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spicyavocado3788
2,857 M Hopeful Heart 6
PathStep 44 Compassion hearts290 Forum posts148 Forum upvotes234 Current upvotes234 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 24, 2023
Bio

New and improving..(hopefully)


love written word and expressive energy


also values solitude and peace šŸ’œ


Recent forum posts
BPD
Personality Disorders Support / by spicyavocado3788
Last post
 June 11th
...See more I was recently diagnosed with BPD. And the diagnosis was a bit shocking to me honestly. Shocking and a little discouraging. Iā€™m struggling to feel like Iā€™ll ever get my mental health in a good place. Itā€™s hard to be weighed down so much by invisible illnesses like depression and bpd
Holidays and other stressors
Depression Support / by spicyavocado3788
Last post
 January 3rd
...See more TW I sobbed into my pillow today when I realized my dog is getting old. Heā€™s so important to me and I canā€™t imagine losing him. Iā€™m also heartbroken over the loss of a father figureā€¦he passed a year ago from yesterday. He never got to see me grow into a successful person or someone heā€™d be proud of. He never got to see me get sober and overcome all of my heartbreaks and childhood trauma. Iā€™m so sad that I couldnā€™t make my relationship work. Breakups are so painful but especially more so when you know that you never would have walked away from them. I feel like I disappoint everyone who cares about me. Christmas is supposed to be such a happy time but I just want to melt into the walls and erase the memory of me from anyone who feels negatively about me or anyone Iā€™ve hurt. Including me. Iā€™m just so sad. I know Iā€™ll be okay but right now, Iā€™m not. And I donā€™t know how to feel like Iā€™m not irreparably broken.
Tips šŸ©µšŸ¤—ā˜€ļø
Anxiety Support / by spicyavocado3788
Last post
 December 8th, 2023
...See more What are some things you do to calm anxiety or reduce depression? Anything is appreciated!
The end
Relationship Stress / by spicyavocado3788
Last post
 December 6th, 2023
...See more Well, itā€™s over between my boyfriend and I. Weā€™re splitting with still a lot of love and care for each other but itā€™s still hard. Iā€™m going to have to move back to Texas and live with my mom which is super hard on my mental health. Sheā€™s already said she turned my bedroom into an office so Iā€™ll have to live in the shed. I know that makes her sound horrible but she is a good mom. She just has her own neurodivergence from trauma. I get it because I have my own trauma but we donā€™t always see eye to eye. Iā€™m just bummed out. I struggle a lot with my mental health and I feel like itā€™s just going to get worse when Iā€™m back at my momā€™s. Sometimes life just really piles it on. I hope one day Iā€™ll get on my feet and will have some kind of stability and happiness.
Heavy feelings
Depression Support / by spicyavocado3788
Last post
 December 1st, 2023
...See more I just hate myself right now. Iā€™m drowning in anxiety and depression. I wish being alive wasnā€™t so exhausting. But with heavy mental illness, it is. Iā€™m overthinking everything and I feel like Iā€™ve ruined my life, at 27. I sometimes wish I could have a do over but I also wouldnā€™t relive my past trauma for anything. It was too much and it broke me. I just feel so pathetic and weak. I feel like everyoneā€™s opinion of me matters so much more than my own because I donā€™t even like myself. Not really. I just feel guilt and shame for taking up space. I really just needed to get this out of my system. I donā€™t really feel better but I hope that writing how Iā€™m feeling will help me heal. Thatā€™s my only dream in life.. to just feel free from what has weakened me for so long
MIL
Relationship Stress / by spicyavocado3788
Last post
 October 12th, 2023
...See more My bf thinks I have a problem with his mom. I donā€™t. I really like her so far. I think itā€™s subconscious. Iā€™ve been hurt a lot by other peopleā€™s moms over the years, as silly as that might sound. Most of my exes moms (Iā€™ve only had a few) were super toxic or just straight up not very nice. I tried in past relationships to win them over and they were usually too self absorbed to even notice or care. Iā€™ve had close friends with really fake moms too lol. They would be cool to your face but gossip about you as soon as you left. And my stepmom takes the cake with very literally being the most horrible, hateful person Iā€™ve ever met. I have a good relationship with my mom though. I donā€™t dislike all moms obviously. Iā€™m just scared of rejection. My most recent exā€™s mom REALLY verbally attacked me when her son and I broke up. She said I needed Jesus in more ways than one. Anyway, how do I let my guard down with my bfā€™s mom? Sheā€™s been nothing but very nice and supportive so far. She said sheā€™s never seen her son so happy and even gave me a birthday present. She includes me in the family group chats. I feel like she really cares about me as a person which is really sweet :3 ā€¦I donā€™t want to punish her or my bf because of my past pains. And I fear I do it subconsciously
MIL
Relationship Stress / by spicyavocado3788
Last post
 October 16th, 2023
...See more My bf thinks I have a problem with his mom. I donā€™t. I really like her so far. I think itā€™s subconscious. Iā€™ve been hurt a lot by other peopleā€™s moms over the years, as silly as that might sound. Most of my exes moms (Iā€™ve only had a few) were super toxic or just straight up not very nice. I tried in past relationships to win them over and they were usually too self absorbed to even notice or care. Iā€™ve had close friends with really fake moms too lol. They would be cool to your face but gossip about you as soon as you left. And my stepmom takes the cake and is very literally a horrible person. I have a good relationship with my mom though. I donā€™t dislike all moms obviously. Iā€™m just scared of rejection. My most recent exā€™s mom REALLY verbally attacked me when her son and I broke up. She said I needed Jesus in more ways than one. Anyway, how do I let my guard down with my bfā€™s mom? Sheā€™s been nothing but very nice and supportive so far. She said sheā€™s never seen her son so happy and even gave me a birthday present. I donā€™t want to punish her or my bf because of my past pains.
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