Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami there's only one solution left, we need to make you some clones😁 one to go to work, one to stay by yourside and one to do errands and housework😁❤
you know even in the darkest times, a light will find it's way ❤ this weekness and pain won't last for ever, never give up ok ❤ did you know your contagious?? I've caught your old geezer naps😁 I'm gonna have to lie down I'm so tired ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ we will work out how to clone you later ❤I love you ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I just woke up from my nap ❤ it's so sunny outside😁 it's a clear blue sky. All my piggies are asleep looking cute ❤
so you mentioned twice now, recently, that the t.v. Has been triggering memories, is it scary? Or just confusing?? I wonder how come you've been remembering so many little things this year🤔 do you think all the things we blocked out, will eventually come back??
@Tinywhisper11
Sounds Like you are in a great mood ❤️ I don’t know why I am seeing these memories and even if they are my memories. I don’t know about the possibilities of memory recall. I try and hope that the intimate details of the traumas I have experienced are things I never remember. My life , living with myself is more than enough trauma for me anymore.
If they are my memories, so be it. I have hidden for far too long. I think if I talked to someone who cared way back when about traumatic experiences as they occurred, or at least when I was old enough to somewhat understand them that I might be in a better place now.
But then again, if anything was handled differently I wouldn’t be messaging you right now❤️❤️I love you ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yep! I believe everything happens for a reason ❤ sometimes that reason is impossible to see until we meet the big guy in the sky 😁 that's what I believe anyways ❤ I get what you mean that just living with yourself now is to much trauma to deal with. I feel that too sometimes. But maybe that's just it, we have to work on what's happening right now instead of carrying the past with us. Each day is a new beginning they say ❤ and yeah my mood is better today😁 I'm not sure why. ❤ I might go see if I can sit outside with Joshua for a little bit 😁❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami YYY hugs you snuggly back😁❤ I had some garlic bread today with cheese melted in it somehow, it was nice😁 I went out to see joshua, just got back in, it's really cold out there ❤
you mentioned earlier you'd love to just soak and relax in a hot tub. They do look really relaxing. I've never been in a hot tub, have you?
YYY
@Tinywhisper11
Garlic bread with cheese sounds good. ❤️
❤️Some quality time again ❤️
Hot tub, I think I have. I just think a hot tub would be something I could actually sit and soak in. My bathtub is
a older one, it is small and I am just a wee bit fat, even
I wasn’t a wee bit fat, I am not a tall person and my feet are against the opposite end of the tub and that is really uncomfortable for me. So I switched completely to showers. ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I've never had a bath. Oh wait I don't stink though, I have showers
@Tinywhisper11
I only stink periodically, at least according to my nose.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂😂😂😂 I think you do amazing to keep showering through the pain🙂 I know it's not easy ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami there's still no feeling in my left side, I'm getting a bit worried 😟 I'm not ready to start going completely paralysed yet.🙁 but I did a painting this morning, actually not a painting a pastel drawing. I know it's not Xmas yet but still, I love xmas😁 I'll go take a photo of it to show you ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@Tinywhisper11 it's still really hard to do art, when you can hardly move, and half your fingers we're cut off. But I love art and nothing is gonna stop me trying ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 museum pieces ❤😁❤ awwwww I think that's the best (I can't think of the word) the best nicest thing to say to me 😁❤
@Tinywhisper11 oh wait I thought of the word😁 best compliment anyone has given me ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Is the obvious truth a compliment?❤️ You have a wonderful skill. A gift. ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ❤😁❤ thankyou ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Omgosh Tiny! This is wonderful! You really are an amazing artist! ❤️❤️
@mytwistedsoul ❤😁❤ thanks soul ❤
@Tinywhisper11 I love it when you share your art <3 you're super talented. They look so cute!
@BlueDarkAurora ❤😁❤ thankyou ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I love you ❤ if you could picture us anywhere in the world, doing anything, what would be doing and where?? Me, you, soul, aroura and helga.
@Tinywhisper11 Crosses fingers and whispers some place warm please
@mytwistedsoul 😂😂😂😂😂 ok somewhere warm it is 😁
@Tinywhisper11 Yay! *Happy dance* it's freaking cold here lol
@mytwistedsoul ohh it's getting chilly here to, and where iam lives😕 soul make sure you keep nice and warm ok? Don't want you getting ill ❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11 *sniffles dramatically* 😜 too late! already got a cold or maybe allergies lol ❤️Hugs you gently❤️ There's a Christmas village in the state i live in
https://koziarschristmasvillage.com/ if you want to see but no pressure 😊
@mytwistedsoul omg😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 that's the prettiest place in earth😍😍😍😍😍 soul I really really want to go, so you go visit it each year???
@Tinywhisper11 I think I was there once? Maybe 10 years ago? Maybe I'll go this year and take some pictures for you ❤️
@mytwistedsoul ooooo! Yay I love seeing photo's ❤ the world through others eyes ❤ and it might do you good, get out have some fun ❤
@Tinywhisper11 I'll see what I can do ❤️ Tbh I'd like to see them too they probably added a lot more to it
@Tinywhisper11 ohh please be some place with beautiful mountains and a lot of kindness hearted people with warm smiles :D<3 and me being adored by all xD
@BlueDarkAurora We definitely adore you here ❤️
@mytwistedsoul :'))))))))) <3
@BlueDarkAurora awwww on top of a high mountain all just sat their watching the view, eating a picnic and laughing😁 ❤ and sweetie I absolutely adore you ❤❤ I'm pretty sure everyone here does ❤ your so kind and funny ❤ I love you
@Tinywhisper11 <3
@Iamwhoiamwhoami awwww you are just the most precious little thing ❤ ok first place is one of these.... On top of a tall mountain... At the seaside.... Xmas market..... Waterfall in the forest or 🤔🤔 on a barge, travelling the canals. But which one of those would you ideally like to do first??
@Tinywhisper11
❤️I leave the details up to everyone else, togetherness is all that matters to me ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok well soul wants to go somewhere warm🤔🤔 first stop California sat on the beach eating icecream, and having a Sandcastle compitition😁
@Tinywhisper11
❤️❤️Group hug ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yaaaay! Group hug jumps on you ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami big group hug 😊❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok I took my sleeping meds, and my breathing meds. I'm sat up in bed, gonna drink tea, then sleep😁❤
do you have any photos?
@Tinywhisper11
I have no photos. ❤️pleasant dreams ❤️ I love you ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I don't have any photos either. I suppose that's probably for the best ❤ ❤ hugs you tightly goodnight angel ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
❤️Hugging you snuggly❤️good night ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami guess what??? I'm still awake😁 but gonna go lie down now ❤❤ good night sweet angel ❤
I have spent the majority of time since this last exchange of messages in the usual haze mainly staring at the tv or the walls and random short geezer naps. I did do a quick shower thing again. I have a couple pesky flies that I think were telling me I still stink.
The nerve medication messes with me and my skin periodically feels like creepy crawlies are walking all over me. So when the actual thing is doing so and buzzing around me plus with my weak arms I am half afraid of swatting at them for fear of giving myself a black eye or *** nose.
Even amongst the chaos of our friends congregating here like earlier today. Even with the support and love and kindness and caring. It doesn’t take away the fact that in regards to my future, what I may or may not want doesn’t matter, and I have resigned myself to that fact. So I just resign myself to the expectations of none, that I don’t care anymore. Maybe if I can completely convince myself of that then all these things happening to me will stop.