Ramblings 3

Dumb curiosity backfired again. This muscle weakness thing made me stupidly curious. I did the make a muscle thing like kids do and just as quickly as I squeezed the muscles My arm fell down into my side. I literally elbowed myself in the side. For someone feeling so weak I sure can dish out the pain. I’m getting good at hurting myself, .

Laying here managing a self induced panic attack. Brought on because of overthinking about the shower attempt.

Anyway that wasn’t what I was going to write. I was thinking of attempting to shower when daylight comes. I just realized that the daylight is minimal starting around this time of the year. Just starting to see a lessening of the darkness of night . Another reason I dislike winter.

I am not sure why dark and light matters to me, my depression has continually kept me indoors for longer and longer.

I washed the stink off at least for now. My nose isn’t trying to collapse on itself anymore.

Still recovering from getting wet.

Can’t seem to focus on anything very well. Maybe I’ll try later. My arms can’t hold this phone up right now.

I took my pain med when I woke up which was on time. My medications have been mainly on schedule. A couple times I was around an hour or so late due to geezer naps probably.

I think my body has gotten too used to the meds. I think the new nerve medication starts tomorrow so maybe I should wait until next week sometime to see what it does before I whine to my doctor again.

I sent a message to my doctor at some point recently, I don’t remember doing it. But I mentioned the muscle fatigue and my concerns. I got a response stating she is sending a referral or something to some company that does home services.

I hope my insurance covers it.

I was writing a response to someone in another thread. I vaguely remembered a very old partial memory that related a little bit to their situation, plus my current situation combined, I was going to show some support by sharing a bit of my experiences.

I was attempting to write this for awhile. I focused a little more on the overall and realized that I went into full rambling mode, my mind and my fingers had taken over. I wish I could’ve copied it to here before I deleted my response. I am already not remembering what I wrote.

I feel bad for doing that but that person was having enough problems and surely doesn’t need a storybook from me.

My ramblings can be really scattered and off topic. I didn’t think that they needed that right now.

After my last message, I just laid here rocking back and forth staring off into nothingness. Just leaving my mind alone to do its thing. I was hoping to drift off into another nap. My body was and still is quite drained and weak. But I didn’t drift off till around an hour ago. Obviously I just woke up. Well, anymore with a lot of things not staying in my memories. Maybe I am writing this in my sleep.

I am amazed at how quickly I became this weak.

Too weak for now.