Need support/no friends
Hello all, new here. I have many things that seem to be adding to my daily stress. I am dealing with a better half who is an alcoholic, my Dad just this week was entered into hospice, I am a teacher (middle school math), and Me and only me takes care of all household chores etc. I believe I need an outlet to discuss freely these things but I do not have one. I have very few friends and do not feel close enough to them to discuss all of this. Does anyone have any suggestions?
@Cheri32 I might have a tentative suggestion...
If I were in your shoes, I'd divorce the guy & get as much benefit as I could out of it. "Benefit" as in financial. If he's a drunkard who doesn't help with the chores & is never there for you emotionally (or in any other way) then, well, what kind of "better half" is he? With a life partner like that, who needs enemies?...
As for the rest of what you listed, unfortunately there isn't much I can say to relieve your anguish. Would that it were so. Losing relatives we love is never easy...sometimes death is not the worst way to lose someone, as you might be finding out.
Nowhere is it written that life will always be smooth sailing.
@slowdecline48
I completely agree with slowdecline48. If your husband isn't helping you and on top of that is an alcoholic, then who needs him? Life is too short to waste your time and strength on a lost cause. It isn't your job to support him and save him. Start looking out for YOU.
Frankly, stories like yours make me glad I never married.
@goodSpruce3041 Ditto that last comment. After hearing/reading enough stories from former & still hitched wives & husbands, some of which were truly horrific, it's too obvious to deny. Marriage just doesn't have good odds these days. Even as I sometimes think it would be nice to not grow old alone, I'm glad I didn't get married either. And I'm male...that should tell you something.
@Cheri32. Have you tried any of the chat rooms on 7cups? There is a guided discussion at 5pm est followed by an open chat in 50plus today at 6pm est. Anything within the guidelines can be discussed in open chat. There is also rooms like sharing circle and exploration garden that may be helpful for discussing your situation.
@Cheri32 Hi there, I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time in the moment. It's all does sound very stressful.
If you don't mind me asking, how long has your partner been an alcoholic? And how much does it interfere with your life personally? From experience, I know that as much as you can love someone who is an alcoholic, unless they are getting help, it will often leave you with all the responsibility, not just to take care of everyday things, but also for them. And that should not be anyone's responsibility. I feel for you. And would be happy to talk more if you would like. That sounds rough regarding your father. I hope he gets the care he needs during this time. No one partner should ever have to do all the chores in a household. It sounds like you have way to much responsibility on your shoulders. I've been there. And the thing that gives will be yourself. Unless you're able to find ways to change the situation. As hopeless or difficult as it may seem, you always have options. Drift 😊
@Cheri32
Hello. First I want to tell you I am so sorry about your dad. I am a Hospice nurse, and I sympathize so much with this and am sending you a big hug. Anticipatory grief is equally as painful. I urge you to get into a grief group and highly recommend "Grief Angels" online. ITS FREE online zoom grief groups, there is zero cost and zero obligatory attendance standards. They have a specific group for anticipatory grief and much more. That website is GOLD for grieving people, and I can't even begin to describe all the other free resources they offer at NO cost to grievers. I personally join the sibling loss group.
As far as your husband's alcoholism I also urge you to get involved with AA group for YOURSELF. I have a lot of personal experience working in the addiction field and personal family present and past history with addiction and alcoholism. I'm going to tell you one solid truth that is both harsh and illuminating in this situation.... THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO FOR HIM HE NEEDS TO DO THIS FOR HIMSELF. You can support him along the way, but you are not and cannot be responsible for him sobering up and this is a long long road. The one thing you have control of is how/what you are willing to do from here for you. This nobody can tell you. There is also a free resource for family with addicted individuals and its called WeConnect. Its an app you can get on your phone and they have friends/family zoom groups for people who are addicts. Again, no obligation to you to attend.
For the chores situation this is tough. This is where you might simply need to start spreading chores out and already have an acceptance of the fact you cannot do everything all the time when you need it to be done. This means letting things go for a bit or simplifying your life like ridding yourself of clutter to make things feel better. ALSO don't be afraid to ask for help. If you can pay someone even if its ONCE a month to help this will keep things somewhat manageable. Don't forget NOBODY is cracking a whip. You can do or not do what you want with anything in your life especially when all you're trying to do is survive. Give yourself LOTS AND LOTS OF GRACE.