ED Community Forum Discussion: COVID-19 and Recovery 3/14/20

@Shanna

Very good, useful and sensible post Shanna. Thank you

@Shanna

That's a very thoughtful post regarding the current topic- Corona Virus

1) Have you been experiencing increased anxiety in the midst of the current Coronavirus outbreak?

Tbh, I feel weird that I don't feel anything about it at all. No anxiety, no panic, nothing. I actually feel calm.

2) How has your eating disorder, recovery, and ability to cope been affected over the past few weeks?
No. After joining 7 cups, especially as a listener, I have been good. I feel better infact. Tho, I am still eating less.

3) Is there anything that you are worried about in regard to your recovery that we can help you problem solve?
NO

4) What is one goal you can set this week for connection, for eating, and for self-care?
My main goal is to meditate and like reward myself at the weekends if I am doing alright.

5) Share any other thoughts you have!

I am new here so I don't know how exactly it works or if you already do this but I think you should promote people to tell their recovery story. I think it really motivates fellow community members

@Shanna

So I did this long post answering all the questions and then I somehow got it deleted again. So damn...

Anyhow in short my anxiety levels are high as my rutine is broken and I can't go to the gym bc everything is closed bc of Corona. Even the borders is closed from today at 14 days forward. At first I didn't feel anxious at all, but it slowly got worse on saturday. I thought I could just do my bikerides and such, but today is the first time since before wednesday that I have gone out, bc anxiety was gnawing at my stomach.

And as I can't go to the gym I am eating crap all the time, bc I'm home much more. Then I wanna purge, then work out like crazy and then I go to bed and cry or punish myself. And then the circle starts over again. So life is really hard right now, but I'm trying to find a new rutine, or make one similair to the old one, so I work out as much as I used to.

I got outside today though and I already felt better the second time. I found out, even though my thoughts and voices told me the opposite, that I wasn't gonna d** if I went outside. I have a very bad immune system after all. But I survived and I will keep doing my bikerides as just the one walk and the one bikeride today helped me out of the cripling depression that has been creeping up on me the last three days. Or at least it made me feel a little lighter, and with time I know it will make me feel better :)

But I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing my therapist, as there is others in more need than me, or others who are more sick. I'm nothing important after all.

1) Yep. Didn't think I would but once we learned someone from our school community (not necessarily someone on campus) had been tested yesterday, my anxiety has doubled. There is also extra food and water in the house now.

2) Sorry in advance this is long.

I have been struggling to eat more. With so much food around me I find it even harder to justify eating. I understand that my school has closed and everyone is being urged to self-quarantine / do social distancing. But I just feel like there is so much unnecessary stuff. Like we have donuts in our house. My parents cope with stress by eating sweets and I used to as well though I've nver had a huge sweet tooth. I feel those binge urges coming up and I can't tell if it's a real binge urge or an anorexia recovery urge, mental / physical hunger or what. Also all the water in our house. I feel so greedy and ashamed. My household is 3 people with 2 cats. Nothing is wrong with our tap water and we have cups and bottles to refill.

I've been drinking from my thermos because I feel sick at how much water we have knowing we're contributing to the scarcity. Others need more supplies too. Why be so selfish? I get my parents have trauma from growing up poor but what about the people growing up poor now? The homeless? We will be having about 6 guests overnight next weekened and I panicked prematurely which has also disrupted my recovery. It goes against the social distancing and I keep thinking what if one of them is infected and doesn't know yet, and then touches my food? What if my mother - who goes out to work when she doesn't need to as she makes her own hours - is infected and handling my groceries?? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't ask for more and conveniently ran out of my safe foods.

Yesterday was a struggle and I have a lingering stomach ache today from last night. I feel myself wanting to eat less and less. I'm not even eating as much I should already. Now there is an abundance of food & water. It's off-putting and anxiety inducing like what if I binge eat? Is it even binging? How can I do that knowing others may not have anything to eat at this timeand we have excess? I normally feel the urge to eat all the surplus as I was raised on the whole "clean plate club", "black women are supposed to be big" guilt-trip mentality (I'm not a human trash can though).

3) TDLR of question 2: I'm struggling to make sense of my conflicting thoughts. Recovery feels like it would be greed. I don't want to eat a damn thing because I feel that I'm just taking food from people who deserve it and it wouldn't even taste good. What if I get sick?

I know that I have to recover because I have fitness goals that require proper nutrition. I have small life goals that require me to stay alive (I want to see that Bob's Burgers movie dammit!). I'm trying to counter with facts about my fear foods, set weight, overshoot, etc. So if I have all these things in my back pocket... why am I not fully ready to recover? Am I, ED, or both of us just using this outbreak as an excuse to not recover?

4) To eat. I usually do so well with recovery during breaks, it's the semesters that set off my ED. I'm on spring break this week. Our break is extended until next week & during that time, we seniors are expected to do work. So I can relax for now until next week. I can relax. Though relaxation feels like depression and makes me vulnerable to binging, I need to let myself have this. It's still a break in the semester. I'll probably not talk to anyone other than people here.

@Shanna thank you for this post!!

1) Have you been experiencing increased anxiety in the midst of the current Coronavirus outbreak?

yes, i personally have. i'm not anxious about getting sick myself, necessarily, but more about all of the major changes that are happening (i'm on a soft quarantine and my school has been shut down), as well as the risk of getting other people sick.

2) How has your eating disorder, recovery, and ability to cope been affected over the past few weeks?

not as bad as i personally expected, but i've been dealing with some intrusive thoughts lately about how i need to be "clean" to avoid getting sick (which my mind distorts to mean "no food", in addition to healthy cleaning habits), so it's been a bit tricky to challenge those thoughts, but i'm doing pretty well!

3) Is there anything that you are worried about in regard to your recovery that we can help you problem solve?

for me personally, no, but i'm grateful for all the support in this community! my pms are always open for any fellow teens who need someone to talk to during this complicated situation

4) What is one goal you can set this week for connection, for eating, and for self-care?

my friends and i have scheduled a regular checkin system with each other to make sure we get some face time with each other, so i think that will help! as for my eating, i'm making sure to take vitamins, drink lots and lots of water, and to eat nutritious foods, while healthily challenging myself about the concept of "clean" foods :)

5) Share any other thoughts you have!

i'm sending love to everyone affected by COVID-19!! make sure you prioritize your mental health in addition to your physical health! i'm catching up on my reading, working on crafts, and doing some at-home exercises to keep my sanity, and do whatever makes you feel better as you preserve your mental health! take care!!

1) Have you been experiencing increased anxiety in the midst of the current Coronavirus outbreak?

I have not, I figured if I get it I get it.

2) How has your eating disorder, recovery, and ability to cope been affected over the past few weeks?

It's been hard, I really don't wanna eat and I have been skipping meals.

3) Is there anything that you are worried about in regard to your recovery that we can help you problem solve?

I mean, I'm worried i'll be like I was before.

4) What is one goal you can set this week for connection, for eating, and for self-care?

I don't want to eat out at all this week.

1) Have you been experiencing increased anxiety in the midst of the current Coronavirus outbreak?

I really to be honest have been. It has been heightened and really everything people are saying online has been affecting me more and more. It is hard to not be able to even go out of the house and making me anxious and having the feeling of being stir crazy if that makes any sense.

2) How has your eating disorder, recovery, and ability to cope been affected over the past few weeks?

It has been up and down it was going good until seeing a tik tok on ED's and corona virus and not being able to get what I need to follow the meal plan by my team and really anxiety and being bullied and having hurtful things said about me all adding up lately making it really really hard over the past few weeks. :( I am hoping I am able to challenge my fear foods though!

3) Is there anything that you are worried about in regard to your recovery that we can help you problem solve?

I think one thing im worried about is setting more feet back then forward if that makes sense because it is seeming to go that way :(

4) What is one goal you can set this week for connection, for eating, and for self-care?

Goal to eat 3 meals a day and trying to challenge my fear foods at least once this week! For self care I think ill try to have some more me time!

5) Share any other thoughts you have!

I think that I am doing better at focusing on the positives and not the negetives and it is really helping to get me though these hard times

1) Have you been experiencing increased anxiety in the midst of the current Coronavirus outbreak?

Absolutely. It feels like the whole world is unstable + it's left me feeling so anxious.

2) How has your eating disorder, recovery, and ability to cope been affected over the past few weeks?

I'm panicked about food. I see food flying off the shelves in grocery stores and the ED voice keeps trying to tell me to restrict in order to ration what we have and it's really tripping me up.

3) Is there anything that you are worried about in regard to your recovery that we can help you problem solve?

I'm not sure, just ways to problem solve and remain calm I guess.

4) What is one goal you can set this week for connection, for eating, and for self-care?

Try to eat at least my three main meals everyday, and continue logging in Nourishly per my dietitian.

5) Share any other thoughts you have!

I've been trying really hard to remain calm in this but t's been a struggle. My university just announced we're doing fully remote classes for the rest of the semester, and that my graduation ceremony is cancelled which has me feeling really depressed. Everything is moving so fast and the situation is constantly changing, and it's making my head spin.

Hi all!

I am very sorry for my lack of presence this week--things have been a little crazy for me, but I'll be catching up on my forum replies today and making sure I touch base on each of your posts individually. Thanks for your patience

In the meantime, I thought this article might be a helpful read--it's about why this is such a hard time on those of us with eating disorders especially, a call for self-compassion if thoughts have become louder and behaviors more frequent, and shares a few tips on how and why recovery should still be a priority

Take care and talk with you all very soon!

1) Have you been experiencing increased anxiety in the midst of the current Coronavirus outbreak?

Suprisingly, no. I think it is strange because all my anxiety in the past has been over irrational things. With this, I feel like i can be rational. Additionally, i think that a lot of people who havn't had mental health isssues in the past don't have the 'tools' to cope with this 'new' anxiety they may be feeling.

2) How has your eating disorder, recovery, and ability to cope been affected over the past few weeks?

I have been recovered for about 3 years and in that time i have learned how to cope with small blips. I felt the need to not have any dessert on Friday and although that is only a small thing, it's still a restriction that could lead to a viscious cycle so i told my mum to make sure i kept having desserts and to remind me why i need to stay healthy.

3) Is there anything that you are worried about in regard to your recovery that we can help you problem solve?

4) What is one goal you can set this week for connection, for eating, and for self-care?

Keep video calling people.

Sticking to my usual diet.

practice Yoga twice a week.

5) Share any other thoughts you have!

I hope everyone can stick to a routine and not let COVID-19 effect there eating. You are worthy of recovery! Also, i feel like my 9 weeks in Hospital really helped me to deal with being in self isolation!