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stormieandpaws
4 2,070 M Hopeful Heart 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts326 Forum posts70 Forum upvotes91 Current upvotes91 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceOctober 15, 2024
Recent forum posts
learning more about recovery
Addiction Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 3 days ago
...See more hi all today i went to a mental health day of education  and this one was on addiction. as one who still say i have one even after being sober since jan 2 2006. we came to see that when one has one they can relapses  even after years of being a none user. my story kinda seems odd to many but it my story each of  us have a different  story and on a journey  of recovery. my drinking first time started around age 1yr i  go behind my mom and dad finish their drinks. later on i would go into refrigerator  sneak moonshine that was always there. to not get found out i add water to the jars. but still not get why my parents did not see a issue as one time we was at my dad  union  yearly cook out and i get my dad bosses daughter  to sneak a 44oz glass of beer from the kag. my dad was not upset i got drunk he was more upset i embarrassed  him. we both could have died as all they did was put  us on a blanket and have us sleep it off. but why i drank was to numb the pain i felt as was being abused in many ways by few family members and their friends. but it odd as at  around age 11yr i stopped drinking and did not drink as a teen and young adult. but after i lost my kids to state and parental rights too. then left my now ex i went off the deep end. after i end up in coma  and family was told i most likely  would never come out of it and if i did there be many lasting effects. but God had different  plans i guess as i came out of it 3 days later and walked out of hospital a hour later. had no lasting effects. but no one would at first believe i had a drinking problem seeing i did not drink daily and could go a long time without drinking. my  issue is i am a binge drinker so i hide my drinking well. also i drank alone not with other people. the coma was in july 2005. so even when i tryed AA others within it were kinda mean said i was not a alcoholic due to i could go a long time without drinking and well they just dismissed my issues. i was already DXed with a few mental health issues too. but at last  i was believed by a place that dealt with additions  and even after going through there place and not stopping the binge drinking. they said i was kinda hopeless and did not give much hope of recovery at all. but then new years day 2006 i went on a binge. before i had never got sick from drinking never had a hangover. but this time i got very sick with the drinking. that was last time i drank been sober  since jan 2 2006, but  even today i know i still in recovery one day at a time is all i can do. sadly my family has worked angest me offered me drinks even telling me i not have a issue with drinking. but i see now most them do is why and they not seeking help at all. today i also had my eyes opened to self harm being a addiction  too. so this also explained a lot about actions as a child and adult too.  we been self harm free  now for about 4 years, but it to is at times hard to fight that too. so yes we believe recovery a journey  that one day at a time as can handle only one day at a time too. will  say we been struggling  with thoughts of needing to self harm and yes even after all this time we some days struggled  with wanting a drink but we know if we took one drink it would lead to more and well end badly too so this is my path to addictions  and my path into recovery just one day  at a time
path away from not being someone to being seen for being someone
Gateway to Growth Paths / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more this may seem  crazy to more, but it what we have lived. seem like all my life i was not allowed to be a full person. seem like i was  just seen as my mom daughter  and my brothers sister. many did not call me by my name at all. some even thought i was just like my mom with her likes and dislikes. no one asked me  what i personally liked and dislikes. this made me feel like i was  no one at all. may 2017  i moved to different  city in same state. first time in my life  i been not close to were my  family  lives. so people now here know me as me call me by name. even ask questions about my likes and dislikes. this even after more then 7yr still feel odd, but to others it be normal to  have name used and asked questions about self. not even sure why it just feel odd to me. here i living free from  them who abused me. not even  hear from family members much. but i also find myself at times lost to what i like and dislike it just so new to me still. feel kinda crazy writing this out even most would know answers to what they truly like and dislike but i question that a lot
TW why is it so hard after years not self harming
Self-Harm Recovery / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 Sunday
...See more my history of self harm is to me odd and different  then we heard others say. start of self harm was under 1yr. we pull our hair out and bang head on walld etc.  then as we got older we bit self with the other ones. then we started cutting self this was easy to cover up due to we helped stripe copper for dad to sale. so could just say knife slipped. but no one seem to see what we was doing as self harm. even later  on we say we had a accident  and cut self. but it happened a lot. still not get why no one seemed to care at all. we also use to sneak moonshine that parents'  keep in jars in refrigerator. so no one seem to either see the self harm or care we  was doing it. around 11yr we stopped self harming on own. but in our 20's we started self harming again and this was due to we believe the memories  of the abuse coming back and being in abusive marriage. but when we lost our kids to the state and parental rights we went off the deep end with self harm.we turned to  community  mental health place for help were we was living. the psych  there after repeatedly being sent to  mental health hospitals he got mad at us. he sent us to state mental hospital due to he thought self harm was done for attention so he said i  give you that. as most that go to state hospitals  they keep long time even years. we was there less then 3 weeks. but even that did not help. so for us it seem like we cycle in self harm as in not due it for long time then start up again. right now we not self harming it been like 4 or 5 yrs ago we did. but at times we still feel like we need to. but not acted on the feelings. we trying hard to not go back to self harming. we have learned better coping skills over the years. even when we last time self harmed it was lot less then before. but at times we fear we slip up and self harm again.  it hard to even admit  we still think about self harming after years not doing it feel like we alone in this way of feeling like want to self harm but not acting on it in long time. not sure why we still even think about doing it after not doing it for many years
TW things about abuse in this thread and other thing that might be triggering
Journals & Diaries / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 October 26th
...See more we are new here but love to write and also do other creative  things too. most times we do this in a journals. so thought this would be my space to write thoughts feelings and things going on. even some poems at times. but we still getting use to 7 cup and how to use this place also how to find community's that we like and ones that would be helpful.
disable and new here
Disability Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 Monday
...See more hi all i have both mental illness and am disabled. i am 54yr old been on SSI since i was about 34yr old. it hard as my disabilities  not really change my looks as in others can see them. i live in pain 24/7 due to febro  and 2 types of neuropathy  too. i have a long listed of health issues too. it hard as others make comments in stores when i use the motorized  carts to get around in stores in. i am overweight so all they see is that. so hear things like if she walked maybe she lose weight or she should  not be using that she should let ones who really need it use it. heard other comments too they was not very nice at all.  so people not ask questions they just assume  things most the time they wrong too. even have family members that have did that to me.  some not believe in fibro at all too. they say it not  real just the person lazy.  can anyone relate to what i am saying
living with DID
Personality Disorders Support / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more thought i was all the way  integrated but a few weeks ago alters popped up again. this hard as i went through a lot of healing over the years. but alters were quiet for like 4 or 5 years. but ones i did not know started being heard. think it due to they feel safe as on May  17th 2017 i moved away from my family and all the harm they did and way doing. so now dealing with more memories too. i also have PTSD, bipolar  social  anxiety and few others. this due to what happened to me as a child and adult. healing is hard work, but i know that it is rewarding. one social  worker i know say only the brave do the hard healing work. i think she right too stormie and paws
new here
50 & Over Community / by stormieandpaws
Last post
 October 17th
...See more i am new here not sure about a lot. i do see a counselor  at the community mental health place were i live. but she  really not understand my struggles  a lot of the time. i deal with a few mental  health DXs.  i had many even high up ones in mental health say  one of them not real or very few people have it. but i know it real i live with it every day. that being DID. but at 54yr old also  dealing with a lot of health   issues. i in pain 24/7 doctors  can not do much about it either. i deal with being lonely  most the time too. my family  members seem to not want to connected to me at this point. i been in other forms and chat-rooms but most in them youth. i not sure how the chat here works either. i love meeting new people. i have many hobbies too. painting, writings  and other crafts too.  truth is  i lack relationship skills big time. due to what i went through in childhood and when adult too. so yes i safe now but life get lovely  when you on your own and disabled. hope to make friends here and well heal more too stormie  and paws
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