Great Expectations
One of the reasons many of the people I have chatted with on 7cups are troubled is, I feel, that they have sky-expectations from life. When those expectations are not met, they come crashing down into various states of depression.
@belami2024
That is an intriguing observation, and while I'd avoid an extremist language to generalise because people can have different experiences and opinions, I do think it lies in the difference between what one expects or wants or needs in life versus what they have.
Who they want to become versus who they currently are.
The difference in this "want" and "current reality" can definitely be a reason to feel disappointed and discouraged.
Any ideas on how to cope with this difference or ways to bridge the gap between "what could've been" and "what it is today"?🌞
@belami2024
Very interesting perspective belami. Though I cant' comment on anyone in this forum, I can agree that this has caused me my own heart ache! I now focus more on my own expectations for myself but with lots of grace, softness and flexibility for failure and adjustments. I try not to have concrete expectations from anyone or anything anymore really. I try and go with the flow but also respect my own boundries and if something doesn't "work out" its ok.
@belami2024
id be one … have terrible up dragging, have goals to provide better chances for my kids then…. Oh wait your planed kid won’t even swallow safely. Forget that tree you eyed up for that treehouse. The money you have in the bank, worthless…
guess what, there is absolutely no fixing this just radically accept it!!!
expectations destroy people because we live In REALITY. Reality is painful, but it’s better people are aware rather than wrapping people up in bubble wrap ignoring the roll down the inevitable roll down a jagged mountain.
@belami2024 That generalization surely needs some adjustments before it successfully describes the Cupsian population as a whole, but yes...I think there are a couple grains of truth in it.
If there is anything I've learned in this life, it's that you will suffer far less disappointment & consequences thereof if:
- You reduce your expectations as much as possible. Harboring none at all is the ideal but in practice, that's hard to do.
- Whenever a situation leads you to have expectations for others, generate the lowest ones you can think of. This works either way because if someone lies, tries to cheat you or rip you off then you'll see it coming; if someone does the right thing then it's a pleasant surprise.
@slowdecline48
Hello, thank you for the tips, but do you know how to decrease our high expectations?
I'm a fairly positive person and sometimes I look forward to my future with great optimism. But when problems get in my way, I tend to feel down. I think optimism is a good thing, however I feel like I shouldn't have overly high expectations because I'll get disappointed easily later on. And i still find it difficult to not have high expectations of other people and myself too.
@pinkKite8784 That's a hard question to answer... The only advice I have for you right now is to remember the following, in no particular order:
- Most people do as little as they can get away with, especially in their jobs. This is true everywhere in the world.
- This world was not created just to satisfy your desires or to make you happy. It was around for ages before you, & will exist long after your demise.
- For almost all people, their first priority is themselves. You don't rate as a priority at all unless they have a reason to care about you, such as blood relation or mutually beneficial arrangement of some kind.
- Your desire for a particular outcome is not the only desire in this world. Plenty of other people have desires far different than your own, & they too are considered valuable by the minds that harbor such wants.
HIgh expectations or hoping for great things? I don't think people expect a lot but they do wish for a lot sometimes which is kind of fruitless
@belami2024
for me it not really my own expectations that were great, but my parents so for me it was what was put on me not what we put on self. so now seeing we on SSI and can not work others look at us as letting them down. this even told to us a lot. like why you so lazy and will not better yourself. they think seeing we not work that we not have any expectations at all. but we do the big one to just get through today.
There's a lot of talk out there about "your dreams can come true" and "follow your dreams", and that can lead to heartache. I got close to achieving a couple of big dreams myself, but they slipped through my fingers. Now I'm 70 and there are no chances left. Nothing to look forward to, I feel betrayed by God, life, whatever. I have my health (especially amazing after cancer), but what of it? What am I supposed to do? Getting hired is hard at my age (cannot retire - cancer and getting laid off put an end to that). Nothing to look forward to. Nothing at all.