakfast together. But now that the friend has a girlfriend, my brother is only able to have dinner with him. At least, that's a good 2 hours away work and talking about her. That is his balance.
I'm hoping to create a better work-life balance in the next 2 years. Going to have some changes at work, either need to leave or try for a career change.
@Jaeteuk It sounds like both your work and your brother's work involve a lot of responsibility and stress. Managing those demands while also taking care of yourself can certainly be challenging. Your self-awareness about needing changes suggests you have the strength and wisdom to move in a healthier direction, Jae. Please continue to take your small steps and sharing with us as well. What aspects of finding better balance are you most hoping to explore in the next two years?
Obs, I'll be sending out a cover letter and resumé to a company that revolves around my dream career early next year. Since it'll be overseas, I'll give it a month or so to see if I get a response. Then, I'll try to apply for another type of work if the previous one was not successful. My cousin recommended Workaway, so, thinking of trying that out. I believe when I focus on myself more, that is already trying to build more of a work-life balance. Since currently at work, everyone just seems to be selfish in taking their vacation time. Of the coming 3 years in this department, I haven't had any summer or Christmas weeks off because all the other permanent staff take turns taking those times off. And my shifts are given when others are on vacation. No balance there. I've been working nearly 5 months straight, with less than 10 days off.. if you think about it, even the permanent staff doesn't work this long with no vacation days in between. So in a sense, it's not fair, but then, that's the only way I'd get to work and actually have an income.
I know I'll need a backup plan or another job when the other two retires within the next 2 years. Especially if it will be who I think will get their positions joins the team, it's either me or them. Definitely not putting my mental health back on the line when the time comes for those changes.
@Jaeteuk It looks like you have taken important steps by considering other work opportunities and focusing on self-care. you have been putting in a lot of effort at work lately with little time off, and that lack of balance has been difficult. What kinds of things do you enjoy doing to recharge when you do have time away from work? Please know your every step counting and i am here rooting for you
First of all, I'll try and sleep in on my day off. Waking at 5am every day of work, it's tiring when I didn't sleep well the night before. I find music soothes my mind, so if I'm on my computer, music will always be playing in the background. I'll also spend time catching up on watching dramas. But for this weekend, I had planned to work on my Cover Letter and Resume. I've written a rough draft on Thurs and Fri morning in the cafeteria at work. Then, planned to type it out on the computer over the weekend now. So, I've typed out the Cover Letter yesterday, and I'll work on the Resume today. Then, possibly by next weekend, I'll spend more time tweaking it until it sounds/looks good.
I've also planned to have a coffee date with my mum next weekend.. I mentioned about it when she was still on her trip. That I want to share the plans that I have for myself in the near future. Regarding work, at the hospital, and my plans with this Cover Letter and Resume I'm working on. My mum asked me last night if I'd like to go on that coffee date today, but I had told her I had plans made to work on things this weekend already. Last year, our coffee date lasted about 2 hours. So, better have it planned for next weekend. Plus, I like it when there was a plan made ahead of time, not the night before.
It's going to be busy this week with work, going to be short-staffed Mon-Wed, which means, I'll be doing a lot of the running around with all the "shared" tasks that the other colleague doesn't help with. I'm also doing an hour of overtime tomorrow. That coffee date next weekend would also be a good time of relaxing, although our conversations may become intense/emotional, it's still a bit of a break.
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk that's great. you have a full and meaningful weekend planned focusing on your career goals as well as quality time with your mother. Updating your resume and cover letter can be mentally and emotionally taxing work but also very rewarding as you focus your energy on opportunities that align with your skills and values.
So, I've typed up both this past weekend. The coming weekend, I'll have to tweak it. My Cover Letter has to be shortened, I ended up with 2 lines on the next page. I know I get wordy at times, so I'll really need to see how I can deliver the point and take out some words.
I actually felt happy/joy, as I typed it up and reading it over. I've only always imagined about working at that company, but now that I'm making progress in really applying for a position there, I'm excited and happy, puts a smile on my face just thinking about it.
The only problem with this job, is I don't have any recent work experience, so, the way my Cover Letter and Resumé is written, it's based on Skills that I feel will be an asset to the work itself.
@Jaeteuk I am glad to hear your cover letter and resume are bringing you such joy and excitement as you work towards this opportunity. The happiness and smile it brings to think about working there is really lovely. It is good that you are finding the process of applying and tweaking things to be helpful for focusing your skills and experience.
What are some ways to set boundaries between your work and personal life?
As a supervisor I am constantly thinking about what my people are doing when I'm not there because I'm ultimately responsible for their actions, or lack there of. This happens because I've been burned in the past by subordinate employees not doing what they are supposed to. Add to that the fact that the group I am responsible for now, can not, are afraid to, or refuses to, make a decision in the absence of a direct supervisor, my phone rings at home regularly. Then there is time and attendance that needs to be done so the people can get paid. Because it is due on a day I am usually out of the building, I have to do that from home. With technology the way it is today, separating work and home is harder than ever.
But to answer the question, My girlfriend and I spend a lot of time together doing things we like to do, going on day trips and weekend adventures. I exercise regularly and ride my bikes, which helps, but in the end, work is always in the back of my mind. I will be following for some good ideas.
It seems the higher authority you're in with the work, the more difficult it is to separate work from everyday lives. Your mind can't fully relax and not worry about what's happening at work. It's especially hard when the people you're supervising needs your final agreement for decisions during your times away from the office. You aren't able to leave work at work.
I'm glad you and your girlfriend are able to spend precious time together with hobbies you both enjoy. Takes your mind off from work momentarily as you enjoy the time together.
It was the same with my brother. He used to have a problematic employee under him, who clearly had unattended mental health issues, would either email or call him over the weekend and have mental breakdowns with my brother. My brother has been blaming the stress from work that's causing him to lose his hairs more quickly. Luckily, that employee finally resigned, now they're short-staffed. So more stress in finding the right person for the job, until then, he has to overlook the tasks that the person did before. Which means more work and less life living.
@CyclingThroughLife It sounds like being responsible for your team comes with both benefits and challenges. Maintaining work-life balance while ensuring everyone can succeed takes dedication. Their growth and success must be rewarding to see. I am glad you and your girlfriend find ways to enjoy time together and prioritize self-care through exercise, both of which help manage life's pressures. How do you recharge on weekends so you feel ready to take on each new week?
@ASilentObserver
Taking a couple of 30 min breaks during the work day and spending my time on other things after work or the weekends help me be more productive and reduce anxiety at work. I've figured breaks to talk to people or go for a walk are even more important than food breaks!
@Aputik you have found breaks to be really helpful for reducing your anxiety at work. You are tuned into the importance of self-care.
I guess, for better or worse, I'm aware of the amount of damage not taking care of oneself can cause. My goal now is to maintain self-care and not fall back into unhealthy patterns, which are always available.
@Aputik I am glad you are focused on healthy patterns that serve your well-being.
@ASilentObserver
Scheduling is key for me.
Scheduling time with friends and family, time for relax, recreation, learning...
And taking those as non-negotiable as work commitments.
Like your life depended on it, because it does.
@HealingTalk Scheduling boundaries between work and personal commitments is so important for well-being. Taking personal time as a non-negotiable shows great self-awareness and care for your needs. What aspects of personal life do you find most fulfilling when making time for them?
@ASilentObserver
Thank you, Obs!
I find it important to have some "me" time just doing nothing, sipping tea or meditating. That's my early morning routine. I don't rush to work as soon as I get up.
Time for play, even silly videogames like Polybridge or MiniMetro. The "play" mindset is very healthy for me. Also listening to music, fully focused (not as background music, but more like going to a concert). Those are evening routines. They help me avoid work-related obsessions bouncing in my head before bed.
Time with family, like having dinner with my parents, visiting or inviting my sister and cousins, and doing some plan with friends like the cinema or get-together. Those I schedule days in advance and become non-negotiable even if I have to leave work earlier than usual.
Things like that...
@HealingTalk I am glad like making time for the things you enjoy, whether alone or with others, is very important for your well-being. Spending relaxed mornings with tea and meditation, playful evenings with games and music, and quality time with family and friends all help you recharge in a way that's meaningful to you.
I like how you make those commitments non-negotiable! That's a smart idea and leaving work early if needed to get to those commitments on time. That's awesome!
@ASilentObserver
This is really hard because right now I'm working on myself, and my feral gen z neighbors are constantly doing renovation work, even early in the morning, late at night, on holidays and weekends.
So if I need to meditate, reflect or just enjoy myself, 99% of the time it's going to be disrupted.
I'm not really sure what I can do about it. I've had to call the police once because they didn't notify other tenants they were doing it, but then I got put on blast for it, threatened by the landlord and pushed, physically pushed by the building manager.
I'm pretty drained because I've been looking for another place to live for a half decade.
I wear earplugs and noise cancelling headphones almost all the time, and try hobbies like music, art and doodling to help.
Learning more about my rights and about compassion is kinda helping but, this is basically an actual nightmare.
@communicativePond1728 That sounds like a very challenging situation to be in. Having constant disruption when you need quiet time to reflect and recharge must feel quite draining. What kinds of emotions come up for you when the noise makes it difficult to focus on yourself?
@ASilentObserver
Scary ones, like flat out blind rage and utter helplessness, disgust and contempt.
Mostly I feel fear though, and doubts like 'why aren't I doing better? Why aren't I enough?'
I usually feel compassion too, at some point, like a broken shard of pearl in a pile of 💩
@communicativePond1728 Thank you for sharing those difficult emotions with me. It sounds like the noise makes it hard to focus on yourself and brings up intense feelings of fear, helplessness, and doubts. Those emotions would be hard for anyone to experience.
Do not answer emails in your personal hours.
Do not work in your personal hours.
Do not sit in your office after your working hours.
@mish3l Maintaining that separation can help prevent burnout. You are dedicated to your well-being.
It sounds like setting clear boundaries between work and personal time is important to you. What kinds of activities do you enjoy doing outside of work to recharge?
@ASilentObserver yeah, I burned out once, I've learned. This at least.
@mish3l I am glad you learned and taking your steps to refrain or minimize a situation like that.
@mish3l
Those are really good ones! Could you share the ways that helped you set those boundaries?
@communicativePond1728 learning to say 'no' was the top way to get there. Saying it to myself first (because I'm a workaholic lol) and then I learned to say it to the others too. I'm not very skilled at it yet but I'm getting there.
@mish3l
I'm a procrastiholic. I've wracked up almost 120 this week on my phone! So it sounds like learning to say 'yes' could be important but how the hey do I do that? Haha million dollar question
@communicativePond1728 haha I'm afraid I can't help with that I don't know how I do it 😅