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stormieandpaws
9 28,690 M Aiming High 10
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts4,310 Forum posts308 Forum upvotes374 Current upvotes374 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceOctober 15, 2024
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growth path findished trigger warning
Gateway to Growth Paths / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 January 10th
...See more we wanted to share a growth path we finished. when we started our healing journey  a friend  who a social  worker and survivor  herself of abuse. she been helping us for years online. she asked us a question that we had to think on many times over the years. her question was why do you not move away from family. this set us on a growth  path. it taken us  little less then 20 years to finish this growth path and many many times questioning her question. at first our answer was we can not leave mom we to be there emotionally support her. she needs us to be there for her. if we leave move away she feel abandoned again. we just can not do that to her. we even at first did not believe she was abusive. well years went by we was able to  see she was abusive and even toxic to us. but we still stayed due to she needed us. we learned about codependency  and few other things related to that. also distorted  thinking  ways. well in may 2017 we made the big move out of daily abuse. we moved to a new city we did not know at all. learned to use the city buses to get around. this gave us freedom from daily abuse. we also started setting better healthy boundaries. we only kelp in connected with parents mostly by phone. but for first few years we allowed mom to come stay with us for week at a time. we learned a lot more about our childhood that she had said did not happen. we feel due to age and well her health she was feeling need to tell us before she passed. she also know God and believes in Him so yes she could have did it out of fear of what was going to happen after she died. but even in this she made excuses for dad. oldest brother and herself. she say that she did best job she could with what she had.  but we was blessed she did that  too. well we also would tell her when on phone if we said stop she would get 3 warning then we hang up. after we did this 4 times she started to listen. we came a long way in our healing journey  this was a very very very big step for us. yes  at times would felt guilty for moving. but now we do not feel that way as it the best thing we could have ever  done for our self. life is now  free from daily abuse first time in life. but getting use to this too. so finished  this growth path feel good about it too
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feelings about eatting trigger warning
Eating Disorder Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 Thursday
...See more we not sure were to put this last week or so we been having issues with eating more not been this bad in a long time. so feeling shame over it in away. we have eating disorder nos as we at time over eat even binge eat but other times we like go without eating for hours and most the day at times. it bad for us as we diabetic. as we been having so low blood sugars. but when we feeling like we did something bad, we starve  self go without eating. it a form of self punishment  in away. based on how parents withheld food as a child when they said we was bad. we know it not healthy too. but it like mental programing for us. other times we binge eat due to like when we sneak food as a child that parents did not allow. as child we was very limited on things like candy, pop, chips so what most call junk food. so we seem to either starve  self or binge eat a lot of the time. feel bad we do this as we know should not. we should eat healthy and at least 3 times a day. our blood sugar been as low as 54 and as high as 260 so it seem we bounce it a lot. we take insulin and few meds for the diabetic  too. not even sure why it got bad again just like last two days we not eat much food always been a issue for us. people think seem that only underweight people can have eating disorders. so we a lot of the time not seen and even called fat yes we over weight by a lot. but we been told that it can be due to the bouncing in eating. we really not know that much about eating disorders and well things go along with type of eating disorder we have. been told it related to the abuse we been through from young age up. we mostly not talk about the eating disorder as feel so bad that we have it and well we try to hide it from others.
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drawing we did
Arts & Crafts / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 January 6th
...See more drawing we did when in college back then hands were less shakey but now can not draw most the time but miss it a lot.
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upset trigger warning this a DID related post
Personality Disorders Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 December 28th
...See more was in support chatroom here and was talking about us. related to one alter having physically  things other do not have in body when they out. as when we use to drink some alters were more affected by  it then others. also some have things in body that others do not. the other p[person  said she had DID too. we even gave her what web side here what we gave  her, Yes, in some cases, an alter in a person with DID can exhibit different physical characteristics than other alters within the same system, including allergies, handedness, or even perceived differences in vision or body shape, although these are not actual physical changes in the body itself but rather how the alter experiences their physicality; essentially, the body may react differently depending on which alter is present. we drank a lot from young child  until was about 11yr then after lost my parental rights on my kids. then we had  2 yrs of bad binge drinking were some of the alters were not affected much at all. others were a lot. we been told by counclors and others with DID this same for them. but this one in chat called us delusional was kinda rude.  we been DX with DID  about 20 yrs and did lots of  healing work too. also there diffrent types of alters some  are even animals and things not human. this also we been told is normal for some who have big systems  due to our abuse was on going for most our childhood and again in the marriage  we had to a abusive man for almost 12 years, He tricked us acting nice when dating then week after marriage  he started being mean at first we did not understand he was abusive due to all the abuse at younger age. we have did lots of healing work some alters have integrated  rest of us acted like a team mostly. we know when each other out and what went on mostly too. just feeling like person in chat was acting like they know it all. each system  different  due to type of trauma  they went through. also due to how long the trauma  went on for.  when we said maybe you need to study it more. they said they did not need too. they was contradicting  us. also kinda downing us too. due to what we was saying about our system. this really triggered some within system  too. we deal with so much offline and need the support we been getting here too. but do not need others  making comments  that they not really know true for every DID system  either. as each of our systems  very different  too. can be different  types of  alters in each one too. they also stated what happens to body happens to all. also made comment to us you do know your one person as far as body etc, some were very hurt by that due to each one a person to them even if we share same body. we know it is due to splitting  off when abuse was to much for another one in sytem too. what other feelings on this who are DID right now feeling hurt and well  like a target in away too.
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I Will Sing Song by Don Moen
Religion & Spirituality / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 January 1st
...See more this song means a lot to me as i been there not knowing what to pray not having the words even within great suffering i will sing  I Will Sing Song by Don Moen Lord, you seem so far away A million miles or more, it feels today And though I haven't lost my faith I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray But I don't know what to say And I don't know where to start But as You give the grace With all that's in my heart I will sing (yes) I will praise Even in my darkest hour Through the sorrow and the pain I will sing I will praise Lift my hands to honor You Because Your word is true I will sing Lord, it's hard for me to see All the thoughts and plans you have for me (yes, it is) But I will put my trust in You Knowing that You died to set me free (oh, thank God) But I don't know what to say (what to say) And I don't know where to start (where to start) But as You give the grace With all that's in my heart I will sing I will praise Even in my darkest hour Through the sorrow and the pain I will sing (yes, I will) I will praise Lift my hands to honor You Because Your word is true (sing it again) I will sing (oh, we sing tonight) I will praise Even in my darkest hour Through the sorrow and the pain I will sing I will praise Lift my hands to honor You Because Your word is true I will sing, I will sing, I will sing Oh, we sing to You, Lord Oh, we sing to You, Lord, tonight (Hallelujah) we sing to You, Lord Oh, we lift our voices and say We worship you, Lord We sing to you, Lord, we sing, we sing, we sing We sing, we sing, we sing Oh, we worship You, Lord Oh, thank You, Lord I will sing Oh, yes, I will I will sing (Jesus, oh, Jesus)
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layers within us painting
Arts & Crafts / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 December 31st
...See more thisa painting we  did some time ago before hands started having issues. part  of it we used toothpicks to paint. as small spaces. took us some time to get done. lost it in  a apartment fire. but before that we put it in a art show for  mental health thing. we  got a  blue ribbon for it. think it our best painting too. art so good for helping with feelings and well can help one relax sometoo.
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spacig out trigger warning
Personality Disorders Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 December 12th, 2024
...See more this week been kinda a nightmare. we was snowed in for few days. then our checking account got hacked. so we had long day Friday trying to get that sorted out too. we not had for long time lost time or spacing out. but the stress of getting checking account  hacked. kinda put us into spacing out and i lost a little time. been very confused too. our system  mostly works as a team. this took a lot of hard healing work to  get to this point. so when space out or lose time feel like steps backwards so little down about this too. was DXed with DID long time ago. for me it explained a lot. but still hard to live with. it kinda like having a whole community  within. wonder if others with DID. have a inside world they can see. this to many  sounds odd. when spacing out it like i go into the inside world. many things there to clam a person. so not even sure why we seem to need that more now. we very hard on self. so not liking the spacing out at all.
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Christmas
Religion & Spirituality / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 December 10th, 2024
...See more want to share one of my writing with you all. we not share most them. but seeing it christmas time and this a Christmas one. we going to share it. we hope that ok. Meaning of Christmas It that time of year, Christmas is here. Now the truth of Christmas happened long ago with Jesus Christ birth. See it not just about that day long ago, it so much more. The birth of Jesus was the start, but not the full story. we as sinners were separated from Father God due to sin. He had to turn His back to us. we due to our sinful nature turned our backs on Him. The relationship was blocked,we could not work our way to heaven at all. but the birth of Jesus was the start to the hope for all of us. It was promise long before it happened. As the birth of Jesus is about His mission, He came to die to save them by faith that would accepted Him. He walked with us lived among us fully God and fully man. He did not sin at all lived a perfected life as a man. Then He layed His life down on cross that restored our way back to being able to have a Relationship with Father God. From the manger to the blood shed on the cross, a amazing thing happened. The manger lead to the cross. His blood shed on a cross. His death was not the end at all, as He three days rose from the tomb. defected death once for all. redeeming all who will believe on His name, repenting of their sins. look do you see the cross that restored us to Father God. Now due to the birth, death of Jesus Christ and His rising from the tomb. we have away to be restored to right standing with Father God. so remember the manger was just the beginning of His mission to redeem us and restore us to Father God. He is the only way to Father God. He restore us due to He fulfilled the law, that could not save us. will you walk a life of following Jesus Christ. Accepting the gift of grace given to as many as will believe on His name. Blood of Jesus is only thing that can buy us back from the evil one. He is the only one who can save us. so when you think of the manger, think of the cross too. as the manger was the beginning to the cross, His blood shed for us. perfected lamb of God, He lay down His life on the cross to save as many that will accepted Him. Only His perfected blood could every pay the price for our sins. Grace is what He offers to anyone who will believe in their heart on His name. He is only way, He is the only true way to a restore relationship to Father God. So as you think of Christmas are you accepting the greatest gift of all. That is the gift of grace by His birth,life living among us without sinning. His died on the cross, His blood shed for us. then His rising from death to life again. Perfected gift, only perfected gift ever given to mankind. Will you open this perfected gift , then use this perfected gift. As a gift given without being opened is of no use at all. Open this gift that was given to us at Christmas, long ago. As the manger lead to the cross, then to the open tomb. That when one accepted this perfected gift by grace given to us. One get the only true freedom from spiritual death. Believe and accepted this perfected gift,given to us as a tiny baby. The truth of Christmas time is within His mission here on earth. That was to died on the cross and rise from the tomb. The mission to make away for us to be in right standing with Father God. Our God living and active within each one who will believe on His name, repent of ones sins. So you can have life everlasting through Jesus Christ. Christmas time a time to remember all that Jesus Christ did for us. by stormie and paws
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