Why is dating so difficult when you’re older?
@sxn814 Turn it into an adventure. Focus on the journey not the destination.
Maybe we are too conscious of our own selves and have too much baggage of past negative experiences in terms of relationships…♥️
@sxn814. How much older do you mean? There is an activity center for 55 and older where I live. Something like or taking a class could be a nice way to meet others with similar interests. I’ve also noticed older people at the library or coffee shop. I might try some things like that .
These are great ideas.
only problem are the times these activities are scheduled. I work in the mornings and too nervous to drive when it’s dark.
my friends are all married and happy staying in .
I don’t or know how to drink or dance, which makes me really shy and limited to options.
Plus I’m quiet and enjoy reading, cooking and cleaning, which isn’t an interesting activity.
I’d like to be more out going but that’s just not me.
the most enjoyment I have is usually from watching grand kids.
I need to find a cleaning club. If that even exist.
let me know if you’re aware of one.
@sxn814. Not cleaning but I am aware of book reading clubs and cooking classes. Sometimes people meet at religious services as well.
@sxn814 Hello from a Newbie. Certainly, you've got a point here: dancing, drinking, eating out, luxury trips abroad - these are the things that I think destroy the romantic side of falling in love, turning it into a festival of consumer's society. There are not so many fans of a quiet, cosy, little place called home.
But there ARE exceptions! Reading two separate books together in a bed on Sunday morning was one of my funniest and nicest relationship experiences I've ever had :)
I guess meeting someone who can cook well is also considerably high on daters' check lists. And it is a great way to know each other better, in a more natural way than when just going to an artificial environment of a restaurant.
One thing I could be concerned about is cleaning. I hope you are on the right side of the red line, with cleaning being just a work properly done, neither compulsory, nor a kind of obsession. Because excessive cleanliness (as well as excessive untidiness) like to go together with loneliness...
@sxn814 It's a tough question and there are no easy answers.
However, there's an observation I've made about dating and that is with time, we tend to be selective of the ones we would like to spend our time with. It's the same when one considers a platonic relationship as well.
And that helps us make ponder over our interactions with people. That pondering, in turn, helps us avoid behaviour and traits we would have overlooked in the past.
So yes, it takes time but it's worth it. And well, I think you're already doing all what I've just talked about subconsciously. And that's completely okay. <3
@sxn814 Probably because most of the good ones are already taken before you even throw a line into the lake. Like you said in another post, by the time you get to our demographic most people you know are married. It's one thing to meet single people when you're in your twenties or early thirties...when you're 45+ & meet someone who is single, usually there's a reason why.
I don't have much advice since I'm not playing the field myself. My only tip is to follow the 3-marriage rule of thumb without exception. In the unlikely possibility you do not know it, the rule is:
If you meet someone & (s)he has married & divorced once, there's nothing wrong with that...it happens to a lot of people. Twice? Well, some people don't learn from their mistakes the first time around. But if you meet someone who has been married & divorced 3+ times, something is wrong with that person.
@slowdecline48 there is something wrong with ALL of us. So the 3 marriage rule doesnt seem fair. It takes 2 to breakup a relationship. Nobody is perfect. Sometimes whats wrong with them is they love too much or their person wasnt honest or they stayed too long trying to find a way to make things better and make it work. Just my opinion.
@DELTA0112 Which is fine. If you think it's unfair, so be it. But I didn't come up with that rule of thumb; I learned it from other people who were older & more experienced than I was at the time.
Yes, something is wrong with all of us. But not all problems are equal (by whatever metric you want to use), nor does everyone deal with their own problems equally well. Some people never deal with their own issues, period. Consider: if a person has been married & divorced 3+ times, what has been the one common factor in all those failed marriages? That person. It should tell you something.
@sxn814
Please allow me to express my sincere opinion that dating at an advanced age would not be a battle as long as we try to adhere to suitable matching with a partner at an advanced age as well. Furthermore, lifelong experience would pave the way for more successful relationships that are mostly free of the previous mistakes of our inexperienced youth.
I totally understand. I can only imagine how you feel right now. Maybe you're making a mistake, have you even thought of trying to be friends with the person you want to date first? And not just diving into a relationship. This often helps you realise that everyone you're attracted to can be a potential date. I believe it's an adventure, finding a partner at a late age can be quite tasking so you just have to take your time.
I opted out of dating when my 18 yr relationship ended unexpectedly 2 years ago. Had neither the desire nor the drive nor the time it would take to heel, meet someone new, learn to trust him and build something. Wont be alive long enough. Im 53 years young. And The Universe said unto me, "I have a better idea. Here! Have this guy! Here's this dude. Hes 16 years younger, from a difficult background, has trash communication skills, hes a convict on federal probation that feels like he has to control everything and everyone except himself. Meanwhile youre from a good family, have good communication skills and use them to speak your mind, have zero experience with the criminal justice system and have a clear and firm opinion on right and wrong and wont be controlled or told what to do. Youre perfect! You can heal together." Haha!! The struggle is real! And the universe shouldnt quit its day job.
@sxn814
I think because dating has a lot to do with a person's biology - like hormones, genetic variation due to which dating seems exciting / hot / adventurous during the teenage and as people grow mature, they seek stability/ security/ comfort more than excitement/ adventures.
