My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
I have so many things I want to say, but I can’t seem to focus on anything other than that tree idea I had. I feel obligated to do it now that I mentioned with so much enthusiasm, I still can’t seem to get the motivation back to actually do it.
I’m going to try and stay here and try to crawl back out of the pit I am back in . I’m still physically shaking from the other day, I am still scared, but I can’t walk away from my family here, it is the only positive thing in my life.
why does it seem like even though my life was miserable and health has always had its issues, that the last few years the negative things happening to me seem to be increasing and coming at a rapid pace.?
I had a weird brain failure moment today. I don’t remember what I was doing before it happened but my brain came back online and I was wandering around my kitchen and I had no idea where I was for what seemed like an eternity. I was basically pacing back and forth not knowing where to go. When I finally figured things out I just broke down and cried…. I am losing this battle far too quickly.
Maybe one of my three wishes is coming true, maybe my headaches turned migraine is my receiving someone’s pain.
If that is the case , I will gladly accept this burden.
I have had this same thought. I enjoy your rambling. It makes me feel not alone. I am miserable and I like your company.
Night 2 new med … took after work when I got home. I was still not asleep at around nine. Just woke up a short while ago. Migraine is gone . Slight “headache” still lingering. Not sure if I will be able to get back to sleep. Thoughts are still extremely difficult to focus on. Too many too fast.
At work I am really struggling, too many things happening to me at once and I am getting really frustrated at work. I am also easily triggered at work. Things that others are doing or not doing, even what they say without knowing the facts easily spark a reaction from me.
I’m just not handling things very well. I have had so many changes inside of me mentally, the extreme high to the extreme low because of my letting someone get to me with their hate. I’m still not handling that well either.
I have decided to try and stay here until my cognitive issues completely fail. This is my only support I have.
Focusing on anything in order to not have the extreme negative thoughts take over again. I already have let hopelessness, fear and despair back in and now the rest of their friends are threatening to join them. I need to to figure out how to get back to the path I was just on that had me on a positive direction.
I’m constantly getting images of things that I am guessing are from my past. I am not sure though. Over the years I’ve told false stories about myself just to make it seem that I’m “normal” ,whatever that is. I have hidden for so long behind those walls I built inside my head that I think I started to believe those things myself.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I have some memory loss too, no idea what kind and don't want to know. I just know that the more disabled I get the more trouble I'll be in. Cant afford any help. With regular Medicare we get a lot of neglect. Society is very cruel to any vulnerability.
I am so sorry you are going through all this. It must be scary.
Hi, IamwhoIamwhoamI, I enjoyed reading your thread. I was curious about the "tree" idea, as I am fascinated with plants of all sorts. I was wondering if you could elaborate on that. I, too, hope you are able to crawl out of the hole. I'm familiar with decades of grinding existence and don't wish that on anyone. I hope things get better for you.
@PatienceImpatiens. Thank you for reaching out with your kindness and concern and curiosity .
@PatienceImpatiens I found the thread. The following is parts of different strands of that thread to give you the general idea of my thoughts. I don’t celebrate holidays or anything, , but I all of a sudden desired a decorated tree. Then piece by piece this idea came together
To decorate it with ornaments that each have the kind words of support, encouragement, sympathy actually all of those responses that I have received from people here
I actually wrote down (so I wouldn’t forget) the idea of putting all of the wonderful kind and compassionate things that everyone has sent to me on brightly colored paper , laminating them, and tying each one to its own ornament and putting them on the tree.
Other ideas are also appreciated, I am thinking of dedicating this “celebration” to everyone here who has shared their kindness, compassion, concern, and support with me throughout my journey here.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I think its a really good idea. We should all do that.
another thought?
what about the idea of a happy jar? Put all the kind words in a jar to read on bad days to make you happy? Or to help you endure? A jar is small enough or portable enough to follow you where ever you go.
you can color and decorate the jar however you want to. To represent the kind words inside.
What a great day!!
Beliefs…. In my opinion, beliefs should be based on exploring and understanding all aspects of that topic/idea or whatever. Taking all that information and understanding all points of view to form your own conclusions.
Those conclusions then become the basis for beliefs. Beliefs are (again in my opinion) ones own opinions, which leads me to my own conclusion.
Anyone else’s beliefs should not have control of my life. I accept and respect the opinions and beliefs of everyone else, and I don’t judge and I don’t criticize anyone for their beliefs. That’s one of the things that should help make a wonderful world, the fact that everyone is different and to accept that and grow with the differences instead of demonizing them should be beneficial to all .I just wish everyone else practiced similar behaviors.
Right or wrong that is the way I feel.
