Weekly Prompt #15: What is your biggest fear?

@RowingRat Thank you for sharing your concerns with me. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of difficult feelings around self harm and triggers. Reflecting on those fears can be really hard. What's contributing to feeling like doing something irreversible?

I think I fear so much the death of my closest loved ones. I also am uncomfortable with the certainty of my own future demise. Death is inevitable but why is it still so foreign, unimaginable, and painful? I fear the memories fading, the grief, and just feeling a permanent loss in my life. I cherish all of my favorite people who are still here and try to tell them frequently that I love them 💚

@spicyavocado3788 Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It's understandable that the inevitability of death, as well as the potential loss of loved ones, can stir up difficult emotions like fear, grief, and discomfort. What kinds of things do you find most helpful for coping with those thoughts and feelings?

I'm afraid that I keep justifying myself every time I make this mistake. and I repeated this mistake several times. I can't learn from it> now I'm looking at it maybe I was doing the right thing all the time and it is not a mistake. I can't repeat it again. But, I 'm doing it again

@unicorm It sounds like you're struggling with self-forgiveness after repeatedly making a mistake. Reflecting on one's actions can be difficult. What thoughts or feelings arise as you reflect on this situation?

@ASilentObserver

worried, I feel so worried when I keep repeating this mistake. As I shouldn't of done that.

@unicorm It sounds like you're feeling quite worried about repeating a mistake. That sense of worry can be difficult to manage. But please know, we never know what effort will turn out to be a mistake. At the same time, making an attempt is also needed, otherwise, we wouldn't be able to know what will work for us or not. So, seems like mistakes are more like a learning process which allow you to know what might not work for you and you will able to attempt better next time. What do you think about this?

@ASilentObserver as long as I learn of it, it will be part of learning process. thank you

In a word? Failure. In broader terms, I think I'm most afraid of not being valued, which I suppose I equate to being a failure in some way. In my relationship, I constantly battle my fear of being replaced or abandoned. It's so hard to figure out where it all stems from - probably childhood, right? Isn't that the textbook answer? I'm not so sure though. I think it stems from a low self-esteem that has accumulated and festered over the course of my life. Just when I think I'm making progress on building my self worth, something happens to undermine my efforts. It's like building with blocks and someone walks over and kicks it over so you have to start again. So frustrating!

@K8ydid Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It sounds like you've struggled with feelings of low self-worth for some time now, and it's weighing heavily on you. I hear your frustration with constantly having to rebuild - it sounds like a difficult cycle to keep facing. You deserve to feel secure and valued. What aspects of yourself do you feel are most undervalued currently?

@ASilentObserver I suppose with regards to my relationship, I work so hard and go above and beyond in everything I do, yet my partner seems to just eek by with the bare minimum. When I've tried to communicate about it, it gets turned around on me and I'm told "Well, stop doing so much then - nobody is asking you to go above and beyond..." and while that may seem like a fair suggestion, it's really not because if I scale back on my effort, it's immediately pointed out and criticized. "You never got around to folding that laundry?" "Weren't you gonna pick up milk on your way home from work?" "Did you make that vet appointment?". It's obvious when I scale back because I already do so much, but since he doesn't, it's virtually unnoticeable. It frustrates me that there's a bit of a double-standard in our relationship and I'm worried that if I push back and ask more of him, it will be some sort of black mark on me. I know this sounds messed up, but I'm just being honest with what I've experienced in my life (I'm not saying its a universal truth), but I have observed that men tend to work harder in relationships and tolerate imperfect personalities with beautiful women, so I feel like I have to work harder at being perfect in every other arena of my life as I consider myself just ordinary-looking. I know looks aren't everything, I guess I'm just painfully aware that there are lots of other "fish in the sea", so I feel that I need to stand out in the only ways I can. I know this is self-inflicted and I know it's wrapped in falsehoods, but this is just my perspective that has developed over the years - and I'm desperately trying to change it.

@K8ydid Thank you for sharing so openly about your relationship and perspective. It sounds like you've taken on a great deal of responsibility and put in a lot of effort yet feel that isn't being reciprocated in the way you need. You deserve to feel cared for and appreciated for all that you do.

@ASilentObserver Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. Seeking healing alone is a new thing for me and it's harder doing so without having the support of the one person I'm supposed to be able to count on. It's truly heartbreaking.

@K8ydid It sounds like seeking support on your own is bringing up difficult feelings of loss. You've shown strength in making the choice to care for yourself.

@ASilentObserver i know this is as vague as i can get but i think my biggest fear as of now is not living my life out to the fullest and not being good enough for anyone.

i have one life...(assuming there is only one life for everyone), it kills me to aknowledge that i wasting prescious moments of my life on things i rather not do and how as time passes im getting closer to my death...i'm not afraid to die tho.just afraid that i would regret looking back at life in future.

my seconf fear is not being good enough.being honest i am not a good person. i have done many things that are absolutely wrong. often times i dont even take the responsibility for my actions.i fear that one day what all i did would come back to me and everyone will see how bad i truly am.when i talk to my firends, whom i love the dearest or pray to God i cant shake this feeling of not being worthy.i feel that its immense luck that i am surrounded by people who are genuinely better and good. and that they deserve somebody really great and equally worthy of their time...

@annadaisy50749 It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of fear and uncertainty. Reflecting on one's life and thinking about the future can certainly bring up difficult emotions. I hear your concern about wanting to live fully and not have regrets. You don't have to face this alone - your worth isn't defined by any one action or perception. Each moment is a chance to keep learning and growing. How are you currently making sense of these thoughts and feelings?

@ASilentObserver whenever i have these doubts n stuff i more or less have a convo with myself, idk how to explain it..for eg. sometimes i write letters to myself and read them after few days or other times i have this ted talk in front of mirror...i be like my own big sister at those moments...

most of the time i can cope like this , other times when these fear grows beyond my capability...well i just let it grow, feel all the emotions, hate myself for a while and comeback to my self again....

there are tiny tiny things i do everyday to make my life worth living ,tiny tiny stuffs which makes me enjoy life...they are like tiny steps to wards the future i turly want....

@annadaisy50749 It sounds like you have found creative ways to support yourself during challenging times. Reflecting on your thoughts and feelings through writing letters or conversations can be very helpful for gaining clarity and perspective. You also mentioned finding tiny things each day that bring you joy - it's wonderful that you are able to focus on life's light moments even during heavy periods. Your resilience and ability to care for yourself is admirable.

-What is your biggest fear?

Well my biggest fear is losing my parents.

-Describe it in as much detail as possible.

If i lose them i will be all alone and there will be no one who would genuinely love and care for me. Just thinking about it made me tear up.

-What triggers this fear?

Old age, health issues and seeing people their age leaving this world

-How does it make you feel?

It makes my heart heavy and i feel restless and agitated and unsafe. I can't even imagine a world without them.

@hardworkingKite6195 I understand this is a heavy fear to carry. Losing those who mean the most to us is truly scary to think about. It's understandable that thoughts of losing your parents make you feel heavy, restless, and unsafe, as they are a great source of love and care for you. What memories give you comfort during those challenging times of worry?

Hi Obs,

Well, nothing really comforts me. I just try to brush off the negative thoughts by listening to music and watching TV. Or maybe just knowing that they are still with me gives me a sense of relief.

Thank you for asking though :)

@hardworkingKite6195 Thank you for sharing how you try to cope with difficult feelings. It sounds like keeping their memory close helps you feel less alone in some way. I know how challenging it can be  but your every step counts. 

@hardworkingKite6195  I have a the same kind of fear but mine is compounded with the fact I don't really want my older sister to have to take care of me if something was to happen.

I don't know if this is still active, but I think my biggest fear is being judged/ talked about me behind my back by my family, colleagues and friends and then while not knowing that they did- saying something or doing something or looking a certain way that they predicted and then being made fun of and I can't leave the situation..... didn't expect this to come out XD

@secretPeach2997 Thank you for sharing your concern with me. It sounds like facing judgment or ridicule from others is something that worries you greatly.  You are not alone in struggling with what others may think of you. Know that you are worthy just as you are. How does living with that fear affect you on a daily basis?

Thank you for this kind message!

I actually struggle every day... I see myself in the mirror thinking: am I too .... insert everything you can think of. I was always scared even as a kid.

I struggle leaving the house, I struggle in the evening having to go to bed is hard because I know I have to work the next day. Sunday evening is horrible. Sometimes my "Sunday anxiety even starts on Saturday... it makes me quite sad.

The only thing that always helped me was doing martial arts, but I had a lot of health problems and I still can't go... but I am working towards it.... if I could just get this fear out of my head my life would be so much better...

I don't know what to do... I started practising mindfulness, gratitude and monitoring my emotions so I can understand myself better...

But it only helps the symptoms... do you know how? Psychotherapy doesn't seem to work...

@secretPeach2997 I hear you peach. It takes courage to face each day with fear and anxiety, and even more courage to seek help. From what you described, it seems that anxiety affects many parts of your life. How does living with this daily fear make you feel?

I am glad you reached out and opening up about it. We are all here with you to listen to and to support. 

😄@ASilentObserver

@ASilentObserver my fear at the moment is that time is running out and I am not able to catchup with it.

@BismaKanwal It sounds like you are feeling a sense of urgency around time slipping away. What worries you most about not catching up? 

Please know that you are not alone in struggling with those types of pressures. We are all here with you to listen and to support.